


Forces of Nature

by teamchasez



Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Pop Music RPF, Popslash
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:26:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 93,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamchasez/pseuds/teamchasez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A weekend camping trip doesn't goes as planned for Nick and Rachel. But their misfortune brings Lance and JC back together, who realize the mistakes they made in the relationship they held years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of a door slamming broke the silence of the early afternoon in California. A dog barked in the distance and a car horn sounded. Rachel Bass brushed her long blonde hair out of her face and turned to face the man behind her. She sent him a smile as she leaned back against the car she had just finished packing.

“Come on Lance,” she reached out touching his shoulder. “Don’t give me that. And don’t look at me like that either.”

“I’m sorry,” Lance looked away from his sister. “But camping? You? Nick?”

“Lance,” Rachel sighed softly. “We’ll be fine. It’s only for a couple days. We’ll be back Sunday. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

“Yeah right,” Lance rolled his eyes. “I know everything you’re doing and thinking.”

“You have no idea how bad that sucks.”

“Yes I do,” Lance grinned at his sister. It was like looking in a mirror, seeing the same green eyes, the same features staring back at him. He was two minutes older than Rachel, his twin. From the time they were babies they had been inseparable, best friends. That rang true still today. Even at thirty-three they were best friends. If there was a word to signify more, that would be them. They were closer than just siblings, closer than only best friends; a strong unbreakable bond was between them. They knew what the other was thinking; could complete each other’s sentences. They had an uncanny ability to know when the other was hurting and needed them.

“You should know how much I want to go,” she clasped both of Lance’s hands in hers. “You should know how much I want this.”

“If you want time alone why can’t you stay here? Or go to a hotel?” Lance said. He couldn’t describe the bad feeling he head. He didn’t know what was going on but he was worried about this trip.

“This is why we are going away from the weekend,” Rachel swept her hand toward the house.

Lance looked up to see his sister’s boyfriend, Nick Carter, on the porch; dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, a cell phone pressed against his ear. His lips were moving quickly as he paced back and forth.

“It’s rang nonstop this morning,” Rachel continued, crossing her arms. “He had two call-in radio interviews, another interview for some website or another. Aaron called. The guys called. Not all together, each of them. One by one. It was like he’d hang up with one of them, another one would call immediately. The group’s manager called. His manager called. Non. Stop.”

“Come on Sis, you are practically married to the Justin Timberlake of the Backstreet Boys,” Lance teased. “And with them about to release a new album and go on a new tour, it’s big news. Especially now that Kevin’s back with them. You know how crazy it gets.”

“Touring with these guys is nothing like touring with NSYNC. For one, you guys were crazier,” she said, her eyes twinkling.

“That’s because we were bigger than them.” Lance joked thinking back to the early 2000’s when NSYNC had taken off almost over night. It felt like one minute they were trying to break into the business in the United States and the next they were at the top, everyone wanted a piece of them. It was hard to believe that had been twelve years ago – almost thirteen.

“Screaming girls are still the same. They just scream for Nick now, rather than Justin,” She grinned, but the smile faltered when she saw the far off look in her brother’s eye. “You miss it,” she stated softly.

Lance focused on Rachel and gave her a smile. “I don’t have time to miss it.”

“Liar.”

“Rach…”

“You’re forgetting who you are talking to. I know you Lance. So don’t try to lie to me or brush me off.”

“Fine. Yes I miss it. Yes I’m a little jealous that Nick is still touring with the guys, that they are still together after twenty years; still singing and making music. Yes I wish we’d get back together but I don’t think that will happen. I used to,” he sighed. “But not anymore.”

“Oh Lance,” she pulled him into a comforting hug. She didn’t say anything but simply hugged him. She knew how much the planned hiatus hurt him, especially when temporary turned into permanent.

“Hey, I’ll be okay,” Lance pulled back, putting a smile on his face. “I’ve got things to keep me busy and a radio show. And if I get bored, maybe the Boys will want a sixth member.”

Rachel laughed and kissed Lance’s cheek. “You can be an opening act. Out there performing NSYNC songs. You need help with the dance steps?”

“You’re a brat.” Lance pushed her away through he was smiling. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“Because losing me would be like losing part of yourself,” Rachel grinned battering her eyelashes at him.

“You got that right,” Nick said as he came up to Rachel and Lance joining their conversation. He wrapped his arm around Rachel’s shoulders and pulled her into his side. He kissed the side of her head. “What are you talking about?”

“Lance doesn’t want me to go camping,” she stared up at Nick, smiling. The love she felt for him shining in her eyes. “He’s afraid for my virtue.”

Nick grinned. “Don’t worry; your sister’s safe with me.”

Lance laughed, rolling his eyes. “Like I believe that, Carter. You corrupted her a long time ago.”

“All set?” Rachel asked Nick, her arms were wrapped around him, clasped together at his side. His arm rested loosely on her shoulders.

Nick nodded, “Yup. Everyone is either happy, pacified or put off until Monday.”

“Then let’s go before someone else calls,” Rachel unwound herself from Nick and looked at her brother. “We’re still on for Sunday night right?”

“Yeah,” Lance hugged his sister. “Just make sure you shower off nature before coming over.” He pulled back searching eyes identical to his own. “You’re leaving Sunday morning right?”

“Yes, as soon as we get up and packed up.” Rachel kissed his nose. “Nick has meetings all day Monday. Relax Lance. You know where we’ll be. I gave you all the information.”

“Just be careful,” he said giving her another hug before releasing her. He watched as she climbed into the passenger seat of the Jeep Cherokee. He turned to Nick, clasping his hand before pulling him into a hug.

“We’ll call if our plans change,” Nick said releasing Lance. “We’ll see you Sunday night at your place.” He gave his almost-but-not-quite-brother-in-law a grin before slipping on his sunglasses. He climbed into the drivers’ seat and grinned at Rachel. “Finally alone.”

“Finally,” Rachel leaned across the counsel meeting Nick’s lips before she settled back into her seat.

Backing from his house, Nick navigated out of the community and through the city before jumping onto the interstate heading northwest. Settling in, he reached for Rachel’s hand. “What’s up with Lance?”

“I’m surprised you noticed,” Rachel said turning to look at him. She had been staring at out the passenger window at the passing scenery.

“Come on Rach,” he gave her a sideways glance as he kept his eyes on the road. He put his blinker on and looked in the rearview mirror before changing lanes and passing the vehicle he’d been behind. “You guys are twins, you do the same things, have the same expressions. I know when something is bothering you. You start biting your fingernails, Lance does too. You can’t keep your arms still; crossing them, uncrossing them, So does Lance. You—”

“Okay, I got it,” Rachel said, waving off his words. “If you can read me, you can read him.” She sighed and looked out the window again. “I’m not sure. Something’s bothering him, but I’m not positive.” She frowned at the feeling. She wasn’t used to not knowing what was going on with her brother.

“Hey,” Nick squeezed her hand, sparing her a look. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“It’s just… it’s never happened before. I always know what’s bothering him.’

“Maybe he doesn’t want you to know,” he said gently.

“It doesn’t work that way, Nick. We both know things about each other we’d rather not. It was embarrassing when we were younger, but now it just brings us closer. We can’t hide anything. We just… know.”

“We got a long drive, see if you can figure it out,” he dropped her hand to mess with the cruise control buttons on the steering wheel. It gave him on less distraction. The radio was already low. When he was done, he took her hand in his again, entwining their fingers. “When did you notice something was wrong?”

“Last month,” Rachel said immediately, without having to think.

“Ah, you think he is upset he wasn’t invited to Justin’s wedding?”

“No,” Rachel shook her head. “They all got together and partied a few months ago. They knew they weren’t being invited to the wedding. They all were cool with it. The media just hyped it up.”

Nick gave a mock gasp. “No! The media hyped it up? They would never.” He grinned hearing Rachel’s small giggle. “So if not Justin’s wedding, what else happened?”

Rachel fell silent as she thought about her brother and the past few weeks. “He’s been busy working out the details for hosting the AMA Red Carpet again this year. He was caught up in the election because of Prop Eight. The radio show is doing great so that takes up some of his time; but he loves it. He’s got his hand in a few other things. He had that awesome… Damnit.” She swore out loud and continued swearing in her mind for being a blind moron and not figuring it out sooner.

“What?” Nick asked as he switched lanes again. Giving the car gas, he passed another car before moving back in the right lane and letting the car reset itself to the control speed. “You want to fill in the guy who doesn’t carry the same DNA as you two?”

“Halloween.”

“What about it? Lance had a great haunted house. It was a blast.”

“No, not the haunted house. Lance went to a party thrown by Matthew Morrison.”

“I know, I saw the photos. Matthew went as Justin… Oh…” Nick nodded as he made the connection. “JC was there.”

“Damnit, I should have realized this much sooner. Why didn’t I?” She asked but continued talking not expecting or needing Nick to answer. “I should have been at his house the next morning ready for him to unleash. Hell, why didn’t he call me? Fuck, he was probably waiting on me to have been there. He’s never needed to call before. Damnit.”

“Still in love with him?”

Rachel nodded. “Yes. God, they were so in love with each other. So damn cute together too. So right for each other.”

“I’m amazed they were able to keep it hidden, that no one knew.” Nick had been shocked when Rachel had told him about Lance’s relationship with JC. There had never been an inkling about it in the media or hinted about in interviews. The gossip rags never even picked up on it. JC and Lance had been able to keep it tightly under wraps; only Rachel and the other members of NSYNC had known. And to this day, Nick was pretty sure he was the only exception.

“At the time it was the only thing they could do. If it had gotten out that they were gay and in a relationship with each other, it would have spelled trouble with the band, especially back then. Now it probably wouldn’t matter so much. But then JC didn’t want to come out. Lance wanted to when they went on hiatus but JC was pushing a solo album and didn’t want the negative publicity. He was having a hard time of it as it is with everyone focused on Justin. But he never really intended to come out. Just offered excuses to Lance about why he couldn’t do it then. Lance realized that. They had a pretty big fight. Lance – he was heartbroken. I wanted to hurt JC. And I liked him!”

“How much did you like him?” Nick asked slyly, looking at Rachel out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re an idiot,” Rachel rolled her eyes. “I don’t make a habit of stealing my brother’s boyfriends. I liked JC as he was fun to hang out with, a nice person, a heart of gold, would never hurt anyone. Would go out of his way to try to help you or cheer you up. We got along great. We were really good friends. He made Lance so happy.”

“Lance ever try to steal one of your boyfriends?”

“Why? You got something to tell me? Lance hitting on you when I’m not looking? You wanna date the male version of me?”

Nick choked, coughing. He sat up straighter in the seat. “Not hardly.”

“What’s wrong with Lance?” Rachel asked turning in her seat to face him.

“Nothing,” Nick cleared his throat. “I just happen to like the female version. But if I happened to like guys – and I don’t – I would date him. But I don’t like guys like that – I like girls – you. I like you,” he amended catching Rachel’s look. “So it’s a moot point.”

Rachel giggled listening to Nick stutter and muddle his way through.

“You are a brat,” Nick told her.

Rachel leaned over and pressed her lips against Nick’s cheek. “You love me.”

Nick brought their joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. “Yes I do.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Yes!”

Rachel looked up seeing Nick in front of her with a big grin on his face; his cell phone clutched in one hand. She raised an eyebrow at him, cocking her head. “Good news?”

“The best,” he held the iPhone out so she could see the screen.

“Hey,” she smiled softly seeing the wallpaper on his phone. “You changed the picture.” It was a photo of her. She sat at the kitchen table with her chin in hand, staring off into the distance. The previous photo had been one of them together. “I don’t remember you taking this. Hey…” She scrunched her face peering at the photo. “Was this this morning?” She looked up at Nick.

“Yeah, I was on hold during the interview with the radio station in Dallas. You didn’t even move, you were zoned.”

Rachel hummed. ‘I don’t even remember what I was thinking about,” she shrugged. “So what is the good news?”

“This,” Nick pointed to the top left corner of his phone where the service bars were located. They were none.

“No service,” Rachel read and grinned. She reached into the front pocket of her jeans, producing a similar phone. The wallpaper on hers was a shot of Nick sitting on a stool with the microphone in front of him as he sang. She couldn’t even remember the song now, but Nick’s eyes were shut, forehead wrinkles as he pulled up emotion from deep within. She loved watching him sing. She looked at the top corner and showed him. Hers too had read, ‘No Service’.

“Looks like we found a place to camp,” Nick said and shrugged of the pack he carried on his back. He sat out unclipping the straps that held the tent to the pack.

“This is like a bad cell phone commercial,” Rachel said as she dropped her own pack to the ground. Once it was off she stretched, reaching toward the sky then touching her toes.

“Believe that commercial has already been done by Chevy or something. One of the manufacturers,” Nick opened the drawstring to the bag that held the tent and pulled it out. He turned his head and his mouth dried seeing his girlfriend bent over; her jeans pulling tight across her behind. He groaned and shifted his legs trying to make room in his jeans for his growing erection. He narrowed his eyes hearing a giggle. “Evil. Pure evil,” he said when she straightened. “Help me set the tent up.”

“Thought you wanted me to go grab wood for the fire?” Rachel asked as she grabbed the poles and started extending them while Nick unfolded the tent.

“I got wood you can grab,” Nick reached for the first pole and started feeding it through the tabs.

Rachel giggled as she walked to the other side of the tent and started feeding her own pole through. “I’ll stroke your fire later.”

“And here I thought you were an innocent southern belle,” Nick said dryly, feeding the final pole.

“Why on earth would you believe that?” She hooked the ends of the poles in the tabs at the bottom of the tent setting it up. “Wait a minute, I mean, what are you talking about? I am an innocent, southern belle.”

Nick snorted as he anchored the tent. He jumped when something hit him in the back. He turned quickly, catching Rachel’s innocent expression. He looked at the ground seeing a rock. He raised an eyebrow in her direction. “You really want to start this?”

“Bring it,” Rachel grinned, tossing another rock. It slapped his stomach, leaving behind a smudge of dirt.

“You really don’t want to start something,”

“What’s the matter? Chicken?” She tossed another rock at him. “Choir Boy.”

“That’s it,” Nick let the final anchor fall to the ground and gave chase. He laughed when Rachel shrieked and dropped the rest of the weapons and took off. “Give it up now, you’ll never outrun me,” he called to her. He held back, toying with her, letting her have a lead.

“Never!” Rachel yelled over her shoulder as she ran through the trees, zigzagging this way and that. She stumbled slightly as her foot caught on a raised tree stump. She was able to catch herself before she fell. She turned and headed back toward their tent.

“Careful,” Nick called as he stepped up the pace drawing closer to her. Her laughter drew out his. It echoed off the trees.

As their tent came back into view, he reached out snagging her around the waist. He pulled her back to him, lifting her off the ground. Her feet still kicked in mid-air. Momentum knocked him off balance and they tumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs. They rolled amidst the leaves and dirt each trying to gain the upper hand. It only took a few minutes for Nick to gain control. He wrestled her arms catching her hands and was able to press them to the ground on either side of her head. He stared down into her bright green eyes, twinkling with laughter. Her cheeks were red and streaked with dirt.

He grinned. “Want me to check you for ticks?”

“I bet you say that to all the ladies,” Rachel batted her eyelashes.

“I save my best lines for you.”

“Oh baby; you always know just what to say.” She gushed.

“I caught you didn’t I?”

Rachel groaned, closing her eyes. “Please no more bad lines.”

Nick leaned down and brushed his nose against her before he kissed her gently. He released her hands and cradled her head as he settled into her. He tilted his head deepening the kiss.

Rachel sighed into the kiss. She wound her freed hands around Nick’s neck, carding her fingers through his hair. She opened her mouth accepting his tongue where it lazily stroked hers. Her fingers moved slowly across the side of his head, over his ears and down his cheeks until she was cradling his face. She pulled back, breaking the kiss. When her eyes opened she found blue ones already staring down at her. Her lips formed a small smile as her thumbs ran over his slightly swollen, red lips.

“I love you,” Nick said, his heart filled with love.

Rachel’s face radiated happiness and love. She pressed her hands tighter against his cheeks and pulled his lips back down to hers. “I love you too.” She relaxed and stared up at Nick content to lay there with him. She dropped her hands from his face to his chest where she dipped beneath his arms. She encircled his waist, running her fingers over his t-shirt feeling the heat of his skin through the shirt. “We should finish putting the tent up.”

“You gonna behave yourself?”

“Always.” Rachel grinned.

Nick chuckled and gave her a quick kiss before jumping up. He reached down clasping her hand and pulled her to her feet. He pulled leaves from her hair, letting them flutter to the ground. He wiped a streak of dirt from her cheek, dropping a kiss on her lips before taking her hand and walking back to their tent.

*~*

Darkness had settled over California. The November night had grown cold. All was quiet except for the crackling of the fire. Smoke and sparks swirled higher reaching toward the sky.

“Cold?” Nick’s voice vibrated in her ear. Rachel shook her head and settled back against him. They sat on the ground, facing the fire; Rachel between his legs. Her arms rested on his raised knees while his were wrapped around her middle holding her to him. She rested her head on his shoulder; his cheek against her head.

“No, I’m good,” she whispered, squeezing his leg. The movement caused Nick to tighten his arms around her. “I’m good. More than good. I’m great.” She moved her head away from his before moving it back. “I love being here – well it doesn’t have to be here-here, but here with you. Just us. No distractions, no responsibilities. We can do anything we want without someone watching, waiting to fill the next gossip column.”

“It’s nice not to be glued to my phone,” Nick confessed. Once they got the tent set up, he shoved his phone in the pack after turning it off. It had been weird at first to be without the device but now he didn’t miss it. “I like just sitting here with you, not worrying about a thing. I’m embarrassed to say this doesn’t happen often. And once the holidays are over it will happen less.”

“I know,” she spoke staring into the fire. “But I’m used to it. First with Lance then with you. Even though it’s aggravating and being separated sucks; I love you more than I hate the craziness and separations.”

Nick turned his head and kissed her softly. “For that I am so lucky.” He tightened his arms again. “It won’t be so bad this time though. You’re coming with. Right?”

“Yes, I’m coming with you.” Rachel told him. “I love the beginning of a brand new tour.”

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know,” Nick broke the comfortable silence.

“Wow,” Rachel said as she thought about his question. It wasn’t as easy as it sounded. They had been dating for five years and with Nick touring, they’d spent a lot of time on the phone talking about anything and everything just to hear each other’s voice. “Let’s see… When I was ten, Lance cut off my hair so we could switch places at school. Mom was so mad. My hair wasn’t quite as long as it is now.” Her hair now fell almost to her waist. It was long and straight, not a curl in sight. “In order to pull it off, I had to match his hair cut. It was in this God awful bowl cut.”

“No way,” Nick laughed as he tried to imagine what Rachel looked like. “Tell me there are photographs.”

“Yes, there are a few floating around. Mom still has them. One after Lance cut my hair and then more later, after she took me to the beauty salon for them to try and fix it. It was cut so short, it took me a long time to grow it back out”

“I want to see these.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, the smile still on her face. “I’ll dig them out when we go to my parents' for Thanksgiving. God, I haven’t seen them in forever. I’m surprised Mom hasn’t showed them to you. I think you’ve seen every other embarrassing photo.”

“I’ve seen the naked tub one and the toothless grin one,” Nick grinned. “Your mom was slow on showing me the photos. She didn’t like me.”

“That’s not true. She loves you.”

“Now she loves me. When we first started dating…not so much. She hated me. Don’t even try to deny it.”

Rachel thought a second before nodding. “Okay. She didn’t like you when we first started dating.”

“Tell me another.”

She pursed her lips trying to think of something else to share. “You know the scar on my hip?”

“Yeah, you told me you got caught in a chain link fence crawling underneath it.” Nick dropped his right hand to her hip, caressing the scar he knew was hidden beneath the denim of her jeans. He had noticed the jagged scar the first time they had made love. He had kissed it and ran his tongue along the feint line.

“Well that kinda wasn’t true,” she said sheepishly. “I told you that because we were still new into our relationship and I didn’t want you to find me too weird.”

“So what really happened?”

“What I told you really happened. It just didn’t happen to me. It was Lance. Lance was the one that was caught. He has a scar on his right hip from the fence.”

“So if it was Lance who was stuck, how’d you get yours?”

“I did it myself.”

Nick’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “You did it yourself? You mean you cut yourself?”

Rachel nodded. “My parents thought I was depressed or something. Took me to talk to someone. I wasn’t crazy. I just didn’t want to be different.”

“Lance had a scar so you had to have one too.” Nick stated in understanding.

“Aside from the obvious, we were identical. Now we were different.”

“Makes sense in a weird sort of way.”

“Still love me?”

“Always,” he turned her head so he could kiss her. “Always.”

“Your turn,” Rachel said nudging Nick’s knee with her own. “Tell me something, Nickolas.”

“Alright,” Nick was silent as he thought about what to say. _‘Even though I’ve said I never see myself getting married, I do. With you.’_ He thought but swallowed the words unable to say them out loud. _‘Maybe soon.’_ “When we broke up, which finally got my ass in gear and made me stop drinking and doing drugs and fix my life; I wasn’t going to call you again. I was gonna let you go. I convinced myself that you were better off without me.”

Rachel felt the air turn around them as Nick brought up one of the less-than-happier times early in their relationship. They had met and started dating when a lot of things in Nick’s life were coming to a head. He was partying hard, drinking harder and doing drugs. When he’d gotten diagnosed with a heart condition she had finally hoped it would be the one thing that would open Nick’s eyes to his lifestyle and get him to change. But when a couple months of sobriety went down the tubes to another rocking party in LA and a willing blonde, she finally called it quits. When she ended their relationship of over a year, she wasn’t sure if he was even sober enough to remember that she left, let alone the reason.

“When I sobered up to realize what had happened,” Nick continued at her silence. The topic he had brought up wasn’t a pleasant one. It wasn’t a time in his life he liked to talk about. He regretted a lot of things in his life, but it all made him who he was today. “I was pissed. Pissed at you for leaving; for giving up. I was pissed at everyone who wasn’t me. After the anger had faded, I realized that I missed you. You weren’t there anymore and I couldn’t just call you.

“And it was my fault. When I made a decision to quit, I carried around a picture of us in my wallet. When I wanted a drink I’d look at it. When it hurt to keep running I would think about it. I was fixing myself for me, for you, for us. The further along I got, I started thinking that maybe you’d be better off without me. I may have been sober and drug free but it would always be a constant battle for me. And what would happen if I messed up? I had already hurt you and put you through so much, more than anyone should go through in a relationship. I told myself you would be happier, better off without me.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” Rachel sat up and twisted to face him. 

“I know but I thought it was best. I hurt you so much and you didn’t need that.”

“Jesus Nick; I missed you like crazy. Just because we had broken up didn’t mean I stopped loving you. I can’t believe that if you had stuck with your plan we wouldn’t be sitting here right now."

Nick wrapped his arms around her chest, pulling her back against his. He could tell by the tone of her voice she was close to picking a fight. That was the last thing he wanted. “Listen to me,” he whispered in her ear. “This was a long time ago. My life was all sorts of fucked up. You were the lone bright spot. I had hurt you with my drinking and doing drugs. You deserved better than that, than me. I didn’t want to bring you down with me.”

“I didn’t… don’t want anyone else but you.” Rachel whispered raising her arms to cover his. “So what made you change your mind?”

“I missed you. Like you said I missed you like crazy. I was sober. I lost a lot of weight. I was feeling good. I was happier, singing better. But something was missing. You weren’t there and I could tell. I thought about you a lot. Wanted to call. Wanted to see you. I definitely started moping. It didn’t take the guys long to start worrying. Brian was scared I’d start drinking and doing drugs again. Howie wondered why I worked so hard to get better to just be alone. AJ asked me why I was being a martyr. You had already seen me at my worst.”

“AJ’s a smart man.”

“Do not tell him that,” Nick said. “We’ll never hear the end of it.”

“So they told you you were an idiot and you came crawling back…”

Nick chuckled, “I don’t remember crawling exactly but you didn’t make it easy.”

“Didn’t want to appear too eager,” Rachel sat up and turned around to face him. She moved her legs beneath his on either side of his hips and scooted close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stared at him. The fire cast his face in shadows. His eyes twinkled with the flame. “I’m definitely glad Brian, Howie and AJ knocked some sense into you.”

“Me too,” Nick cupped her chin drawing her face to him. He kissed her softly.

“I love you Nick,” she whispered against his lips.

“I love you Rachel,” Nick brought his other hand up and palmed her cheeks, cradling her face. He tilted her head and pressed his lips to hers again.

“How about we take this to the tent?”

Nick grinned as he pulled back. He stared into Rachel’s eyes, reading the love and desire in them. He was lucky that after everything he’s done in his life she was able to overlook it all and still love him as much as she did. He stood up pulling Rachel to her feet and flush against him. He kissed her again holding her tight. He released her and took care of the fire. Once the fire was out, it was pitch black, shadows everywhere.

“Nick?” Rachel called hesitantly. Her eyes searched for him in the shadows.

“Right here,” Nick whispered in her ear. He chuckled feeling her jump. He took her hand, squeezing it. “Relax, I got you. Nothing is going to happen.”

“That wasn’t funny,” Rachel muttered, holding his hand tight.

“I’m sorry Baby,” Nick switched on the flashlight he carried and led them to their tent. He shined the light on the flap, so Rachel could unzip it.

“Don’t do it again,” Rachel said as she crawled into the tent. Two sleeping bags were already unzipped and laid out. One acted as a bed to lie on, the other was going to be their blanket. Their packs sat side by side against the side of the tent. She sat down and began removing her hiking boots. It was a relief to be out of them finally. She placed them next to their bags along with her socks. She pulled the hoodie she wore over her head and tossed it next to the sleeping bags. She shivered; the chill already seeping in.

“I’ll keep you warm,” Nick grinned as he kicked off his own boots and quickly rid himself of his clothes. He crawled beneath the sleeping bag and settled in. “Just be quick.”

“Don’t take your own advice,” she raised an eyebrow in his direction, a smirk on her face. She quickly removed the rest of her clothes and jumped beneath the blanket. She curled herself around his warm body, shivering. “Damn it’s cold!”

“Don’t worry,” Nick clicked the flashlight off. He sat it within reach before wrapping his arms around her. “I’ll keep you warm… or at least keep your mind off the cold.” He rolled out from beneath her so he was looking down at her.

“Please,” Rachel murmured, welcoming his weight upon her. “Make love to me, Nick.”

“With pleasure,” he whispered before capturing her lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

“Nick,” Rachel spoke loudly as she shook her boyfriend awake.

“What’s wrong?” Nick mumbled, blinking away. He opened his eyes only to shut them again as water got in them. “Is it raining?”

“Yes,” Rachel said, drawing her legs to her chest in hopes to draw some warmth. “I don’t know what time it started, I’m surprised it didn’t wake us up sooner. But it’s pouring out, Nick. Everything in here is wet. The trees we’re under offered some protection, but not much.”

Nick sat up, pushing the soaked sleeping bag away from his body. It had ceased keeping him warm. The one they had been laying on was saturated as well from the water seeping through the bottom of the tent. The temperature had dropped a lot more than they anticipated during the night. The cold woke them sometime after their love making and they dug through one of the packs searching for the sleep clothes they packed.

“Damnit,” he groaned feeling the chill work its way through his wet clothes. He rubbed a hand over his face and through his wet hair, leaving it spiked. He crawled across the tent to their bags and looked at them, frowning. “They aren’t fully soaked yet,” his eyes veered to their boots sitting next to the packs. “But our shoes are.”

“What are we going to do?”

Nick sighed looking at their wet things then to Rachel. “Pack up and head home. I’m all for camping and being one with nature but…”

“Not in the rain,” Rachel finished nodding. “Yeah, me neither.”

“Let’s pack up as quickly as we can and get back to the car. We can hole up in the house the rest of the day,” Nick held out his hand taking hers. He gave a tug causing her to collapse in his lap. “We’ll drag the blankets in front of the fireplace and make love the rest of the night.”

“Sounds good to me,” Rachel murmured kissing his lips. “The faster we pack up, the faster we’ll be back at the house.” She crawled from his lap and dug through the pack in search of dry clothes. The stuff on the top and bottom were damp, but the things in the middle were still relatively dry. She quickly dressed, feeling warmer than she had in awhile. “Well that didn’t work,” she said, mostly to herself as she felt the wet seep into her dry socks.

“It will get worse when we step out of the tent,” Nick quickly changed back into jeans and a hoodie from the pack and pulled on his boots. “Start putting this other stuff in the packs. I’ll start rolling up the sleeping bags.”

They worked quickly, getting their things repacked. The sleeping bags were rolled up and stuffed into the other pack. Soon the inside of the tent was empty except for them and the two packs. The floor was starting to gather water as more rained dropped in from the top. When they had put the tent together, they had decided to leave off the cover. Looking back, it was a dumb move on their part but they couldn’t do anything about it. 

“Ready?” Nick asked as he unzipped the flap. “Just put the packs beneath the tree; that will keep them from getting totally soaked.” _‘Not that it matters,’_ he thought looking at the rain falling down. They were getting soaked no matter what they did.

“Alright,” Rachel nodded and jumped out of the tent carrying both their packs. The rain soaked her immediately. She blinked it from her eyes as she sat the packs against the base of the tree. Turning around she saw Nick working quickly to take the tent down. She rushed back to help him.

The anchors from the ground were taken out first followed by the poles. Rachel pulled them from the tabs and worked to fold them back up tossing them on the ground. The tent lay in disarray on the ground. They pulled at it, straightening it up before they folded it. Rachel held open the bag as Nick stuffed it inside. She pulled the drawstring before letting Nick take it and attached it to the pack. 

Rachel looked around the area scanning to see if they had forgotten anything. The rain continued to pour down, even the trees ceased to catch it all. It fell down in buckets it seemed. She fixed her pony tail, pulled it back into a messy bun, the wet hair helping smooth the fly-aways from her face. She picked up her pack and shouldering it, threading her arm through the other strap. She gave a small jump, sending the pack higher on her back. She grabbed the waist belt and clipped it around her waist. When she was done, she looked up seeing Nick waiting for her, his pack already on, ready to go.

“Ready?” Nick asked and waited for her to nod. When she did, he continued, “Just stay close to me. The rain is making it hard to see. Don’t want to lose you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Rachel said and grabbed Nick’s hand, lacing her fingers with his and holding tight. “I’m not letting go.”

Nick kissed her, squeezing her hand before he started walking, Rachel firmly by his side.

*~*

Nick came to a stop and looked around. Everything looked the same. The tree in front of him looked like the tree they had passed twenty minutes ago. He swore he passed that bush ten minutes ago. The rain continued to fall. The ground a slippery muddy mess. The temperature had barely risen from the time they had woken up. His clothes stuck to him; there wasn’t a dry spot on his body.

“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked looking in front of them. It all looked the same. She wasn’t sure how long they’d been walking but she was sure they hadn’t walked this long yesterday before they set up their tent. She kept her eyes hoping something would click in her mind to alert her they were going the right way but it was all the same. She huddled closer against Nick as he looked around. She was just as soaked as he. The pack felt heavier on her back now that it was wet.

Nick looked down at Rachel. He didn’t want to start panicking yet. But he felt fear clawing its way in. He couldn’t remember the way to the trail that led them back to their car. He didn’t know if walking straight was the way to go or if he was leading them deeper into the woods. He couldn’t even find their campsite again to start over. Everything looked the same.

“You’re starting to scare me,” Rachel’s words came softly. Her eyes searched his waiting for an answer. She feared she knew the answer to her question already but she hoped she was wrong.

“I’m not sure where we are,” Nick answered and watched Rachel’s eyes close. He dropped her hand that he held in his the whole time they had been walking and hooked that arm around Rachel’s neck drawing her to him. He felt her hands clutching his hoodie. “I thought we were going the right way… But everything looks the same. I…”

Rachel twisted her hands in his hoodie, holding him tighter. She clenched her eyes shut willing the tears away. _‘Lost.’_ Her mind screamed. They were lost. They were lost in a huge forest; a forest that was hundreds of square miles. The path could be in any direction. People could be just through the trees or it could be danger. There was no way of knowing. They had no way to contact… She raised her head quickly looking at Nick. “Our phones. Our phones are in the packs. We can get them out. Call…”

Rachel’s face looked so hopeful, so earnest, Nick didn’t want to tell her the cell phones probably wouldn’t have service; if they even worked at all from water damage. He sent her a smile and pecked her lips before spinning her around so he could access the pack on her back where the phones were.

Unable to empty it out, Nick had to settle for shoving his arms in and feeling around. It seemed he found everything in there but the phones and his anger was beginning to build. He was close to snapping at Rachel to take the pack off when his hand closed over a phone. He pulled it out in his hand and pressed the power button at the top of the device. He wasn’t even sure whose phone it was. The apple icon appeared and he breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been damaged yet.

His picture soon graced the screen. _‘Rachel’s,’_ he thought as he swiped at the screen. But instead of wiping away the water droplets he succeeded in smearing them. Hands appeared in view over the phone creating some sort of umbrella, trying to block the rain and he looked up, sending Rachel a smile. He loved her.

He looked down at the phone and his smile faltered. The words he was so happy to read earlier stared back at him now; taunting. No Service. He closed his eyes a couple seconds before he opened them. The same mocking words stared at him.

“Would it be too much to hope that your phone would say something else” She asked as her eyes meet his over the phone. His hair was matted to his head. The gel he had used yesterday to style his hair into a spiky mess had long since been washed away. Rain rolled down his unshaven face, through the stubble gracing his cheeks and jaw.

“The rain and clouds must be messing with the signal,” Nick explained, but even he didn’t believe the words. It was true yesterday; their phones still carried a signal on the trail and off until they reached their campsite when it finally rolled over into no service. But he wasn’t sure if they were anywhere near the path they took yesterday. He held the phone to him and walked around, making sure to keep Rachel in his sight. The last thing he wanted was to become separated.

The battery was still almost fully charged from being off. He messed around with a few settings in hopes of being able to gain one bar. One bar was all he needed to, if not connect a call, send a text message. He wiped the screen against his hoodie, clearing away most of the water. Small streaked beads of water still remained. He briefly wondered how long the phone would last being out in these conditions. But he couldn’t shove their only source of communication away just for fear it was getting too wet. He had to do something. He had to try everything he could think of.

Knowing a text would be sent as soon as the phone garnered enough service, he quickly typed out a message and just as quickly erased it. What was he supposed to type? _‘HELP!’_ His mind screamed at him and he was certain if he put that it would definitely freak Lance and Brian, the two people he was sending the message to, out. As the rain continued to fall around him, he looked up seeing Rachel standing a few yards away watching him. She was just as soaked as he was and probably just as cold. She hadn’t come out and said anything yet, but he knew by the look in her eyes she was scared. If he was honest with himself, he was too. They weren’t expected to be back until tomorrow. Lance wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong until they failed to show up at his house for dinner.

Forgetting about sending a suave text, he typed one short and to the point. They were lost. It was raining. They needed help. He tapped send and watched as a red exclamation point showed up next to the text signaling that it wasn’t sent. He sighed. He had hopped they’d get lucky and a text would find enough signal to send. No such luck. He pressed the button at the top of the phone, sending the screen black as he locked the phone. He gripped it in his hand and turned around walking back to Rachel.

Rachel watched him walk toward her. The hopeful look fell from her face. Her shoulders slumped. She had hoped Nick would have been able to send out something; a text, a tweet, a Facebook status. Something that would alert somebody they needed help. She felt tears collect in her eyes and she fought to hold them back. Crying wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t get them out of the predicament they were in.

“I’m sorry,” Nick said coming to stand in front of her. He shoved the phone in his front pocket and reached out, placing his palms on either side of her face. “I’m sorry.” He whispered drawing her to him. He held her tight against him, feeling a shudder work through her body. He closed his eyes and pressed his head against hers, whispering words of comfort in her ear.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel apologized as she raised her head after her crying jag had ended. She wiped at her eyes, feeling embarrassed at the loss of emotions. Crying wasn’t going to help them. 

“It’s alright,” Nick tilted her head so he could look into her eyes. “I promise we’ll get out of this.” He searched her eyes. “Okay?”

Rachel nodded. She blinked feeling a couple stray tears roll down her cheeks, mixing with the rain. She blew out a breath as she opened her eyes and sent Nick a smile. “We’ll be okay.” She rose up on her tip toes and kissed him softly. She drew back, searching his eyes. “Nick… this is not your fault.”

Nick gave a half snort and rolled his eyes as he turned his head away. He was surprised when Rachel turned his head back to look at her. He stared down at her.

“Don’t blame yourself.” She told him sternly. “It’s not your fault. I thought we were going the right way too. So don’t beat yourself up. When the rain stops, we’ll be able to get service and call for help. But it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you; so please don’t blame yourself.”

“Okay,” Nick said with a smile. He kissed the tip of her nose.

“Like I believe that,” Rachel rolled her eyes but she was smiling.

Nick matched her eye roll with one of his own. He grabbed her and bent her at the waist. He grinned as she shrieked and flailed her arms before she gripped his shoulders. He pressed his lips to hers, his mouth opening and closing with hers. When he moved to release her, he felt her hands tighten their hold on his shoulders and pull him closer to her. He smiled against her lips and resumed kissing her. “That better, Ms. Bass?”

“Much,” Rachel smiled as Nick righted her. She looked around them hoping something around would jump out at her; a golden arrow pointing in a direction with a marquee above it flashing _‘This Way! This Way!’_ would have been nice. But she saw nothing but desolate looking trees and bushes. She threaded her arm through Nick’s and leaned against him. “What do we do? Do we pick a direction and start walking? Do we sit here and wait for the rain to stop? Or do we split up; you go one way I go the other?”

“No,” Nick said immediately. “We are not splitting up. We are staying together.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Rachel shivered thinking about walking through the woods alone. “We may be lost, but I’m glad I’m not alone.”

Nick thought about what they should do. If they should stay where they were and wait out the rain or if they should continue walking in hopes of stumbling upon the path. “Let’s walk a little more in this direction,” he nodded his head toward the right. “If after thirty minutes we don’t find the path, we’ll find a place to stop and wait out the rain. Your phone is still turned on; the text is waiting for signal to go through. It will go once it gets that. Hopefully when we start moving, it will find a pocket with just enough service to send it out. The only bad thing about that is it will be searching for service this whole time. The battery will be eaten up.”

“That’s alright. We still have your phone. It’s turned off right?” She continued when Nick nodded. “We’ll just leave it off to save the battery.”

“Ready?” Nick asked taking her hand in his. When she nodded he started walking. He hoped they found the path soon.

*~*

Lance sighed as he closed the web browser out on his computer and looked out the window in his office. The sun shone brightly raising the temperatures to well in the eighties. He leaned back in his desk chair, rubbing a hand over his chest. He looked down at his cell phone sitting silent on the desk next to his laptop. He pressed the button illuminating the screen catching sight of his background. It was a shot of him and Rachel from Halloween. He was dressed as a clown and she was dressed coincidentally as him. He chuckled remember the response she had gotten at the Halloween party they had attended together. He hadn’t laughed as hard as he did when she told him later that she was hit on by three guys thinking she was actually him

He pushed aside the Halloween memories. He didn’t see a notification. He unlocked the phone and looked at his messages. The last message from his sister had been yesterday. _‘We made it! See you Sunday. Love you!’_ It had said. He hadn’t expected to receive a message from her today. He knew he probably wouldn’t. But he was unable to shake the feeling he’d woken up with that something was wrong. He even tried to call her, but it had gone straight to voicemail. He didn’t leave one.

Concentrating so hard on his phone, he nearly jumped when it rang in his hand. His heart thumped wildly as he pressed it to his ear. “Rachel?”

“I hope not. That’d mean I’m shagging Carter,” came the amused voice. “I know he’s gotten all hot and buff, but he just doesn’t do it for me. I like the breast man.”

“Joey.”

“Don’t you have caller ID?”

“I didn’t check it,” he sighed.

“What’s wrong Bass?”

“Nothing. I don’t know.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Rachel’s off camping with Nick this weekend.”

“Yeah?” Joey waited for Lance to explain. “I know you don’t like to think about your sister in that manner, but dude, you have to know they are sleeping together and have been doing it for awhile now. I hope that doesn’t come as a shock to you.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I know that moron.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Joey questioned. “Oh, is this one of your twin things? One of your psychic mumbo jumbo?”

“Well it’s been nice talk to you Joseph.”

“No, wait. Come on man, don’t hang up. I’m only joking,” Joey’s voice yelled into the phone. “Seriously, Lance. What’s up?”

“I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”

“So it is one of your twin things.”

“I just… this trip has given off a… vibe. And not a good one either. I haven’t been able to shake it and it’s worse since I woke up this morning.” Lance explained. “I tried calling her but her phone’s turned off. It may be nothing but…” He shrugged, aware that Joey couldn’t see him. “Maybe I’m reading too much into it.”

“Have you ever read too much into one of these feelings concerning Rachel before?” Joey questioned. 

“No.” He sighed. “But I don’t want to ruin their weekend because I’m worried about nothing. It’s just been a long few weeks.”

“It’s not like you to shrug off something concerning Rachel,” Joey said worriedly. “What’s up man?”

“Nothing. Just been busy. You know how it goes.”

Joey made a noncommittal noise but let the subject drop. He knew Lance would say something when he was ready. “The reason I was calling was to see what you were doing for Thanksgiving. Kelly and I were wondering if you, Rachel and Nick wanted to come to our house.”

“Ah that would be great, but we’re heading to Mississippi for the long weekend.” Lance said sadly. “But we should hook up when we get back though. I know I’d love to see the girls and I know Rachel would too.”

“I see where your love lies.”

Lance laughed. “We’d love to see you too.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Sorry Joey. I hear that’s what happens when you become parents. You ceased to matter.”

“Kelly thinks I matter. Just last night we…”

“No no no! I do not want to hear this!” Lance yelled in the phone, topping Joey’s voice. “I won’t tell you my sexual escapades and you don’t tell me yours.”

“I’ll hit you up after the holiday, man and we’ll set something up. And don’t worry Lance. I’m sure Rachel is fine. Hell she’s probably more than fine with a good lookin’ boy like Nick. Why I’m sure you…”

“Bye Joey.” Lance tapped the end button, cutting Joey off in midsentence. He rolled his eyes and laughed feeling a little better.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick leaned back against the tree. The rain had slowed so much that he wasn’t sure if it was still raining or it was just the water falling from the trees. It was well into the afternoon and the temperature hadn’t warmed any. He was cold and being wet didn’t help.

They had walked on earlier for thirty minutes, but nothing jumped out at them and they hadn’t come across the trail. They walked another ten minutes before finding a somewhat decent tree to sit beneath that stopped some of the rain. The ground was cold and wet, allowing the coldness to seep into their bodies that much faster.

They had passed the time talking; telling stories they already knew and heard. Funny, upbeat ones that kept the mood positive and light. A smile came to Nick’s face as he recalled Rachel’s story involving the members of NSYNC and her impression of Justin. While talking and telling stories, they had dug out some of the food they had packed away and ate a light lunch. It went unspoken not to gorge on their food, but to save in case they ended up needing more than the day and half food they had packed. 

He didn’t want to think about that. But it was a definite possibility. The longer they walked; Nick feared they wouldn’t find the trail. It was a strong possibility they wouldn’t be in the woods longer than they planned. Because they were carrying all their things, they had only packed the bare minimum; just enough food to last through waking up Sunday morning. Once that supply was gone, he didn’t know what they were going to do for food.

_‘Don’t think like that Carter,’ > he told himself, but it was hard not to think of the worst case scenario. And right now, the forecast was looking bleak. They could walk all day and night and not hit a trail. They could be walking further away from the trail itself. He had no idea. There was no way of knowing. _‘Should have watched more of those survival shows.’ > Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, he sighed. What was he doing out in the woods, in the middle of November camping anyway?__

__His eyes dropped to the warm body in front of him; curled as close as a human can get to another human without being inside of them. She lay in his lap, her head resting on his chest, one arm wrapped around his back, the other curled against his chest. She breathed evenly in sleep and he smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair back from her face that had fallen from her ponytail._ _

__After finishing off lunch, she had crawled into his lap and snuggled close. He remembered the sappiness of the conversation as they sat there, talking about their relationship, their love. Marriage didn’t come up as he knew it wouldn’t. She knew his stance on the topic after seeing what it did to his parents. He didn’t need to be married to carry on a relationship with someone. He also knew how much Rachel believed in marriage and dreamed of her own. And he spent the better part of a year trying to work out his issues with the subject._ _

__The relationship with his parents was still rocky. But he talked about it with the guys. The more he talked with them, especially Brian, the more he opened his eyes up to the matter. And he found he did want what they had. He found that he couldn’t base his views on one relationship out of the thousands that do work. He knew that a piece of paper didn’t signify their love. It wouldn’t define them. But it would announce that he belonged to Rachel and she to him. That thought made him smile. He liked that. He like knowing they belonged to each because he knew, there wasn’t anyone else out there for him but her._ _

__Now the big question was when he going to ask her. The ring had already been purchased and hidden away. It had been for some time now. He just could never find the perfect moment to ask her. In his mind he was leaning toward asking her during the holidays. He was traveling with her and Lance back to Mississippi for the Bass Thanksgiving where he would have the opportunity to ask her father. That didn’t make him nervous now as it would have earlier in their relationship. No matter which way Rachel tried to swing it or sugar coat it, her parents had not liked him. They merely tolerated him for their daughter’s sake. During their breakup, the Bass’ probably hadn’t shed a tear. When they reconciled, the first trip back to Mississippi had definitely been tense. He had to fight his way in to earn their respect. It hadn’t taken long for them to come around and see that he was a different man; a changed man. That he really loved their daughter. It still made his heart swell when Rachel joked about how her parent’s wished for him as their son instead of her._ _

__The idea in his head was to ask her at Christmastime. He knew it was cliché and a lot of people did it. But he loved the whole time of the year; the decorations, the scents, the cold, the snow, the magic feeling in the air. _‘No snow in Los Angeles, Einstein’_ There was nothing in the books that said he had to propose to her at home. They could go anywhere._ _

__“What are you thinking about?”_ _

__“How much I love you,” Nick tightened his arms around Rachel as she shifted against him trying to snuggle closer._ _

__“Yeah?” Rachel asked, her eyes still closed. She heard his heart beating in her ear; felt his voice rumbling in his chest._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“How much?”_ _

__“How much what?”_ _

__Rachel sighed and shook her head. “How much do you love me?”_ _

__“To the moon and back.”_ _

__“Just to the moon?” Rachel asked, miffed. “I love you to the stars and back.”_ _

__Nick rolled his eyes. “You love to one up me.”_ _

__“How long was I asleep?” Rachel asked, yawning. “Do I even want to know what time it is?”_ _

__“Maybe an hour.” Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out the cell phone. He unlocked it first looking at the signal strength before looking at the time. “Ten after three,” he told her. “And no. No signal. And the text still hasn’t sent.” He pressed on the red exclamation point and hit ‘try again’. He watched as it did nothing but give him the exclamation point again. He shoved it back in his pocket._ _

__“It will still be daylight for a few more hours yet. At least it’s stopped raining. What do we do now?”_ _

__“Build a fire and sing Kumbaya?” He suggested, smiling when she giggled._ _

__“Maybe later.”_ _

__He patted her shoulder and started shifting her off his lap. “I’ll be right back,” he said once he was standing._ _

__“Where are you going?” Rachel scrambled to her feet._ _

__“Relax,” Nick said with a smile, pecking her lips. “I’m going to walk that way and use the bathroom. Just stay here and I’ll be back.” He kissed her again and started walking away. “You want me to sing so you can still hear me?”_ _

__“Sure,” she called out, her voice echoing off the trees. “How about ‘All The Small Things’?’_ _

__“You really are a brat,” Nick laughed shaking his head. He pushed a thorny bush out of his way as he walked. “I didn’t hear any complaints last night. Or any other night for that matter.”_ _

__“Zero complaints from me Babe!” Rachel chuckled. She kept her eyes on Nick as he walked further and further away. “You don’t have to walk that far to take a pee.”_ _

__“I know, I’m just looking.” Nick called. “Sing me a song so I can still find you.”_ _

__“Sing you a song,” Rachel rolled her eyes. “What the heck am I supposed to sing!”_ _

__“Surprise me!”_ _

__“You’ve might been hurt babe, that ain’t no lie. You see them all come and go,” Rachel sang out. She groaned. “Is it bad that the dance moves still go through my head even a decade later?”_ _

__“When I get back you can show me,” Nick called shaking his head as Rachel started singing again. He sang the song under his breath with her. He took care of business and then started looking around. He didn’t veer from the straight line he walked. He could still hear Rachel’s voice. The last thing he wanted to do was lose her._ _

__“You’ve got no choice babe, but to move on. But you know there ain’t no time to waste,” Rachel sang, her voice rose when Nick disappeared from view. She wavered a little growing worried. She felt alone. For all purposes, she was alone. “But you’re just too blind. Too see. But in the end it’s gonna be me.”_ _

__“Every little thing I do, never seems enough for you” Nick sang back, his voice carrying. He stilled, when he heard sticks breaking. He stopped singing and listened. He whirled to his right hearing it again. It sounded like someone walking. He knew it couldn’t be Rachel, she was straight behind him. He could still hear her singing._ _

__His heart lodged in his throat as the culprit of the noise appeared. He back stepped as he stared at the bear in front of him. His mind rushed trying to recall any information he could. Weren’t they supposed to be hibernating? Was he supposed to play dead? Should he turn and run? If he turn and ran the bear might give chase and he would lead him right back to where Rachel was sitting. The last thing he wanted to do was lead this bear back to Rachel, putting her in danger._ _

__He heard Rachel switch songs, but he couldn’t concentrate enough on her words to place the lyrics. He was still wondering what he was going to do when he notice the bear stop moving. Nick swallowed roughly. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. Sweat gathered on his palms but he didn’t want to make an unnecessary move to wipe them on his jeans. He quickly scanned the area directly around him looking for some sort of weapon; never taking his eyes from the bear for more than a second._ _

__He eyed a stick laying on the ground to his left. It looked thick and he was sure he would be able to get a few good whacks in with it. If it wasn’t rotted. _‘Oh please, let it keep walking,’_ he prayed. He did not want to get into a fight with this animal. The odds weren’t in his favor. And if something happened to him, Rachel would be left alone. He shivered at the thought of Rachel being left at the mercy of facing not only a bear alone, but being alone in the woods. He drew his hand in a fist. He was not going to let that happen._ _

__“I may run and hide when you’re screamin’ my name, alright…”_ _

__Nick caught the words to the song and gulped. He opened his mouth, “But let me tell you now there are prices to fame, alright. All of our time spent in flashes of light.” He joined her singing one of their earlier songs. _‘Don’t let me forget the words.’_ He prayed. _‘Maybe he won’t see me as a threat and move on.’_ “All you people can’t you see can’t you see. How your love’s affecting our reality. Every time we’re down, you can make it right. And that makes you larger than life.”_ _

__He continued singing as he stared at the bear. The bear stared back like it wasn’t sure what to make out of the creature in front of him. _‘I’m not a threat,’_ he said in his mind, like he was communicating with the animal. _‘I’m not going to hurt you. Please don’t hurt me.’__ _

__His prayers weren’t answered when the bear released a growled and barreled toward him. He jumped for the stick, praying that it wouldn’t crumble in his hands. He picked it up holding it like a baseball bat, ready to fend off the worst threat he’s ever faced._ _

__Rachel sat up quickly, the song dying in her throat at the growl. She glanced around not seeing anything near her. She stood up, listening and heard the sounds of breaking brush. “Nick?” She called out waited for him to answer. Her heart pounded. “Nick?” She yelled loudly as she started walking in the direction Nick had disappeared in. “Nick!” She screamed when she received no reply. She took off running, stumbling over sticks and roots on the ground, crashing through bushes._ _

__Nick grunted as he fought to keep the bears teeth away from his body. He was in good shape, lifting and working out daily, but it was nothing when matched against a bear. His muscles quivered and shook with tension. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to fully last. But he wasn’t going to lay here and give up. He had to protect Rachel; he couldn’t let the bear get to her. A sound penetrated the fog surrounding his brain. Screaming. Rachel._ _

__He spared a glance out of the corner of his eye and caught her breaking through the brush and skidding to a stop, her hands going to her mouth as she froze in terror. Her eyes were wide. He cried out in pain when the bear swatted him, its claws breaking through the barrier of his hoodie to his shoulder. He felt the pain down his arm._ _

__Tears welled in Rachel’s eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she cried watching the scene in front of her. Nick was laying on the ground his hands thick in the bear’s neck trying to keep the bear’s head away from his body. She was frozen in fear. What was she going to do? She couldn’t just stand there while Nick fought for his life. She had to help him. She had to get the bear away from Nick. She searched ground around her searching for anything; anything she could use to scare the bear off._ _

__The only thing she found laying on the ground was sticks and rocks. But at the point it didn’t matter. Anything would help. It had to. She started picked up anything she could and chucking them at the bear, telling herself she’d apologize later to Nick for any of her throws hitting him instead. She started yelling and screaming, making as bunch as noise as possible. She continued to sob as she threw a rock, hitting the target. She watched as the bear raised its head and growled._ _

__Nick continued to struggle, holding the bear’s head away from him with his arms and using his legs to kick. He wasn’t giving up. His arm screamed in pain but he couldn’t stop. To stop meant to die and that wasn’t going to happen. His heart continued to beat wildly in his chest. It nearly stopped when he watched the bear raise its head to look at the new danger. He refused to be ignored. He wasn’t going to allow the bear to go after her. He let go of the bear with his injured arm and swung at it with all the strength he could muster. Pain seared, fire burned from fingertips to shoulder._ _

__Rachel raised two sticks in there air, waving them wildly as she continued to make as much noise as she could. It was all she could do; all she could think of to do in order to help Nick. She griped the stick tightly in her right arm and drew back as she threw it as hard as she could. She watched as it knocked the bear on the head. Her breath caught as the bear stumbled backward away from Nick, shaking its head. _‘Please don’t get pissed. Please don’t get pissed,’_ she chanted in her mind. The stick that remained in her left hand moved to her right and she readied herself to throw that one as well._ _

__She had never felt as helpless in her life as she did at that moment; seeing Nick lying on the ground, completely vulnerable while a bear sat a few feet away. It was liable to go either way. Part of her was yelling at Nick to get up and run, to get away; while the other part was yelling at him to stay where he was and not to move a muscle; to not even blink. Silence had fallen over the grounds. No birds chirped in the trees, no insects buzzed in the foliage below. It was as if time had stopped. She drew a breath and started yelling again, raising the stick above her head, along with her free arm and waved them madly in the air._ _

__She continued to yell even as her heart lodged in her throat as she watched the bear start moving. _‘God please don’t hurt him.’_ She nearly collapsed to the ground in relief as the bear started running away from Nick and through the trees. Her yells and screeches became broken with tears and she sucked in a breath. Holding the stick in her hand she ran toward Nick, sobbing as she fell to the ground next to him._ _

__“Nick…” she cried grabbing his hand in hers. She gasped seeing the blood on his hoodie and the tears from the claws. “Oh shit…”_ _

__“Come on, we have to get out of here,” Nick breathed heavily, clutching Rachel’s hand as she helped him stand. “Come on; this way.” He held her hand and took off at a jog in the opposite direction the bear went._ _

__“But our things,” Rachel said, looking over her shoulder. She ran next to Nick, stepping over hazards on the ground._ _

__“Forget them,” Nick called. He didn’t want to leave their packs; especially the food and the tent. But the bear had taken off that way and if had picked up the smell of food, their things would have been demolished as the bear hunted to find the food packed away._ _

__They continued to run, putting as much distance between them and the bear as they could muster. Before long they were breathing heavily and muscles screamed out in pain. Sweat rolled down their faces. They came to a stop next to another tree and Nick leaned against it, taking deep breaths. He cradled his injured arm to his chest and his eyes shut in pain. The adrenaline was wearing off and pain was starting to peak through again._ _

__“Nick?” Rachel said softly, standing in front of him. Her eyes racked his face, searching. She saw it twisted in pain and she reached out brushing her fingers across the back of the hand he held to him. She met his blue eyes when they opened to stare at her._ _

__“Are you okay?” Nick asked, bringing his uninjured hand up to her face, brushing his fingers against her cheek. “You’re not hurt?”_ _

__Rachel held his hand to her face and let her eyes drift shut taking a few breathes trying to calm herself back down. She shook her head. “No, I’m not hurt. But you…”_ _

__“It’s nothing,” Nick said even as his shoulder burned. He grimaced._ _

__“Let me see,” Rachel said dropping his hand; she reached out fingering the hem of his hoodie. “Let’s get this off so I can look.”_ _

__“You just want me out of my clothes,” Nick quipped before hissing in pain when he moved his shoulder._ _

__“I like you out of your clothes. You are one gorgeous man,” she mustered up a small smile, complete with a wink before turning her task back to his hoodie. “Just try not to move that arm, okay? I’ll work it over and pull it off.” She moved slowly, probably slower than she had too, but she didn’t want to cause him anymore pain. Soon his good arm was free from the sweatshirt and the hoodie was only left on his injured arm. “Almost done,” she murmured and tugged at the cuff, pulling it over his hand before she moved the rest of the hoodie down his arm. She gasped seeing the blood on the t-shirt Nick wore beneath the hoodie; seeing the tears from the bear’s claws._ _

__“I liked this shirt too.” Nick worked with Rachel as she made the decision to remove his t-shirt as well to get a better look at his wound._ _

__“I like what’s underneath it more,” she whispered once Nick was standing in front of her, naked from the waist up. She pressed her hand against his chest, over his heart feeling it pounding beneath her touch. She closed her eyes, willing back the tears. She had come so close to losing him._ _

__“Shhh,” Nick wrapped his good arm around her, holding her against his body. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” Her murmured into the top of her head._ _

__“I was so scared…” she breathed pulling her head away. “God Nick when you came into view on the ground with the bear…” she broke off unable to continue._ _

__“I know. But I’m okay.” He kissed her softly. “You scared him away. I’m so proud of you. You saved me.” He hugged her to him again, unable to let her go quite yet. He needed the contact._ _

__Rachel held him for a few more minutes before she pulled away sniffling. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “Let me see,” she took his right hand in hers and pulled it away from his body. She cringed seeing the angry gashes that started over his collarbone and trailed down his upper arm. The gashes ripped across his tribal sun tattoo. “I don’t think you’re tattoo will look quite the same anymore.”_ _

__Nick looked down at the wound now that it was unrestricted. He shrugged, wincing as his skin pulled. He told himself not to do that again. “Well, chicks dig scars right?”_ _

__Rachel sent him a look that had him smiling sheepishly. “I like your body just the way it is. If you did this to impress me, I’ll kick your ass.”_ _

__“I’m a wounded man,” Nick pleaded. “You wouldn’t go up against a wounded man would you?”_ _

__“You’re safe for now,” Rachel told him. She used his t-shirt and lightly pressed against the wound trying to clean off as much blood as she could. “This could use a few stitches. One of the claws went deep right here.” She wished she had a bottle of water to wash the wound, and something to wrap it with to try to keep it clean. She wished they were back in Los Angeles and this never had happened._ _

__“My needle and thread must have fallen out of my pocket,” Nick winced when Rachel pressed harder. “Sorry,” he murmured and stayed quiet allowing her to work._ _

__“That’s as good as it’s gonna get,” Rachel said a few minutes. The bleeding had stopped for the most part. “Lets get your hoodie back on; it will offer some protection against infection. Not much, but it’s something. Will keep you warm too.” She dressed him slowly putting his arms through the sleeves first trying not to move his right arm as much. Once it was over his head she straightened it on his body._ _

__Nick drew her to him and carefully maneuvered them both to the ground. He placed her between his legs, shifting so she could lean again his left side. He held her tight as they sat in silence. No longer did they have food, blankets and a tent. The blankets may have been wet, but they would have offered some sort of warmth. As for the tent, wet or not, shelter was shelter. It would block out a percentage of the elements. No longer were they both able bodies. With the injury he wasn’t able to go at one hundred percent. The injury had also taken out his right arm, his dominate hand. In the span of a few short minutes, the tables had turned. They had no idea what they were going to do now._ _


	5. Chapter 5

Night fell over Rachel and Nick for the second night in a row. It was drastically different from the previous night. Gone was the warm fire sending smoke and sparks to the sky. Gone was the tent that protected them from the elements. Gone were the warm sleeping bags. Gone was the innocent laughter and joking. 

What they were left with now was fast falling temperatures. The clothes on their backs still damp from the morning rain having never had a chance to fully dry in the cold, overcast day. Their stomachs growled in hunger, wishing it still had access to the hotdogs and chips that bad been in one of the packs. The two bodies sat in front of a tree, curled together hoping body heat would keep them warm throughout the night.

“Would you ever do a reality show again?” Rachel asked breaking the silence.

“Where did that come from?” Nick asked, shifting his body to pull her closer against him. She had taken up sitting between his legs again, leaning back to his chest; keeping to the left side of his body away from his wound. He did his best holding her close, his arms around her waist, his legs bent with hers trying to keep her as warm as possible.

“I don’t know. Just wondering.”

“Did you watch that show?” Nick chuckled when he felt Rachel shake her head. “What a mess. And no, I would never do a reality show like that again. All we did was argue and air our dirty laundry in front of everyone.”

“Well, no one has ever proclaimed the Carter’s to be a Nuclear Family,” Rachel said. “Yeah, I don’t think I’d ever do a show like that. Cameras everywhere? Following your every move,” she shook her head again. “No, I like my privacy.”

“Guess that means I’ll have to call the executives from MTV back and tell turn down the Nick and Rachel series they wanted to do.”

“God, that’d be the most boring reality show on TV ever,” Rachel laughed.

“Are you saying we’re boring? It’s not boring right now.”

“No, it’s pretty terrifying right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick held her tighter, wincing in pain when the broken skin stretched.

“Maybe us girls should get together for a reality TV shows,” Rachel said after a moment. “The _Real_ Stories behind The Backstreet Boys.”

“Us girls who?” Nick asked slowly.

“You know the girls. Kristen, Rochelle, Leighanne, Leigh,” Rachel ticked off the names of all the wives of the guys. Kristen and Kevin had been the first to marry, barely beating out Brian and Leighanne’s nuptials by two months back is 2000. Howie and Leigh had married seven years later with AJ and Rochelle getting married last year. “I bet Leighanne and Kristen would hold the ticket on the good dirt. Leigh too.”

“Come on, no one would want to hear about anything you ladies would have to say.” 

Rachel laughed. “You know how many times I get asked if you wear boxers or briefs? Trust me, Babe. People wanna know.”

“Is this gonna be telling sex stories? Who had the biggest dick, who can last the longest? Gonna rank us best to worst?”

“You know…” Rachel paused, thinking.

“Wipe that thought from you mind,” Nick said against her ear, his fingers tickling her side making her laugh.

“Of course you’d be first on those lists, Baby,” Rachel gasped in laughter as she squirmed against him.

“How would you know? Have you seen anyone else’s dicks?”

“No,” Rachel shook her head as she grabbed Nick’s hand, stopping his movements. “I’ve only seen one-fifth of the Backstreet Boys’…uhm… ‘boys’.”

“Good. I’d hate to have to kill one of them for flashing you.”

“Well I did, way back when, walk onto the bus Lance was sharing with Joey. He uhm, I guess wasn’t expecting me to be there. He was staring at the television watching some movie, I think, and drinking a Dr. Pepper buck ass naked.”

Nick started laughed. She felt his stomach start shaking before she heard the belly rolling laughs. “Oh God,” he gasped for breath. The sad thing about the story was he could picture the NSYNC member doing just that. “What did he do?”

“Nothing! He just looked at me and smiled.” Rachel shook her head. “Lance damn near pulled my arm out of my socket dragging me off the bus. He gave me strict orders to stand outside the door before he went back on the bus. I could hear him yelling at Joey All Joey could do was laugh. I couldn’t look Joey in the eye for three days.”

“So you’ve seen one-fifth of NSYNC then,” Nick said chuckling; he drew his eyebrows down when he felt Rachel shaking her head. “No? You saw Joey naked…” his eyes narrowed. “Who else have you seen? You told me you never slept with any of them.”

“I haven’t. I’ve never slept with any of the members of NSYNC. I didn’t like any of them like that and trust me, that’d have been too weird.” She shivered more for the fact of thinking about sleeping with Justin, Joey, Chris or JC than for the cold. 

“So who else? Did you walk in on Justin admiring himself in the mirror?”

Rachel giggled. “No.” She felt her face heat as she remembered. 

“Walk in on one of them getting it on?” He chuckled when Rachel nodded. “Who?”

“Lance.”

“You walked in on your own brother!” Nick’s voiced raised in surprise. 

“Yup. But he was still wearing pants. It wasn’t him I saw.”

“Then who…oh,” Nick laughed softly as he leaned back against the tree. He looked toward the sky. “You walked in on Lance and JC.”

“Oh yeah. It took JC a week to stop blushing whenever he saw me.’

“You either had very bad luck or great luck, depending on how you look at it.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure there were a lot of girls out there that would have loved to have switched places with me in those moments.”

“Did you ever think about dating one of them?”

“All of them or just the ones I saw naked?”

“Either or.”

Rachel shook her head. “No. Chris, he’s too hyper for me. Joey too. Justin’s too high maintenance. And JC was off limits so I never thought about him in that way. Besides, it would have been too weird to date any of them.”

“You’d be a plethora of information on this reality show then, wouldn’t you?”

“Spilling not only Nick secrets but letting NSYNC ones slip as well. I’d fall into the role of the one that people love to hate. I’ve seen you naked, Joey naked and JC. I’m Lance’s sister and have hung out with Justin. Viewers would hate me.”

“They wouldn’t hate you. Now if you’d have seen Timberlake’s goods that might have been a different story.”

Rachel snorted but didn’t disagree. “I wonder how the producers would work it. Rochelle would probably cause fights. Kristen would be the smart one; the one everyone would go to for advice. Leigh would be the sweet shy girl. Leighanne would be the girl next door.”

“What about you?”

“The hated one.”

“How do you figure?”

“Simple. Everyone always hates the popular one’s girlfriend because they always want to be in their shoes. And I’m only the girlfriend so I’m not considered ‘permanent personnel’ I can be here one day and gone the next. I’d be kept on the outside, not fully accepted into the group.”

“That’s bullshit. You know you’re accepted; they like you. Heck they love you!” His voice rose to cover up his response about her being ‘only the girlfriend’. He wondered if that was how Rachel really felt. She wasn’t in the same category as the other women because she was just his girlfriend and not his wife. Was she tired of being his girlfriend? Did she wish to be more? 

“I know that Nick,” Rachel rolled her eyes, shaking her head disbelieving. “I know we get along great and it’s always been that way. I’m just tossing out a scenario in which the writers and producers would do to draw the ratings. Can’t have a reality show where everyone gets alone. No one wants to watch a Mr. Rogers type reality show. They want to see the claws come out, the backstabbing bitchiness.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Well no one hates you,” he said but filed away the girlfriend remarks to think about later. He wanted to know what she really thought.

“Right,” Rachel laughed. “You’ve seen my Twitter replies.” She mentioned the social media program. She had gained a lot of followers for the sole fact that she was Nick Carter’s girlfriend and Lance Bass’s sister. She had gotten her brother hooked on the site and soon Nick had joined at the urging of the Boys’ management team. They had said it was a good tool to get closer to the fans.

“You’re addicted to Twitter.”

“I know! But it’s so much fun! Don’t lie to me and say it isn’t. You like it too.”

Nick grudgingly agreed. Twitter was fun and it helped pass the time between interviews and flights. What he hated were the negative responses not the ones sent to him, (he was used to those) but the ones sent to Rachel. They had no basis other than the fact she dated him.

“They just want attention,” Rachel spoke reading his mind. “I don’t give it to them. Why bother with a reply. Whatever I say won’t do a bit of good and it will just start something. I’d rather reply to the nice ones. Even the ones that stalk me. Waiting for me to drop a picture of you or Lance.”

“Which you oblige them.”

“Of course! I gotta keep them happy! I know why I’m followed. For news and pictures of you and Lance. They could care less what I have to say.”

“Well I don’t follow you for pictures of Lance.”

“That would be weird if you did.”

*~*

Nick groaned in pain when Rachel moved against him, trying to snuggle closer and jarred his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Rachel whispered and stopped moving. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he said. They still sat in the same position with him leaned back against the tree and Rachel between in legs. In this position, they were closer together to share body heat versus if they were laying flat on the ground. But he figured it didn’t matter. Sitting like this or laying down it would be cold either way.

They had to get creative for warmth. Rachel’s inside hand was holding Nick’s hand inside his hoodie pocket. Her other hand rested against the warm skin of his stomach beneath the hoodie. Nick had an arm wrapped around her, holding her against him. His hand was strategically placed at her waist, where her arm rested on top of it, trapping it to her body. Unfortunately, creativity only went so far. 

Jeans didn’t provide much warmth in the dead of night. There was no where to stick their feet to keep feeling in their toes. To top it off, it wasn’t comfortable and it was hard to just relax and fall asleep. If they could sleep, it would pass the night faster. Not that they had an idea of what to do in the morning sun. But at least the sun would be out and they’d warm up.

“Think NSYNC will get back together?”

Rachel blinked at Nick’s words. “That was an off the wall question.”

“Well you’re not sleeping and neither am I.”

“True. And no, I don’t think they’ll get back together. Which really sucks. I know Lance would do it in a heartbeat. We were talking about the yesterday before we left. How he misses it and is jealous of you guys for still making music and out of the road.”

“We should absorb him into the group,” Nick joked.

“I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind,” Rachel said honestly. “But it’s not just that. It’s about the guys.” She felt Nick nod against her and she knew he understood. She couldn’t imagine how Nick would be if Backstreet Boys ended up like NSYNC; scattered; if Brian wasn’t readily available. “But they are scattered, not as close as they used to be. Everyone went off to do their own thing and just…” she shrugged.

“Continued moving on.”

“Yeah. I mean Justin’s into movies and acting. Plus he just got married. Chris; he just got engaged. Joey was doing Dancing with the Stars and he’s doing another dancing show on the web and then he has a cooking show. And JC…” she shrugged. “I’m not sure what JC’s doing now that America’s Best Dance Crew was cancelled. But I guess that’s just an excuse if they really want to do it, they could.”

“Yeah. None of that stuff matters. If they wanted to get back together and go on a tour that stuff can be easily taken care of. If they wanted…”

“It’s more about their attitudes with each other. Some animosity between Justin and the guys. You know what happened between JC and Lance. Lance and Joey are the only ones who’ve stayed relatively close. It will take them a lot to get back together.”

“Why don’t they regroup without Justin or whatnot?”

“Don’t think they want to. It’s either all five or not at all.” She squeezed his hand and tilted her head up sighing softly when his cold lips met hers. “I’m happy they aren’t getting back together right now.”

“Why’s that?” He used the arm around her waist to push her head back on his shoulder.

“I’d hate to have to choose between going on tour with you or going on tour with them. And I’m sorry I’d have to lean towards them because that would be some crazy exciting shit.”

“You just want the chance to see Fatone naked again.”

“What!” Rachel sputtered. “If you weren’t injured, I’d kick your ass.”

Nick chuckled. Silence fell around them once again as they snuggled closer to one another in hopes to create more heat. He felt Rachel relax against him and he hoped she was growing tired. The best thing they could do right now was sleep. He kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek against it. He hummed underneath his breath, his thumb rubbed at the back of her head.

“Feels like yesterday when I said, ‘I do’ and after all this time my heart still burns for you. If you don’t know by now that you’re my only one, then take a look inside me and watch my heart strings come undone. I know I promised you forever. Is there no stronger word I can use? To reassure you when the storm is ragin’ outside; you’re my safest place to hide.”


	6. Chapter 6

Lance sighed as he sat in his driveway in the early morning. The sun was already warming the temperatures. He breathed in again before releasing the pent up air as he bent forward grabbing at the toes on his right foot in a stretch. His iPod lay on the ground beside him; the headphones still wrapped around the device. Normally he’d already have the music playing as he would stretch out before his morning run, but this morning he couldn’t bring himself to get interested. In the running or the music.

He sat up from the stretch, letting his eyes wander around. He yawned and rubbed his face and sighed again. It had been one of the longest nights he ever remembered having. Sleep had been slow in coming. Even then it wasn’t peaceful. He tossed and turned all night. The nagging in the back of his mind that something was wrong. It was a feeling he couldn’t shake.

He awoke constantly throughout the night rolling over to check his cell phone on the table next to his bed. He didn’t know how many times he thought he heard it ring only to find out there were no missed calls and no new messages. Before rolling back over, he’d double check the volume to make sure it was all the way up and it wasn’t on vibrate. The process would be repeated multiple times before he finally would succumb to sleep.

Deciding he had enough stretching, he jumped to his feet. Bending over, he snatched his iPod off the cement. As he walked down his driveway to the road he unwound the headphones, slipping them on his head and over his ears. He stood on the sidewalk in his t-shirt and shorts and fiddled with the device finding the playlist he wanted to listen to this morning. Finally he was ready to go.

He tried getting into the music, but it wasn’t working. His mind wandered and if quizzed he wouldn’t have been able to answer any of the songs that had played. Music wasn’t not doing it for him. The run was slow, not nearly as fast as he normally ran. Usually he would take off running, music filling his mind and he’d forget about everything but the songs in his head and his feet hitting the pavement. This time it was a chore. He pushed himself to run his normal route and by the time he returned to his house he was worn out. It felt like he had ran twice as long and twice as far as he actually did.

The ice cold water Lance grabbed from his fridge felt heavenly as he gulped it down, standing in his kitchen. He drank greedily; half the bottle gone before he took a breath. He took a couple deep breaths trying to slow his heart rate. Sipping at the drink he made his way to his bedroom. Usually after his run, he lifted but with the way his body was feeling, he wouldn’t be able to get through his routine. 

Lance stripped off his sweaty clothes, tossing them into his clothes basket before walking into the bathroom. He started the shower turning the water to as hot as he could stand it. He caught his reflection in the mirror and was taken aback by his rough appearance. His green eyes lacked their usual brightness and light. The dull, bleak eyes sat on dark shadows; his lips thin and dipped downward. His dark blonde hair stuck up in spikes a result of running his hands through it. More stubble graced his cheeks and jaw line than usual and it took him a moment to remember that he hadn’t shaved the day before.

He stepped into the shower letting the water beat down on his body. It pounded his skin, working the muscles. He leaned down, letting the water hit the back of his neck. He closed his eyes as some of the water ran down his face. After he washed up, he stepped from the shower and dried himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist. He stopped in front of the mirror. He gripped the counter, leaning on it as he stared at his reflection.

He sighed and looked away and walked into the bedroom where he got dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt. His feet stayed bare. He sat on the edge of his bed. The covers twisted and un-tucked, proof of the kind of night he had. He grabbed his phone once more and tapped the button and unlocked it. 

Unable to take the silence and the bad feeling that still coursed through his body he highlighted Rachel’s name and connected the call. He held the phone to his ear and listened through the silence. The phone never rang. His sister’s voicemail picked up directly. He ended the call without leaving a message. He hadn’t expected the phone to ring. The first thing they would have done was turn off the phones so they wouldn’t be interrupted. He didn’t blame them. But in this case, it wasn’t helping his worry any.

Knowing what to expect, he connected to Nick’s phone anyway. Even knowing, he had still hoped it would ring, but his had gone straight to voicemail as well. He stared at his phone fighting with himself before pulling up his message and sending one to Rachel.

_‘Please call me.’_

With a glance at the time, he knew it was too early to expect Rachel or Nick to be up and moving. He wasn’t sure what time they were going to be on the road home, but he figured with the drive time, they wouldn’t leave later than noon. So he had until then to curb his worry and try not to call every ten minutes. He needed to do something to keep his mind off his sister.

In his office, he sat at his desk with his calendar open on his laptop. Typed in all capital letters in bold print under today’s date was, _‘dinner with Nickel’_. He rolled his eyes at the entry, a small smile on his lips. Rachel’s doing no doubt. For some mysterious reason, his sister loved the nickname the media had coined for her and Nick. And Lance supposed it could have been a lot worse. He wondered, as he stared at the entry how long it would be until it would change from _‘dinner with Nickel’_ to _‘dinner with the Carter’s’_. After a five year relationship, he figured marriage would be coming soon. It was the obvious next step.

A new feeling ripped through him as his mind jumped from his sister’s five year relationship to his own five year relationship; his failed five year relationship. He closed his eyes and fought to keep the memories from resurfacing. He didn’t want to think about that time. That was hard in itself. The happiest memories in his life were interwoven with the worst heartbreak he had ever felt. He couldn’t think of the fun times he had with NSYNC without thinking of JC.

“This is getting me nowhere,” he said and slammed his thoughts shut, burying them back in the corner of his heart. Once he was sure his sister was safe, maybe he’d let those thoughts and feelings out so he could examine them and start to move on. After ten years he should have been completely moved on, but sometimes the pain hurt just like it was recent. He groaned realizing his thoughts had swung back around to JC. He clenched his jaw and stared at the computer and forced himself to look at his schedule for the upcoming week.

When his eyes drifted back to his phone for the third time he slammed his palms against his desk in frustration. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He had gone over his schedule, scrolled through his Twitter timeline, checked his public Facebook page and looked at his schedule for the week again. When he caught himself looking at his schedule for the sixth time, he knew trying to keep busy wasn’t working. Time wasn’t moving fast enough. The whole time, his phone stayed silent.

Knowing it wasn’t working, Lance stood up from his desk pocketing his phone. He made his way to the kitchen and started looking in his pantry thinking about what he was going to make for dinner. He sighed seeing nothing pop out at him. Maybe they should go out to eat. He quickly scratched that idea knowing that after a weekend of camping, the last thing Rachel or Nick would want to do was go out.

An idea came to mind and he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Before making the call he fruitlessly checked his call log and messages. Nothing. He sighed and connected the call, waiting as it rang.

“Lance! My favorite gay man,” Joey’s voice boomed through the receiver. Definitely too loud for the early hour. “Tell me, have you shagged yourself a man yet or are you still hung up on Chasez’s skinny ass? Let me tell you, I don’t know what you saw in him anyway… not enough meat on his bones for my blood. And his nose definitely doesn’t go with his face.’

“There is plenty of meat on his bones and his face is just fine,” Lance spoke, his free hand clenching. He knew Joey didn’t meant anything by it, but he was irritated. He was trying not to think of JC and he’s the first person Joey brings up completely out of the blue.

“You would like his face. Me –”

“I didn’t call you to talk about JC, Joey,” Lance spoke, his voice deepening.

“Right. So what do I owe the pleasure of two phone calls in as many days?”

“Nick and Rachel are coming over tonight for dinner. I wanted a recipe.”

“Can’t look it up on the net?”

Lance sighed. “Fine, Joey.”

“Don’t hang up Lance. I’ll send you whatever recipe you want.’

“That meatball sub casserole.”

“Good choice,” Joey reached for his iPad, shouldering his cell phone. He searched through the recipes he had written down before finding the one Lance was talking about. A few minutes later, he had emailed it to Lance. “Sent. Now, you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Joey. I’m just called to get a recipe. You’re the one who’s bringing up the past.”

“It’s been ten years, Lance,” Joey spoke softly. “It’s time to move on.”

“I have moved on. I’m fine.”

“Yeah,” Joey sighed and shook his head. “That’s why you won’t talk about it.’

“What’s there to talk about?” Lance’s voice rose. “Me and JC dated. I loved him, I thought he loved me. He didn’t. We broke up and he’s screwing women to prove to himself that he’s not gay.”

Joey whistled. _‘Moved on, my ass,’_ he thought. “Does it make you ill to see him give love and attention at their will? Do you lie awake and drive yourself crazy?”

“Bye bye bye Joey.” Lance said as he ended the call. He sighed when it immediately rang again. “Yes, Joseph?”

“Sorry man. Tell me what’s going on? Have you heard from Rachel yet?”

Lance sighed again and leaned on one of the bar stools in his kitchen. “No. They are supposed to be heading back today. She was gonna call when they left.”

“Well it’s still early yet. You know they won’t be getting up early. Hell they can probably barely move after…’

“Joey I really don’t want to hear about my sister’s sex life. Especially from you. I know it’s early, that’s why I’m not completely freaking out right now.”

“Have you tried calling?”

“Yes and it goes straight to voicemail. I sent a text so when she turns her phone on she’ll get it.”

“You sure this feeling is legit? It’s not a combination of things in your life?” Joey questioned slowly. “Maybe your radar is out of whack?”

“It doesn’t work like that Joey. She’s my twin. We’re always connected. You can’t turn it off on a whim.”

“Do you want me to come down there? We can drive to their campsite…”

“I don’t know,” Lance sighed. “I just… I feel something’s wrong but…”

“Have you ever been wrong before?” Joey asked gently.

“No.”

“What do you want to do Lance?”

“I don’t know.”

*~*

“What’s one talent you wish you had?” Nick’s voice broke the silence as they trudge through the woods in the early afternoon. The mood was somber and quiet. The sun peaked through the tops of the trees casting few spots of warmth. When they’d take a rest, they made sure to pick those spots; allowing the sun to warm them.

“Drawing. Why?” Rachel asked as she walked next to him; her hand holding his. She kept her eyes peeled for signs of civilization as well as an unsuspecting visitors much like the bear from yesterday. She felt a shiver run through her as she remembered how scared she felt seeing Nick lying on the ground, the bear over him. She slept as poorly as to be expected. Not only was she scared, cold and damp, she was plagued with nightmares of Nick and the bear. 

“Twenty questions,” Nick said. “It’s too quiet. Starting to get to me. And it’s either that or I Spy.” He looked at her, managing a smile. “As much as I’d love to see you pissed off as you try to guess the tree I’m spying, I figure this is better for my health.”

“Depends on which questions you ask.” Rachel looked at him with a smirk. “Just remember that because for every question you ask, I get to ask one.”

“Bring it on, Bass.”

“To answer your first question, it’s drawing. I would love to be able to sit anywhere and pick up a pencil and just draw. Draw a scene in front of me, draw a person. I think that’s an amazing talent to have. Dumbest thing you’ve ever done?”

“There’s so many,” Nick said as he held up their joined hands. The sleeve of his hoodie slid down slightly, revealing the beginnings of a tattoo. “This ranks up there pretty high.” Beneath the sleeve on his wrist was a skull and crossbones with a ribbon below it proclaiming _‘old habits die hard’_. He had gotten the tattoo in 2004 to cover up the name _‘Paris’_ that he had gotten inked on his skin when he had been dating Paris Hilton.

“Yeah,” Rachel nodded. “That was pretty dumb. I’d never get someone’s name tattooed on my body. So many unknowns.”

“What? This isn’t true love?”

“Of course this is true love,” Rachel smiled at him, squeezing his hand. “But I’m still not getting your name tattooed on my body. Don’t take it personally, I wouldn’t get your name, my name, or even a butterfly. Absolutely no way.” She shivered. “And that was question number two for you. My turn again.”

“What? No way!”

“Sorry. If I wanted to get technical I could say you asked questions two and three. But I’ll only charge you one.”

“Jeez,” Nick muttered. “Alright Lady, ask your question. But I’ve got my eye on you.”

“Where the rumors about you and Paris true or greatly over exaggerated?”

Nick stopped walking and looked at Rachel. The question caught him off guard. He stared into her eyes, searching the questioning gaze. He opened his mouth to answer with a question but he snapped it shut, knowing she’d take it as one of his questions. “Definitely over exaggerated and false. I never ever laid a hand on her or any other woman. I would never hit a woman. Ever.”

Rachel smiled softly as she looked at him. “I know that Nick. I know you wouldn’t. I don’t like bringing up past girlfriends but I’ve kind of always wanted to know the answer to the question.”

“My relationship with Paris should have never happened. We were all wrong for each other. I was being played. We both cheated on each other and when we finally decided to end the disaster she tries to smear my name by proclaiming I was abusive. She’s just a spoiled socialite who is used to getting whatever she wants.” He leaned down kissed her before starting to walk again. “First celeb crush? The guy whose poster covered your bedroom wall.”

“Justin of course!” Rachel giggled at the look on Nick’s face. “Just kidding! Joey McIntyre. He was so hot. Still is.” She smiled sweetly at Nick. “I finally met him back in oh-seven when Lance was on _Dancing with the Stars_. He had been on the first season. I was a bumbling idiot. I was barely able to keep my fan girl in check.”

“I think this was something I should have known before we went on tour with them.”

“Nah, by the time that happened I was cool with him.”

Nick gave Rachel a look that showed he didn’t believe her. “Right. Did he know he adorned your bedroom wall?”

“That’s another question and yes he did. Lance and Joey, Fatone that is, made sure he knew. But he was cool about it. Of course he figured it out when I cried all over him.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t know this. I can’t believe he didn’t say anything.”

“He was my first,” Rachel sighs dreamily, giggling at Nick’s unimpressed look. “Were you expecting it to be you?”

“That would have been nice. And that was your question.” Nick grinned.

“Aren’t you so smart. Sorry. You were considered the enemy. There was no talk about Backstreet Boys or playing of your songs unless of course it was Chris and he was making a parody. Which I feel uncomfortable repeating. They were really raunchy.”

“Favorite NSYNC member? And it can’t be Lance.”

“Easy. JC. And before you ask,” she continued on when she saw Nick open his mouth. “I’ll save you the question. I loved how he performed on stage, the energy he had. I especially loved how he sang, his voice. But when he was off stage, he was quiet, shy. Kind of dorky. He never got any jokes, usually ruined them and couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.”

“You keep ticking off these things you love about him, I’m gonna get jealous.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “He’s gay, Nick.”

“Is he?” Nick swore. “Damnit.”

Rachel grinned. “I’ll let that one pass or else you’re gonna run out of allotted questions. He is gay. Trust me. I saw him and my brother together and not just when I walked in on them, but other times. They were completely, hopelessly, disgustingly in love with each other. JC, he… well he just has to work out some things.” She shrugged. “I hope he figures it out soon. But it’s been ten years. I still have hope though.”

“Hopeless romantic,” Nick smiled at his girlfriend. He stopped walking and turned to stand in front her. “I like that in a woman.”

“That’s a plus in my favor,” Rachel raised up on her toes, kissing him softly. “How are you feeling?”

Nick wrapped his left arm around her waist, pulling her against his body. He rested his right hand on her hip, trying not to move it as much. The bleeding had stopped the night before. But every so often he’d move his arm, forgetting and tear it open again. “I’m okay. Just a couple scratches.’

“Scratches,” Rachel scoffed. “A cat scratches Nick. A bear mauls.”

“I’m okay.” Nick repeated softly, kissing her forehead. “Let’s sit and rest for awhile.” He didn’t give Rachel a choice. He eased himself to the ground and leaned back against the tree and tugged Rachel down to his lap. The tree he had picked had been placed in the right spot where the sun had a window to shine through. The spot was warm.

Rachel leaned against him, sighing when his arms wrapped around her middle. His right arm lagged behind his left. She placed her arms on his and closed hers sending a prayer of thanks to the sky above that Nick wasn’t hurt more than he was; that they were alive and together. The last one was huge to her. She couldn’t imagine being in the woods by herself; wandering around lost; spending the night alone in the darkness. She shivered.

“You okay?” Nick murmured pressing his cheek against her head, tightening his arms around her. He bit back a grimace as the skin on his right arm pulled.

Rachel nodded, feeling the tears prick in her eyes. “I’m glad we’re together, Nick; so glad.” She turned her body and pressed her face against his chest, worming her arms around his middle.

“Me too,” Nick whispered, holding her tight. “Me too.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Damnit Rachel; _call me!_ ” Lance tapped the end button, disconnecting the call. He stared at the clock on his cable box and rubbed his face. It was already after two. He had been able to tell himself all morning the reason he hadn’t heard from his sister or Nick was because they hadn’t got on the road yet. But now he couldn’t use that excuse anymore. They should have been well on their way ready knowing they had to be at his house at six.

He lifted his phone again and scrolled through the contacts until he came to Nick’s number. He pressed his name, connecting the call. In his ear he heard the voicemail message start. Each time he called Rachel’s cell phone or Nick’s he had been taken directly to voicemail. There was no way their phones could still be off.

“Nick, it’s Lance. Give me a call.”

He paced back and forth in his living room trying to think of an explanation that warranted them not calling him. He couldn’t think of one that placated him. Every one he thought made him worry more. He pictured them tumbling down a hillside; standing on a ledge that gives way, dropping them to the depths below. He saw them wandering around lost. He saw them being chased by wild life. He imagined them in every possible scenario.

Lance grabbed his iPad from the coffee table and pulled up the information Rachel had given him before she left. As he dialed the number he felt like an overprotective father. He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a voice ion the other end of the phone. “Yes,Carl; I’m calling because my sister is camping there along with her boyfriend. They were supposed to already be on their way home and I haven’t heard from them yet.” He chuckled slightly, “I’m worried.”

“Well Sir,” Carl stated, shouldering the phone. “I can not give out that sort of information.”

Lance tightened the grip on his phone, clenching his eyes closed. He took a deep breath. “What do you mean you can’t give out that sort of information? I just want to know if my sister is still there? She’s the one who gave me this number to call.”

“Sir, I can’t just go handing out information like that to anyone who calls…”

“It’s not privileged information! I’m worried about my sister. She went camping. She was supposed to call me this morning when she was leaving. She hasn’t called. I can’t get a hold of her on her cell phone. I just want to know if she’s still there.”

Carl sighed, “Listen, we have designated camping areas in the park,” he explained. “Sometimes we get… ‘extremists’ who don’t want to camp in a nice family setting. They want to camp out there,” even though he was on the phone, his hand spanned out in front of him indicting the forest beyond the office. “I blame those survival shows. TV makes it look so easy…”

Lance felt himself fill with dread as he listened to Carl’s words. He had the feeling that Nick and Rachel didn’t want to camp in one of the designated camping areas. Not because they wanted to challenge themselves about the great outdoors and surviving. They would have wanted privacy. He swallowed thickly. “Is there anyway to know if my sister is still there?”

“We take down license plates when guests check in,” Carl sighed, pushed by the worry in the man’s voice on the other end of the line. “It lets us know if there is something going on… I’ll spare you the details. Give me your sister’s name, I’ll check to see if her vehicle is still in the parking areas.

“Thank you so much, Sir,” Lance breathed a sigh of relief. “My sister is Rachel Bass. She’s camping with her boyfriend Nick Carter. They took his vehicle.”

Carl noted the name as he wrote it down on a piece of scrap paper. “What’s your name and number Sir?”

“Lance Bass,” Lance said and gave both his cell phone and home phone numbers. “Thank you so much.”

*~*

“Thank you,” Lance said before he ended the phone call with Carl. He buried his head in his hands as he thought about the information he had just received. Nick’s Cherokee was still in the parking lot. They hadn’t left. Worry settled in taking up permanent residence. The clocked pushed past three in the afternoon. All the excuses he had thought up earlier came back. He now was leaning toward more of the drastic ones. This couldn’t be a simple case of oversleeping. He could feel it.

He sat up and grabbed his cell phone and scrolled through the contacts until he found the number he wanted. He listened through the ringing before the voice on the other end pick up. “Hey Brian, it’s Lance.”

“Hey Lance. How are you doing?” Brian Littrell reached for the remote, muting the television. He leaned back against the couch in the rented beach house he was sharing with Kevin while they recorded their new album. He knew he could have stayed with Nick and normally would have since Leighanne hadn’t made the trip, staying home because Baylee had school, but decided to stay with Kevin instead, whose own wife had stayed home as well.

“Not good,” Lance answered truthfully.

Brian straightened hearing the tone in Lance’s voice. He considered Lance a friend after having gotten to know the man when Nick started dating Rachel. When they were able, they hung out a lot; Lance, Nick, Rachel and himself. There was only one reason Lance would be calling him “What’s wrong with Nick?”

Lance sighed. “Have you heard from him? Has he called you?” Lance knew if Nick would call anyone, he would call Brian first. They had been best friends from the moment they met back when Backstreet Boys was first formed.

“I talked to him Friday,” Brian said. “He was getting ready to leave to go camping with Rachel.’

“You didn’t hear from him today?”

“No. I really didn’t expect to hear from him at all unless he sends me a text later. What’s going on Lance?”

“Rachel was supposed to let me knew when they left. I haven’t heard from her yet. Both their cell phones go straight to voicemail. I call the number she left and they said Nick’s vehicle is still there,” he filled Brian in as he resumed his earlier pacing.

“And you think something is wrong?” Brian asked but he had to admit he was worried now too. Nick had told him Friday they were leaving Sunday morning when they woke and got packed up. He knew his best friend and knew that could have meant noon-ish but three in the afternoon?

“Something’s off Brian. This whole trip’s felt off to me,” Lance spoke. He had been hoping Nick had called Brian.

“Twin thing?”

There was no teasing in Brian’s voice or skepticism. Lance knew a lot of people didn’t believe he and Rachel had connection. He finally stopped trying to convince people. They either believed or they didn’t. “Yes,” Lance said simply. “I’ve put it off morning thinking they’re just dragging their feet. But not this late. She would have called if they were this late.”

“What do you want to do?” Brian asked already planning to help out. He’ll gladly take any of Nick’s teasing if they all turned out to be nothing.

“I’m going to drive up there and see what’s going on. If it turns out to be a wasted trip, oh well, but if not…” Lance let his voice trail off. He didn’t want to think about it being a necessary trip.

“I’ll go with you,” Brian said immediately. “I’m on the way, just stop and pick me up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Nick’s my best friend. If you think something’s not right, I trust that. I’d rather endure teasing from Nick about being overprotective then do nothing at all. Do you remember where I’m staying?”

“Yeah,” Lance said, remembering the beach house Brian was staying after going there with his sister a couple of times for dinner. “I’m leaving right now; I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

*~*

Her feet hurt. There was no way else to explain. They had been walking most of the morning searching for something, anything to help them. So far their efforts have turned up empty. They hadn’t come across any trails or found any other campers or hikers. But still, they kept on walking.

The sun warmed them. The temperatures definitely higher then they had been yesterday. It dried their clothes, dried their hair. Unfortunately their shoes were still damp, which meant their socks were as well. But they had no way to rectify that. She was sure she had a couple of blisters, but just continued walking. What was she supposed to do about it?

The ground was still soggy and wet from the rains yesterday. In some places their boots sunk in the mud. In other places, their boot prints were marred by smears where they lost their footing and slipped. As if conjuring it, her foot slipped in the mud and her arms flailed before she was able to right herself. She winced feeling her foot slid inside her boot, rubbing her skin and wet sock against the fabric.

Her stomach growled and she ignored it. It was another problem that she couldn’t do anything about. Neither of them had eaten since lunch the day before. But that wasn’t something she could immediately rectify either. She didn’t think a McDonalds would pop up around the corner. Her stomach growled against as her mind pictured a McDouble and fries.

“Nick,” she spoke up. “Can we stop walking?” She wasn’t sure of the miles they walked. She wasn’t even sure of the direction they were walking in. If she stopped to take a look at the sun, she was sure she could figure it out. But they hadn’t come across anything.

“It’s gonna be dark soon,’ Nick answered and he continued leading the way. “We need to cover as much ground as possible.”

“Cover as much ground to where, Nick?” Rachel stopped walking. “Where are we heading? Toward help or further away? Because I’m not sure where the hell we are going.”

“Would you like to take lead?” Nick spun around, he could feel his temper hanging by a thread and he fought to keep it reigned. He was tired and hungry. He was in pain. The scratches on his arm were tingling and his skin pulling at the cuts. He was sure one of the gouges was bleeding again, but he didn’t want to stop to check. They only had so much daylight to contend with before darkness settled in on them. Since they were without light, where ever they were when darkness happened, that was the spot they were in for the night.

“Lead us where?” Rachel asked. “Where exactly are you leading us Nick?”

“I’m trying to get us out of here! I’m trying to find someone who could help us. I’m trying to find a place were we can sleep tonight if we aren’t rescued.”

“Is help in this direction, Nick? Because we’ve been walking all this way and haven’t come across anything.”

“Oh I don’t know; how about I pull up Google maps and check?” Nick said, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. He reached into his front pocket and pulled out Rachel’s cell phone. He held it up in the air, the screen facing her, so she could see it. “Oh that’s right, it’s dead!” He shoved the useless device in his pocket. “Any other bright ideas?”

“Do not mock me, Nickolas,” Rachel glared at him, crossing her arms. “And stop yelling at me. I am merely suggesting that maybe we should go in another direction.”

“And which way do you want to go?” Nick asked as he spun around, scanning their surroundings. “Would you like to go back the direction we came? Maybe we’ll run into Yogi again? Or how about in this direction?” He turned to the left looking at the desolate trees and bushes. “Looks promising.” He did a one-eighty. “Or how about this direction? It looks just as promising.” He looked back at Rachel. “Maybe we should split up. I’ll in this direction and you go in that direction. If you find help first I guess you know what you’re talking about.”

Rachel pursed her lips as stared at Nick. Tears filled her eyes and she struggled to keep them from falling. “Here’s a better idea;” she spoke softly. “I’ll go this way and you can go to hell.” She brushed passed him walking away leaving him standing by himself. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she hastily brushed them away with her fingers.

 _‘What the heck just happened?’_ She wondered as she stepped over a fallen tree. How had that spiraled out of control so quickly? What was she doing walking away? It was a stupid idea to split up. It solved nothing for them to separate and continue on their own. It was definitely more dangerous. 

She paused as the elevation in front of her changed. She was sure they hadn’t been walking up hill; at least that’s what her calves told her. But before her sat a decline. Combined with the decline and wet ground, they would definitely have to be careful going down. One wrong move could send them tumbling down and into the wrong end of a tree.

She closed her eyes, taking a breath. This ‘fight’ was stupid. They had no reason to be yelling at each other. They were tired, hurt, scared, cold; their emotions running high. They needed each other. They needed to be together. She didn’t want to be alone. She sure didn’t want to be alone when night fell and it became pitch dark.

She spun on her heel intending to turn around and walk back to Nick. The combination of the slick mud beneath of feet and the decline sent her off balance. She shrieked as she lost her balance and started tumbling down.

“Rachel!” Nick yelled when he heard Rachel’s scream. He took off running in the direction Rachel had walked off in, nearly stumbling when he hurdled over the fallen tree. He looked in all directions, his eyes wide and panicking when he failed to catch his girlfriend in his sights. “Rachel!” He yelled again, following a straight path. His shoulder ignited in pain as he pumped his arms.

He skidded to a stop barely keeping himself from barreling down the side. At the speed he was running, it would have been a disaster. Breathing heavily, his eyes darted around. His breath caught when he saw Rachel crumbled on the ground about halfway down.

“Oh God,” he gasped. “Rachel!” He moved into action. He started down the incline, slipping a little before he gathered his footing once more. _‘Please let her be okay,’_ he repeated in his mind over and over as he got closer. His heart was lodged in his throat; his brain thinking of every imaginable possibility. Nothing good.

“Rachel,” he breathed as he fell to his knees next to her. Mud soaked into the knees of his pants. She lay limp on the ground, covered in dirt and leaves, twigs caught in her hair and on her hoodie. He reached out pressing his fingers against her neck and nearly gasped in relief when he felt her pulse. “Rachel,” he patted her cheeks, trying to arouse her. “Come on Baby, wake up.” He brushed away the leaves and twigs clinging to her. “Come on; let me see those beautiful green eyes of yours.”

He fingered a knot on her forehead, pressing lightly. She must have hit her head on something during the fall. He glanced back up the hill, but with all the debris littering the ground, it was hard to tell. His eyes dropped back to Rachel’s face when he heard her moan. “That’s it; open your eyes for me.” He coached. He reached for one of her hands, clasping it tightly in his, while his other palmed her cheek. “Let me see those green eyes of yours.’

“Nick?” Rachel whispered tightening her fingers around his hand. She moaned softly pressing against the hand on her face.

“I’m right here, Baby.” Nick spoke softly. He leaned over her, watching as her eyes blinked. “Hey,” he smiled down at her seeing her stared up at him. He watched as the confusion left and her eyes cleared. “No, don’t move,” he pressed a hand to her chest, keeping her on the ground. “Tell me what hurts.”

“I think I broke a nail,” a small smile grew on her lips as she stared into Nick’s blue eyes.

Nick couldn’t help the relieved chuckle that escaped. He pressed his forehead against hers, mindful of the bump. His eyes drifted shut as his shoulders shook with laughter. When his eyes opened, his laughter quieted seeing her green eyes filled with tears. He drew back, “What’s wrong? What hurts?”

Rachel closed her eyes and breathed slowly before she began to take inventory. “My head,” she whispered feeling as if she was slightly hung-over. There was a light pounding in her temple.

“You must have hit your head on something on the way down,” Nick lightly grazed the bump on her head, pulling away when Rachel winced. “What else?”

“You mean other than the fact that I feel like a shaken Raggedy Ann doll?” She took a breath breathing it out slowly. She gripped his hand trying to use it as leverage to sit up. She felt Nick wrap an arm behind her, helping her into a sitting position. She winced, biting her lip as pain shot through her foot when she moved it.

“What? What’s wrong?” Nick asked, catching her eyes with his worried gaze. “Tell me what hurts.”

“I’m okay,” Rachel breathed, pressing the side of her head against his chest. She let her eyes drift shut through Nick’s movements as he shifted his body allowing her to rest more firmly against him.

He held her to him, releasing a shuddering breath. He rested his head against hers, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I was a dickhead.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Rachel whispered. “We’re not gonna solve anything by fighting with each other.” She lifted her head from Nick’s chest so she could look at him. She gasped, catching sight of his hoodie. She quickly turned toward him, ignoring her own protesting body and pushed her hands beneath his hoodie.

Nick flinched slight at the feeling of Rachel’s cold hands on his stomach. “All you had to do was ask if you wanted me naked,” he said with an amused look on his face as Rachel pushed his hoodie up.

“You’re bleeding again,” Rachel said as she pulled his uninjured arm from sleeve. She tugged at the article of clothing and waited as Nick finally helped her remove it from his body. She reached out touching the wound tenderly.

“I must have reopened them when I was running,” Nick stated as he stared down at the ugly marks marring his shoulder and down his arm. Fresh blood trickled down his skin.

“We left your shirt behind didn’t we?” Rachel asked already knowing the answer. She pulled her hands away from his body and grabbed her own hoodie, whipping it over her head.

“What are you doing?” Nick asked watching as she took the t-shirt she had on underneath off as well. He frowned seeing the slight discoloration on her side. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Rachel asked distractedly as she stared at Nick’s arm and down at her shirt before she started folding it.

“This,” Nick touched Rachel’s side watching as she tensed, pulling away from his touch. He looked at Rachel’s face seeing a tear roll down her cheek. “Rachel…”

“I don’t think they’re broken. Maybe bruised,” Rachel said, keeping her hands busy with the t-shirt. She stared at the smudge blood print. Nick’s blood; transferred by her hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nick’s voice rose before he clamped his jaw shut. The last thing they needed was to get into another fight. “Rachel…” he pleaded. This time his voice was softer.

“Please let me put this on your arm to stop the bleeding,” Rachel told him quietly, meeting his gaze. “Then I promise you can poke and prod all you want.” She held his gaze until he nodded. She gave him the barest of smiles before she turned her attention back to his arm. She couldn’t cover the wound completely, especially not with just a t-shirt. She couldn’t wrap it over his shoulder properly. She had to settle for wrapping her t-shirt around his bicep. She made sure it was tight before she tucked the end beneath the wound shirt at his armpit. It would do for now.

“Your turn,” Nick said immediately when she was done. He pressed against Rachel’s side over the discoloration, gingerly; apologizing when she let out a gasp. “Are you sure they aren’t broken?”

“I’m sure Nick,” she grasped his hand giving it a squeeze. “It’s not that painful. Okay it does hurt,” she relented at his look. “But by the amount of pain I’m in, I’m sure they aren’t broken. The only way to really tell if they are broken is an x-ray.”

“Professional opinion?” Nick asked.

“I may not have actively held a job in my field for almost five years, but you don’t forget things like that.” Rachel told him. After graduating high school, she went on to college where she gradated with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She worked in an emergency room in Pasadena, California. She continued to work through the first year of her relationship with Nick and their break up. When they got back together and settled into a more solid relationship, she quit her job so she could tour with him. Each year she took classes and did everything she could to keep her license current.

“Positive?” Nick asked again. He sighed and picked up the hoodie lying on her lap. “As much as I love looking at your chest,” he bunched it up before he stuck it over her head. When her head popped through he kissed her quickly before helping her thread her arms through. He bit his tongue at the wince he saw wash over her face when she lifted her left arm. He didn’t say anything trusting her to tell him if her injury was serious; he just helped her put her arm through the sleeve.

“Positive.” She held his hoodie in her hand returning the favor, helping him slide it on. Once they were dressed, she looked at him. “Now what?”

“We’re gonna lose daylight in a couple hours,” Nick looked up at the sky, the sun already on its descent. “Let’s get back to flat ground and look for a place to hole up for the night.”

“Okay,” Rachel waited for Nick to stand up and reach down to help her stand. She yelped and leaned heavily against him, bending her knee taking the weight off her left foot.

“What?” Nick asked immediately. “What’s wrong?” He looked down at her foot. “Damnit, why didn’t you tell me? Sit back down.”

“No,” Rachel shook her head. She hissed as she pressed her foot back to the ground, applying weight on it. “I’m okay. It’s not broken; I probably just knocked it against a rock or something on the way down.”

“Rachel,” Nick groaned.

“Nick, I can get down this hill and make it until we find a place. Then you can fuss ‘til your heart’s content.” Rachel stared at him, pleading silently for him to agree with her.

“Alright,” Nick took her hand biting back his objections. Each day brought something new. First they were drenched, then he tackled with a bear and they lost their gear. Now Rachel injured herself. Night was settling upon them once more. Again they had no warmth, no shelter and more importantly no food. And as far as they knew, no one was looking for them. In conditions like the ones they were facing, it wasn’t going to take long before things got drastically worse.


	8. Chapter 8

Dawn broke in northern California Monday morning. Before people were even waking up to begin the new work week, Lance and Brian were already out the door of the hotel and heading back toward the ranger station of the Sequoia National Forest. By the time they had driven the four hours from Los Angeles, it had been too late to do anything more than see that Nick’s vehicle was still sitting in the parking lot. Night had already fallen.

He had checked into the closest hotel to the forest. Brian had a room next to his, but they spent much of the night in one room, pouring over Lance’s iPad looking up information on the forest. What they found filled them with dread. The forest was huge; over a million acres. How could they expect to find two people in such a large amount of space? How did they even begin to look for them?

“I need to call the guys.” Brian’s voice broke the silence of the car. The radio wasn’t even turned on. “I should have done it last night, but…” his voice trailed off. He had been hoping by the time morning broke, Nick and Rachel would be safe and sound.

Lance hadn’t even thought about phoning the rest of the Backstreet Boys, let alone his parents and Stacy. He ran a hand through his hair. “Damn. I need to call my parents.”

“I’m hoping we’ll pull into the parking lot and they’ll be putting their things in the vehicle. They’ll be flustered trying to come up with an excuse we’ll buy for why they didn’t return yesterday.”

“Me too.”

But it was all wishful thinking. They pulled into the parking lot and like a flashing marquee sign on the Vegas strip sat Nick’s Cherokee. There was a different feel over the grounds as rangers hustled around, joined by deputies from the sheriff’s department and deputies from the State Highway Patrol office.

When Lance climbed out of his car, he was converged upon. He walked away with the sheriff and the head park ranger leaving Brian alone to make his phone calls.

“Do you have a current photo of your sister and her boyfriend?” The sheriff, who introduced himself as Michael White, asked.

Lance swallowed a smart reply. He thought it was wasting time to be passing out photos of two people who were photographed regularly enough. _‘He’s only doing his job,’_ he told himself. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and scrolled through his photos until he came across the phone of Rachel and Nick he’d taken last week.

“Good,” Sheriff Green nodded as he took the phone and motioned for Lance to follow him. They made their way into the ranger station to a desk with a computer already up and running. An older woman sat behind it. “Marilyn,” he handed the phone over. “Start printing flyers.”

“Yes, Sheriff,” Marilyn took the phone and expertly extracted the photo and before long as the printer buzzing as it spit out copy after copy. Lance was sad to think this wasn’t the first time she had done this. “Such a lovely couple,” she said absently as she took the first batch of flyers and passed them to the sheriff. “I’ll start handing them out as more print off.”

“Good. Very good.” Green nodded. “We’re organizing a search party as we speak. I’ve coordinated with the rangers and we were able to find one who remembered seeing your sister and her boyfriend on the trail. That will give us a starting point to start searching.” He looked up when Brian entered the room.

“They are on their way,” he stated, looking at Nick. The phone call to Kevin had been tough. He had gotten choked up when he had to tell his cousin that Nick was lost in the forest.

“We have every available person at our disposal and we’ve put out the word for volunteers,” Green went on to explain. “We put in a call for canines to help in our search, but they won’t be arriving until mid-morning, early afternoon. Names have already gone out and have been recognized. As much as we try to keep the identities under wraps, it’s just impossible. It won’t be long before local media start showing up. We can’t stop them from coming into the park, but they’ll be corralled.

“For right now, I just need you to hang tight while we get everyone on the same page, get all the details out to everyone,” he continued. “The downside, most of the people camping that might have passed by your sister and her boyfriend have left. We have someone that is going to be touching base with them to see if they can tell us anything.”

When the sheriff walked away Lance sighed and looked out the picture window into the distance at the sprawling forest. It went on forever. He took his phone from Marilyn’s desk and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Time to call his family.

*~*

Rachel tightened her arms around Nick’s waist as morning penetrated. She nuzzled his chest. She felt Nick’s hand rubbing her arm and sighed. “If I keep my eyes closed, I can almost imagine we’re home.”

“Our bed is a helluva lot more comfortable than this,” Nick’s voice vibrated in her ear. “I think there is a rock in the middle of my back.” 

“You think they are looking for us yet?” Rachel asked softly. She traced designs on Nick’s chest with her fingers.

“We were supposed to be back yesterday,” he paused, concentrating on Rachel’s fingers. He smiled, pressing his lips to her head. “I love you too.”

Rachel’s movements stilled, “Hmmm?”

“You just wrote ‘I love you’.”

“I did?” Rachel questioned. She didn’t know what she was doodling. Her mind was far off thinking about what had happened to them already and what could still be lying ahead.

“You did,” he chuckled softly. “What are you thinking about?”

“If someone is looking for us yet. How many people are out there looking? Lance would have been freaking out yesterday when I didn’t call. He really would have started freaking when we didn’t show up for dinner last night. Then I wonder if he was able to get people looking for us yesterday or if people decided we were just young lovers, caught up in our love, deciding to stay out one more day.”

“You know Lance won’t let anyone think that. And if that was the case, we definitely would have let him know we were staying another day. But you know I couldn’t do that. I had a lot of stuff scheduled today,” Nick sighed.

“I know, I just… my mind is veering toward the negative more than the positive. What if Lance did think we decided to take another day and won’t be back until today? What if the guys think you blew everything off today and they’re blowing up your cell phone bitching you out, while they cover for you.”

Nick had begun shaking his head halfway through. “Not a chance, Babe. For one, Lance would never think you didn’t just forget to call him. You know that. And not only do we have a couple interviews today, but we also have the tree lighting ceremony at The Grove. God, I hate to be on the lucky one who gets to call and cancel those appearances.”

“It’s not like you’re blowing them off because you’re throwing a celebrity fit.”

“I have never thrown a celebrity fit.”

“Ever think about it?”

“A lot,” Nick answered truthfully. “But then I think of the fallout and that’s just too much to deal with.”

“Such a mature answer,” Rachel said as she pushed up into a sitting position. She winced at the dull ache in her ankle. She reached down rubbing at her ankle through the boot she wore hoping to ease the discomfort.

“How is it feeling?” Nick asked as he sat up. His arm felt stiff but he was afraid to move it much for fear he’d break the gashes open again.

“A little sore still,” she retied the laces tighter, hoping that would give her more support. When she was done, she met Nick’s eyes again. The stubble on his face was more pronounced; she found she liked it like that.

“What?” Nick asked giving her a look.

“Nothing,” Rachel shook her head, giving a little shrug of her shoulders. “I just like the look.” She watched his lips part in a wide smile. His blue eyes sparkled.

“So facial hair turns you on, huh? How come you’re just now telling me this?”

“Hold up,” she placed a hand on his chest stopping him from leaning closer to her. “I said I liked the look. A couple days growth. I don’t mean you can go all…Billy Gibbons on me.”

“I am actually surprised you know who that is,” Nick’s eyes portrayed his shock. “I would have thought you’d mention like the Oak Ridge Boys or something.”

Rachel stuck her tongue out at him.

“Real mature, Bass,” Nick chuckled. He stood up, grimacing as his tight muscles protested. The ground definitely had not been good for his back. He stretched the best that he could only using only one arm. “So what do you want to do?” He looked down at Rachel, who was still sitting on the ground. “Stay here, keep walking in the same direction, or walk in another direction.”

“I say we walk that way,” she pointed west. “Least we know we’ll eventually hit water.

“You do realize how far away from the ocean we are right?”

Rachel shrugged. “Yeah, but it gives me an ending point. We keep walking the way we have been, we’ll end up in Oregon. Walk that way we’ll end up in Nevada. I’m not too keen about either of those options.”

“Look at you,” Nick smiled down at her. “My little compass,” he teased.

“Bite me.”

Laughter escaped him and he reached down helping her to her feet. He steadied her when she stumbled. “Whoa,” he grabbed her waist, biting his lip when he moved his injured arm too fast. “Are you okay? And truthfully this time.”

Rachel cursed herself for not getting up more slowly; for stumbling and showing Nick she was a little more injured than she first let on. She masked the pain and sent him a smile. “I told you, I just tweaked my ankle a little. No more than a sprain maybe. I’ll be fine once we start walking.”

Nick looked at her skeptically, not sure he believed her. “Alright,” he finally said. “We’ll start walking, but if it starts to hurt you better tell me and we’ll stop. Promise.”

“Promise.” Rachel nodded and took his hand as they started walking.

*~*

“Breaking news out of Porterville, California in the Sequoia National Forest,” the news anchor said. “We’re going to send it to our on scene reporter, Jenna Matthews, Jenna?”

“Thank you Karen,” Jenna said as she took point. “We are in Porterville, California, one home of the Sequoia National Forest; where this morning it was reported of two hikers gone missing. Rangers, deputies and volunteers gathered at first light to begin searching for a couple believed to be lost in the forest since yesterday. We have been able to confirm the identity of the couple as Nick Carter and Rachel Bass.”

JC Chasez’s head snapped up hearing the names. He fumbled for the remote on the couch next to him cursing when it fell to the ground. He reached for it, pressing the volume button before he even had the device trained on the television. The woman’s voice filled the room.

“Early reports indicate that Carter and his long-time girlfriend, Bass were spending the weekend camping,” Jenna spoke as the news spliced in videos of Nick and Rachel. “Authorities were notified last night by fellow Backstreet member, Brian Littrell and Lance Bass. The search, due to the darkness, was not able to begin until this morning.”

JC stared in shock at the television as the reporter went on to talk about Nick and the Backstreet Boys. The bold words in the banner on the bottom of the screen, jumped out at him.

**Backstreet Boy Missing in National Forest**

He scoffed. They couldn’t even put Rachel in the headline. But JC knew how the game was played. Nick would draw the ratings, the attention. But it didn’t mean Rachel was any less important. He sighed and leaned back against the back of his couch as he thought about the woman who he once considered a little sister; honorary sister of all the members of NSYNC

They had an easy relationship, sliding into the friends category pretty easily. They got along well. JC figured it was because they were both quiet people but he figured it had more to do with Lance than anything. Not to say he wouldn’t be friends with Rachel if not for Lance. But you couldn’t separate them. That brought a smile to his face which faltered as he focused on the television once more.

“Bass, is the twin sister of Lance Bass a former boybander with the group NSYNC,” Jenna continued and JC watched a montage of their videos came up on the screen. He rolled his eyes see their faces plastered on the news report from their music videos to them on the red carpet of an awards show.

“How is this important?” He said out loud, his voice blending over the reporters as she talked about the hiatus the group had taken and never ended. The lady was even able to drop Justin’s wedding in the report, as if that had anything to do with what was happening. He fought a groan as she went into talking about how Backstreet Boys and NSYNC were rivals. “We weren’t rivals!” He yelled at the television.

“Bass has been paired with Carter early as 2007. The couple split temporary in 2008, which in a 2009 interview, Carter described that year as a bad year where he was heavily into drugs and alcohol,” the image changed on the screen to once again show video of Rachel and Nick walking the red carpet at the Billboard awards. JC couldn’t place the date. “They started dating again in 2009 and have many wondering when they’ll be hearing wedding bells for the final bachelor of the band.”

JC wanted to laugh. So far the news report was doing a very good job at not reporting what was going on. He’s heard about Backstreet Boys’ new tour and Christmas single; AJ’s impending fatherhood and Justin’s recent marriage (which they felt inclined to mention none of the guys being guests). He also heard all about Joey’s second Dancing with the Stars stint, Chris’s engagement and Lance’s radio show. In the span of five minutes, he was caught up with the life happenings of the men he once considered in best friends.

The screen cut again, taking viewers back to the scene in Porterville.

“It has been confirmed that along with Lance Bass, all members of the Backstreet Boys are here helping in the search,” Jenna continued. “We’re hoping to get a word with them as soon as we can. Also confirmed is the acquisition of search dogs. The dogs will definitely aide in the search. Karen?”

“Definitely sad news,” Karen said as she took over. “We’ll check back in with you later Jenna.”

JC turned the volume down as the news went to a commercial. He grabbed his cell phone but his finger froze before he could search for Lance’s number. After the break-up, their friendship had fizzled. They didn’t call each other to just talk anymore. They didn’t hang out together just because. The relationship ended ten years ago and he could say that was as many times as they had seen each other.

He thought about the Halloween party he had attended where he had run into Lance. It definitely brought him up short when he caught sight of his former lover. Dressed in an outrageous clown outfit with dramatic makeup, he thought Lance had looked hot. He had been stunned when he heard his own thoughts and had quickly downed his drink. Lance had been cordial, smiling and clowning around but JC knew it was a show. Lance’s eyes never lit up; at least not the way they used to. After getting a picture of the mini ‘NSYNC’ reunion with Matthew Morrison dressing up as Justin, he hadn’t hung around very much longer. That night had been the first time in a long time he had dreamed of Lance.

Their strained relationship was almost enough to make him continue on with his day but he couldn’t get Lance out of his mind. Rachel was missing. His twin sister was missing. And JC knew how torn up Lance would be over it. The connection Lance and Rachel shared was amazing. JC had seen it work a few times. The earliest being when they were still in Germany and Lance had been severely homesick. It was back when JC hadn’t fully grasped the Bass’ relationship and chalked it up to Lance just missing his family. But when Rachel arrived in Germany, he had understood. There was a strong bond between the two of them.

It never ceased to amaze JC when Lance or Rachel could find the other in a crowded room. There was no standing on tip toes to look above the crowd for the top of a head. They could walk in a room and go directly in the direction that would lead them to each other. It brought out a chuckle as he remembered Chris suggesting once about hiding Rachel in a room somewhere in the hotel and seeing how long it would take Lance to find her.

He saw the connection really work during one of the first tours they had down in the United States. Sound check had already been done and they were goofing off, killing time before they had to take the stage. Lance had nearly collapsed to the ground in pain, would have if Joey’s quick thinking hadn’t caught him and lowered him to the floor. They all gathered around him, filled with worry, each flashing back to the moment in Europe when Lance collapsed on stage.

He remembered kneeling in front of Lance, pleading with the younger man to tell him what was wrong. In that moment he would have done anything for him, given him anything. It had taken a few minutes for Lance to answer and even then only gasping out Rachel’s name.

_‘What’s wrong Lance?’ JC leaned close to his boyfriend, the worry evident on his face. He reached out, placing his hand on Lance’s thigh, squeezing it in comfort. He watched as Lance set his hand over his. JC turned his hand over, clasping their hands together, their fingers entwined._

_‘Rachel,’ Lance whispered. His free hand clutched at his chest over his heart feeling the pain ripping through._

_‘What’s wrong with Rachel?’ Chris asked._

_‘I don’t know,’ Lance’s voice remained low, laced with pain. ‘It hurts JC.’_

_JC squeezed Lance’s hand, tears welling in his own eyes. ‘I know, Baby,’ he shifted so he was seated next to Lance. He dropped Lance’s hand to use that arm to wrap around Lance’s shoulders and pull him against him. With his free hand, he grabbed Lance’s hand again. The guys gathered around them, worried for their friend._

_‘I need to talk to her; something’s wrong. Something’s wrong, C; I feel it.’_

_JC looked up, meeting the eyes of Justin, Chris and Joey. What were they going to do?_

_‘We have to perform soon, JC,’ Justin said._

_‘Look at him,’ Joey nodded toward Lance, who was curled against JC. ‘He can’t perform like this.’_

_‘What are we going to do?’_

_JC pulled Lance closer to him, hearing the younger man sniffle. He felt tears fall down on their hands. His own cheeks were wet with tears. He hurt because Lance was hurting. ‘Call her. Get a phone and call her.’_

It was during that phone call Lance found out that Rachel had been in a car accident. It was relatively minor but Rachel had suffered a concussion and broken leg as a result. Lance still hadn’t performed a hundred percent that night and messed up a few dance moves but no one said anything. JC recalled that after that night, Chris had never teased Lance about his connection with Rachel again.

His mind was made up and he jumped from the couch and made his way upstairs. As he stuffed clothes in a duffle bag he ran through his schedule in his head, it was a very Lance thing to do. Things were panning out with the girl group he’d started but aside from that, there was nothing that couldn’t be cancelled or rescheduled. This was more important. He knew what Lance was going through right now. He knew that he was all alone.

The fact that they weren’t really speaking didn’t matter. No matter what they had gone through with the group, their relationship, JC still considered Lance one of his closest friends. None of that mattered right now. What mattered was being there for Lance and finding Rachel and Nick and bringing them home.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m gonna be on Lance’s show when we get back.”

Rachel broke the silence that settled upon them as they concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and searching for any sign of help. The sun was now high in the sky signaling the afternoon. They had walked all morning, taking few breaks here and there. The breaks were usually short and sporadic. Once they stopped to rest, it was harder to stand back up and keep walking.

“Really? You hate talking. Which is hard to believe.” The last part was murmured under his breath but by the look Rachel gave informed him she had heard. “You can’t deny that. You hate giving interviews, talking to people. You blush and stumble through words when you’re put on the spot.” Which he thought was adorable but he still made sure when they were caught to do an interview and Rachel didn’t have an out, he bailed her out. He took point on the questions, answering them. And when they specifically asked Rachel a question, he would let her talk before jumping in. 

The way she came off in those few interviews was not her personality. She acted completely different around the guys and the few people outside the group they considered close friends. She wasn’t shy by any means. She was loud and silly; quick with a sarcastic remark. He figured it was why she loved social media and Twitter so much. She could hide behind the screen and think out her answers.

“I know. But Lance is always asking me to be a peanut on the show and I always feel really bad for saying no. I just… you know think once they go on-air, I’ll clam up and not say anything. Probably wouldn’t even be able to say hi.”

“It would be alright if you do,” Nick said. “It’s not like Lance doesn’t know you. And between him and the others he always has crammed in that room, they’ll be able to carry you. It’d be much different than just you one on one with someone in front of a camera.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have to carry the whole thing.” Rachel said as she thought about it. She loved her brother’s radio show. Some nights she’d laugh herself to tears at some of the topics they discussed and the comments they made. Some of the listeners already knew about her because sometimes she would text Lance in the middle of a show with a comment and he’d read it on the air.

“I bet after the first couple of minutes, you’ll take over the show.” Nick squeezed her hand. “Lance would have to cut your mic off to get you to stop talking.”

Rachel chuckled shaking her head. “Doubtful. I don’t think the listeners would care to listen to me, a straight female.”

“I’d want to listen to you.” Nick grinned. “Of course that wouldn’t stop me from calling and asking all sorts of questions to see if I can get you flustered.”

“You wouldn’t have to try very hard.”

“No. First question I’d ask would be about the time in St. Thomas in that little cabana on the beach.” His smile widened when he saw the blush sweep across his girlfriend’s face. “There were people all around us, anyone could have happened upon us.”

Rachel felt the hotness in her face as she remembered the vacation they had taken last summer to the Virgin Islands. They had spent a week in the beautiful city. She didn’t know what had gotten into her that made her initiate the intimate moment in the cabana tent. They were right there on a popular beach, tourists all around. “I would tell them I wasn’t worried about anyone catching us. I knew it wouldn’t last very long.” She shrieked when she felt herself being spun around and pressed up against a tree. Nick crowded in front of her, his body pressed into hers.

“Wouldn’t last very long?” Nick murmured his voice thick and heavy. He stared into green eyes, shining with laughter. “You know that’s not true.” He brushed his lips across hers, lightly, teasingly. 

“No complaints from me, Babe,” she snaked her arms around his waist, moaning softly when he still teased her lips. “Nick…” She narrowed her eyes when he smirked. “And I didn’t hear any complaints about our cabana rendezvous.’

“No guy will ever complain about a blow job.’

“Well if you don’t stop teasing and kiss me, I know one man who won’t be on the receiving end of one for a very long time.”

“Yes Ma’am,” he ducked his head and settled his lips on her. When he pulled away, he dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Do you need to stop walking for awhile? You want to rest here?”

Rachel shook her head. “No, I’m good.” She laid her head on his chest “Just give me a minute.” She closed her eyes, sighing.

Nick tightened his arms around her, holding her firmly to him. He damned his injury for not being able to hold her as tight as he wanted. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and felt her hands slip beneath his hoodie. He shivered feeling the cool hands on his skin. “I love you,” he whispered into her hair.

“Love you too.” She took a breath, frowning when she failed to smell the combination of cologne, body wash and the unique scent that made up Nick. Three days and nights spent in the woods, plus getting caught in the rain had taken care of that. That didn’t mean she didn’t search for it. It was comforting. Giving up, she just sought skin contact; pressing her hands into his back.

“Good?” Nick asked when she raised her head, her hands slid down his back to settle on his hips.

“Yeah; cause I’m with you,” she furrowed her eyebrows. “Was that too cheesy?”

Nick chuckled, kissing her lips. “Yeah. But I didn’t mind.” He took her hand and once again they sat off through the woods. “Twenty questions again?”

“Sure,” Rachel shrugged. “But you do realize you are playing the game wrong right?”

“How? I ask twenty questions, you ask twenty questions…ergo, twenty questions.”

She smiled. “Twenty questions is actually you picking a person or place, an event or something. And I get to ask twenty questions to try to guess what you’re thinking about.”

“Oh,” Nick said falling silent. “Well I like this way better. So where’d we leave off? Five questions?”

“No,” Rachel shook her head, laughing. “You have asked five questions already. I only asked three.”

“No way! You’re trying to cheat me out of questions.”

“Would I do that?”

“Yes!”

“Such little faith you have in me.” Rachel rolled her eyes. The smile was still on her face. “Do I need to remind you have the questions you asked?”

“No,” Nick grumbled. He gave an exaggerated sigh. “Fine, fine, fine. You ever regret giving up your job as a nurse to tour with me? Do you miss it?”

“Of course I miss it,” Rachel answered honestly. “I loved it but,” she squeezed his hand. “I don’t regret quitting. I was working twelve hours a day, on weekends, on holidays. You were touring not just in the United States but Europe and Asia as well. We would have never gotten to see each other. Something had to change.”

“You sacrificed your career.”

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not that big of a deal.” And it really wasn’t. If she had continued working the nightshift she was on, she would have only been able to see Nick the days he was in the States, not on tour. Even then she’d be sleeping all day so she could work all night. It would have placed a lot of strain on their relationship. “Even though I loved you a ridiculous amount, I’m not sure we could have survived solely on phone calls, texts or video chats. I don’t know if you noticed, but I like spending time with you.”

Nick grinned, squeezing her hand. “I noticed.”

“If given the chance, a redo or whatnot, would you go back in time and not pick this direction?”

“Absolutely not,” Nick said, not bothering to take a moment to really think on his answer. It was plain and simple. “I love music. I love performing. The things I’ve gotten to do being a part of this group… the people I’ve meet because of the group: Kevin, AJ, Howie, Brian… You. If it wasn’t for the group I wouldn’t have met Brian. He’s my best friend. I wouldn’t have met you and that’s hard to imagine that two choices could have sent us on completely different paths in life. We would have never met if things had gone differently.”

“What choices?”

“Well one, deciding to join Backstreet Boys. Because let’s face it, if I hadn’t become part of the group, you would have never known who I was. And the other choice - I should probably send them a thank you card – is if JC, Chris, Joey and Justin hadn’t chosen Lance. Those two choices set us up. If either one of those went differently, we wouldn’t be here.”

“True. It’s hard to imagine what I’d be doing if Lance hadn’t been part of the group,” Rachel said as she thought about Nick’s words. What he said was true. If the guys had said no to Lance, he wouldn’t have toured Europe with them. He wouldn’t have been a part of the mainstream success in the United States. People knew her because they knew Lance. It was because of Lance that she was able to meet Nick. “You’re right; we should do something for them. Think they’d appreciate Backstreet Boys tickets?”

Nick laughed. “I’m not sure they’d appreciate those.”

“Chris and Joey would act like a bunch of idiots. But given enough alcohol I bet they’d storm the stage in nothing put a pair of tightie-whities.” She grinned hearing Nick’s choked cough. “Justin; I’m not sure would find the time to come. You know being busy and all. JC…” she trailed off as she thought about the lead singer. “You know, I bet he’d come because we took the time to send him tickets. He’d be too nice to turn them down.”

“Still hard pressed to find a bad thing to say about him, huh?”

“Yes damnit.”

“Name something completely outrageous you would do?”

“Hmm, wow. Uhm,” Rachel thought about the question. “I don’t know if it’s outrageous… but I would definitely, when the time comes, offer to be a surrogate for Lance.” She stumbled, nearly falling when the body of the hand she was holding stopped moving. A gasp escaped as pain climbed up her leg and she clenched her eyes shut willing it to pass. “If you need to stop, just say so.”

“You…” Nick stared at Rachel almost unbelieving. It didn’t register that he had caused her pain by his sudden stop. He was still trying to comprehend her words.

Rachel straightened and stood in front of Nick. “Are you okay?”

“You’d be a surrogate?”

“I guess I should have led you into that slowly instead of just coming right out with it. Obviously you weren’t prepared. Lance wants kids. Unfortunately when he finally gets into a relationship with that man he wants to have them with, they’ll be missing some key parts. He’s said he’d go the anonymous route because of the variables with someone you know, but I would offer.” She gave a small shrug. “I’d be the perfect person, not just to carry the baby for nine months, but to volunteer my eggs as well.”

“What?” Nick’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. He wished there was a seat around; he needed to sit down. He was feeling very steady on his feet any longer. “No wait… that’s separate things. Being a surrogate you aren’t donating your eggs… they are someone else’s.”

Rachel gave him a smile. “Nick, I know this is a shock.”

“You’re telling me.”

“When Lance meets the person he wants kids with, they’ll have to find a surrogate and donor eggs if they aren’t one in the same. And even then, genetic wise, the child will either be Lance’s or the other man’s, biologically. But think about it, follow me. I am Lance’s twin. We share the same DNA. So if I donate my eggs with Lance’s other half, the baby will really, truly be theirs.”

“You’d have sex with Lance’s boyfriend?”

Rachel palmed her forehead. She stared at her boyfriend seeing the deer-in-headlights look. His eyes looked almost glazed over. She palmed his cheeks and kissed him. She pulled slightly back, searching his blue eyes. “Hi,” she smiled. “Are you with me now?”

“I think so.” Nick shook his head trying to clear the fog. “I’m sorry. You…this… you threw me for a loop.”

“I’m sorry. I never mentioned this to him or anything. I figured I’d wait until he was in a relationship and it was to the point of kids talk. And it may never happen. Which would suck because Lance would make an awesome dad.”

“But what about your life?” Nick blurted out. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I mean what about the man in your life? What would he say?”

“I hope the man in my life at the point is still you,” she answered his question softly. Her heart stuttered at the talk of the future. Knowing his stance on marriage, she never wanted to bring up the sort of happily ever after talk. She wanted to marry him; would marry him in a heart beat, tomorrow if possible. But she didn’t want to push him into it. She was happy being with him, loving him. A piece of paper wasn’t going to make or break that. She had him and that was all that mattered. “But I’m not gonna go and offer to do something like this without talking with you first.”

“What happened if I had strong objections?”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know. That’s a big decision.”

“I know it is. Which is why I wouldn’t make it without seriously going over everything with you, with Lance, with Lance’s other half. And it would also depend on what’s going on in our life. Are we still touring like crazy and barely home? Do we…” she swallowed thickly. “Do we have children of our own?” An image of a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, a tiny replica of his father flashed through her mind and she fought to push it aside. “There would be a lot going into this decision, Nick. I wouldn’t do it if you strongly objected. If Lance said no. I said I’d offer; give Lance the chance to have children that were his and his other half. He’s lucky enough to have a twin sister that can give him that.”

“Wow,” Nick shook his head. “When I asked that question, I was almost hoping you’d say you’d be storming the stage in your panties or something.”

“Not hardly.” Rachel said dryly.

He pulled Rachel into his arms. He felt her arms wrap around her waist and blew out his breath. “I will be the man in your life for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Forever doesn’t sound long enough,” she tilted her head up accepting his kiss before laying it back on his shoulder.

“It sounds like a pretty damn good start for now.”

*~*

The day was long. The light had faded. The search had so far had yielded nothing on day one. Brian and Lance walked back with the rest of the group of searchers they had been paired with. The ranger office loomed in front of them. Other groups milled around having ended their search as well. There were tired faces, long faces, dejected ones.

Barricaded to one side of the parking lot was the media. Dozens of reporters and cameramen grouped together waiting to get any sound byte for the evening news. The magnitude of them standing, waiting alerted Lance that Nick and Rachel’s identities had been released. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. This was about to be a circus. The very last thing he wanted to do was talk to the media; tell them how worried he was, how scared.

“Brian!”

Lance turned his head hearing the shouts and watched as the three remaining Backstreet Boys surrounded and engulfed Brian. His heart hurt as he watched the scene in front of him. They hugged each other, leaning on one another as they all wiped away tears. He felt like he was an intruder. He didn’t belong in that group dynamics. Twenty years of friendship solidified them together. He was on the outside looking in.

He turned away, allowing them the time together. There were already too many eyes peeking in on the private moment. He crossed his arms in front of his body rubbing his hands up and down his forearms generating heat. Now that the sun had dropped and night setting in, the temperatures had dropped. He knew it was warmer here than it was in the northern part of the state but he still thought of his sister lost out in the woods. He didn’t know what she was wearing, if they still had their gear. Fifties and sixties might seem warm in the states that dipped down below freezing temperatures in the winter, but for California it was chilly.

His mind drifted back the welcoming party that had met Brian as they came out of the woods. There was no one waiting to meet him to offer comfort and support. His parents and older sister Stacy were in Mississippi. They wouldn’t be there until the next day at the earliest. He had a lot of friends; a lot of acquaintances but he couldn’t think of a single one he wanted there with him.

There once was a time when he’d have four brothers there with him immediately. They would have crammed into one car the moment they realized Rachel was in trouble. Each one would have done anything and everything in their power, used anything at their disposal to help. Lance would have been flanked by his four best friends. But things were completely different now.

Now, the once close, tight nit group was scattered; seemingly only held together when talks of a reunion arose. He had never thought it would end up this way, but time and space was a funny thing. He had truly believed that after a short hiatus, six months to a year at most, the group would be back in the studio working on new music. It was a new feeling, being betrayed by one of his closet friends. It took a long time to get over.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it now. Now when he needed that friendship the most, it wasn’t available anymore. No longer could he pick up the phone and make one phone call and have everything he needed because with the group grapevine, one phone would have been all it would have taken. It wasn’t the case anymore. One phone call would yield one man, if he wasn’t busy. If there was time to get away.

He frowned knowing he wasn’t being fair. Each man used the success of the group as a catapult into something else, something more. He couldn’t fault them for wanting more when he wanted to stay the same. Because really that was all he needed. His four best friends and music. The things he had in his life since then didn’t come close to what he had with them.

Justin catapulted the furthest into solo success and A-list status. Which Lance knew would happen. It wasn’t a surprise. Toward the end of NSYNC, he was getting bigger, being pushed more. He had written more songs for the album, he had sung lead more. People wanted Justin more and settled that the rest of the guys had to come with him. Until he had gone solo. Then decided that he wanted to be an actor more than a musician. And now he was married. A brand new chapter in his life, almost forever locking the days of the group in the past.

Chris, it seemed, always had a million different things going on. He could never keep up. But he tried. He tried to know, to keep up, with what his brothers were doing. The last time he’d seen Chris had been over the summer when Justin had a bachelor party down in Mexico. He’d still been the crazy guy he had been on tour. It felt great to be back around that again. To prove they weren’t as close anymore, Lance had found out about Chris’s engagement to Melissa on Twitter. He found out a significant milestone in Chris’s life the moment thousands of fans did. That made him feel pretty insignificant. 

He often wondered if the reason he and Joey still talked on the phone and got together occasionally was because he was the godfather of Joey’s oldest daughter, Briahna. It wasn’t fair to think that. They had lost touch for awhile before coming back together. Joey was usually the source of gossip on the other members of the group. He could admit that he called the older man for that gossip sometimes.

When it came to JC, Lance had drifted the furthest. It wasn’t as far as he and Justin had drifted because they had been on different waves. While Justin’s was ego and success, JC’s had been personal. Even now he felt his heart ache thinking about his former lover. It was awful to think of JC only in terms of his lover because he had been so much more. In the years following their break up, Lance had searched for the connection he had held with JC. He was still searching.

He rubbed his chest over his heart as he stared out over the vast forest. Trees reached toward the sky. His sister was out there somewhere. Lost. Maybe hurt. _‘But not alone,’_ the voice in his head said. That was the sole piece of information that had saved him from freaking out knowing that his sister wasn’t alone. Whatever had happened, where she was, she was with Nick. He knew that Nick would do everything in his power to protect his sister; to keep her safe.

He heard the footsteps walking up behind him but he didn’t turn around just continued to stare into the forest. The trees were now a cluster of shadows. “Back in ’98, we had gone to the Garth Brooks concert in Central Park. There were thousands and thousands of people crammed in there. After the concert, I don’t know what happened, but Rachel and I were separated. It was mass confusion, people trying to leave, people standing in their spots letting the crowd thin out before they moved. People going this way, people going that way. I was pushed in one direction, she in another. In the span of a minute she was gone. I knew she was scared. I could feel it. I don’t know what happened or even how it happened. I can’t describe it. But it was just like we knew where the other was. We started walked in the same direction and there the other was. If there ever was a time I wish I could call up whatever happened that night now would be it. I wish I could just walk in the forest and walk right toward her.”

“I know.”

Lance spun around so fast he nearly fell to the ground. He stared in shock at the sight before him not totally believing what he was seeing. JC. JC was here. He was standing here in front of him. His earlier thoughts came back to him; the pity party he had thrown in his mind because no one was there to meet him, to give comfort and offer support. But JC was here.

“When the news broke that it was Rachel; I had to come.”

Lance didn’t say anything. He just stared at JC standing in front of him. The blue eyes he had loved stared back at him. JC had come. He wasn’t alone. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around the tall, lanky body and held tight.


	10. Chapter 10

“Lance you need to eat,” JC said as he jiggled the fast food bag in front of his friend.

“I’m not hungry, JC.”

“You need to eat something. You probably didn’t eat all day.”

“I said I’m not fucking hungry,” Lance slap the bag from JC’s hand knocking it to the floor. Fries spilled out.

JC looked at the fries on the floor and sighed softly. When he had seen Lance’s reaction of seeing him he had been fooled into thinking it would be easy. But after that initial hug, which JC now knew came from shock more than likely; Lance had been short and distant with him. He definitely didn’t feel welcome anymore.

He knelt on the floor of the hotel room and began shoving the fries back into the bag. If Lance didn’t want to speak with him, that was fine. If he wanted to yell at him and fight with him, well that was fine as well. All that mattered to JC was that he was here and Lance knew he was there for him. He sat the bag of food on the small table that set in front of the little kitchenette. Then he walked to the couch and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. 

“Don’t you have your own hotel room?” Lance glared as he watched JC flip through the channels.

“No,” JC said, shaking his head as he searched for something to put on that would take their minds off the situation; or at least attempt to. “Hotel filled up with volunteers and media before I got here. I think AJ, Howie, and Kevin are cramming in with Brian. AJ said it would be like old times in Europe.” A smile came to his face as he remembered the beginning of the group, sharing rooms in hotels and then having only one tour bus. Five bodies tripping over each other. But it was nice. 

Lance flashed back to those days in Europe. He remembered sharing hotel rooms, rotating roommates so they wouldn’t get sick of each other. He remembered Chris would usually end up with the single room. _‘I’m the oldest’_ he’d proclaim. He also remembered in the middle of the night switching places with one of them so he could sleep with JC (sometimes in the biblical sense, most times just to sleep in his arms) with his mother and Justin’s mother, none-the-wiser. On the nights where JC was his roommate, well that made his day extra good. He pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think of them now; maybe never again. 

“And you think you’re just gonna what? Crash with me?” Lance bit out. Anger was good. He could deal with anger. The conflicting emotions of having JC alone, so close to him without the benefit of a buffer and his sister being lost. He wanted to pull JC to him and never let him go; he wanted to melt into the older man, take his strength. He felt weak; too weak. He was tired.

JC sighed and turned the television off. “Not if you don’t want me too.” He pushed himself into a standing position, his shoulders hunched in a defeated position. He felt defeated. He walked to the door.

“Where are you going to stay?” Lance asked before he could stop himself. _‘I don’t care.’_ He told himself. _‘You’re such a liar. You care. Admit it.’_

“My car,” JC shrugged. “Maybe Brian will let me crash on the floor in his room,” he gave another shrug “I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not going back home.” He turned around making sure Lance met his eyes. “I know our relationship isn’t the greatest and I take the blame for that. But you’re still one of my best friends and it still hurts me to see you hurting. And I’m gonna be here as much or as little as you want me too. I’m still gonna be here for you.” He gave Lance a lingering look before turning around and walking to the door.

Lance’s eyes slid close, the anger washing away from him. His posture hunched in the same defeated position JC just yielded. “Stay.” He watched JC turn around slowly to face him. “Please,” he swallowed roughly. “I… I don’t think I can take being alone.”

JC sent him a small smile, his eyes lighting up. He opened the door but was stopped before he could step through. He shivered feeling the warm hand on his bicep. He looked down at the fingers before looking into the green eyes of their owner.

“Where are you going?” Lance asked worriedly, his heart beating faster.

“To grab a few things from my car,” JC reached up, placing his hand over Lance’s. “Take a shower. I’ll only be a couple minutes.”

“I didn’t bring a change of clothes,” he said glumly. He had jumped in his car immediately taking off without thinking of packing anything. Hell he didn’t even have a phone charger for his phone.

“That’s okay,” JC squeezed his hand. “I harassed Lisa until she let me in to your house.” He grinned at Lance’s surprised look. “I knew you would have taken off up here without thinking of packing anything. So I got hold of her. She was a hard person to flip; you must pay her very well. But she finally let me in to your house and like a guard dog, shadowed my every move making sure I didn’t take anything that wouldn’t be warranted. I even grabbed your phone charger.”

“My phone charger?” Lance repeated meekly. JC needed to leave immediately. If he didn’t, he was going to embarrass them both by breaking down and crying into his chest.

“Yes,” JC smiled. “Shower and I’ll go grab our things from my car.” He squeezed Lance’s hand once more before leaving the room. 

Lance stared at the closed door in shock wondering what had just happened.

After he showered away the days dirt and grime and changed into a plain t-shirt and sweats that JC had packed, he ate the sandwich JC had graciously went out and bought. He wasn’t hungry but forced himself to eat. He needed to eat, to keep his strength up. There was no telling what tomorrow would bring. If it would bring another long day like today.

“Thank you.” He told JC as he plugged in his phone “I didn’t think…”

“I know.” JC spoke softly. He watched Lance; his eyes raking over his features taking him in. His shoulders sagged. There were dark circles beneath his green eyes. Those green eyes were usually bright and sparkled. Now they looked bleak and dull. Even his skin seemed pale. “When was the last time you slept?”

Lance turned away from the hotel window at JC’s question. He sat down on the couch placing his elbow on the arm, his temple resting against his fist. “Really slept? Friday night.”

“What? Why?” JC asked worriedly. He crossed the room and sat next to Lance on the couch, leaving space between them. At one time, he would have sat next to Lance where their legs were touching. He would have pulled Lance into the comfort of his arms but now he didn’t have that right. “What’s wrong?”

Lance gave a humorless laugh. “Gee JC, I don’t know. It might have to do with the fact that my sister is missing; lost in the woods.”

JC held up his hands, palms out in an innocent manner. “That’s not what I meant Lance.”

Lance slumped against the back of the couch. “I know,” he sighed. “I knew something was off. I don’t know I can’t explain it.”

“About the trip?”

“I tried to talk her out of going, but you know how she is.” He saw JC nodding out of the corner of his eye. “And she was looking forward to going away with Nick. Just them. They are dropping an album early next year and going on tour, so their lives are gonna get crazy again.”

“But you felt something was wrong?”

“I just got this weird vibe that something was wrong. I can’t explain it. I don’t know what it was,” he huffed out his breath, giving a shake of his head. “And now look what happened.”

“Hey,” JC scooted closer to Lance, twisting to face him. He reached out putting a hand on his shoulder. “This isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself.”

“Isn’t it? Shouldn’t I?” Lance asked. “I knew something was going to happen. I felt it JC. I just let her climb in with Nick and leave anyway. I didn’t do a thing to stop her.” His eyes fill with tears and he wiped them away hastily, embarrassed. “Look where that got her.”

“This isn’t your fault Lance. You didn’t know this would happen—”

“Didn’t I?” Lance stared into JC’s blue eyes.

“Lance, don’t blame yourself,” JC spoke softly. “You couldn’t have known this would happen. I know you had a feeling,” he quickly said when he saw Lance open his mouth. “But you couldn’t have known this would happen. You couldn’t have known it would be something like this.”

“I should have stopped her.”

JC snorted. “Yeah right. I’d like to see try and stop her. She’s pretty stubborn,” he glanced down at his lap before shooting Lance a sly look. “Just like someone else I know.”

“Well, we are twins.” A smile was slow to build on his face. He struggled to keep it in place though and it slowly disappeared. “She’s my twin JC I know when she’s happy. I know when she’s sad. She’s a part of me. She’s out there, lost. She could be hurt. There could be something seriously wrong. And we can’t find her. Losing her… losing her would be like losing me.”

“Lance,” JC’s eyes filled with tears and he said to hell with the baggage both he and Lance carried. He pulled Lance to him and wrapped him in his arms. He breathed a sigh of relief when Lance hugged him tighter and didn’t push him away. “You’re not going to lose her,” he murmured into Lance’s dirty blonde hair.

“What if I already lost her?” Lance whispered breathing in JC’s body wash from an earlier shower. The scent was familiar and he had to smile. Even after all these years, JC still used the same body wash. He was glad, it was comforting. “What if she’s already gone?”

“Stop thinking like that.”

“It’s hard not to think like that,” he shifted against JC, settling his body into his more. His feet curled up behind him. He moved with JC when the older man leaned back against the back of the couch.

“Lance,” JC started before stopping to work out what he wanted to say in his mind. “Do you believe…do you believe deep down in your heart that Rachel is dead?” He ran his fingers through Lance’s hair, almost petting him as he waited for an answer.

Lance shook his head slowly. “No. No she’s not. I would feel it. I would feel it if she’s gone. And I don’t. I know she’s still alive. I feel that she’s still alive.”

“Then hold on to that, Lance; hold on to that.”

*~*

When Rachel stumbled again, the third time in the span of ten minutes, Nick decided it was time to stop for the night. Night was upon them. There was barely enough light to see in front of them. Before he could open his mouth to tell Rachel his intentions, she stumbled again. This time she went down on her knees.

“I can’t…” she whispered. Tears rolled down her cheeks. A small sob escaped as she laid on all fours on the ground. She lowered her head down to rest on her hands.

“Rachel!” Nick immediately fell to the ground next to her, wincing as his knees bit into the ground. He placed a hand on her back and leaned down next to her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Talk to me baby.”

“Nick…” she cried. She curled her fingers catching dirt and debris in her fists. “It hurts…”

“Tell me what’s wrong, Rachel. Come on, talk to me.” He pleaded with her. “You’re scaring me.” He rubbed her back; his heart caught in his throat. “Baby, what’s wrong? I need you to talk to me.” He yelled at himself in his mind for not noticing that she was in pain this whole time. “I’m sorry we walked all this time. We should have stopped awhile ago.”

“No,” she whispered and rolled away from him so she was lying on the ground.

“What is it?” Nick moved closer and grabbed her hand, holding it tight. He leaned over her, inches from her face so he could see her. Her face was twisted in pain. “Talk to me.”

“My leg,” she whispered closing her eyes.

“You said it was just a sprain?” Nick said and moved down to her feet. He pulled up the pant leg on her left foot and untied the laces. He moved to pull it off, freezing when he heard Rachel hiss in pain. He slowed his pace slipping the boot off; the sock following suit. He leaned closer blinking his eyes a couple times, straining to see. He swore roughly. The skin was darkened in bruises. “Jesus…This isn’t a sprain.”

“I know,” Rachel pushed into a sitting position so she could stare down at her leg. She wished for daylight so she could access. She wished she had stopped walking earlier when she felt it starting to hurt worse. Waiting this long had done nothing to help her. Night had fallen; she couldn’t see, Nick couldn’t see. There was no reason that she had to keep walking. It wasn’t like there was a destination in mind. They were hopeful, that was all.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked worriedly. He lightly trailed his fingers over the unbroken skin. “This looks bad…From what I can see. Is it bad? Talk to me Rachel this is your area. You need a song sung or written or help hashing out the melody then I’m your guy.”

“Nick…” Rachel grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly, stopping his words as he rambled. When his raised his eyes to hers, she gave him a smile and reached up touching his face.

“I’m not going to like this am I?” He placed his hands over hers, holding them to his face, allowing his eyes to drift shut.

“Nick,” she whispered. “Look at me.” She watched his eyes open. She caressed his face with her thumbs. “This is bad.”

“I knew it,” Nick felt tears gather in his eyes. When he blinked he felt them roll down his cheeks where Rachel’s thumbs caught them and brushed them away.

“Nick,” Rachel’s voice cracked. She felt his tears and her own pooled and rolled down dropping onto her lap below. “This is serious,” she whispered. “I need you to pay attention.”

“What’s wrong? Just tell me what I have to do. I’ll do anything.” He tightened his fingers beneath Rachel’s hands and pulled them away from his face. He kissed both her palms before holding her hands tightly in his.

“You need to cut my leg.”

“What!”

Rachel tightened her hands in his, stopping his movements. “Please listen to me. This is bad. You have to do this for me.”

“Rachel…I…”

“I have compartment syndrome. I’ll spare you all the medical terminology. But there is a lot of pressure inside the muscle compartment and I need you to make a cut that will relieve it.” She watched his face wishing for daylight so she could see him. “If that doesn’t happen, I could lose my foot, Nick.”

“Isn’t there another way?” Nick asked. How was he supposed to make a cut in Rachel’s skin? How was he supposed to cause her that much pain?

Rachel shook her head, just knowing that Nick could see the movements. “No. This is the only way.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“I know. But this hurts Nick. It’s only going to get worse.”

“What…what am I supposed to use? I don’t exactly have a scalpel in my back pocket.” Nick was still in disbelief. Was he really doing to cut into his girlfriend?

“We need something sharp,” Rachel said and looked around. But the woods were cast into darkness. She couldn’t see anything.

“I…” Nick looked around before reaching into his pocket. He produced Rachel’s cell phone, long since dead. “If I can smash this, I might be able to get a sharp piece.”

“Yeah,” Rachel nodded. It wasn’t like the phone was helping them away. It was no use to them dead. This way, at least the device went toward something.

Nick stood and moved a couple feet from Rachel. He held the phone in his hand and wondered what the easiest way was to smash it. Daylight would have helped, but he didn’t have that. Should he smash it against the tree or stomp on it with his foot? He decided the best course of action would be stomping. He sat it on the ground and with as much strength as he could muster, brought his foot down on it. He did it once, twice, three times before he bent to check.

When he felt the screen he was rewarded feeling the cracks. He worked his fingers in the cracks the best he could, trying to dispel a big enough sliver. He swallowed roughly. He was searching for a piece good enough to cut Rachel.

“What are you doing?” He asked when he sat down next to Rachel and noticed she had one of her arms removed from her sweatshirt.

“I’m gonna bite down on my sleeve.”

“Gonna bite down…” Nick gulped. It was getting more real by the passing minute.

“Listen to me carefully Nick. Do what I say okay?” Rachel reached for his hand, entwining their fingers. “You have to do this.”

“Okay,” Nick whispered his eyes full of tears. He gripped her hand tightly. He had to do this. There was no other option, no other way. “What do I need to do?”

“You’re gonna make a cut from here to there,” Rachel drew a line with his finger so he knew where to cut and how long and told him how deep. “You have to do it fast. You have to be quick about it.” She cupped his chin, drawing his face to hers, their noses grazing. “It’s gonna hurt. I’m not gonna lie. I know it’s gonna hurt. I’m gonna scream, cry and more than likely pass out. But you have to keep going. You can’t stop because you’re worried about me.” Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, her voice heavy with them. “I know what I’m asking you to do and if there was any other way, we’d do it.”

“If I make this incision,” Nick’s voice was quiet, filled with his own tears. “You could get an infection…”

“It’s the least of our worries,” Rachel told him softly. “Just cut where I told you. Remember to be fast. Okay?”

Nick shook his head. “It will never be okay, but I got it.” He reached out, quickly wrapping her in his arms, drawing her against him. Her arms snaked around his waist, holding him just as tightly. They sat like that, holding one another, not saying a word as tears rolled down their cheeks. The only sound emitted were sniffles and Rachel’s soft cries.

“I know this is hard,” she cried into his chest. “I’m sorry Nick.”

“Shhh,” Nick whispered kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He repeated over and over, rocking their bodies in a slow motion.

Rachel drew her head back staring into his eyes before she leaned forward finding his lips with hers. She kissed him desperately as if it was the last kiss they would ever share. He returned her kiss just as feverishly. “I love you Nick,” she whispered against his lips. “So much…”

“I love you,” Nick answered hugging her tight once more. “More than anything else in this world.”

Rachel held him for a moment longer before she let him go and lay back on the ground. She watched with tear filled eyes as Nick moved down her leg. She felt his gentle caresses on her leg as he rolled her pant leg out of the way. She folded the arm of her sleeve, to make it thicker before putting it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and slowly counted in her mind willing her body to relax. She opened her eyes and stared at Nick, giving a nod.

Nick placed one hand on Rachel’s shin, halfway from knee to ankle. He laid the sharp piece from the iPhone on her skin where she had instructed him to make the cut. He bit his lip and bowed his head allowing his eyes to close while he said a quick prayer. _‘Please let me do this right. I don’t want to lose her.’_ He opened his eyes and clenched his jaw and pressed down.

*~*

The room was dark. With the curtains pulled closed not even the light from the moon was shining through. Quiet settled in the room like a blanket. Only the light sounds of even breathing could be heard. One of the occupants in the room was sleeping. The other was watching him sleep.

JC stared down at the man lying in his lap and sighed. Lance had fallen asleep in his arms not long after he told JC his fears of Rachel being dead. It had been a struggle to lay Lance down, pillowing his head in JC’s lap and then reaching to turn out the lamp without waking the younger man. But JC accomplished it and had been sitting in the dark ever since, not ready to go to sleep; unable to sleep.

He ran his fingers over the planes in Lance’s face, tracing his cheekbone and jaw line. He threaded his fingers through his soft hair free of gel before moving back to caress his cheek. He froze and held his breath when Lance mumbled incoherently and shifted in his sleep. JC watched as Lance seemed to seek out his touch, pressing his cheek against JC’s fingers before settling back into sleep one more.

A smile graced JC’s face and he felt tears in his eyes at Lance’s display. He closed his eyes and dropped his head on the back of the couch. A jumble of thoughts ran through his head, tangling together, tripping over each other. Even if he wanted to sleep, he couldn’t; not with everything going on in his mind. Seeing Lance again had opened up that place in his heart where he had stuffed everything he felt for his best friend.

If he was honest with himself, seeing Lance at Halloween had really started him thinking on his past relationship with Lance. How much he had loved him. How he had screwed up a good thing. He opened his eyes and started back down at Lance. How he had hurt this man so much. All Lance wanted to do was come out; announce to the world that he was gay. He wanted to stop hiding their relationship. He wanted to let everyone see how happy he was; how happy he was with JC.

 _‘And I destroyed him,’_ JC thought. The fight that lead to their break up, the words they had said, the look on Lance’s face as he stared at him. The hurt and the anguish on his face before Lance brought a shield up, freezing him out. JC shivered even now remembering the icy stare Lance had given him before turning his back on him and walking out.

He had been scared to come out. He wasn’t ready to tell everyone that he was gay. He wasn’t ready for everyone to know that he had been sleeping with Lance the whole time they were a group. He wasn’t ready to read the kind of publicity that would have generated. The remarks. The jokes. The backlash. Maybe he was weak. He should have been able to take anything anyone threw at him, at them.

But instead of standing up and saying _‘I’m gay and I love Lance Bass’,_ he had hurt the one person in the world he had loved the most. He had ruined not only their relationship but their friendship. Lance had thought the reason he didn’t want to come out was because of the album he was releasing that he didn’t want any negative publicity.

He snorted quietly as he continued to stroke Lance’s face. He had such high hopes for his solo career, figuring with the success of NSYNC, he’d find success. _‘What a joke,’_ he thought. Maybe that had been naive on his part. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed for a solo record right after the group and at the same time as Justin. But he still went forward. He may not have bombed, but nothing came together like he thought it would.

Every where he turned it was Justin this and Justin that. It shouldn’t have come to a surprise to him but it did. Management had been pushing Justin a lot during the building on the Celebrity album and through the PopOddessy tour. He was getting more face time, more solo time. Wherein he used to share the lead with his fellow Mickey Mouser, JC was being pushed back, almost phased out. That should have given him a clue that his work wouldn’t be backed like it should have.

He had been lucky he had gotten one album out of the deal. And looking back now, the image they pushed him to convey… he sighed. He knew he needed to shed his boy band image, to get people to see him as more than just one of the faces in NSYNC. Now look at him. He had a lackluster album out, an unreleased album because the label dropped him and he was reduced to being a judge on a reality show just to keep his face in the business. _‘Not anymore.’_ He thought. The show he had been on had been cancelled.

He wondered if it was too late to say all this to Lance. If it was too late to tell him the reason he didn’t come out with Lance was not because he didn’t love him and he placed his beloved music ahead of him, but because he was scared. Scared of the backlash and the comments that would be made. Scared of what his own family would think of him. If they would still accept him.

He thought about the time that had lapsed. It had been ten years since they broke up. Things were a lot different now. They were ten years older. He was almost forty. Lance was out and happy. He was… What was he? Was he happy? He was okay. He hadn’t truly been happy for awhile. But he was okay. He had relationships over the past ten years. How could he not? It wasn’t like he could go celibate. He was a man after all.

But in each of those relationships – all with women obviously – he failed to find what he was looking for. _‘Because they were women?’_ He wondered. _‘Because they weren’t Lance?’_ He was beginning to realize the mistake he had made. He had a lot of things in his life. He had more than enough money to life comfortably and to generously give to his brother and sister. He had dated hot women. By all accounts he should be happy. But he wasn’t. 

_‘Because you don’t have Lance.’_

JC stared down at the face that had been his lifeline for so many years. This man held his heart for five years and if he was still being honest with himself, still held it. As he continued to run his fingers over Lance’s face and through his hair he wondered, _‘Do I still have his?’_

*~*

Lance sat up gasping for breath. He clutched at his chest the pain horrendous. He felt like he was being stabbed and the knife was being twisted inside of him. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he would have fallen to his knees on the floor if it had not been for the strong arms that wrapped around him from behind.

“Lance? What’s wrong?” JC asked sleepily. Somehow in their sleep, they each shifted on the couch lying side by side; Lance’s back against JC’s chest. He sat up one leg still stretched out behind Lance, while he swung the other to the floor next to Lance’s foot. He placed a hand on Lance’s back.

“She’s in pain, C;” Lance choked out. He hunched over clutching his stomach. The pain was so fierce he felt sick. “It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

The sleepiness immediately left JC’s body and he was instantly awake hearing the pain in Lance’s voice. He wrapped his arms around Lance’s midsection, his arms overlapping Lance’s. He held him tight to him. “Like her accident?”

“Worse JC; it hurts,” he clenched his eyes shut, hunching over as much as JC would allow him.

“I’m here, Lance,” JC murmured in his ear. “It’s gonna be alright, I promise. She’s gonna be fine.” It crossed his mind that he could very well be lying to his friend. He didn’t know if Rachel was fine. He didn’t know if they were going to find her and if they did if she would be okay or if something happened. He didn’t want to entertain those thoughts. He didn’t want to know what would become of Lance if this didn’t have a happy ending.

“It…hurts,” Lance moaned. “She’s in so much pain. She’s hurting JC. God it hurts.”

JC felt his own tears trickling down his cheeks as he listened to Lance. There was nothing he could do, he just held him tighter. The last time this happened the only thing that calmed Lance down was talking to Rachel on the phone. But that wasn’t possible in this case. His heart broke listening to Lance’s cries. He hated feeling so helpless but what could he do.

An idea popped into his head and he shifted his body from Lance’s, placing both feet on the floor. He didn’t know if it would help Lance or not, but he had to try. He had to do something. Taking Lance’s hand in his, he led the younger man across the hotel room toward the bed. The bed was still in perfect condition. It had not been mussed or un-tucked. JC quickly took care of that, grabbing the top corner of the blanket and pulled it back. He chucked his jeans, leaving them laying on the floor and crawled onto the bed, sliding beneath the covers. Not wanting to be presumptuous, he left his boxers briefs and t-shirt on. When he was settled, he looked up at Lance expectantly.

“Come,” JC whispered breaking the quiet. He reached out and grasped Lance’s hand giving it a tug. He watched as Lance slowly removed his sweat pants and crawled onto the bed. He held the covers back until Lance settled then draped them over his body. Once they were both in bed, JC scooted closer to Lance, erasing the space that was between them. 

“JC…” 

“Shh,” JC whispered and pulled Lance into his arms, allowing the blonde to lay his head on JC’s chest. His eyes drifted close in a small victory when he felt Lance snuggle closer to him and wrap an arm over his waist. “I’m doing the best I can to help you. But I don’t… I want… I’m not…” He sighed.

Lance curled his body into JC’s; his leg settling between JC’s. Pain still ripped through his stomach, wrecking havoc. His mind tossing out scenarios he wanted no part in. But for a moment, lying in bed with JC, wrapped in each other’s arms, the world felt right again. His hand arm drifted up, ducking beneath JC to his shoulder and he pulled JC to him in a half hug. He was rewarded when he felt JC’s arms tightened around him. “I know,” he whispered against JC’s t-shirt. And he did know. “You’re doing fine. Perfect.”

When he felt himself relax into JC, his eyes growing heavy with sleep, he could have sworn he felt a kiss being pressed against his forehead. Too tired to say anything, he tightened his arm on JC’s waist as sleep claimed him.


	11. Chapter 11

Nick stroked the side of Rachel’s face as he cradled her against his body. The tear tracks that had stained her face had long since been rubbed away by him. For as long as he lived, he would never forget the scream that came through the sweatshirt and echoed off the trees. It took everything he had to continue cutting through the cries and moans. If he hadn’t been so scared when she passed out, he would have considered it a blessing.

When the cries ceased his heart had stumbled. The silence was eerie. The cries still echoed in his head but Rachel had passed out, her body lax on the ground. He continued with what Rachel told him to do, his eyes constantly looking at Rachel’s face hoping to see her eyes open. But they remained closed, her lashes resting against her cheeks.

He closed his eyes as he cradled her body tightly against him. He swallowed hard at the lump in his throat. Her body was limp in his arms. She felt lifeless. His mind kept trying to tell him that she wasn’t going to wake up that she was going to die here in his arms. It freaked him out so much he often pressed his fingers against Rachel’s neck feeling for her pulse. As long as he felt the steady beat, his hopes were kept alive.

It was lonely without Rachel awake to keep him company he was left to his own devices. That was scary. His mind took him places he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to think about never being rescued. He didn’t want to think about Rachel dying. He definitely didn’t want to think what he would do if she never woke up; if he had to leave her body behind to save himself. Things like that he didn’t want to think about. It was hard to keep his mind from drifting in that direction. He needed to talk; he couldn’t stay quiet and let his mind take over. 

“Empty spaces, fill me up with holes,” he sang softly. “Distant faces with no place left to go. Without you within me I can find no rest. Where I’m going is anybody’s guess. I tried to go on like I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete.”

The words drifted away until it was silent once again. “That song,” he paused. “That song didn’t mean much to me when we first sang it. It was just another song about the broken hearted. But after we broke up and I got myself cleaned and turned around… I couldn’t sing that song without thinking about you.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You some how remember all this when you wake up, I’ll deny it profusely. It’s just something about that song. The melody. The words… ‘I’d try to go on like I never knew you’.” He started singing softly again. “I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete.”

“I know I know it was my fault. When I decided to let you go I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. You were much better off without me. I knew that. Everyone knows that. You could do a helluva lot better than me. But the thing is, and I found it out real quick. I couldn’t do better than you. There is no one better than you for me. And as corny as it sounds, I did feel incomplete without you like there was something missing. I was doing everything I was supposed to; singing, dancing, interviews. But it was as if I was just going through the motions. I did pray that it would get better, that one morning I’d awake and be back to normal. The fog would lift and I’d be me again. But I soon realized that that was me without you.”

“I was so sure you wouldn’t take me back. I mean why would you? I drank… a lot. Was hung-over often. I did drugs. A lot. And my least favorite moment in my life, I cheated on you. Just once. But once was enough. It was the one thing that you finally said enough was enough. I was an asshole. Of course you leaving couldn’t possible be my fault. It had to be yours. But as the days passed and your things disappeared from my house I realized the blame was solely on my shoulders.”

“I’ve never been as nervous as I was when I called you. I had your name highlighted and it took me probably ten minutes to hit send. And each time it rang I wanted to hang up. I kept waiting for your voicemail to come on. I thought for sure you’d see my name on the caller ID and ignore my call. I mean, why would you want to talk to me after everything I had done? But you picked up and I could barely crack out a hello. You said you were nervous too, but it sure didn’t show. If I had known you were just as nervous I wouldn’t have been as nervous. If that makes any sense.”

“I knew you didn’t trust me,” Nick cleared his throat. He shifted on the ground, moving his legs a little. His muscles were locking up from sitting in the same position. He needed to stand up and stretch but he wasn’t leaving Rachel. He tightened his arms and pressed a kiss on her head and remained where he was. “I wouldn’t have trusted me either. But you let me talk. You didn’t hang up on me. You didn’t tell me not to call you again. What I remember the most about the phone conversation was how we just sort of fell back into it again. We never had a problem talking and it was like we had never been apart. I know you didn’t believe me, but I never meant to ask you out then – not that I wasn’t planning to later. But I had just called to talk to you. Hear your voice. I wanted to gauge your reaction to my phone call before I asked you out again.”

He laughed softly. “I was just as surprised as you were when I blurted out if I could take you to dinner. I definitely showed my hand early. It hurt when you turned me down, even though I was expecting it. But I wasn’t going to give up. Now that I had a taste of what it had been like between us. That I knew we could have it again. You never stood a chance.”

It had been hard to really go after Rachel since they were touring overseas. But he had called often which was hard in itself since she was working third shift and the time changes never seem to match up correctly. When that happened he’d send a text. He would send her trinkets from each country or city they visited. What he loved the most though, was when he was in Los Angeles and able to stop in at the hospital on Rachel’s lunch breaks.

Considering she did work seven at night until seven in the morning, her lunch breaks usually fell around one in the morning. It didn’t bother him though. He just sat his alarm clock and made his way to the hospital with food each night he was able. His first visit took the staff and Rachel by surprise. He had signed numerous autographs and posed for many pictures. On that visit they ate in the cafeteria. When he continued showing up, Rachel’s co-workers weren’t fazed. They just smiled and said hello and pointed him in Rachel’s direction. They’d gone from sitting in the cafeteria to walking the courtyard outside.

On the night before he was set to leave on another leg of the tour overseas, he was able to steal a kiss at the end of Rachel’s lunch break. It was a simple, chaste kiss. He didn’t want to push; didn’t want to ruin the ground he had made. It was a huge victory when after he had broken the kiss, Rachel hugged him; tightly as if she didn’t want to let go. He savored holding her in his arms as long as he could before he had to let her get back to work.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Nick said softly as he remembered that night. “That hug… not even when I kissed you, but that hug. I think that was the moment when I realized that maybe; just maybe you still loved me. Hardest thing I had to do was watch you walk away and know that I wasn’t going to see you for a month.”

During the month he was away it was rough. Sometimes it was a seventeen hour difference between them. There were missed calls, quick five-minute calls, increased text messaging. But some nights when they should both be sleeping – he after a show, Rachel after a long night’s work – there were long calls. Neither of them wanting to hang up and lose the connection.

“That phone bill,” he laughed. “I don’t think I have ever seen a bill that high before. But I would do it again in a heart beat. I’ll pay that again and again just to talk to you. To hear your voice, I would gladly suffer through bad connections and dropped phone calls. We flew into LA, we were all dog tired, but all I wanted to do was go see you.”

He smiled, tightening his arms around Rachel as he remembered the day in the airport.

_*Flashback*_

_“I can sleep a week,” AJ proclaimed then proceeded to yawn as he grabbed the carry-on bag. A black backpack filled with magazines, a book, his iPod and a lot of other miscellaneous things needed to get through long flight._

_“What’s today?” Howie asked following AJ’s actions and yawning._

_“Is it even day?” Nick rubbed his face roughly before sending his hands through his hair. He zipped up his own bag and shouldered it. “We don’t have anything planned tomorrow do we?”_

_“I hope not,” Brian said as he gathered his thing, tossing them into his bad. He couldn’t wait to get off the plane. He knew Leighanne was waiting for him. After a month away, he couldn’t wait to see her. He peered at Nick out of the corner of his eye, a grin teased at his lips. He wasn’t the only one missing someone._

_“No we have the next week free and clear,” Howie, ever the organizer, said. His bag was already hanging on one arm. He waited for his band mates to finish so they could exit the plane together._

_“Hallelujah!” AJ shouted slipping on his shades._

_Nick echoed his friend’s sentiments exactly but he didn’t voice it. He felt like he could sleep for the next forty-eight hours straight. Normally he would after coming off a tour leg maybe not for that long. But he would definitely kill the better part of the day counting the cracks in his eyelids. Now though, he had someone he desperately wanted to see. As soon as he figured out what day it was._

_“Ready Nicky?” Brian asked, clapping his best friend on the back. He gave him a little push toward the exit as everyone fell in line behind him._

_Nick cringed as the bright California sun surrounded them. He cursed himself for not putting on his sunglasses. But he blamed that on not knowing the time. The glasses were buried in his bag and he didn’t feel like digging for them. “You’re still giving me a ride home right?”_

_“Nope,” Brian said. A smile broke out on his face when he saw his wife waiting for him._

_“Come on Brian; you said you’d take me home so I didn’t find anyone to come and pick me up.” Nick turned toward Brian as AJ and Howie swung around them heading toward their respective significant others. “Now I have to call someone to come and pick me up. Do you know how long I’m gonna be stuck here?”_

_“Stop whining,” Brian rolled his eyes. He raised his hand and pointed behind Nick. “You have a ride.”_

_“What? Who?” Nick spun around, his eyes searching. He didn’t have to search long before they fell on the blonde woman standing next to Leighanne. Rachel._

_“Don’t fuck it up this time,” Brian whispered, clapping him on the back before he walked around him a smile on his face; his eyes never leaving his wife._

_Nick didn’t remember moving. But the next thing he knew he was standing in front of Rachel. Her green eyes sparkled in the sun. She was smiling. His eyes searched hers and soon he was smiling too. In the midst of laughter he gathered her in his arms and held her tight. His eyes shut and everything else fell away as he breathed her in._

_“Bout time,” AJ muttered as the three remaining members, along with their other halfs, walked away leaving Nick and Rachel behind._

_Nick stared down at the woman in his arms. Her eyes shone brightly with unshed tears. He still couldn’t believe she was here._

_“You asked me out last month,” Rachel spoke softly her eyes dropping. Her hands slid from around his neck, resting on his chest. Her fingers played with a wrinkle in the fabric nervously. She looked back up, meeting his blue eyes. “I’d like to change my answer.”_

_“Is that right?” He drawled his smile was slow in forming._

_“Yeah.” His smile was infectious. The crocked grin he was sending her made her heart flutter. And she knew this was the right decision. “I love you Nick. I never stopped.”_

_There wasn’t a tired bone in his body after hearing Rachel’s words. The grin was wide as he tightened his arms and swung her around; her arms holding tight around his neck. The giggles Rachel released were music to his ears_

_*End Flashback*_

“Hearing you say those words,” Nick said giving his head a small shake. “One of the most amazing feelings. Knowing that you still loved me after everything. Truly amazing.” He pressed another kiss into her hair. “I love you Rachel,” he whispered. He leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes as he started singing once more.

“Highway run; Into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round; you’re on my mind. Restless hearts sleep alone tonight. Sending all my love along the wire. They say that the road ain’t no place to start a family. Right down the line it’s been you and me and loving a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be. Oh girl, you stand by me. I’m forever yours…faithfully.” 

*~*

“The first night we met,” Nick couldn’t help the chuckle that broke free. “Oh man, I am so lucky you still gave me a chance. I was so drunk and still trying to hit on you. I was making a fool of myself; stuttering over my words. Of course I played the celebrity card telling you I was a famous singer.”

He chuckled again as he remembered the night he first met Rachel at a crowded club in Los Angeles. “I was name dropping like it was cool. You just smiled and let me continue to embarrass myself. You must have thought I was an idiot. You certainly had more patience than me. If roles had been reversed, I would have definitely been telling me to pound sand.”

It was completely cliché the way they met. She had been standing at the bar with a friend. He was in the VIP section; there was no reason for him to even look toward the bar, but he did and there she was. He stared unable to tear his gaze away. 

“You smiled and I was a goner. I was going to meet you; I wasn’t leaving until I had your name and number or you were going home with me.” Thinking back on that statement, it made him sound like a player. He could have talked himself into Rachel being only a one night stand and his heart played along knowing it was more. 

“I used that God awful pick up line,” Nick’s laughter rolled through the darkness. “What the hell was I thinking? I should have been smart. Smooth. Instead I used a line like I was a high school kid trying to pick up a college girl. You should have rolled your eyes and sent me packing.” But she hadn’t. Her green eyes met his sparkling with laughter. “To this day, I’m still not sure why you didn’t.”

“You remember what I said?” Nick asked, hoping to gain a response from Rachel, but she remained silent. He sighed softly and kissed her head again as he tightened his arms again, pulling her more firmly against his body. “Of course you remember it. You never fail to use it against me. You even had to tweet it.” He groaned and shook his head.

It had been their three year anniversary. Rachel had tweeted his pick up line out on the social media site. He had never seen so many comments on one tweet, which was still true to this day. It had been a little embarrassing but the only thing he could respond with was how it worked. “How could that have worked? _‘Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?’_ You should have laughed me out of the club.”

“Talking to you, I was pulling everything I could think of. Who I was, who I was with. The performances we’ve done, where we’d been, the people we met and hung out with. I thought for certain you’d fall into my hands. God,” he groaned good naturedly. “Didn’t I look like an idiot when Lance came up to you and you said, _‘Nick, I think you know my brother Lance’._ Of course I tried to play it off like I wasn’t just hitting on his sister. If there was ever a moment I wished the floor would open up and swallow me that would have been it."

He leaned his head against Rachel’s as he continued to speak softly. “I had no idea who you were. I knew Lance had a twin, but I didn’t know it was you. I was so embarrassed. I thought for sure right then you’d send me packing, give me the brush off. Your friend was cackling like it was the funniest thing in the world. Lance was grinning because he knew I didn’t know. And let me tell you it was very disconcerting to look at him that night and see your eyes.”

Rachel’s green eyes had captivated him that night. Pulled him in, he couldn’t look away. “It was late – early by my standards then – you and Lance were leaving. I was gonna cut my losses, go back to the VIP section and lick my wounds, get over my embarrassment. You finished your drink and stood up. Still smiling you took my hand. You leaned forward and whispered in my ear-”

“You don’t have to walk by again.”

Nick started at the soft broken whisper. He was sure his heart missed a beat. He sucked in a breath and raised his head. He shifted to he could see Rachel’s face. His lips parted in surprised and tears filled his eyes. Even in the dark he could see eyes blinking up at him. Those beautiful green eyes.

“Oh thank God,” Nick gasped. “Oh thank God,” he buried his face against the side of her hair. Tears of relief rolled down his cheeks.

“Nick…” she whispered crying softly, twisting her body so she could bury herself against him.

“Shh…” Nick murmured. It crossed his mind that he was holding her too tight but he couldn’t make himself let go. He continued to hold her as they both cried. “I love you,” he whispered over and over. He pulled away and lowered his head, meeting her lips in a tender kiss.

“Are you okay?”

A broken laugh escaped Nick. “You’re the one who was just operated on without anesthesia or instruments and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” He rested his forehead against hers, still holding her close not wanting to let her go.

“I’m okay,” Rachel told him softly. She reached up cupping the side of his face. She brushed her thumb across the skin, feeling the rough scratches from the stubble. “I’m not gonna lie, it hurts. Really hurts. But not as much as it did earlier.”

“Jesus that was the hard,” Nick breathed his shoulders finally slumping as he relaxed; the tension finally leaving his body.

“I know it was.” She leaned up and pressed her hands into the ground and started moving.

“What are you doing?” Nick asked reaching for her.

“Trying to turn so I can see you,” Rachel said and with Nick’s help was able to turn her body. When she was situated it was her turn to ask what Nick was doing when she felt him stand.

“I need to stretch my legs. I’ve been sitting in the same position. Don’t worry; I’m gonna be right here.” Nick counted his steps out before he turned around and walked back. The last thing he wanted to do was get lost. He raised his arm above his head, reaching for the sky before bending over and touching his toes.

“What do you think is happening?” Rachel asked as she listening to the rustle of clothing as Nick moved around. She lay back on the ground, taking pressure off her behind. She would have liked to stand up and walk around, but that was out of the question.

“Right now they are probably sleeping; it’s too dark to search and they don’t want to lose any more people. They’ll start again in the morning.” Nick moved back to Rachel, shuffling his feet. He reached out expecting to touch Rachel but all he felt was air. “Rachel?”

“Here,” Rachel raised her arm, moving it around in the air until she came into contact with Nick’s. She gave it a tug. “Lay down.” She felt Nick sit down next to her and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him down. She pressed his head on her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Nick asked as he rested his head on her shoulder. He felt Rachel move her head to lean against the top of his. He lay on his good shoulder while the arm of the bad shoulder lay over her stomach.

“Making you take a load off and relax,” she pressed against his back, pushing him closer. “You were strong this whole time. It’s my turn.” She pressed her lips against his forehead. “So lay here and relax.” She clasped his hand over her stomach and brought the other one to his hair where she ran her fingers through the blonde spikes, now flattened by rain and dirt.

“I…” he squeezed her hand tighter. He closed his eyes releasing a breath as he relaxed. The thump-thump of her heart beat steady beneath his ear.

“Were you talking about the night we first met?”

“Among other things,” Nick said letting Rachel’s strokes through his hair soothe him. “When we first met, when we got back together. I couldn’t sit here in the quiet. It was driving me nuts. What’s so funny?” He asked when she giggled.

“When we first met,” she giggled again. “You were trying to impress me with who you knew and I had already met most of them.”

“Not one of my finer moments, I’ll give you that. You could have told me though and stopped me from sinking.”

“You were never sinking,” she told him. “I mean, I let you stick around after that pick up line.”

“I was at a severe disadvantage.”

“How do you figure?”

“You knew who I was the whole time. Me, I didn’t have a clue.”

“Would you have still hit on me if you knew I was Lance’s sister?”

“Definitely. You were hot.” Nick said without missing a beat.

Rachel laughed out loud. She held his head to her shoulder as she laughed. She felt his chuckles. “I love you, Nick,” she said as her laughter died.

“I love you.”

“Jesus!’ Rachel yelped. “Your hand is freakin’ cold!” She shivered as Nick’s hand moved across her stomach after he dipped it beneath her hoodie. “No, don’t,” she placed her hand over his on the outside of her hoodie, stopping him from removing his hand. She rubbed her fingers over his hand, hoping to dispel the coldness. “What else did you talk about?”

“I sang. Any song that came to mind. I think I sang the whole Black and Blue album.” 

“You remembered all the songs?”

“Funny,” he poked her in the side causing her to squirm. “I may have mumbled over some verses.”

Rachel laughed as she resumed running her hand through his hair. “I’m sad that I missed the concert.”

“Don’t be,” Nick whispered sleepily. The rhythmic strokes through his hair soothed him to sleep. “It wasn’t that good. I forgot words…rushed…” He yawned.

Rachel smiled and kissed his forehead softly. She tightened her arm around him. “Sleep, my love.” She let her eyes drift shut, blocking out the pain she felt in her leg and the cold. Instead she concentrated on the warm figure in her arms. She kissed his forehead again before resting her cheek upon it. She knew he wasn’t sleeping yet. After five years together she knew his breathing pattern.

“I’ve loved you forever, in lifetimes before,” she sang softly.

“Figures it would be an NSYNC song,” Nick mumbled half awake. “I heard the wheels turning and wondered what you would sing.”

“Quiet you,” Rachel yanked on his hair. “Or I’ll sing ‘Bye Bye Bye’.”

“No you won’t,” Nick’s voice took on a teasing glint.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup.”

“How do you figure?”

“You have never been able to sing that song without doing the dance. Incase you’ve forgotten you can’t exactly dance right now.” He grinned at Rachel’s silence. “And you totally skipped a verse.”

“I like JC’s part better.”

“Sometimes I wonder about this infatuation you have with JC.” Nick winced when Rachel gripped his hair, pulling hard. “Ow. Easy.”

“Shut up or I’ll sing Taylor Swift.”

“Shutting up,” he said but he grin was still on his lips. He winced again when Rachel pulled on his hair, tilted his head back. “I don’t think I like—” His words were cut off when Rachel covered his still moving lips with hers.

“Don’t think you like what?” Rachel asked when she broke the kiss.

“I don’t remember.”

Rachel grinned satisfied.

Nick moved his head rubbing it into her hand. “Less pulling, more petting.”

Her grin melted into a soft smile as ran her fingers through his hair again causing him to sigh. “How about this one… ‘How can I begin to tell you what ya do to me every time I hear ya more willing to wanna see ya’”

“I know that there’s no use in tryin’ to explain my confusion. But still I’m not complainin’ ‘bout my situation,” Nick joined in.

“Let’s not talk about a possible ending.”

They finished the song together and started another before their voices slowed to whispers. Rachel felt Nick’s breathing slow and even out indicating he was asleep. She yawned and inched closer to him, smiling when even in his sleep, Nick tightened the arm across her stomach holding her to his body.

“I love you Nick,” she breathed and let her eyes fluttered shut as she joined Nick in sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Morning brought the same as the one before. Awakening as the night released it grips and retreated giving way to light. People converged in the parking lot, steaming cups of coffee were drunk and the cups disposed off. Packs were checked and double checked before groups broke off and started the search again.

The early morning air was crisp; Lance could see his breath. He zipped the half-zip fleece hoodie completely, sending another silent thanks to JC for having the foresight to bring him clothes. He glanced at his phone, fully charged again because of JC. He sent a text out a few minutes ago to Rachel’s phone, a long shot considering that by now, her phone should definitely be dead.

“We’re gonna find her, Lance.” JC watched as Lance pushed his phone back in his pocket.

That raised another problem. Waking up this morning curled into JC’s body had taken him back. He had fallen back into the pattern like it had never stopped. After swearing to himself he would never be pulled back into JC again, it had taken one night for him to be sucked back in. _‘Less than one night,’_ his conscious told him. For that he blamed on JC. It was just much easier to stay mad at the older man when he wasn’t near. There was just something about him when you were in his presence that drew you in and made you forget you were angry.

He couldn’t allow it to happen again. He had been down that road before with JC and he already knew the destination. He couldn’t suffer through the heartbreak again. No matter how much he loved him – and he realized that he would always love JC – they couldn’t be together. His brain knew this. His heart though, was a different story. 

JC sighed watching Lance. He wasn’t giving him the cold shoulder, but it was close. He knew their problems couldn’t be fixed over night, especially when they didn’t talk about them. But he had hoped today would bring more of last night. _‘Stupid.’_ His brain screamed at him. What did he expect Lance to do? Pull him into a kiss? Hold his hand? It wasn’t possible. They couldn’t do that. 

“It’s Tuesday, JC. It’s been over forty-eight hours. How long are they going to keep searching? How long before this becomes a recovery search instead of a rescue?”

“Stop that,” JC said sharply. He gripped Lance’s shoulders giving the younger man a little shake. “Do not talk like that. Rachel and Nick are alive. I believe that.”

“Why do you believe that?” Lance asked staring into blue eyes.

“Because you believe it.” JC stated simply, meeting the green-eyed gaze unwavering.

“JC,” he felt himself begin to crack.

JC pulled Lance into a hug, damning anyone who wanted to classify it as anything more than just a friend offering comfort because that’s what it was. His mind was on finding Rachel and Nick and keeping Lance’s head above water. Anything else wasn’t important and could wait. He pulled back, keeping his hands on Lance’s shoulders meeting his eyes once again. “You have to stay positive Lance. You have to believe that Rachel and Nick are still alive. They’ll be cold and wet and cranky. Saying they’ll never go camping again.”

“They want to camp, they can pitch a tent in my backyard,” Lance muttered before mustering up a smile. “Thanks C.”

JC smiled and dropped his hands knowing that he couldn’t touch him any longer. He watched as Lance fiddled with his phone again. He wondered briefly if he was still in Lance’s contact list before he shook his head reminding himself that that wasn’t important.

“I keep hoping when I look they’ll be a message from her,” he blows out a puff of air. “I keep sending messages thinking the one I send will be the one that she replies to.”

“Lance,” JC raised a hand, removing the device from Lance’s grip. “You have to know that their phones are probably dead. They haven’t been charged since Friday.”

“I know,” Lance watched as JC pocketed his phone. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. It was probably for the better. If JC had it, he wouldn’t be tempted to check it constantly.

“Come on; we’re heading out.”

*~*

“Damn,” Rachel sighed when she opened her eyes, staring up at the leaves and trees dotted with blue sky that proved to be their roof.

“What?” Nick asked. He had been awake for awhile. He had kissed Rachel’s lips softly before sitting up. He checked over his surgery skills in the light of day, cringing at the ugliness. His stomach had turned at the sight unable to fathom that his hand, he had made that cut. He had walked around their area in search of what he didn’t know. There was nothing to see but trees for miles. 

Resigned, he returned to his sleeping girlfriend. He tried his best to let his eyes slip over her leg. Worry crept in as he down, cradling Rachel’s head in his lap where he worked his fingers through her hair, massaging. They hadn’t eaten since Saturday afternoon, three days ago.

“I was having an amazing dream.”

“Yeah?”

“Hmm mmm,” she whispered, allowing her eyes to slip close as Nick continued his ministrations. 

“Well tell me. Who knows, maybe it will come true.”

Rachel giggled opening her eyes again. “It’s already happened. Multiple times.”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “Really? Well…spill.”

“You must have started it with this,” Rachel raised a hand gripping one of his hands, stopping the movement where he was massaging her head. “I was in the shower. Such a nice, hot shower. Felt so good.”

“I like where this is going,” Nick grinned. “Where you alone in this shower or did you have company?”

“Alone at first,” Rachel said, “I don’t even know how it happened but the next thing I knew you were washing my hair.”

“Yeah; what else happened?”

“You washed my hair, it felt nice,” Rachel cracked one eye open to stare at Nick. “You didn’t think it was a dirty dream did you?”

“I was hoping.”

She giggled at Nick’s look. “Sorry.”

“Right,” he rolled his eyes, not believing Rachel for a second. “If I recall correctly, when this did occur led to some pretty interesting times.”

“It did,” she spoke quietly. She braced her elbows into the ground and moved to sit up. 

“Hey, easy,” Nick said as he held her arms. He pushed her into a sitting position then settled behind her allowing her to relax against him. “Are you okay?”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, just stiff and sore from lying in that position.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Hurts,” Her voice quivered. It was like his question reminded her brain, _‘oh yeah, you were operated on.’_

Nick cursed holding Rachel to him. There was nothing he could do to make the pain go away. The only thing that would help her is being rescued.

“Should we keep moving?”

“What?”

“I said, should we keep moving?”

“I know what you said I just can’t believe you asked that.” Nick shook his head slowly. “You are something else.”

“Why?”

“Rachel, I cut your leg open last night. Without drugs. Without a damn knife. And not even eighteen hours later, you’re asking if we should start walking?”

“I take it that’s a no?”

Nick sighed. “There is no way you can walk.” He told her. “But if you really want to keep walking, I could carry you.”

“Let’s just stay here and save our energy.” Rachel said after a few moments.

“Good choice,” he kissed her head.

*~*

“Over here!”

The shout came mid afternoon after the morning turned up empty. There had been no sign of either Rachel or Nick. Lance thought it was stupid for them to even suggest they might find one without the other. There would be no way Rachel and Nick would separate. It would be the very last option they would choose and even then Lance knew they wouldn’t.

The search group ran all ran to the left converging on the area where the shouting had come from. Lance gulped see the site. Clothes where torn and shredded. Packages that once contained food ripped; torn into tiny pieces.

Lance stared in shock. His eyes roamed the items, praying that they were someone else’s. A bright pink scrap of material caught his eye and he stepped toward it. Kneeling down he grabbed the ripped fabric in his hands.

“Lance?” JC questioned watching Lance holding the pink material in his hand.

“It’s Rachel’s,” Lance said quietly. He titled his head up to look at JC. “This is Rachel’s shirt. She did a run for cancer in October and this was the shirt they gave out for completing the run. She was proud of this shirt because she finished.”

JC reached out placing a hand on Lance’s shoulder. He squeezed reassuringly. “It could be someone else’s?” JC asked hopefully.

Lance shook his head, standing back up. JC’s hand fell from his shoulder and he missed the touched immediately. “It’s hers. That’s the shirt Nick was wearing when they left on Friday.” He pointed to a blue t-shirt caught on a bush. It was also torn to shreds. “What did this?”

“A bear more than likely,” one of the park ranger guides told him. He surveyed the scene. “Bear probably smelled the food in the packs and tore the packs apart searching for it.”

“If their packs are here, where are they?” JC asked the question no one wanted to voice.

“Hard to say,” the ranger said making eye contact with JC. “They could have come across the bear and sacrificed their packs in hopes the bear would smell the food and allow them to get away. They could have set them down to rest and the bear come up. Until we find Rachel and Nick, there really is no way to really tell.”

“The good news is there is no blood,” another ranger took over. He started looking around, surveying the scene taking everything in. “Very unlikely they were here when the bear happened upon them or they happened upon the bear. They were able to get away.”

“Or they bear chased them,” Lance said. He tried to think positive, he really did, but seeing the scene in front of him; his sister’s and Nick’s thing ruined proved a hard thing to overcome.

“No,” the ranger shook his head as he studied the ground along with the foliage. “The bear, after he tore through the packs, came this way. You can see the tracks leading away. Now over here,” he walked around the small clearing, careful of where he stepped. “You have human boot prints leading this way,” he pointed in the direction opposite of where the bear went. “Judging by the imprint, it’s safe to say these are Nick’s.”

“Where’s Rachel’s?” Lance asked staring at Nick’s print in the mud. He failed to see any smaller impressions. He was not going to believe that they separated.

“Right here,” the ranger walked a few steps from Nick’s steps. “If you look at these; see how they differ from Nick’s? It looks as if Nick was walking in that direction. These were in haste. You can see how they are smeared where Nick’s were more definite.”

“What this mean?”

“Just that Nick walked in that direction and Rachel ran in the same direction.”

Lance sighed as he once again looked at the mess. The torn clothing; he tried to muster a smile thinking of how Rachel would feel knowing a group of strangers had seen her underwear strewn about the forest floor but he couldn’t. Finding their packs wasn’t good news. Now they knew Nick and Rachel were without food, water and shelter. They didn’t know how long either. Did this happen Friday and they’ve been wondering around for four days or did this happen yesterday and only been without for a day at most? Lance didn’t like either option.

“Hey Lance,” JC called as he knelt down notice the item on the ground. He picked it up as Lance crouched beside him. “One of their phones.”

Lance grabbed it looking it over but he couldn’t tell whose it was. Both Rachel and Nick had black iPhones. The only way you could tell the difference was by the background photos they had on their phones. “It must have been in the pack.”

“They didn’t want to be bothered,” JC spoke softly watching as Lance pressed the button on the top of the phone in, holding it in a few seconds. He held is breath hoping to see the grey Apple icon. “Hey,” he smiled seeing the phone power up.

“Nick’s,” Lance breathed seeing the photo of Rachel on the background. “Rachel has a picture of Nick.” The information was unneeded. He was sure no one cared what the backgrounds were on either phone.

“Is there anything useful on there?” One of the rangers spoke up.

“No service,” Lance spoke more to himself than anyone else. “There’s still forty percent left on the battery.” He opened up the text messages seeing nothing dated later than Friday. There was no message failure. He backed out and searched the phone but found nothing. “There’s nothing on here.”

“That doesn’t mean anything Lance,” JC tried to reason. “There’s still battery life. That could mean Nick turned it off on Friday and shoved it in the pack. When they got into trouble, they could have separated their phones. Leaving one in the bag and having one in their pocket just in case. I didn’t see Rachel’s phone around here; no one else found it. So that means they could still have it.”

“Yeah,” Lance sighed as he stood back up. He powered the phone off and stuck it in his pocket. “What do we do now?”

“Follow their tracks,” the ranger said pointing in the direction both Rachel’s and Nick’s prints went off in. “This is good. We’ve picked up their tracks. Lucky that the ground is soft to catch them. Now we have a sense of direction.”

“Stay positive, Lance,” JC murmured as they started walking side by side. “We’re close.”

“They have no food,” Lance said. “They don’t even have a tent.”

“But we didn’t find blood. The bear and they went in opposite directions. That’s food news.”

“We got blood!”

Lance paled and he shot JC a look as if the older man’s word had someone predicted this. He stumbled to where the park rangers were gathered around an area. The dirt was kicked around, twigs were broken and what little grass there was was flattened. He swallowed roughly as he saw the blood. “What happened?”

“This is just guessing and probably won’t be accurate,” the park ranger started as he looked down at the ground, taking everything in. “I’d venture to say a scuffle took place here.”

“Are you saying Nick and Rachel fought?” Lance asked incredulously. No way would he believe it. He knew starvation led people to do some crazy things, but not this. He was shaking his head ready to say something when the park ranger continued.

“No; I’m saying one or both got into a fight with something. Maybe the bear. Look at the sticks lying around here. And the rocks. The dirt has been displaced. They’ve been overturned.” The ranger nodded as a story came alive in his mind. “It almost makes sense…”

“What makes sense!” Lance’s patience was wearing thin. First they come across his sister’s things torn to shreds and now they come across blood.

“Lance,” JC spoke under his breath.

“With the tracks earlier the way Rachel’s were sloppy and rushed, but Nick’s were normal. With this scene…” he paused to gather his thoughts. “Could be they stopped to rest, dropped their packs. For some reason Nick walks away. He gets out here and spots the bear. This is where the scuffle took place. He probably used one of those sticks as a weapon.”

The further the park ranger got in his story, the more Lance wanted to throw up. Nick had wrestled a bear? What if the ranger read the tracks wrong? What if it hadn’t been Nick wrestling the bear? What if it had been his sister? He swayed on his feet before he felt JC’s arm come up and wrap around his shoulders.

“Just a story,” JC murmured so only Lance could hear him.

“Well it sucks,” he whispered back.

JC couldn’t agree more. The story left a lot to be desired, but it sounded eerily like the truth. Just from looking at the tracks and this JC could definitely see what the ranger was describing. He would never tell Lance that though.

“You see all the rocks here, the other sticks; I’d say Rachel was probably throwing them trying anything to scare the bear away. The blood, there isn’t a lot to be too concerned about. He probably got a swipe at one of them.”

“So one of them is injured is what you’re saying?”

“Good possibility.”

“Or there is a chance the blood isn’t even human,” JC spoke up, staring at the park ranger until he relented.

“Or it’s not human.”

“There’s more tracks over here,” one of the volunteer searches called.

The park ranger examined the tracks. “These are definitely hurried. My guess they got away from the bear and weren’t sticking around. They ran away from their packs as the bear ran toward the packs.”

The group gathered again and followed the tracks as they led deeper into the forest and further away from the ranger station and the trails. Lance was thankful he had rangers who knew the forest and he trusted him to get them back because as they walked every tree and bush looked that same. He could see how someone got lost and after tangling with a bear he could see how they could get turned around. 

But his mind was on the bear and the blood they had spotted. There was a good possibility that either Nick or Rachel or both, was injured. It was hard to speculate how severe. With a bear there was no telling. What he did know they needed to find his sister and Nick fast.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

“What is your proudest moment?”

“That could get me in trouble,” Nick said. “Why the moment I met you.”

Rachel laughed. “Not hardly. Your pride took a hit that night.”

“Still got the girl didn’t I?” Nick grinned kissing the side of her head.

“I felt sorry for all those other poor, unsuspecting women you would subject your terrible lines on.”

“Hey, my lines are legendary.”

“They better be retired.” Rachel said dryly.

“You’re the only girl I’m using any lines on,” he squeezed his arms around her middle.

“Guess I’m taking one for the team.” She chuckled. “So, proudest moment, Nickolas.”

“Slave driver,” Nick murmured as he thought about the question, taking time to seriously consider the question. “Proudest moment,” he repeated. “When I hit a year sobriety. At that mark, I felt like I had truly conquered it and everything else was just gravy.”

Rachel nodded in agreement. “I was so proud of you that day.” They had been dating a little less than six months when the year mark in Nick’s sobriety came around. On that day, she held a small surprise party for him inviting all the guys, including Lance and their wives or girlfriends at the time. Nick hadn’t suspected a party and was surprised. That night was full of good laughs and good times completely alcohol free.

“What did you get me for Christmas?” Nick asked causing Rachel to laugh.

“Are you kidding?” Rachel said as she fought to control her giggles.

“Nope.” Nick grinned. “Come on, you gotta answer.”

“I don’t know; I haven’t gotten you anything yet,” she answered honestly.

“What!” Nick gasped playfully.

“It’s not even Thanksgiving yet; let me get through that holiday before I start thinking about Christmas.”

“You don’t have a clue what to get do you?” He laughed.

“Keep it up and you’ll get socks and underwear.” She threatened.

“Good, I need those,” Nick grinned.

“But this underwear won’t be you usual boxer briefs,” she said. “I’m thinking more along the lines of a little g-string looking thing barely big enough to hold… the goods.”

Nick’s laugh echoed off the trees. “You would like that wouldn’t you?”

“Oh yeah,” Rachel grinned. “I wonder what color would look best on you. Red satin? Purple? Maybe just a simple black.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this. I think I should start to be worried.”

“Have you ever pulled a Taylor Swift and wrote a song about an ex?”

“Uh, no.” Nick shook his head. “I haven’t written a song about an ex. Why would I give them something to make them think they were worth something more than they were? They are exes for a reason.”

“Really?”

“What song you do think is written about someone? Come on,” he continued when Rachel remained silent. “You had to think at least one song was written about someone.”

“I always thought ‘Coma’ was about someone.”

Nick shook his head as he ran through the lyrics to a song that was released as a European bonus track from his _‘I’m Taking Off’_ CD which he released last year. “No. That was not written about any of my past girlfriends. Rach, that was written while we were together; why would I write about wanting an ex?”

Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know. I may of seen something online about it…”

“Onli…the Internet? Really?” Nick rolled his eyes. “Since when do you believe something you read online?” He shook his head again. “Seriously…”

“I know I know. And normally I don’t. I _know_ better. But I was just surfing around and next thing I know I’m reading these comments about…” her words were muffled when Nick held his hand over her mouth.

“I have never written a song about anyone,” Nick spoke in her ear. “Especially an ex.” He used his hand to turn her head to look at him. “Stop. Reading. That stuff. It’s not true.”

“I know,” she pecked him on the lips. “Of course, I tend to find the comments stating how hot you are true. I especially find truth to the ones that state how cute we are together.” She smiled at him.

“Well now, I can understand that,” he kissed her.

Rachel laid her head down on Nick’s chest falling silent. The sun was bright above them signaling afternoon at least to her best guest. They didn’t fully know for sure what time it was. That was very disconcerting. Time moved differently when you weren’t able to check a clock. What felt like hours could very well possibly be only a handful of minutes.

She nuzzled her head against Nick, sighing when she felt him squeeze her reassuringly. She gave a yawn and let her eyes fall shut. Sleep was a good way to pass the time but that only rushed darkness. Being lost in the woods in the dark was still bad on the fourth night as it was the first. Shadows were everyway. Sounds were magnified. She scared herself silly thinking every shadow moved.

“Sleep,” Nick whispered kissing temple.

“I don’t know if I can,” she answered. “My leg hurts.” She tried not to complain because there was nothing they could do about her leg. She was stuck until they were found or… she shook her head. She didn’t want to think of the alternative. “What would you do if I didn’t make it? Would you stay here with my body or would you try to rescue yourself?”

“If you didn’t…would I….” Nick’s sentences were broken as his mind fought to make sense of Rachel’s words. “No,” he shook his head vehemently. “I am not answering that question.”

“You made the rules to the game earlier…”

“I don’t care, I’m not answering that,” he pulled away from Rachel and stood up roughly. He walked a few yards away and started pacing. He didn’t want to think about Rachel’s question. It was something that had been on his mind since even before he performed amateur surgery. Each time he thought about it – before he banished the question to the back of his mind – he couldn’t think of an answer.

If something happened to him and it left Rachel on her own… he shook his head. That couldn’t happen. She wasn’t an able body anymore. If something happened to him, she would have to sit next to his body until she was found or. He clenched his eyes shut trying to push the thought from his head.

The other side wasn’t much better to think about. Something happening to Rachel that left him on his own. Could he really leave her body and save himself? Could he really do that? He knew if given the choice, Rachel would tell him to do just that. And if the opposite could happen, he would have told Rachel the exact same thing.

Rachel watched Nick pace with pain-filled eyes. She knew what the question did to him. It did the same to her. She didn’t know why she voiced it. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about. If she were honest with herself she didn’t know what she would do. Looking down at her leg she smiled, but there was nothing behind it. No humor, no happiness. Nothing. Just dead. With her leg like it was, if something happened to Nick now, her choice was already made. The only way she would be able to move would be if Nick carried her or they were rescued.

“Nick,” Rachel called softly. “Please come here.”

His thoughts were still all over the map but Nick turned around and went back to Rachel, dropping to his knees at her side. “I’m sorry,” he spoke, his voice soft. “I don’t want to think about that.”

“I know,” she reached to take one of his hands in hers. “I don’t want to think about it either. I’m scared enough as it is. I don’t need my mind going down that road.”

Nick cupped her face holding her so she had to look at him. “I promise you Rachel, we will get out of here. I’m not going to let anything else happen to you. I will protect you with everything I am.” He stared into her green eyes unwavering. That statement was true. There were many unknowns and as more hours passed, the unknowns multiplied. But no matter what he would protect her with everything he had. “And hey,” he broke out into a smile. “When we get out of here, I’ll write a song about you.”

Rachel felt a tear slip down her cheek even as she grinned. “I don’t need a song Nickolas,” she raised her hands resting them over his on her face. “I just need _you_.”

*~*

Lance rubbed his hands over his tired face. Night had fallen upon them once again. Again they were calling it a night without bringing his sister and Nick home. Another night where they were stuck out in the unknown without food, without shelter and if the park ranger’s theory proved correct injured.

“We’re getting close, Lance,” JC said trying to stay positive. “We found their things today if we were able to keep walking I’m sure we would have happened upon them.”

“I wish we could carry big spotlights and search all night,” Brian said taking a seat on a big boulder that sat at the opening of one of the trails. He had been excited when the radio the park ranger leading his group was carrying had crackled to life mentioning they found Nick’s things. Once that happened, the search groups all converged to that area of the forest and spread out again. Finding the packs had given them a smaller, definite search area. 

“You know it’s dangerous for us to search at night,” Kevin spoke trying to be the voice of reason. Of course, he would volunteer in a second to search at night. “They could lose even more people.”

“No less dangerous than Nicky and Rachel still being out there,” AJ stated, crossing his arms. His muscles twitched inside his hoodie and he itched for a cigarette. But he was trying to quit before his daughter was born. So far he had been doing good, until he got the call about Nick.

“You said you found Nick’s phone?” Howie asked.

“Yeah,” Lance pulled the phone from his pocket. “There was nothing on it to say where they were, what happened. No calls or text messages. C thinks Nick’s phone was in the packs when the bear ripped them open.”

Brian cringed. He didn’t want to think about a bear being near his best friend that wasn’t either stuffed or had ‘teddy’ in front of it.

“You didn’t find Rachel’s?” Kevin asked, taking a seat next to his cousin seeing the look that crossed his features.

JC shook his head. “We searched the area but didn’t see it. I think they had it with them. One of the phones in the packs, turned off to save the battery and be protected from the rain. Then they had one on them just in case they get separated from the packs.”

No one could argue with JC’s reasoning. It was pretty sound.

“Why don’t we try calling Rachel’s phone from Nick’s?” Howie spoke up. “I know it’s a long shot. We’ve been trying their phones since Monday, but who knows. Maybe if we try from Nick’s it might go through and they’ll see we found their stuff.”

“And know we are looking for them.” Brian added softly. He turned on the boulder looking out into the darkness where the forest lay. Did Nick know they were looking for him; that they wouldn’t stop looking until he was found? Was he losing hope that he was going to be found?

“Worth a try,” Lance said willing to try anything. He turned the device over in his hand. He held the power button on, watching as the apple appeared and waited for it to power up. He started feeling it to start to vibrate incessantly in his hand and watched as text message after text message poured in.

“First time it’s had service,” AJ commented as they all gathered closer, peering down at the phone as it finally stopped. He chuckled. “I can just imagine Nicky’s face if he had turned this on receiving the influx of text.” His words caused the rest of them to smile.

“Maybe he text his own phone from Rachel’s?” JC asked.

“Worth a shot, if Rachel’s phone had a moment of service,” Lance said as he opened the text message folder on Nick’s phone. There were dozens of folders lit up with new messages. The top ones were from their small little group: Brian, Howie, AJ, Kevin, JC and him. Brian’s name was listed at the top. He looked up, catching the singer’s gaze.

“I keep sending them hoping that he would receive that one,” Brian said softly. “Now I guess I know that didn’t work.”

Kevin wrapped a comforting arm around Brian’s shoulders. He tried to imagine what Brian was going through. They all loved Nick like a brother, but Nick and Brian there were as close as close can get. It had been that way since the inception of the group. 

“I’ve texted Rachel’s phone since Saturday,” Lance offered. He scrolled down the new messages, not bothering to open the folders with the new messages. He found his sister’s name buried in the list as the first person not to have sent a new text. He tapped her name bringing up the text messages hoping the front screen was wrong.

_‘So excited! Can’t wait to spend the weekend with you. Just us. Love you so much! XOXO’_

He read the last text under Rachel’s name sent on Friday from Rachel’s phone. If only she knew what was going to happen… This was why he didn’t say anything. This was why he didn’t voice his fears to his sister before they left on Friday. He knew how much Rachel was looking forward to the weekend alone with Nick. He couldn’t find it in himself to ruin that for her. He sighed.

JC squeezed Lance’s shoulder knowing what was going through his mind. He felt for Lance, he really did. He couldn’t imagine how he felt knowing that if he would have just said something and talked Rachel and Nick from going, this could have all been avoided. It was a lot to carry.

Lance shook his head looking at the other guys. “There’s nothing from Rachel’s phone.”

“Well try sending out a text anyway,” Kevin said. “Put that we are searching; we won’t give up.”

Lance nodded as he moved his fingers over the key pad as he wrote out a text. _‘Found your packs and Nick’s phone. We are searching for you. We won’t give up. Don’t give up. We’re coming. Love you both –L,J,B,K,A,H’_ He pressed send and watched as the text sent. It was all very anticlimactic. There was no return text, there was no phone call. There was no answer at all.

“Let’s head back to the hotel,” Kevin stated, standing up. “We’ll regroup, get something to eat and rest.”

“Not hungry,” Brian said, but he stood and walked with the group.

“You’re still eating something,” Kevin said feeling his father instinct come over him. “Tomorrow is going to another long day and you need to keep your strength up.”

“Yes Father,” Brian muttered under his breath. Truthfully he was glad Kevin was here. He was glad they all where here with him. He was glad he wasn’t alone. He raised his head catching the two men walking in front of him. Lance and JC. The two men walked close together; so close their hands brushed when their arms swung. For most people that would have bothered them, but watching the two, Brian realized they didn’t even notice.

Yesterday after the long day searching he had been happy to see the guys. Having his friends there, he didn’t have to be so strong. He could allow Kevin, Howie and AJ to help shoulder the weight. But as he was hugging his friends, he caught site of Lance standing alone and his heart went out to him. He had been about to call out to him when he saw JC walking up to him. There had been something in the singer’s face alerting Brian that Lance would be okay. Looking at them now he had been right.

“Lance,” Sherriff Green walked up to the group. “I have given my statement to the media; they are asking if you would release a statement? Any of you.”

“I…” Lance started before stopping. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to the media. He needed to focus all his energy on finding Rachel and Nick. Dealing with the incessant questions from media vying for spots on the nightly news was not how he wanted to spend his night.

“We’ll do it, “Kevin spoke. He saw everyone’s gaze snap to him. “We’ll all go up there and speak but no questions. We don’t have any answers to anything they ask.

The group was in agreement. They would stand united behind the podium, in front of the cameras, and say a few words to placate the mass. The guys assembled in front of the cameras, each displaying their interview face they spent years perfecting. Kevin and Brian stood in the center with AJ and Howie on Kevin’s right. Next to Brian stood Lance then JC.

As Kevin began to talk, Brian felt a hand take his. He didn’t question the hold; he simply squeezed back and took Kevin’s hand. Later, when he caught the replay of the press conference he would watch in awe as one after the other, the grown men clasped hands. It didn’t go unnoticed to Brian that Lance and JC had held hands for a few seconds before Lance’s had slipped in Brian’s.

Lance didn’t remember what Kevin had said. He was glad the older man volunteered to do all the speaking. He wasn’t sure he would be able to get through it all without crying or unleashing his temper at wasting precious time speaking to useless people. He remembered clutching JC’s hand like a lifeline as he stared into the bright lights set up in the media area. It had been a dumb move on his part, taking JC’s hand out in the open like they were lovers. He hoped by taking Brian’s hand it would cover up his slip.

He was brought back to the present when there was a barrage of questions being shouted. Each media member trying to be heard in hopes of getting their question answered even though they knew questions weren’t being answered. They always had to try. He felt JC nudge him and he started moving away from the microphones. He dropped JC’s hand realizing Brian had already dropped his. He felt the loss immediately.

A question thrown out in a desperate attempt penetrated his mind bringing him up short. 

“Lance, when do you start looking at this not as a rescue but a recovery of your sister’s body?”

“Lance,” JC murmured. He placed a hand on Lance’s back feeling the tension coiling. “Don’t…”

Lance whirled around stalking toward the podium. His mind was seething.

“Do that,” JC said quickly going after Lance.

“A recovery!” Lance shouted. “This is not a recovery search. My sister is still alive, damnit! Instead of sitting here talking about how none of us went to Justin’s wedding or the reason why NSYNC and Backstreet Boys don’t like each other, why don’t you put down your Goddamned microphones, passing useless information that’s going nothing to aide in the search, put on a pair of hiking boots and help! Now that would be a fantastic idea and you would be actually doing something productive.”

“Lance,” JC called. It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with what Lance was saying, he did. But nothing good would come from this. He looked out at the media seeing the reporters eating it. He could almost see them salivating at the sound byte.

“Hey Lance,” Joey Fatone cut between JC and Lance. He wrapped an arm around Lance’s shoulder and forcefully turned him from the media leading him away.

JC stared in surprised seeing Joey leading Lance away. He had no idea Joey was even here. As he watched Joey and Lance move further away he saw Chris walking in the distance toward the other two members. He started following slowly, giving a disappointed sigh. It wasn’t right, he knew, he was happy Joey and Chris were here to help; to offer their support for Lance. But unless they had somehow managed to get a room, the two men were rooming with him and Lance and that meant he wouldn’t get any alone time with Lance at all.

“Hey man,” Joey stated leading Lance in between two vehicles where he was out of camera sight.

“Fucking bullshit,” Lance ranted, pacing back and forth. “How could they ask me that? What did they expect me to say?”

“They expected you to do just what you did,” Chris said as he walked up.

That brought Lance to a halt. “Fuck…” he groaned. Chris was right. He had walked right into it. He should have known better. He _did_ know better! It was something he had learned a long time ago. Wait a minute… his head snapped up and he stared unbelieving at the person in front of him. Chris.

“It took me a little bit to get here,” Chris said as an explanation.

Lance shook his head and wrapped his arms around Chris, hugging him tight.

“Missed you too, Bass,” Chris hugged him back.

“When did you get here?” Lance asked after hugging Joey.

“Just in time to see the Oscar performance live.”

Lance groaned, “I can’t believe I did that.” He leaned back against the SUV. He rubbed a hand over his face before carding his fingers back through his hair.

“It’s alright,” Joey said as JC walked up. He raised an eyebrow in the direction of the man, surprised to see him here. “It was a crap question. Any one of us would have done the same thing.”

“The good news is,” Chris said and stopped when the remaining members of the Backstreet Boys came up to them. There were more hugs passed around. “As I was saying,” he continued. “We didn’t know what we’d get into coming up here, so we made food and brought it.”

“We?” Joey asked, taking his gaze off Lance to look at Chris. He knew Lance could see the questions in his head but he was ignoring him. _‘Interesting.’_

“Okay, Fatone made it. I just helped him carry it to the car then had to listen to him bitch because I didn’t set it up right in the back…”

“The way you had it, it was liable to spill over the back!”

“Whatever, Dude,” Chris rolled his eyes. “So we’ll follow you back to the hotel and while you guys shower we’ll warm the food up, eat and you guys can fill us in on what’s going on and what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

*~*

Lance knew it wouldn’t take long for the questions to start coming. He was right. As soon as the shower turned on in the bathroom and they were sure JC was occupied, Joey and Chris turned to him.

“How long as he been here?”

“Joey…” Lance sighed wishing he had taken the first shower. But it was delaying the inevitable.

“I didn’t know he was here. You should have called me. I would have been here immediately.”

“Why weren’t you here Joey?” Lance snapped at his friend. “JC was here as soon as he heard and the only reason it took him that long was because he had to hear the breaking news on the TV. But you, you knew Sunday and yet, here it is, Tuesday night and you’re just now showing up.”

Joey and Chris exchanged looks noticing how fast Lance was quick to jump to the ex-band member’s defense.

“Don’t give me that crap.”

“What crap, Lance?’ Chris asked as he looked around the room, noticing only one bed. “Where did C sleep last night?”

“Right,” Lance laughed mirthlessly. “I see what this is about. What do you want to hear? You want to hear that JC and I fucked like rabbits all night? Fine. We fucked like rabbits the whole night while my sister and her boyfriend, whom I consider a _brother_ , are lost in the woods. Yeah, this is just a big old vacation for me!”

“That’s not what I meant, Lance.” Chris said listening to Lance’s backlash. Of course he lied, that’s exactly what he meant. The couch was on the small side and he doubted JC’s lanky body would have fit comfortably. It didn’t mean that JC hadn’t slept there; if JC was still the same as he was and Chris highly doubted that JC would ever change, he knew JC would have slept there and been dead to the world all night.

“Sure it wasn’t,” Lance rolled his eyes. “What do you have to say?” He looked at Joey.

“I just want to know if you know what you’re doing.”

“If I know…” Lance repeated before breaking off. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What I am doing is searching for my sister. You two do remember her right? You know the one that looks like me only with long hair and prettier? The one that’s lost in the middle of a million square acre forest? The one without food and water or shelter for at least two days but who knows maybe they could have been without all that since Friday.”

“Lance…” Joey spoke. He felt bad. He damned JC for being here, wishing he would have stayed away. That made him feel worse because JC had just as much right to be here as the rest of them. Even more so if he was honest with himself. Rachel and JC were close. Out of the four remaining members of NSYNC not including her brother, JC was the one Rachel hung around with the most. He remembered seeing them talking often, laughing and giggling at jokes no one else got. He wasn’t sure if their relationship stemmed from JC and Lance’s or they just gravitated toward each other.

“Fine you want to know the truth,” Lance stood up, pulling clothes from bag JC had been kind enough to grab for him. “We slept in the bed together. But first we slept on the couch. Until I woke up with a nightmare. Until I woke up because it hurt so fucking bad that I couldn’t breathe. And he was there. He was right here with me, saying and doing everything he could think of to try to make it better but knowing that nothing could make it better but Rachel returning safely.”

“He was here from the minute he heard it on the news. Because he knew. He _knew_ how this affected me. He didn’t crack jokes,” he stared at Joey who had the courteous to blush. “He shoved all the shit that happened between us to the back of his mind because it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters right now is my sister and Nick.”

He was shaking as he stalked toward the bathroom JC occupied. The shower was turned off and he flung the door open causing JC to give a startled cry. Lance barely saw the man, clad in only a pair of black boxer briefs.

“Lance?” JC questioned, pausing with one hand held to his head where he had been towel drying his hair. He had heard the muffled voices beyond the door and fought not to listen. Judging by the looks he had gotten from Chris and Joey earlier, he knew the topic that caused Lance to storm into the bathroom was him. He gulped watching Lance start stripping. His clothes fell to the floor next to the ones JC had discarded earlier and he swallowed roughly remembering the other times their clothes littered the bathroom floor together.

“It’s your turn to deal with them,” Lance snapped and climbed into the tub pulling the curtain close. He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it hoping it would dispel the temper that had built up.

JC stared at the curtain for a long moment wanting to reach out to Lance. But there was a line drawn. He could offer comfort after a dream, hold his hand during a trying press conference. But he could clearly not climb into the shower after Lance and offer anything. And that was his fault. His fingers itched to touch the man beyond the curtain. They itched to touch and trace and explore –relearn- the body he had once known so well. 

To keep from reaching for Lance, JC pulled on a pair of sweats. With the towel and his t-shirt in one hand he gave one last longing look toward the curtain before he walked from the room, closing the door with a soft click.

The click echoed in the room. Lance felt that sound bearing down on him until he couldn’t hold himself up anymore. He collapsed to the ground, a sob escaping as the emotions tumbling inside of him finally burst free. Another exhausting day searching woods that looked the same in every direction turning up empty. Finding out his sister and Nick had come across a bear that decimated their belongings. The blood on the ground where a scuffle took place. The reporter bringing his fears to light. And wanting to do nothing more than crawl into JC’s arms and take everything he could. It all took so much from him and now adding to the mix, two friends who looked to keep him separated from the one person he wanted… the one person he _needed._

It was all too much.

He sat on his knees in the tub, the water from the shower head beating down on him; his tears mixed with the water before it swirled down the drain.


	14. Chapter 14

“If I lose my foot, would you still love me?”

The question broke the silence Nick and Rachel had fallen in. In all honesty, Nick had thought Rachel had fallen asleep, but apparently she had been thinking. Night had fallen on them again. It was now the fourth night they were stranded in the woods. He wasn’t sure how long they could survive without food and water. He almost wished it would rain so they would be able to drink something. But that was a catch-twenty-two. Sure they could drink, but then they’d be soaking wet and cold again. His stomach had stopped growling and he couldn’t remember the last time he had to relive himself. It didn’t know exactly what it all meant, but he knew it wasn’t good.

“What?”

“If I lose my foot, would you still love me?”

He furrowed his eyebrows hearing the question again. It wasn’t that he didn’t hear it the first time; it had just caught him off guard. He damned the darkness once again because he was unable to see her face. He was sensing a pattern with his girlfriend. The major questions came in the middle of darkness when he couldn’t see her. The darkness provided a cover she was able to hide behind. He wondered if she was doing it on purpose.

“Of course I would still love you,” Nick said firmly. “Rachel, I don’t care if you lose your foot, both arms and wind up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.” He wished he could see her face; wished she could see his face to see how serious he was. “I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Ever. I will carry you from room to room, bathe you and wash your hair.”

“That much huh?”

Nick dipped her back in his arms, careful not to disturb her leg. Even though she couldn’t see, he still smiled down at her as her arms wrapped around his neck. “That much,” he kissed her softly. “And more.” He kissed her again. “So much more.”

Rachel sighed laying her head back on his shoulder. They were back in the position that had become a standard for them. If she wasn't sitting in front of him leaning back against him she was sitting like this. She was between his legs which were bent at the knees. Her legs were straight out beneath one of his. One of her arms was wrapped around his back and she leaned against his chest. His arms cradled her to his body.

“First thing you’re gonna do when you get back?”

“Shower,” Rachel giggled.

“Can I join?” Nick murmured in her ear, grinning when he felt Rachel shiver.

“You’re gonna have to because I plan on using all the hot water.”

“What do you regret?”

“Hey! Isn’t it my turn?”

“You’ve been asking a lot of questions.”

“Well I had to catch up.”

“Do you have a question to ask?” He felt Rachel shake her head. “Then stop your complaining.”

“Watch it mister,” she poked him in the ribs causing him to squirm. “Hmm what do I regret? That’s a pretty deep question. Are you asking what I regret in my life as in we’re never getting out of here alive or just in general?”

Nick drew his eyebrows downward hearing Rachel’s question. “Now that you bring it up let me rephrase. If we don’t make it out of here alive, what do you regret?”

“Wow… okay,” Rachel fell silent as she thought about the things she’d regret. “I can think of three of them.”

“Wow, three?” Nick repeated. He didn’t think Rachel would have that many regrets. He was kind of scared to hear them now thinking that at least one had to do with him. He didn’t want to hear something Rachel regretted involving him. “What are they?”

“I regret not marrying,” Rachel said. She felt Nick tense slightly beneath her. “You.” She finished the sentence. The word came out lower. “I regret not getting married to you.” It was her turn to be scared when Nick failed to say something. _‘I should have made something up,’_ she thought to herself. “How about those Lakers?” She asked changing the subject.

“You hate basketball,” Nick said. “You want to marry me?”

“Of course I want to marry you,” she figured there was nothing to lose. She’d come to terms awhile ago that Nick wasn’t the marrying kind; a hangover from his parents' marriage. She was okay with that.

“You never said anything…”

“I know,” Rachel said softly. “But I know you don’t want to get married.”

“But you want to get married.” Nick was starting to feel like a heel. He had a ring all this time, numerous opportunities to propose and he never did. 

“Funny thing about that,” she told him. “I realized that even though I wanted to get married, I only wanted to marry you. You don’t want to get married and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not getting married. I just want to be with you.”

The words ran over in Nick’s mind. Rachel wanted to get married. He wanted to marry her. He had a ring hidden back at their house ready to be put on her finger. It was a mistake on his part to wait for the perfect moment. Every moment was perfect. The perfect moment was everyday. If he had asked when he first got the ring, they could have been married now. Rachel could have been Mrs. Nickolas Carter. The thought made him smile. Just the shear fact of giving her his name made his heart feel lighter.

_‘I am a moron,’_ he thought. He wanted to get married and now Rachel was okay with not getting married. “Ask me when I bought the ring.”

“What?” Rachel stated dumbly. She sat up gasping in pain when she moved her foot. She squeezed her thigh wishing the pain away.

“Damnit,” Nick sat up. He wrapped one arm around her back while the other held her head to his chest. “I’m sorry. I know it hurts. Just breathe Baby. I’m sorry…”

“Nick,” Rachel’s voice wavered with unshed tears. “When did you buy the ring?”

“Six months ago,” Nick answered softly. “I have been waiting for the perfect time to ask you. There have been about seven times now that I have wanted to ask, but I thought there would be a better moment.” He huffed, shaking his head. “I’m a moron. I should have asked you the minute I bought the ring.”

“Ask me now.” The words came out calmly, but inside Rachel was anything but. Her heart was racing wildly.

“Do I have enough allotted questions?” Nick teased.

“I don’t know; if not you can borrow one of mine.”

Nick hummed out loud, “No that won’t work. If I borrow it, that means I have to give it back. And I don’t want to give this question back…”

“Nickolas!”

Nick chuckled. He pulled away slightly and palmed Rachel’s face, cupping his hands on each of her cheeks. “I wanted to ask this when I could see you. I want to be able to look into those beautiful green eyes, see them fill with tears – happy ones of course.”

“You can ask me again in the daylight.” Rachel said. Her stomach somersaulted and her hands clutched at his hoodie. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure this was really happening. Nick was going to propose!

“Your answer might be different,” Nick said only half joking.

“Never in a million years.” She raised her hands cupping his face much like he was cupping hers. His beard was more pronounced tonight and she found herself missing the smoothness of his skin. “Ask me, Nickolas.”

“I don’t want to mess this up.” Nick whispered.

“You can’t mess this up,” Rachel whispered, rubbing her thumbs over his cheek.

“Okay,” he took a deep breath hoping his thoughts came out correctly. “This is where I should say something about making me the happiest man in the world but I already am the happiest man. Just by you being with me. I never understood the big deal about a piece of paper. I do now. Seeing you wear my ring, taking my name… Lord knows I’m not perfect and for some reason you still continue to think I am,” his words faltered when he felt the wetness hit his hands and he had to smile. He didn’t have to guess if those were happy tears falling from Rachel’s green eyes. He knew. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she whispered. Her heart burst with love for the man in front of her. Using her hands she brought his face forward meeting her lips. “There is no other man for me. I believe you are the man I was meant to be with and I will forever be thankful Lance drug me to the club that night where I met you. Because I knew right then, that you were the one.”

“That was the hardest thing I had to do,” Nick wrapped his arms around her waist holding her against him. He always thought he’d feel scared – trapped – after asking that question but he didn’t. He felt happy, in love – loved. 

“I thought cutting me open was the hardest thing?” Rachel mumbled against his neck. Oh how she wished she could smell the concoction that made up Nick. The combination of his deodorant, shampoo, body wash, cologne and just him. There wasn’t even the smallest of traces left.

“Yeah, right, well this was a close second.” Nick said felling Rachel snuggling closer to him He dropped a kiss to the top of her hair. _‘My fiancée!’_ He couldn’t help the grin that grew on his face. “You could have let me know that I was the one.”

“Yeah right,” she chuckled softly. “If I would have told you that, you would have gone in the opposite direction. You were looking for someone to share your bed with that night, not forever.”

“Yes,” he said unable to deny the claim. He had been looking for someone to take home that night.

“I just had to ease you into the idea by making you unable to live without me.”

“Is that what you did?” Nick murmured. “Well you did a good job. I can’t live without you. Without you all I’ll be is incomplete.”

Rachel snorted, “Another one of Nick Carter’s impressive lines.” She giggled feeling Nick nuzzle her neck.

“Get used to ‘em,” Nick mumbled against her neck. “You’re suck with them – with me- forever.”

“Right where I want to be,” she answered as she laid her head on Nick’s shoulder, feeling him rest his head on top of her. “Right where I want to be.”

*~*

“If I don’t make it out of here,” Rachel spoke, her voice low and pain-filled. The throbbing in her leg was back in full force. She tried to keep her mind off of the pain, but it was no use. The pain was front and center in her mind. Maybe that’s what spurred this line of thought. “If I don’t make it out of here and you do, make sure I’m buried with your ring.”

“Rachel…” Nick’s eyes closed as Rachel’s words brought pain. It was starting to look like a very real fact that they might not get rescued.

“I know; it’s not something you want to talk about. I don’t want to talk about it either. We don’t have to. Just please promise me that if I die, I’ll be buried with your ring.”

He took a breath to try to even out his breathing. He tightened his arms around Rachel. “I’ll make sure you are buried with my ring,” he promised his words raspy as he tried to speak around the lump in his throat. The image was now in his brain of him sliding the engagement ring on Rachel’s lifeless finger.

Rachel pressed a kiss on Nick’s neck feeling him swallow roughly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know why it means that much to me…”

“I understand,” Nick turned his head, kissing the top of Rachel’s head. “I do. I just hurts to think about.”

“I know; it hurts me too.”

“Then let’s not think about,” Nick said and he pushed the thoughts about death and dying and funerals to the back of his mind. “Let’s talk about something happier.”

“I planned our wedding.”

Nick blinked his eyes in shock. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as Rachel’s words repeated. “Come again?”

Rachel giggled. “I can just see your face. Eyes wide, mouth opening and closing, pale skin.”

“You planned our wedding?” Nick asked. “Right now? In the few hours it’s been since I asked you to marry me?”

“No silly,” Rachel giggled again. “Every girl has their wedding planned. The only blank spot in the whole vision is the groom. I wonder how many girls out there filled your likeness in as the groom?”

“I know of at least one,” Nick murmured in her ear.

“I could think of hundreds.”

“Okay, so can I,” he relented. “But I know of one where that is actually going to happen.”

“Hmm, do I know her?” she teased.

“Very well. So do I get to hear about our wedding or do I just get the time and place and a ‘be there’?”

Rachel chuckled softly. “No. This is just what I dreamed of. Doesn’t mean it will be like this.”

“I’ve heard these stories before. I don’t think for one minute that I get to plan anything that has to do with the wedding. So what do you have planned?”

“Well I wanted it small,” Rachel began. “I don’t want it overdone and lavish. I don’t care for all that. I want it small; our families and close friends.”

“Justin getting an invite?”

Rachel smacked his stomach. “Funny man. Anyway, just our families and close friends. I don’t want a ‘who’s who’ of Hollywood. I don’t like most of them anyway. We’d have it on a beach somewhere. Though I’m not sure where.”

“On the beach?” Nick mused, nodding like the ideas Rachel had told him so far. He was all for a small wedding with just family and friends. Those were the only people, in his opinion, that needed to share their special day. No one else mattered.

“Yes. On the beach.” Rachel confirmed. “You’d wear black pants, a white button up shirt, un-tucked. I’d wear a white summery dress. Something silk and light; fit for a beach wedding. We’d both be barefoot.”

“I was sold the moment you said I wouldn’t have to wear a monkey suit.” He hugged her tightly. “I think it sounds great. Exactly what we should do.”

“Really?” Rachel questioned surprised. “I didn’t know if you’d go for a beach wedding. Of course, I was still thinking you’d never go for a wedding.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly. Whenever I thought of marriage, I’d think of my parents. Took me a long time to realize that I couldn’t base being married on one marriage. They may have been in love when they first got married but they didn’t stay that way.”

“I can’t imagine growing up in house where Momma and Daddy didn’t love each other. It’s such a staple for me. Nick, I know I can’t promise our relationship won’t change after we get married or that we won’t fight. What I can promise is that I’m going to love you and keep on loving you and I’ll always be by your side.”

Nick cupped Rachel’s chin tilting her head up and kissed her lips softly after hearing her words. “I love you.” He whispered against her lips before settling her back against him. “So, Ms. Wedding Planner, what else do you have planned? Who is standing up for you? For me? Where’s the reception? What’s our first song? The honeymoon?”

“Well keeping with the small, intimate wedding theme I was going to have Lance stand up for me. I realize I have a lot of others I could ask, but I don’t want them. Lance is my best friend.”

“Never doubted that for a minute,” Nick said. “So you’re not doing the traditional bridesmaids thing huh? I guess that means I have to narrow down all my friends to one.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Like that’s hard. You know you’re gonna choose Brian.”

“Well now, these are your wedding plans. Who did you have me chose?”

“For our wedding,” Rachel stated. “It’s not like this has to happen.”

“No no,” Nick said stopping her before she got going. “I like this idea. This is what we’re going to do. I was just messing. You were right; I would choose Brian.”

“I know you would,” Rachel said smartly, squirming when he poke her in her ribs. “As for the reception… I’m not sure. Maybe at the house keeping with the intimate theme? But I don’t know.”

“We’ll think of something,” Nick told her, rubbing her shoulder. “First song? And my favorite, the honeymoon.”

“Come on now, I have a hard enough time thinking of what songs to put on my iPod. You think I can narrow down all the songs I like and love to just one?”

“No,” Nick laughed. “How about I choose a song?”

“Deal,” Rachel said quickly. “And I’ll let you plan the honeymoon.”

“Now that I’ll gladly do,” Nick grinned.

“As long as it doesn’t involve camping.”

*~*

“You said you regretted three things. Marriage was the first one; what are the other two?” Nick asked. It was still dark outside sometime in the middle of the night. They had dozed for awhile; for how long Nick didn’t know. What he did know was they were unable to sleep through the night. They’d each awake multiple times. Sometimes they’d talk quietly until they’d fall back asleep other times they wouldn’t say anything. They’d just lie in each other’s arms.

“You looking to fix my regrets?” Rachel asked quietly. They had moved to laying position. She was curled up against him as much as she could be. Her leg was a hindrance not allowing her to get as close as she wanted.

“I don’t want you to regret anything especially if I could have given you what you wanted.”

“Is that why you proposed? Because you knew I regretted not getting married?”

“What? No. No. No. No. I proposed because I love you and want to marry you. I bought your engagement ring months ago. I wouldn’t cheapen it by proposing just because you said you wanted to get married. Rachel, I knew you wanted to get married a long time ago. I knew you always wanted to get married. You really don’t believe I proposed because you said that do you?”

Rachel shook her head. “No, you wouldn’t do that.”

“That didn’t sound very sure.”

Rachel turned her head toward him; pausing when she felt lightheaded. “Nick, don’t try to read something in my words that isn’t there. I believe that you bought the ring months ago. I don’t believe you proposed because I mentioned it. You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t propose to me or anyone until you were good and ready.”

Nick pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sorry. I just don’t want you to think I did it for any reason less than I love you and want to marry you.”

“I do believe that Nick,” she said softly. She pressed her hand against his side in a sort of hug. “The second regret is not that big of a jump from marriage.”

“A baby.” Nick was stunned when the thought of having a child didn’t scare him. 

“Not just any baby; your baby.”

“I would hope so because if we’re married you’re not having another man’s baby,” Nick said jokingly. As soon as the words came out he remembered an earlier conversation with Rachel. “I didn’t mean that as in I was against you carrying a baby for Lance and his better half. I meant that as in… well… so a baby?”

“This sort of goes along with my marriage reasoning. I only wanted to marry you. If you didn’t want to get married, I’d still be with you. Same with children. I want them with you. Only with you.”

“We’d probably have twins,” Nick mused, warming up to the idea. He smiled thinking of a blonde haired-green eyed little girl; a perfect replica of her mother. He was already in love.

Rachel hummed in agreement, “good possibility. Not only are Lance and I twins but you have Aaron and Angel so it runs in both families. Of course it could skip a generation.”

“Might be better that way; we’d never get any sleep.”

“Nah; what’s the difference? You’re up with one or you’re up with two. You’re still awake.” She could already imagine cradling a perfect little baby to her breast; seeing another perfect little baby in Nick’s arms.

“True. Might as well go all out. Two little girls who look exactly like you.”

Rachel laughed softly. “Who would be spoiled rotten by you.”

“Oh yeah,” Nick grinned. “They can have anything they want but no boys. They won’t date. Ever.”

Chuckles escaped Rachel as she heard Nick’s words. “Spoken like a typical man. You know they are gonna have boyfriends.”

“If they look like their Mama all the boys will be coming around. You know what? On second thought, we’re having boys. Dealing with girls and dating, yeah…no.”

“We’ll have cute little boys, small replicas of their fathers,” Rachel grinned.

Nick groaned. “We’re screwed. We’ll have little girls who will grow up to look like their beautiful mother and have every boy and man knocking on their door. None of whom will be good enough.”

“Naturally.”

“Or we’ll have boys who will grow up to act like me; just what the world doesn’t need.”

“I see your point. I’m sure I could handle more than one Nick,” she teased but the image stuck in her head of blonde haired boy, with startling blue eyes and an infectious grin with an amazing ability of getting into trouble.

“You handle me just fine.” Nick murmured holding her tighter.

“You’re right; what’s one more.” Rachel relented.

“Have you thought about names?” Nick asked. It all felt surreal. Here he was discussing children like he had wanted them all his life when in fact he just now realized how much he wanted them. He was engaged to be married and now he was talking kids. Before long they’d be shopping for a dog and he’d have a white picket fence around their house. “Wait a minute. Speaking of names, you are going to take mine right? You’re not going to do some crazy thing like hyphen our names together, are you?

“Bass-Carter? I don’t know. It has sort of a nice ring to it doesn’t it?”

“No.”

The answer came so firmly that Rachel had to laugh. “I am not going to do a silly thing like hyphening our names or keep mine. I’m marrying you. I want everything that comes with it; including your name. I think Rachel Carter sounds so much better than Rachel Bass-Carter.”

“Definitely,” Nick squeezed her. He couldn’t describe the feeling he received when he heard Rachel say her name with his attached. He couldn’t wait to make that happen; couldn’t wait until she was Rachel Carter, wife of Nick Carter. _His wife._ “I think it sounds pretty damn amazing that you would settle for me, Nick Carter—”

“Who is a pretty damn amazing man. Who is the man that I love. Who is the man that loves me. Who is the man that I can not imagine living the rest of my life without—”

Nick moved quick but careful enough so he wouldn’t jar the injured leg she had pressed against him. His movements caused her head to move from his shoulder to his forearm as he loomed above her. “I wish I could see your face right now. Wish I could stare into those beautiful green eyes that I love so much.”

“Just imagine them shining brightly with my love for you,” Rachel said as she looped her arms around his neck.

“I am a lucky man,” he spoke softly. He grimaced as he raised his injured arm up so he could caress her cheek. “And I will spend the rest of my life loving you.” He sealed the declaration with a kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

Lance sighed as the bed shifted again, jostling him. He lay on his back on the edge, staring up at the ceiling. When they had to share rooms and sometimes beds back in Europe, he didn’t remember not having this much room. Things had certainly changed. He pursed his lips, biting back a frustrated sigh when he was knocked in the leg by a knee. The sleeping arrangements were not walking for him.

Joey had taken it about himself to effectively keep him separated from JC. If they ended up sitting on the couch together, Joey would sit between them. He knew what his friend was doing he just didn’t need him to do it. 

_‘Don’t you?’_ The voice in his head played devil’s advocate. So he couldn’t fault his friend; Joey was only trying to keep Lance from getting hurt again. Unfortunately for Joey, he was too late. He had been in JC’s presence for forty-eight hours and in that time the old man had worked past the walls Lance had erected around his heart. 

He knew he shouldn’t have allowed JC in. He knew it would only lead to heartache and pain. But Lance had needed something, someone. He needed that strong person to let him yell and be angry; he needed that person to sit and listen while he’ll poured out his fears. He needed that person to comfort him, tell him everything would be okay even when they had no way of knowing. JC had been that someone and Lance knew that anyone else simply wouldn’t have worked.

Joey had meant well. During this Lance needed JC. It was JC who knew just how close Lance was with his sister. The other members of the group thought they did. JC had slipped so perfectly into his life which was probably the main reason it had hurt so much when he so effectively removed himself.

Lance rolled to his side facing away from the other two occupants sharing the bed. There wasn’t room for three people to fit on a double bed. Definitely not three people of Joey and Chris’s statutes. Three JC’s would fit comfortably. But he wasn’t going to fight when Joey said he and Chris were talking the bed along with Lance; JC would sleep on the couch. He was too damn tired and worn out mentally and emotionally. He just crawled into bed, mumbling to Joey to keep his hands to himself.

That had been hours ago. The glaring numbers of the hotel alarm clock glared back at him, letting him know that he was on the downhill slide of night time. It would be morning all too soon and he had yet to sleep. No matter how many times he closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep he couldn’t. His eyes would pop back open as a new worry arose in his mind.

The bear. The blood. The torn clothes.

It had never crossed his mind the whole time he had been searching for Rachel and Nick. He never thought once about them running into wildlife. His biggest fear was the rain, the chilly nights and food. Where they warm enough? Did they have enough food? The worst thoughts were going hungry not fending off bears.

That didn’t help his sleeping problem one bit. Closing his eyes he’d see his sister or Nick fighting with a bear, who outweighed them, could outrun them. He kept picturing coming up on the scene of what was left of Rachel. How he was too late. How it was his fault. If he had only stopped them…

A weight pressed on his heart again and he struggled to breath. How as he going to tell his parents, Stacy that it was his fault. How could he look into the tear filled gazes of his niece and nephews and tell them they couldn’t see Aunt Rachel again. How could he stare at himself in the mirror?

He slid from the bed silently, careful not to disturb the sleeping men and crossed the room to the couch. JC lay on his back the inside arm resting on his stomach. The other arm was folded behind his head. A spare hotel blanket covered his legs stopping at his hips. His chest rose and fell evenly in sleep. For that he was jealous.

Lance lowered himself down on the couch utilizing the small space between JC and the edge. He laid his head on JC’s shoulder; his leg settled between JC’s, his arm rested on JC’s chest. He breathed deeply, inhaling JC’s scent and felt the immediate effect. He relaxed against the older man; the images disappearing from his mind.

JC woke immediately feeling the weight against him. He raised the arm behind his head and looked down seeing Lance curled into his side. “Lance,” he whispered. He dropped his arm around the blonde and shifted toward the back of the couch, pulling Lance closer to him and away from the edge.

“I can’t sleep,” Lance murmured. His fisted JC’s t-shirt; twisting and pulling the fabric across JC’s chest. “I close my eyes and I picture them fighting with that bear that tore their packs apart. I picture us stumbling upon their bodies after the bear…after the other wild animals…”

“Don’t…” JC shushed. He moved his hand from Lance’s waist to the back of his head. He pressed him close as his inner arm wrapped around Lance. His body turned toward Lance on its own volition. “You can’t think like that Lance.”

“I don’t know how long I can do this,” Lance said honestly. “How long I can stay strong…”

“Oh Lance, you don’t have to stay strong,” JC whispered. “You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. I’m here; I can be strong enough for the both of us.” He pressed Lance’s face against his neck; his own eyes welled up with tears when he felt the wetness on his neck. “Shh…” 

Before Lance could think, he raised his head and pressed his lips to JC’s. He wasn’t sure what came over him.

JC’s eyes widened when Lance kissed him. He froze unsure what to do. His eyes drifted shut when Lance palmed his cheek. He didn’t take control of the kiss; let it go wherever Lance led. He dropped his hand from Lance’s head to his back moving it up and own along his spine.

It wasn’t a kiss that ignited fires. It was a simple kiss, pretty chaste. Neither made a move to deepen. They kept it sweet and easy. Lance pulled back first running his tongue along his lips. He could taste JC; both a foreign and familiar taste. Deciding no words needed to be exchanged; he lowered his head back to JC’s shoulder and settled closer to the warm body.

“Sleep my love,” JC froze when the endearment slipped. He waited for Lance to pull away; to start yelling at him. But it never came; if anything Lance moved closer. JC held him closer and found himself pressing a tender kiss into Lance’s soft blonde hair. He reached down and with Lance’s help was able to situate the blanket around the both of them.

“JC…” Lance murmured sleepily. He felt he needed to say something, wanted to say something. But he didn’t know what.

“Shhh,” JC hushed. “Just sleep. Let me take care of you.” He brushed his hand on Lance’s back in light strokes and hummed softly under his breath until he felt Lance’s body slacken.

 _‘I’m sorry Lance,’_ JC thought as he lay awake. _‘I am sorry for the pain I caused you; for the time we lost. We’re gonna find your sister and once I’m sure she’s okay. I’m going to do everything I can to get you back and show you how much I love you.’_

*~*

“This takes me back,” Chris said as he stood next to Joey in the hotel room. They both were standing in front of the couch staring down at their two friends, curled together sound asleep.

“This isn’t good,” Joey stated. He heard the click and glared at Chris who was looking at his iPhone. “Did you just take a picture?”

“Hell yeah I did,” Chris turned his phone around showing Joey the phone of their sleeping ex-bandmates. “I think I have a photo exactly like this one during the No Strings Attached tour."

“What are you gonna do with it?”

“I’m gonna post it on Twitter,” Chris rolled his eyes at the look Joey gave him. “You think I’d really do that? What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Sorry,” Joey muttered. He ran his hands over his freshly showered face. He had been in a mood ever since he woke up and noticed the scene on the couch. He had spent the night trying to keep Lance and JC separated, trying to protect his best friend but sometime in the middle of the night Lance was able to get passed him.

“What is your deal anyway?” Chris asked as he fiddled with his iPhone tapping out a text message for his fiancée, Melissa, who was back home at their home in Florida.

“This doesn’t bother you?” Joey asked, pointing to JC and Lance, who had yet to move. They looked relaxed and happy.

“This didn’t bother me the first time around it happened, why would it bother me now?”

“That’s not what I meant. I know you’re fine with Lance and JC being gay. I mean you’re fine with them doing this after what happened the last time?”

“Dude, it was a long time ago,” he smiled at the reply Melissa sent him and responded before turning his attention to Joey. “Joey they were together a long time ago. It was a lot different then than it is now. So many things went toward their break up.”

“You don’t think JC’s just gonna crush him again?”

“No,” Chris shook his head. “I know he didn’t mean to the last time either. I know you don’t believe this, but their break up hurt JC just as much as Lance. He certainly didn’t see it coming. I know because I was there trying to sober him up after a three day bender.”

“JC?” Joey asked confused, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He had never heard this side of the story. He was there when Lance came to him telling him what happened. He remembered the pain and devastation his friend had gone through. He was there for the anger, the crying jags; he was there for it all. He had assumed JC was fine that he hadn’t been affected.

“Yes. Now,” he leveled Joey with a stare. “I know you think you’re protecting Lance but look at the scene in front of you. No matter what lengths you’ve gone through last night, Lance still gravitated to JC. You may not like it but despite all that’s happened they are still connected. And I for one hope they get it all figured out because neither one of them are happy. They need each other. The world will be happier place once they realize that.”

Joey sighed as he watched Chris walk into the bathroom. He couldn’t deny that Lance wasn’t happy. He knew that; he saw that. He could see the unhappiness hiding around the edges. Lance thought he could hide it and fool him. But Joey knew. Just like Joey knew the last time Lance had really truly been happy had been when he was with JC. 

He wasn’t one to give relationship advice. He had been the butt of plenty relationship jokes as he drug his feet with his own relationship with Kelly. As a friend, he wanted to protect Lance and make sure he didn’t get hurt again. It was fine place to be in, between two friends; who were happy together, but miserable apart.

He sighed before standing up. There was only one thing he could do. Stand back and let whatever was going to happen between his two friends happen. Hope they’d find happiness this time and if not be there for them both because after all they were still his close friends.

“You ladies going to sleep all day?”

This time the morning felt different for Lance. He couldn’t describe it. There was something in the air. He felt different, he felt lighter. There was a certain bounce in his step and he found himself smiling easier when Chris told a joke. Yesterday he had been lucky to crack a smile all day and now he had a hard time keeping one off his face.

Why?

The question plagued him. Why was today so different? Rachel was still missing. Nick was still missing. The remnants of their packs were still sitting in a garbage bag in the ranger’s office. The self-proclaimed night owl, he awoke for the third straight morning before dawn. For all intense purposes he shouldn’t be happy.

“What’s wrong?” JC ask coming to stand next to Lance. He took a sip from the coffee cup he held, passing the extra to Lance. He hoped it woke him up. He was dragging. But there was no way he was begging off the search. He had to be there. All he could think about was Lance finding out his sister had died and he wasn’t there for him.

Lance took a drink from the coffee as he glanced around. No one was paying attention to them. Everyone was getting ready to head out on day three of the search. He could tell everyone was tired and worn out. He could also tell they were beginning to lose hope. No one came out and said anything; they didn’t need to. Lance could read it in their faces. They were all beginning to lose hope that Rachel and Nick were still alive.

“I don’t know,” Lance said honestly bringing his eyes back to JC. As he stared into the blue eyes of his former lover he could feel the tingling on his lips like JC’s lips were still pressed against his last night. He still couldn’t believe he had kissed him. He didn’t know what had come over him. Kissing JC had only given him a new problem.

He wanted to kiss JC again.

They walked together as the search parties headed out to the spots they had stopped at the night before. The search mornings were kind of long because they had to cover the ground of the land they had already searched. They still kept an eye out just in case Nick and Rachel had wound up walking in to the area they had already searched. But the real searching didn’t start until they got to the new ground. 

JC, Chris, Joey and Lance were in one group, while the remaining Backstreet Boys were in another. The groups were now equipped with search and rescue dogs. Lance hoped that would make the search easier. He hoped the dogs would be able to pick up the scent of Rachel and Nick even after so many days.

“Today feels different.”

“What do you mean?” JC asked as they stepped over a fallen log.

“I don’t know.” Lance said. He kept his eyes peeling looking for any sign of his sister. “I can’t describe it. I woke up this way. But there's something…”

“Maybe it’s a sign,” Chris said.

“Maybe Rachel is trying to speak to you.”

Lance rolled his eyes at Joey.

“I know I know,” Joey said. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe Joey’s right,” JC spoke up. “Maybe you know something subconsciously. Today’s the day we will find them.”

“Have you seen the shit people are posting on Twitter?” Chris’s sudden change of subject wasn’t something knew for them.

“I haven’t been exactly concerned with my Twitter feed, Chris.” Lance said dryly.

“Me neither,” Chris shrugged, “But I needed something to read while I was in the bathroom this morning.” He grinned seeing his three friends roll their eyes and groan. “Guess our mini reunion was big news on the news channels last night.”

“Of course they would pull that out instead of the bigger story,” JC rolled his eyes feeling himself getting angry. “Let me guess. The big news was the one that’s missing?”

“Bingo,” Joey said. “What? I had to take a shit too.” He said in reply to the stares.

“My mentions blew up with questions about when we were having a reunion. When we are getting back together. If this meant we were getting back together.” Chris shook his head.

“Did you say anything?” Joey asked. His mentions had been pretty much the same. He couldn’t believe how some people just glossed over the fact that two people were missing. The last thing any of them had on their mind was singing. He could probably bet singing was the last thing of Brian’s mind, AJ’s mind and Kevin’s and Howie’s mind.

“Not to anyone specific,” Chris answered. “I swiped a photo Rachel had on her page of her and Nick and tweeted it out, stating they were what was the most important.”

“Thank you,” Lance said softly. He hadn’t looked at his social media page in awhile. He hadn’t even thought of it. His radio show was playing ‘best of’s’ until he returned while the regular guests got extra days off.

“C had to be the worst damn tweeter, ever,” Joey looked at JC. “What’s up with that? You send out what…ten tweets then just quit?”

“It’s really not my thing,” JC said. He had had started tweeting to see what the craze was about but it got old especially when mentions started pouring in and he couldn’t keep up with them all.

“That’s what Nick said,” Lance laughed. “Until Rachel got a hold of him. Now he tweets all the damn time.”

“Your sister’s a twitter whore,” Chris proclaimed. “I almost made a list that would show nothing but just her tweets.”

“Do you know how many times a day she’s asked about Nick or me?” Lance said. “I almost feel sorry for her. She’s always fielding questions about us, like she’s just a stepping stone on there. But she has fun with it.”

“She’s a picture whore too,” Chris added. “They all seem to be of your ugly mug or Nick’s. I keep looking in hopes they’ll be of her. I’d rather look at her over you any day.”

JC listened to the banter over the social media site. It probably wasn’t appropriate to be carrying on like this. But pretending everything was normal for five minutes couldn’t hurt. He perked at the mention of pictures of Lance and he wondered what he’d be classified he signed back onto Twitter to browse through the photos Rachel had posted of her brother. Maybe he had been going about the site the wrong way.

“If C here starts tweeting again, the site will probably crash.”

JC felt a blush sweep across his face. “Guys, I’m not Justin.”

“Who cares about Justin,” Chris said. “You got your own legion of fans.”

“Oh yeah, they salivate waiting for any new pictures to pop up. You’ve become a recluse.”

“I have not, Joey.” He averts his gaze when Joey raises his eyebrow. “So what? I like being at home.”

“Which is why it causes a ruckus when a recent photo of you appears. It proves that you’re still alive.”

“You need to start tweeting again. Your public awaits.”

“Pretty sure my public already moved on to One Direction and Justin Bieber.”

Chris makes a face. “I don’t know why. But alright; your public moved on. But you can still take your share of reunion questions day after day.”

“No shit,” Joey says resting an arm around JC’s shoulders. “If not, I’m gonna start the nasty rumor that it’s JC who’s holding up the NSYNC reunion.”

“Better listen to them C,” Lance grinned. “Twitter gave Joey and Chris a voice. They aren’t the forgotten ones anymore.”

“Sorry dude,” Chris wrapped his arm around Lance’s neck locking him into a headlock. “You’re one of us as well. It was all JC and Justin.”

“Actually I believe Joey was the forgotten one,” Lance pushed Chris off him. “You were the one that sang high, I sang low. JC and Justin sang lead. What the hell was Joey?”

“The fat one!” JC giggled. His giggles quickly stopped when Joey’s arm tightened around his neck and he found himself on the receiving end of a headlock. 

“I can still break you in half, C.” Joey said good-naturedly. “We’ll have to re-discuss our parts. Chris and Lance will stay the same; I’ll take over Justin’s…”

“You can act black?”

“Fucker,” Joey slapped Chris in the back of the head. “We’ll go on the road as four.”

“Three,” Lance piped up, causing three sets of use to look at him. “I was sort of offered to be a Backstreet Boy.”

“You trader!”

Lance laughed finding himself being attacked by his three friends. He was put in another headlock, noogied and tickled. It felt so nice to laugh again; to joke around like this. He almost felt normal again.

The sound of dogs barking broke into his brain and he straightened watching as the dogs jumped around excitedly, their tails wagging.

They got something!

*~*

“How are you doing?” Nick asked.

“Okay,” Rachel whispered. As they day grew long she felt herself weaken. She rested heavily against Nick; his arms wrapped protectively around her. They were smart enough to know what was going to happen. They just weren’t strong enough to talk about it.

“What was the third thing you regretted?” Nick held Rachel close, welcoming the weight of her body pressed against him. “You’ve married us off, gave us two point three kids…what’s next?”

Rachel smiled. “It has nothing to do with us.”

“Really?”

“Really. I just regret that I never saw Lance truly happy like I am.”

Nick nodded slowly. He should have known Lance would factor in to one of her regrets. “He’s happy, Rach.”

“No, no he’s not.” Rachel answered. “I mean he’s not happy like us. He hasn’t found the one to make him happy. Well he has but…”

“You really believe that JC is it for Lance? That there is not another man out there for your brother?”

“Hopeless romantic aren’t I?” She laughed softly. “But Nick, if you could have seen them together, you’d know what I was talking about. How right they were for each other, how in love they were.” She giggled. “How in sync they were.” 

“Bad pun,” Nick laughed. “But that was a long time ago. Feelings change.”

“I know. And I haven’t really spoken to JC in years. He could feel differently now. I just hold out on the fact that he hasn’t really had a long term relationship that he’s not as happy as he claims to be. In his heart, he still loves Lance. It’s just taken him longer to come to terms with it.”

“If JC never comes to terms?”

“Then I hope Lance finds someone who will make him at least half as happy as JC did.”

It was a sobering thought. To find the one you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life at such a young age only to have circumstances keep you apart. Then having to go through the rest of your life hoping to find the second best all awhile knowing the person you were meant to be with is so close.

“If… I know…” Rachel paused trying to think of how she wanted to word the question. “So we’re getting married…”

“Long overdue isn’t it?” Nick gave her a quick squeeze.

“No. Dating is fun.”

“You don’t think being married to me is gonna be fun?”

“Being married to you is gonna be a trip…a fun trip.” Rachel answered, smiling when she felt his arms tighten around her again. “If something happens would you marry someone else?”

“Rachel…”

“I know you don’t want to talk about this but it’s staring us in the face Nick. I want to know. If I don’t make it out of here, would you eventually marry?”

“No.” 

“Nick,” Rachel sighed.

“That’s my answer. No I would not eventually marry.”

“But what if later on you meet some…”

“Rachel listen to me,” Nick spoke firmly. “I’m thirty-two years old. I never wanted to get married. Ever. That changed with you. I want to get married because of you only to you. I have no desire to get married to anyone else and I doubt that will ever change. What about you?”

“No. I don’t think so. No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else enough to marry them. I know I sure wouldn’t love them like they deserved to be loved. My heart belongs to you.”

“I’d want you to get married.”

“What? Why?”

“I hate the thought of you being alone.”

“I’ll move in with Lance and we’ll spend the rest of the years of our lives pining away for our lost loved ones. We’ll set up a shrine in his basement of you and JC. Photos all over the wall and candles. Videos will constantly be playing. We’ll be each other dates to events.”

“Please stop,” Nick shook his head. “That will not happen.”

“Probably not. It might not happen exactly like that. If something did happen to you, I think I might move in with Lance. It would be too hard to live in our house alone. So many memories. It would be hard to leave though; to leave those memories behind.”

“Those memories wouldn’t be left behind with the house,” Nick whispered softly in her ear. “Those memories are here,” he tapped her head with a finger. “And here,” he placed that hand over her heart.

“I love you,” Rachel placed her hand over his, squeezing it. She opened her mouth to say something else when the sound of twigs snapping caused her to freeze. “Nick…”

“Shhh,” Nick whispered. He tightened his hold on Rachel. So many things whipped through his mind of what could be making those sounds. He started looking for a weapon to use in case it was another bear. “Wait…” his ears perked as he heard different sounds. “I think…”

Rachel and Nick started as a dog broke through the trees toward them. A dog attached to a leash which was being held by a woman wearing a big grin.

“Over here! They’re over here!”

Rachel and Nick watched as one by one more people came through the trees. Tears trickled down her face when she saw Lance come into view.

“Rachel…” Lance whispered as he took off at a run toward his sister. He nearly tripped over something on the ground. Catching himself before he fell to the ground, he collapsed with relief next to her and Nick. Oblivious of their injuries, he pulled them both into a bone crushing hug.

Rachel sobbed with relief and she held onto her brother. They were saved! She clutched the back of Lance’s sweatshirt gripping him tight. She didn’t want to let go. She smelled his shampoo, his deodorant and something else she couldn’t pinpoint.

“You guys want to camp again, you can pitch a tent in my backyard,” Lance mumbled drawing laughter from Rachel and Nick. He pulled back to stare at the two.

“Jesus what the fuck happened to your leg!” Joey exclaimed as he look down at Rachel’s foot, bruised purple and black, bloody and cut open.

“Holy shit,” Lance said as he finally took in his sister’s appearance.

“Nick had to operate,” she held Lance’s hand tightly in hers, unable to make herself let go for fear it was all a figment of her imagination that she was hallucinating.

“I’ve called in our coordinates,” the park ranger who led their group said. “There is a clearing not for from here. Life flight will be able to land. They might be able to take Mr. Carter as well. The ETA is twenty minutes. We’ll have the medic,” he pointed toward the woman that volunteered to search who was a part of the local firefighting department. Each search team was equipped with a medical person. “Look them over and do what she can until the life flight gets here.”

“Can you hang on that long?” Lance looked back at his sister’s face. Her leg really scared him.

“I’ve lasted this long,” Rachel smiled, squeezing his hand.

“Alright, let’s have a look, Ms. Bass,” the medic smiled at Rachel as she knelt to the ground at her side. She grimaced looking at the younger woman’s leg. “What happened?” She asked as she dug in her bag and took out a bottle of water. “Drink slowly. You drink too fast and you’ll throw it back up.”

“I took a tumble,” Rachel struggled to uncap the water. Her strength was zapped. She watched as Lance took the bottle from her and uncapped it easily.

“Then walked on it without saying anything for the rest of the day,” Nick said as he waited for Rachel to pass him the water. He struggled not to gulp it, the cold water feeling good.

“Nick had to cut it open to relieve the pressure.”

“It was just as bad as it sounds,” Nick said. He looked around the group of people around them. He only recognized the faces of the four NSYNC members.

“They are in another search group,” JC explained seeing Nick searching. He smiled when Nick gave him a relieved smile.

“I’ve radioed the other groups, they are returning to the ranger station,” the park ranger spoke up. “Your friends know you have been found.”

“What did you use to make the incision?” The medic asked as she cleaned up the wound.

“A piece from Rachel’s phone. I smashed it and was able to use a piece of the screen. Wasn’t the most sanitary thing, but…” Nick shrugged.

“Guess all those texts to your phone were useless.” Lance said turning his gaze away from his sister’s leg. It was ugly and he was scared what that might mean.

“Useless either way. We had no service the whole time. Nick’s phone was left with the packs.” Rachel grimaced in pain and squeezed Lance’s hand.

“We found your packs yesterday. And Nick’s phone,” Lance spoke, tightening his hold. He wished he could take some of the pain. “The bear…”

“Was huge as hell…” Rachel shivered.

“Wrestling a bear will definitely get you chicks,” Chris spoke up. “Chicks dig scars.”

“Not this chick,” Nick stated, motioning toward Rachel. “We already had that discussion.”

“He didn’t have to impress me.” It felt good to tease knowing that they were getting out of the woods that tonight she was going to be sleeping in a bed again. She looked up at the faces surrounding them. Her eyes locked onto the blue ones standing behind her brother. “It’s a mini NSYNC reunion,” she joked.

“Trust me, that didn’t go unnoticed by the media,” JC spoke. “They reported on both groups more than you two being missing.”

“Not surprising,” Nick muttered.

“This is gonna hurt,” the medic said breaking in the conversation. “I have to disinfect the wound.”

“Squeeze my hand,” Lance ordered.

“After everything that’s happened, this is nothing,” Nick whispered into her ear. He tightened his hold on her. “You were right. Now I can see it.”

“I told you!” She bit her lip feeling the disinfectant hit her leg. She squeezed Lance’s hand tightly.

“No no no,” Joey shook his head. “You guys don’t get to do that. It’s bad enough we had to deal with these conversations between Rachel and Lance. You guys aren’t having half conversations.”

Rachel broke into laughter at Joey’s words. The pain in her leg disappeared. She caught Lance’s eyes and grinned. _‘JC?’_ She raises an eyebrow.

Lance shook his head, not knowing the answer to the question his sister was asking. He shrugged his shoulders.

“That!” Joey exclaimed watching the twins. “Stop that!”

“If you’re gonna talk, please share your conversation with the class,” Chris said.

“You’re not old enough yet, Chris.” Rachel grinned at him.

“I’m the oldest person here!” Chris exclaimed. He blushed when a couple of the volunteers, who were obviously older than him, glanced at him. “Well, of this group,” he motioned toward his friends.

“Age wise, not maturity wise.”

“And here I was missing you, Bass. I can’t believe I helped search for you,” he teased.

“Alright,” the medic stated, patting Rachel’s knee. “Let me check the bear wrestler.”

“She just wants to see you with your shirt off,” Rachel joked. It was funny. She was still stuck in the woods, she still couldn’t walk. She hadn’t eaten in days, had very little to drink. But she could already notice the difference in how she felt. It was all because Lance was here. JC was here. Joey. Chris.

Nick’s eyes met Lance’s. They had an unspoken conversation pass between them. When Nick moved from behind Rachel, Lance slipped easily in his place.

“Now you guys are doing it!” Joey threw his arms up in the air. “You’ve spent way to much time together,” he watched the handoff go smoothly. “For crying out loud, ask for help,” he rolled his eyes stepping toward Nick and helped him take his hoodie off. “Jesus,” he whistled. “Just how big was this bear?”

“Huge,” Nick stood still as the medic looked at his shoulder. “About ten feet tall, six hundred pounds. Claws where about ten inches…””

“Fucker,” Chris moved to get a look at Nick’s shoulder.

“Well I wasn’t exactly taking its measurements while it was trying to have me for lunch,” he winced when the medic hit a tender spot.

“How are you doing?” Lance whispered in Rachel’s ear. He held her comfortably. Movement at his side caused him to look up and he met JC’s eyes as the older man knelt beside them. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

JC grinned at Lance. He reached out briefly touching Lance’s waist. He couldn’t hold the touch as long as he wanted without someone noticing. He reluctantly removed his hand. He felt a little sad that he wouldn’t be spending the night in the same room with Lance. There was very little chance they’d end up in the same bed. But as he watched Lance grinning and holding his sister; seeing how happy he was, JC was okay with that.

“I know what it was,” Rachel whispered causing Lance to move his head closer so he could hear. She moved her hand from her stomach and clasped JC’s. She felt him scoot closer and adjust their hands so they would fit together more comfortably.

“Know what what was?”

“When you hugged me earlier,” she said, her eyes flickering toward Nick where he was still exchanging stories with Chris and Joey as the medic continued cleaning the scratches on his shoulder and arm. “It was one of the things I missed with Nick. The rain had washed away the smell of his shampoo, cologne. It’s a comforting scent. It’s him and it’s not there.”

“Are you telling me you were comforted about smelling my shampoo and cologne?” It was an odd thing to hear but Lance could see where she was going. He knew how Rachel felt. The long nights in the hotel room where he had nothing to do but let his mind wonder was the worst. But being able to lay with JC; smell his shampoo and cologne… it was comforting.

Rachel nodded. “I was but there was something else I couldn’t distinguish.”

“What was that?”

“JC.”

“What?” JC answered.

“No,” Rachel shook her head. “I wasn’t asking you. I was saying what I couldn’t distinguish earlier was JC. You, Lance, smell like JC.”

“What are we talking about?” Chris asked dropping down at Rachel’s side.

“Nothing,” Lance said quickly.

“Riiiight,” Chris said with a grin, but let the topic drop. The sound of routers breaking wind sounded across the woods. “Saved by the copter.”

Nick watched the ranger on the walkie-talkie as he talked with the ranger station as they replayed information from the medical crew on board the helicopter. He couldn’t believe they were finally getting rescued. The nightmare was finally over.


	16. Chapter 16

The private waiting room at Sierra-View District Hospital was crowded. Aside from the four members of the Backstreet Boys and the four members of NSYNC there were members of the Carter family as well as the Bass family. Each was waiting for news on both Rachel and Nick.

Lance hadn’t wanted to let go of his sister in the woods when the life flight medical personnel got to them after landing. He had been scared he was dreaming. At any moment he was liable to wake up in the hotel room, dawn just breaking on another search morning. He was still afraid of that happening. 

His leg bounced with nervousness. He sat between his mother, Diane and older sister, Stacy. His father was in the chair next to his mother and Ford, Stacy’s husband sat on the other side of his wife. He noticed everyone had broken off into groups. Kevin, AJ, Howie, and Brian sat next to each other in a row of chairs in front of the window. The Carter clan, consisting of Nick’s parents, Angel and Aaron were along one of the walls. Sitting in the row of chairs across from the Bass family were his friends: Joey, Chris and JC.

Joey was talking quietly on his phone. From the sporadic words he was catching it sounded like he was talking to his wife, Kelly. Chris was hunched over his cell phone. One hand held the device and his thumb moved over the screen. Lance figured he was browsing a page. He didn’t wage a guess, with Chris it was hard to tell. JC was… JC was staring at him. He swallowed hard. He knew he should look away but he couldn’t tear his gaze away.

It felt like he was laid bare as JC looked at him; as if JC could read everything he was feeling and thinking through his eyes. He was kidding himself thinking the older man couldn’t. JC had always been able to read him. Lance couldn’t hide anything from him. It was the reason he wanted to look away, to close the door on JC. But he found he couldn’t. He simply stared at JC letting him read every emotion he was feeling.

Lance jumped when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He reached into his pocket pulling the device out. Tapping the bottom button he saw the text from Joey on his locked screen.

_‘Stop staring at C like he just kicked your dog and you want to drag him off to an empty room at the same time. It’s disturbing.’_

Lance glared at his best friend, not bothering to reply. But Joey’s text served its purpose; he stopped staring at JC.

“You talked with Rachel right?” Diane’s quiet question broke the silence surrounding them.

“Yes Mom,” Lance answered. He had already told his family everything that had happened when they found Rachel and Nick. But he knew his mother was worried and would be worried until she was able to see her daughter. “I talked with Rachel. I was able to hug her and hold her hand.”

“She was in good spirits?”

Lance nodded, “She was in pain,” he answered truthfully. “But she was able to laugh and joke around.”

_‘You, Lance, smell like JC.’_

He wasn’t sure how it made him feel; that Rachel could tell he smelled like JC from one hug after having not been around JC in a long time. It had him wondering if others could tell too. He couldn’t deny that JC played a huge part in the past couple of days. He kept Lance from having a complete breakdown. It was great to have him there to lean on. It felt good; too good.

“Her injury sounded bad.”

Lance had forgotten he was having a conversation with his mother. He once again pushed JC to the back of his mind. “It looked bad,” he agreed picturing the bloody, discolored ankle with the gaping wound. “But I’m sure it looked worse than it was because Nick had to cut it.”

“Did he have to cut it?” Stacy asked, joining the conversation. She held her husband’s hand tightly in hers. She had been scared since Lance had called her with the news on Monday.

Lance nodded. “Rachel told him too. He wouldn’t have done it otherwise I don’t think.”

“I can’t believe he did it,” Ford stated, “I know he probably had to. Rachel had to have been in a lot of pain…”

Lance’s eyes drifted across the aisle meeting JC’s gaze once again. It was then he realized the reason why he had woken in so much pain. Nick had been cutting her open. His stomach turned and he felt bile rise in his throat.

 _‘Come on Lance,’_ JC thought as he stared into Lance’s green gaze. He watched his former lover’s skin pale. He knew the minute Ford’s words struck Lance. His thoughts were much the same. It never ceased to amaze him how connected Lance and Rachel were. JC wished he could comfort Lance right now as he did that night. He would give just about anything to sit next to Lance, to be able to take Lance’s hand in his; to be able to draw him into a hug; to kiss his lips. _‘But you ruined that chance,’_ the voice in his head said.

 _‘Maybe not,’_ JC said as he held Lance’s gaze, unwavering. _‘Breathe Lance; she’s okay. Rachel’s okay.’_ He tried to project his thoughts, hoping he and Lance still share somewhat of a connection. _‘We found her. She’s alive.’_ He watched in amazement as Lance’s eyes cleared in front of him. JC found himself sending a shy, hidden smile to the young man.

Chris watched the exchange with interest. He smiled and shook his head before tapping on his phone. _‘100 bucks they get back together.’_

Joey glanced down at his phone when it vibrated in his hand. He glanced at Chris shaking his head. _‘You’re on. Not a chance Lance puts himself out there again.’_

_‘Oh Joseph, it’s always a pleasure taking your money.’_

“How was Nick?” James, Lance’s father, asked.

“He was good, Dad. He got away almost unscathed.”

“I wouldn’t call wrestling with a bear unscathed,” James said. He felt his wife squeezing his hand.

“He’s lucky to have gotten away with what he did.” Diane said. “He protected himself and Rachel. I always liked that boy.”

Lance and Stacy exchanged amused glances at their mother’s words. It wasn’t a secret among the family members how Nick had received a less than stellar welcoming and there were definitely no tears shed upon the news of Rachel and Nick breaking up. The reconciliation hadn’t been well received. Of course once his parents had seen the change in Nick, their opinions quickly changed.

“I’ll like him better when he marries her.” James stated gruffly.

Lance couldn’t contain his laughter at his father’s words. He, Stacy and Ford laughed together. He knew where his father was coming from. Everyone kept waiting for Nick to finally propose. They didn’t know what he was waiting on. Lance didn’t want to be the one to break the news that he was sure Nick was never going to get married or the news that Rachel was resigned of the fact and was okay with simply being in a long term relationship. That was one revelation Lance wasn’t going to volunteer; he’d let his sister do the honors.

“Did I hear correctly that you got engaged, Christopher?” Diane asked.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Chris said with a smile. “Melissa. She’s back home in Orlando.”

“Have you set a wedding date yet?”

“No, Ma’am,” Chris shook his head. It had only been a month since he popped the question during a trip to Italy. He smiled recalling the romantic vacation. “We’re sort of just enjoying being engaged right now. No rush.”

“Which means he doesn’t want to say when the date is because we’re not invited,” Joey said with a grin. His words caused JC to giggle.

“Just for that Kelly and the girls will be invited. You can stay home and work on your dance skills.”

Lance laughed out loud. “Or come up with new recipes for his cooking show.”

“Don’t worry Chris; Lance might be able to make it,” Joey said with a grin. “If he can find the time to appear on reality TV, he can find the time to make your wedding. Anything to stay relevant.”

“Ouch,” Lance said even as he chuckled. “Don’t worry Fatone; I got my hand on plenty of things.”

“Except one thing,” Chris muttered under his breath.

The words caused Lance to blush. He snuck a glance at JC and saw a red hue appear on JC’s complexion.

Chris yelped when Joey slapped him in the back of the head. “His parents are sitting right there fucker,” he whispered feverishly.

“Not like they don’t know what he does,” Chris whispered back.

“Well they don’t want to hear about it!” Joey whispered loudly. “Would you like me to call your Momma and tell her just what her Christopher did on that one night in Germany?” He grinned triumphantly when Chris blushed.

“No room to talk Joey.” JC realized his mistake as soon as the words were spoken when Joey turned to look at him. He should have kept his mouth shut.

“You wanna play this game, C?” Joey grinned evilly.

“Not particularly,” JC said quickly.

“I can’t believe Mom actually let you hang with these guys,” Stacy shook her head; her words teasing. “And Rachel. I have no doubt they corrupted her.”

“Yeah right, she’s the…” Joey’s word faltered off when he felt JC’s foot kick him. He glared at the ex-band member catching JC’s returning stare. He looked at James and Diane, smiling apologetic.

“What about you JC?” Diane nailed the younger man with a look watching as he squirmed in his seat.

JC gulped as he stared at his former lover's mother. “What about me, Ma’am?”

“Justin just got married. Chris is engaged. What about you?”

“Mother,” Lance spoke under his breath, trying to get his friend off the hook.

“Oh…I uhm… I’m not seeing anyone right now.” JC answered. He had been single for a few weeks now. Coincidentally since Halloween. “We broke up a few weeks ago; it uh… wasn’t working out,” he met Lance’s eyes briefly. He hated parents questions especially mothers and how they could put you on the spot. One look from Diane and he felt like confessing every bad thing he’d ever done and even stuff he hadn’t.

“Nick Carter?”

“Rachel Bass?”

Lance could see JC literally collapse in his chair with relief when the doctors walked into the room. He caught his eye and sent him a small smile.

Everyone gathered around the doctors, anxiously awaiting the doctors to give them the news. Lance saw his father wrap a protective arm around his mother and Ford draw Stacy to him. He felt left out watching the two couples. Even though he wasn’t, he felt alone. His parents and sister and brother-in-law were the only two couples in the room. Aside from Aaron, Angel, and JC he knew the rest had significant others that just weren’t there. 

It was a strange sensation to feel a comfort settle over him before he knew of the reason why. The reason came by a light touch on his back; by the heat of a body close behind. He didn’t have to look to know who was standing behind him. He already knew; already knew who it was by the way his body reacted. He rocked back on his feet in a slow motion so not to draw attention allowing JC’s touch to become more firm.

“I’ll start with Mr. Carter,” the doctor stated. “I’m Dr. Richard Martin. I am in charge of Nick’s care.”

“How is he, Doctor?” Nick’s mother Jane asked. She worried her hands waiting for the doctor to speak.

“He’s doing great,” Dr. Martin stated and could literally see the group before him sigh in relief. “He was severely dehydrated and hadn’t eaten since Saturday afternoon. We are monitoring him for adverse effects from the malnourishment. He’s hooked up to an IV and we are pumping him full of the much needed fluids and nourishment. He developed an infection from the wound on his shoulder that we are treating him for with simple antibiotics. I see no reason the infection won’t clear up in a week or two. Unfortunately we weren’t able to tend to the wound in the proper amount of time to be able to stitch it up. Now he’ll still heal properly, he’ll just have some not-so-clean scars.”

“His heart,” Gene stated gruffly before clearing his throat. “He has a heart problem.”

Dr. Martin nodded, “Yes. Your son explained that to me. We checked him over, did an EKG and an echocardiogram and everything came back normal.”

“Thank God,” Jane stated and no one in the room disagreed.

“When can we see him?” Brian spoke up. He was a little jealous of the other band. They had gotten to see Nick with their own eyes. They got to see him talk and laugh. He tried to be happy with what Lance had told him but he needed to see Nick with his own eyes.

“Normally I’d say not now he needs to rest,” Dr. Martin said and saw hopeful expressions deflate. “But I know what’s been going on and I know you’re all anxious to see him. So I’ll waive the rules. Keep in mind that Nick does need his rest. It’s the best medicine right now. It will give his body a chance to recover from the shock that it was exposed to. I will allow two people at a time to visit him. Keep your visits short. And do not sneak him food. He’s getting what he needs right now.”

“Alright, now it’s my turn,” the other doctor spoke when Dr. Martin was finished. He watched as every eye in the room turned to him. “I’m Dr. Matthew Thomas and I’m in charge of Rachel Bass’s case. This is going to sound like a repeat of what Dr. Martin just said. Like Mr. Carter, Rachel was severely dehydrated and malnourished. She’s hooked up to an IV and she’s receiving the fluids she needs. Now this is where their cases differ and Ms. Bass’s becomes a little more serious.”

Lance felt the breath catch in his throat. He didn’t like it when doctors didn’t smile. Not smiling meant bad news and this doctor wasn’t smiling. The foot had him worried from the minute he laid eyes on it. The tension rose in the room as they all waited for the doctor to continue. He listened as Dr. Thomas spoke about the injury Rachel sustained and how Nick had done the right thing in making the incision. That is had probably saved her life. He listened as the doctor tossed out medical terms he couldn’t quite understand and he struggled to follow along.

“Wait a minute,” he spoke up as a word caught his brain causing everything to come to a screeching halt. “You said you might have to amputate? You have to cut her foot off?”

“Your sister suffered a serious complication in her fall, Mr. Bass,” Dr. Thomas explained patiently. “There was a build up of pressure that resulted in not a sufficient amount of blood to supply the muscles and nerves in your sister’s foot. Once that happens, cells begin to die. Depending on the severity of the dead cell tissue we can remove as little as the tissue or as much as the infected limb.”

“How severe is our daughter?” James asked.

“We are treating her with antibiotics. We have to treat the initial cause first…”

Lance’s eyes glazed over as the doctor started talking in medical terms again. All he could think about was his sister could wind up losing her foot. He felt a hand slip into his and he held tightly not caring who saw and what they thought.

“Can we see her?” Stacy’s tearful voice spoke up.

“I know what you guys have been through and have bent the rules,” Dr. Thomas told him, meeting each set of eyes. “I can not have a lot of people in and out of her room. She is still at a major risk for injection. I will allow immediate family only. Your visits must be short; no more than five minutes tops. The rest of you waiting to see Ms. Bass will have to wait. Tomorrow we will have a better understanding on how severe Ms. Bass’s condition is.”

The doctors left after answering lingering questions and promising a nurse will be by to take the first visitors to see Rachel and Nick.

Lance was still in sort of shock. He watched his father hug his mother and Ford pull a crying Stacy into his arms. A strong weight had settled upon his heart. He knew it shouldn’t matter. The most important thing is that Rachel had been rescued and she was alive. She was going to be okay. But he couldn’t get past the information the fact that she might end up losing her foot.

He didn’t remember being turned around; only noticed being engulfed by strong arms. He felt tears well in his eyes once again. It was then he noticed what Rachel had been talking about when he was holding her on the forest floor. Because standing here in the middle of the private waiting room he realized how the masculine concoction that made up JC was comforting him. How he breathed in the scent and it worked its way through him, soothing him.

“She’ll be okay,” JC murmured softly in Lance’s ear. “She’s here. She’s getting the best help she can. She’s not sitting in the middle of the woods anymore in pain. Think about that Lance. You have to think about the positive.”

Lance nodded and breathed JC in one final time before pulling away. He had already stayed in his arms too long. As he pulled away he couldn’t help but stare into JC’s eyes. His lips tingled remembering the kiss they had shared the night before. His heart ached for more.

“Mr. and Mrs. Bass?” A nurse spoke up interrupting the moment and probably stopping Lance from doing something stupid. “I’ll take you to see your daughter now.”

*~*

“Hey Nicky C!”

“You’re gonna get us kicked out,” Howie whispered harshly to AJ as he closed the door to Nick’s room.

“Hey,” Nick sat up in the hospital bed. He sent his friends a happy smile. He was glad to see them.

“You couldn’t just take her to a swanky hotel for the weekend could you?” Kevin joked as he clasped Nick’s hand in his before leaning down hugging the youngest member of their group.

Nick laughed hugging Kevin a little tighter. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

“Gonna install a tracking device in your ass,” AJ said when it was his turn for a hug. “That way we’ll always know where you are.”

“Knowing our luck, it wouldn’t have gotten service either.”

“You never were a boy scout where you?” Howie laughed as he hugged Nick.

“Definitely showed huh?” Nick chuckled, happy that he was able to joke about his ordeal now.

“You trying for a new look?” Brian grinned when it was finally his turn to see Nick. He hugged him tight thankful his friend was okay. “Don’t you ever do something like that again.”

“Don’t worry,” Nick said. His hug lingered with Brian when he saw how shaken up his best friend was. “I didn’t plan on doing it this time. Just sort of ended up that way.”

“What happened?” Kevin asked when they all settled in. They waited letting Nick’s family visit with him first before they went to his room together. They planned on staying until someone kicked them out.

“Woke up Saturday morning to a torrential downpour,” Nick explained. “We called it quits; packed up and headed out. Just got turned around, I guess. Everything looked the same. The rain made it harder to see. We tried to get service on our phones but…”

“What did you do to pass the time? God,” AJ shook his head. “You’ve been wondering around the woods since Saturday. We didn’t even start looking until Monday.”

“We figured no one would miss us until Sunday night. We just walked a lot, hoping we’d come across a trail or something. And talked. Did you know Rachel’s first celeb crush was Joey?”

“Fatone?” Howie asked.

“No,” Nick laughed. “McIntyre. That would have been nice to know before we toured with them.”

“That definitely would have been wonderful information to have,” AJ grinned. “We could have had so much fun with that.”

“Have you guys been in to see her yet? How is she?” Nick asked as they fell silent.

Brian shook his head. “They won’t let us. Immediate family only.”

“Immediate…” Nick repeated staring at his friends. “Just how bad is she?”

“They’re worried about her foot and the infection,” Brian explained, staring at his best friend.

“Are they…do they…” He swallowed roughly. “I didn’t fuck it up did I?”

“No,” Kevin said firmly. He placed a comforting hand on Nick’s leg, giving it a squeeze. “You probably ended up saving her foot and her life by doing that.”

“She didn’t lose it?” Nick collapsed back with a sigh of relief.

“So far no. They are trying to clear up the infection,” Brian said. “They aren’t sure if they’ll have to take her whole foot or just some tissue. That’s why they are only allowing immediate family in to see her. They want to get the infection cleared up.

“Doubtful they’ll let me see her, huh?” Nick sighed. He had spent five days in the company of just Rachel. Now he hadn’t seen her in hours. He felt like he was a smoker trying to kick the habit and he’d been without a cigarette for half the day. He wondered if they’d let him see her if he told them he was her fiancé. It was doubtful anyone would believe in. Even only Brian knew he bought a ring because he had been there with him.

“Their goal is to make you stay in that bed,” Howie said, feeling for Nick. He couldn’t imagine if the roles were reversed. He wouldn’t be able to take being away from his wife especially when his wife was facing unclear news.

“So how are you really?” Brian asked, staring at his friend, the worry clear on his face. “We all heard what the doctor said.”

“I’m fine, Rok. They said this will come out tomorrow,” he motioned the IV hooked to the back of his hand. “I can have light food tomorrow at breakfast; then normal at lunch. If everything is good, I can be sprung form this place day after.”

“What about your tangle with Yogi,” AJ asked. “Can’t wait to see those scars.”

“I’d ask for the story, but I’ll wait and get the real version from Rachel,” Howie joked. “I know you’re gonna embellish.”

“From where I was lying it sure looked huge.”

“Where exactly were you laying in relation with Yogi?” Kevin asked.

“Underneath him,” Nick said and told the guys what had happened during the tangle. How he had gotten scratched and how he had eventually got away. “Rachel wanted to go back after our packs but the bear ran in that direction. Lance said they found them yesterday all torn to hell. I’m glad we didn’t.”

“We are too.”

*~*

“Knock knock,” Lance lightly tapped on his sister’s door as he pushed it open at the same time.

“Best for last,” Rachel smiled but quickly looked over Lance’s shoulder to see if someone else was standing there and overheard.

Lance laughed at his twin. “Don’t worry; I’m alone.” He sat on the side of the hospital bed and drew Rachel into a hug. “Not that it matters, everyone knows I’m your favorite.”

“I know but I still don’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings,” she was carefully wrapping her arms around Lance so she wouldn’t pull the IV out. The tape holding the needle in place was already bothering her and pulling at the hair on her arms. She leaned against him and released a quivering breath.

“Do not start crying,” Lance tightened his arms around his sister. “You’ll send your monitors out of whack and they’ll kick me out. I’m only allowed so munch time back in here as it is.”

“Not able to persuade the nurse? Losing your touch, Brother.” She teased as she pulled away. She gripped his hand tightly in his unwilling to totally forgo contact.

“Nurses are Joey’s forte.”

Rachel giggled. “I’m blown away that I was important enough to warrant a mini reunion. Hundreds have tried and I think I’m the person that got the most together in the same room.”

“What?” Lance’s voice rose in disbelief. “Of course you are important enough! JC drove up Monday night. Chris and Joey yesterday.”

“I knew I liked JC more,” she grinned at Lance before the smile turned devilish. “This is what I want to hear about. JC. You’ve been with him since Monday. You smell like him,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Well Sis, I think my time’s up,” he stood up.

“No,” she groaned, tugging on Lance’s hand. “Don’t go. I won’t tease. I just want to know how you are.”

“You’re laid up in the hospital after having some backwoods surgery done on your foot and you’re asking how I am?” Lance said as he sat back on the bed.

“Crazy isn’t it? But you know how I am. Pretty sure the doctor told you everything.” 

“In big long medical terms.”

“I fell down a hill after a stupid fight with Nick. Broke my foot and knocked my noggin. I then proceeded to walk on my foot for the rest of the day until I could walk no longer. Then I made Nick cut my skin to release the pressure. Now I may lose my foot because I may have let the cells go too long without oxygen.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Now JC…”

“There is so much in there that I want to talk about.”

“Come on Lance,” Rachel pouted.

“Rachel,” Lance sighed. He stared at his twin’s pleading eyes and found himself wavering.

“You don’t have to spill it all; I know you don’t have a lot of time before the time Nazis come in here. Just… how are you Lance?” The pouting morphed into a worried look. “I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

Lance snorted giving his head a shake. “Actually it was pretty damn easy.” He lowered his gaze staring at the white hospital blanket that covered Rachel. “He was there and I just gravitated toward him. I felt… I felt your pain when Nick was cutting you open.”

“Oh Lance,” Rachel gasped. She dropped his hand, drawing him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry.” This time her tears splashed over her eyelashes and down her cheeks. She never once thought about how Lance might have been able to feel her pain. She couldn’t believe she never thought about it. She knew they shared that connection. “I’m sorry…” she whispered over and over.

“Hey,” he griped Rachel’s shoulders with his hands, pushing her away so he could look at her. “Stop,” he moved his hands to wipe her tears away. “It’s okay. I survived. You survived.”

“But…” she closed her mouth at the look Lance sent her. “JC…”

“He helped. A lot.” Lance let the tidbit of information slip. JC was still tangled up in his mind and in his heart. He needed to unravel the strings and soon. “I do know that the connection we shared is still there. I still love him, Rachel. But I don’t know if that will be enough.”

New tears rolled down replacing the ones that Lance wiped away. She felt her brother’s heartbreak. She wished there was something she could do to help him. “Nick proposed.”

Lance blinked in surprised. He stared into the same colored eyes he stared at in the mirror every morning. “Wait. What?”

Rachel giggled at the dumbfounded look on Lance’s face. “Nick. Proposed.”

The grin was slow in forming but it was quickly shinning bright when the words penetrated his brain. “You’re kidding me?”

Rachel shook her head as laughter escaped. “No. Honest to God. He proposed.”

Lance laughed and pulled his sister into another tight hug. This was one of the best things he’s heard all day. “What did you say?”

“Yes!” She laughed hugging her brother again. “I said yes!”

“Did that cheapskate not give you a ring?” Lance asked looking down at her left hand.

“Well it wasn’t exactly a planned proposal…”

“He’s not going to take it back is he?” Lance narrowed his eyes.

“No. But you can take that up with him.” She smiled happily. She stared down at her naked left hand wishing there was a ring nestled amongst her fingers. Not to symbolize his love (she already knew he loved her, she didn’t need a symbol) but to make it real. She could barely believe that he had actually proposed.

“I will,” Lance nodded. Just as soon as he was kicked out he would make his way to Nick’s room. “I can’t believe he finally proposed. I gotta say, I didn’t think it would happen.”

“I didn’t either.” She grinned at Lance. “How is he? Have you seen him?”

“I’m impressed you were able to last this long before asking about him,” Lance teased.

“Because I was so happy to see you,” she answered truthfully. She held his hand in hers. “Now. Tell me.”

Lance shook his head, the smile still teasing his lips. “I haven’t seen him. But after that nice tidbit you just shared with me. I’m going to see him right after I leave here.”

“Oh, I don’t think I was supposed to tell yet.”

“You could never keep a secret from me.” Lance grinned. “Don’t worry; I won’t spoil your news.”

Rachel visibly relaxed. “So you don’t know how he is?”

“Just what the doctor said,” he said. “He’s fine Rachel. The doctor said he was dehydrated and his shoulder was infected. He has an IV like you and on antibiotics.”

“I wish I could see him,” she laid back on the bed, moping a little.

“You just spent five days of uninterrupted time with him.”

“I know. Which is weird that I’m not with him right now. Think Joey can sweet talk a nurse?”

Lance laughed as the door to Rachel’s room opened. He looked over his shoulder and sighed seeing a nurse. His time was up.

“That was a short five minutes,” she frowned. Her fingers tightened around Lance’s as if she could keep him there with her.

The nurse smiled at the twins. “It was actually twenty.”

“I thought you said you didn’t sweet talk the nurses?” Rachel shot her eyes to Lance.

“I didn’t.” Lance shook his head. “Joey?” He asked the nurse.

The nurse laughed. “No. JC went to bat for you.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows at Lance grinning. “Make sure you thank him for me.” She hugged her brother tightly. She didn’t want to let him go, wanted him to stay with her but she knew it was impossible. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Lance tightened his hold on Rachel before slowly releasing her. “I’ll be back tomorrow and make a pest of myself until they let me see you.”

“Just send JC after them,” she winked.

Lance felt the blush creep up his neck. “Anything you want me to pass along to Nick?”

“I love him.”

*~*

“I heard a funny rumor,” Lance stated as he pushed open the door to Nick’s hospital room which except for the lone figure laying on the bed, it was empty. He grimaced when he saw Nick open his eyes. “Sorry man, I didn’t know you were sleeping.”

“It’s alright. Hard to sleep,” Nick pressed the button on the railing raising the back of his bed so he could fully sit up. “Lonely.”

“Well aside from a few major things, I could be my sister. You want me to crawl in bed with you? You can pretend I’m Rachel.”

“Sorry man, those ‘few major things’ are pretty important to me,” Nick clasped Lance’s hand before pulling him into a hug. “So what’s this funny rumor you heard?”

“Well I just came from my sister’s room…” his words trailed off when he saw Nick smile and shake his head.

“Why am I not surprised she said something?”

“Because she tells me everything,” Lance grinned. “Congratulations man. About damn time.” He teased. “And to think, my father had just said in the waiting room he’d like you better if married Rachel.”

Nick chuckled even as he felt the blush move across his face. “He won’t be mad that I didn’t ask him first?”

“He’ll be ecstatic you finally asked her! Though you’re missing a key piece of hardware.”

“I know; it wasn’t exactly planned though.”

“You meant it though, didn’t you? Because if not that was a helluva thing to do to her.”

“What? Of course I meant it!” Nick exclaimed. “I wouldn’t have asked her if I didn’t! I’ve had the ring for months. It’s back at the house. I’ve just been waiting on the perfect moment.”

“Being lost in the woods in the perfect moment?”

“No, it just made me realize how stupid I was to keep waiting,” Nick said truthfully. “I love your sister, Lance.”

Lance smiled happy for his sister to have found the one man for her. “I know. Which was the message I was supposed to pass on to you.”

“What’s that? How is she? They won’t let me go and see her. I already asked. Not only am I not immediate family, I’m a patient.”

“She told me to tell you that she loved you. But she’s good. She’s lonely; misses your ugly mug. I’m not sure why though. I hope you plan on shaving soon.”

Nick ran a hand over the beard that graced his face. “I don’t know; I kind of like it.”

“I’ll give it two days of being in Rachel’s presence before she makes you shave it off.”

“Sucker’s bet.”

“So how are you really?”

“I’m okay,” Nick answered. “This whole thing certainly got our minds going in directions I never want to go again. In the same conversation she told me she wanted me to promise she would be buried with the engagement ring and then told me of the wedding she always had planned.”

Lance didn’t know how to respond. After spending a couple days stranded and lost like they were, he knew your mind would eventually start wondering in the direction of never getting rescued and death. The last thing he wanted to do was think about his sister’s funeral.

“But I did learn some pretty interesting things.”

“Oh yeah?” Lance decided it was best to let the topic of death go. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. “Like?”

“Like your sister’s crush on Joey McIntyre. Would have been nice to know before we went on tour with them.”

“Oh yeah,” Lance laughed. “I thought you knew. Or I would have told you. She cried all over him when she met him. I think I have that on video somewhere…”

“And you haven’t showed that to me yet?” Nick asked incredulously.

“Are you kidding? She’ll kill me!”

“Yeah right,” Nick laughed. “The girl who cut herself to match a scar you had maim a hair on your head?”

“This is true.”

“What are they saying about her foot? Are they able to save it?”

“They haven’t said for sure either way. Trying to think on the positive side that if they haven’t made the decision to take the foot by now, they won’t have to.”

Nick looked over Lance’s shoulder seeing a nurse walk into his room. “I think you’re being kicked out.”

Lance turned to look at the nurse and smiled. “That’s been happening a lot to me today.” He stood up. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Maybe they’ll let me go tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” the nurse spoke up smiling.

“I think I’m getting escorted out,” Lance chuckled. He hugged Nick one last time before he left.

He walked out into the waiting room. It was empty accept for a lone person. It didn’t take the figure long to realize he wasn’t alone and met Lance’s green gaze.

“Hey,” JC stood, pocketing his phone. “How is she? I know she was probably more open with you than your parents and Stacy.” He answered Lance’s unvoiced question.

“She’s good,” Lance answered truthfully. “She’s doing better than I thought she would be doing. She’s missing Nick. I think the night might be hard on her spending it alone after being with him.” He looked around making sure they were alone before he turned back to JC.

“What?” JC asked, feeling a smile grow on his face watching Lance’s eyes twinkle. He had a secret. Seeing the happiness radiating from Lance’s face; his green eyes sparkling did something to JC. In that moment he wanted to draw the blonde in his arms and kiss his smiling lips.

“I shouldn’t say anything.”

“No no no,” JC shook his head. “You can not do that.”

“Do what? I didn’t do anything but smile,” he stated simply smiling again. He loved teasing JC, loved watching him pout. It was like he was seventeen years old again. Nothing had changed. But everything had. “Where is everyone?”

JC sighed knowing he wasn’t going to get anything out of Lance. Whatever secret Lance was hiding was between him and his sister. “I’m not sure about the Carter’s, but the guys and your family went to a hotel.”

“You didn’t have to wait for me.”

“I know,” JC said as they walked side by side from the hospital. “But I didn’t want you to be alone. I was worried.”

“Thanks,” he sent him a smile as they stopped by Lance’s car. JC’s was parked a few spots down. “JC…”

“We need to talk Lance.”


	17. Chapter 17

Lance pushed the door open to the hotel room he just booked. He knew his parents and Stacy were in the same hotel, he just wasn’t sure what rooms. The minute he would send a text asking, he knew he would be pulled to one of their rooms.

He sat his bag on the bed and rubbed a hand over his face. He heard the door shut softly behind him and soft footfalls. When he checked in he noticed JC didn’t bring his bag in or book a room. He wondered briefly if JC was planning on rooming with him.

“Lance…” JC said his voice low. He stared at Lance’s back; rigid with tension. JC wasn’t feeling too good about the talk now. He didn’t have a good feeling. He sighed and walked closer to Lance. He reached out placing a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“What did you want to talk about, JC?”

JC removed his hand quickly hearing Lance’s tone. Everything he had sorted out in his head in the car ride to the hotel vanished. Lance wasn’t very receptive to him. Not like he had been the past couple of days. “You. Me. Us.”

“There is no us, JC,” Lance turned around to look at JC. “You made sure of that a long time ago when you decided you no longer wanted to fuck me.” He thought he would feel better using anger, but seeing JC blanch at his crude language brought no satisfaction.

“Don’t say it like that,” JC snapped. “I made love to you every time. Every. Single. Time.”

“Then what do you need to talk about C? How you fell out of love with me? How you were embarrassed of our relationship? How you wanted no one to know? Did you ever really love me at all? That’s what I want to know. Because from where I was standing when you pushed me away, it didn’t feel like it.”

“If I didn’t…” JC stared at Lance. “How can you even think that!”

“Oh I don’t know,” Lance laughed mirthlessly. “How could I possibly think you never loved me when you’re telling me our relationship didn’t mean anything to you.”

“What are you talking about? I never told you that.”

“Not in so many words. I wanted to come out JC. I was tired of hiding, tired of lying. We were dating for five years and no one outside the guys knew. We couldn’t go out together. We couldn’t go on a date! We couldn’t hold hands or kiss. We had to act like friends when people were around.”

“Don’t you think I wanted that too? Don’t you think I wanted to answer the dreaded, ‘Are you seeing someone?’ question with a yes! Don’t you think that I wanted to kiss you before shows, after shows, during shows? While we were waiting for interviews or anytime I please. And let me tell you, I wanted to a lot.”

“I don’t believe you JC,” Lance looked at him His heart wanted to hear these words. He wanted JC to proclaim he wanted the same things Lance did. But he just couldn’t believe you. “I don’t believe you wanted any of that. Because if you did you would have.”

“Right,” It was JC’s turn to laugh humorlessly. “Because I could have just pulled you to me on Larry King and kissed you. You were sitting right next to me; I could have leaned over and laid one on you. But you know we couldn’t do that Lance. You knew what that would mean for the group; for our careers.”

“I’m not talking about during the group. I know what it was like to hold the guys’ career in my hands. I know what it was like to have to be careful with my feelings for you so no one would find out. I know that it could have meant disaster for the group. But I’m not talking about the group. I came to you _after_ it was decided we were calling it quits. There was no more NSYNC. We no longer had three other careers, lives, in our hands. It was just us now. I came to you then and wanted to come out.”

Lance was stirred up now. Once he started talking he couldn’t stop. Everything just flowed out. “You kept pushing me off. You kept coming up with excuses on why you couldn’t. Why you wanted to wait just a little longer. And like a lovesick fool I bought those excuses. Until one day I just knew. I knew you were just offering excuses. I knew you never intended to come out. Oh, I hoped you would have proved me wrong. But you didn’t. You proved every single one of my fears true.”

“I did,” JC said softly. His chest hurt and he fought the urge to rub at the skin over the place where his heart resided. He felt Lance’s pain and it ripped at his heart, reopening some of the old wounds. He hurt for the pain he caused the man standing in front of him. He wished there was someway he could go back and do it all over again. Someway there was a way to redo the choices he made in letting Lance walk away. But there wasn’t. He was stuck with the choices he had made.

The hopes he had of mending their relationship, of fixing old wounds and healing old scars was slowly fading. Lance was still just as every bit as angry with him today as he had been on that day ten years ago; had every right to be angry. JC breathed slowly hoping to dull some of the pain. The conversation wasn’t leading toward the ending he wanted, but he could at least heal some of Lance’s pain. He hoped he could give his former lover that much.

“I did love you.”

The words were spoken softly, so softly that Lance had to strain to hear them. His mouth opened to spout off a reply but the look on JC’s face stopped him. The pain was so clear Lance felt it deep within him.

“I’m sorry my actions that day and those leading up to it made you question my love for you. But I loved you. I loved you so much I would pen sappy love songs that I was too embarrassed to show you or toss into the hat for album consideration. I loved you so damn much that after our break up I spent the next three days locked in my house drunk. The first day I drank myself sick hoping with enough alcohol it would dull the pain. It never did. I still felt it. Still felt the pain. Still felt the loneliness. I felt everything. You were a constant in my life - first as a member of the group, then as a friend, best friend and finally lover – for so long and then you were gone. You just walked away like I didn’t mean anything.”

He still felt the pain even now. He could still remember the emptiness he felt when the door slammed behind Lance. He could still remember the shock and the confusion and wondering if it had truly happened. 

“Then I got angry,” JC continued. “I cursed you seven ways until Sunday. How dare you place the blame solely on my shoulders? You were the one that came into my home yelling at me, demanding, handing out ultimatums. I wasn’t the one who wanted to break up, end our relationship. I wasn’t the one who did. You did. After three days of drinking, I probably wasn’t making much sense, but it felt right to me. I was pissed; angry. How dare I let you do that to me. I gave you my heart, everything I had and you pissed on it. Stomped on it, slammed it in the door when you left. Well I was gonna show you that I didn’t love you either.”

This was all news to Lance. He watched as JC paced the floor of his hotel room; he was never one to sit still when he had that much energy exuding from him. He had never taken the time to think about what their break up had done to JC. He just assumed JC hadn’t cared. He had looked put together on interviews and in photographs and Lance had used that as evidence JC hadn’t loved him as much as he said he did or even at all.

“…I was lucky I didn’t kill myself.”

Lance snapped his attention back to JC hearing the words. His thoughts tumbled over one another. His mouth hung open as he stared at JC, who wasn’t looking at him but had stopped pacing and was looking out the window. He struggled to say something. He felt the anger simmering at the thought of JC thinking about killing himself. The thought of JC dead did something to his heart. He didn’t like the feeling.

“I had no business working the fireplace while I was that drunk. I could barely stand. Hadn’t been doing a very good job of it from the bruises I saw on my body when I finally sobered up. But I was going to rid my house of everything that had to do with you.”

That hurt. Lance rubbed his chest. Hearing JC talk like this hurt. It was no different than what Lance had gone through. He had removed JC from his house as well. But hearing JC had done the same hurt.

“I tossed magazines with us on the cover, pictures of us into the fire. Felt great pleasure watching you burn thinking that maybe now you were feeling what I was going through. I must have passed out sometime because next thing I know Chris was shouting at me, shaking me, trying to get me to wake up. He drug my ass to the shower, clothes and all and tossed me in there. After he did that he poured every last drop of alcohol I had at the house down the drain. He stayed with me until I was sober. After he left I realized what I had done. Magazines I had wanted to keep were ashes in my fireplace. Pictures of not only you and me, but of the group were gone. Even all those songs I had written were gone. Funny thing though even after all that. The pain was still there. My heart was still broken. And I still loved you.”

JC turned away from the window and faced Lance. He saw the emotions written all over Lance’s face. The shield Lance had so effectively used on him ten years ago wasn’t in place. He was an open book. “So don’t try to tell me I didn’t love you. Because I did. You cut me off at the knees that day Lance. I had never felt so much pain before in my life.”

“Fine. You did love me. But you didn’t love me enough to come out. You didn’t love me enough to want to have a relationship out in the open with me.”

JC shook his head wondering if he’d ever get Lance to believe how much he had loved him. “I know you’ll never believe this. But I loved you. You were a part of me. I knew you probably better than I knew myself. You were always there and I assumed you would always be there. We may not have had the group anymore, but we had us. That was so important to me. I was so proud of that,” he smiled sadly. “Us. We survived so much, accomplished so much. In doing that we found each other. I couldn’t remember a time in my life before you where I had been that happy, that in love. I couldn’t imagine a time or any other person making me as happy as you did. My biggest fault was loving you too much. I would have done anything for you.”

“Except the one thing I wanted the most.”

“Yeah,” JC sighed. He felt drained; tired. “I was never ever ashamed of us. I never put my music ahead of us. I know you believed it. But it’s not true. It was just excuses I gave you and let you believe. In actuality I was scared. I was scared of what people would say; what they would do. I was scared of the jokes they would toss in our directions. I was scared that when I would tell my family they wouldn’t accept me anymore.”

“You think I wasn’t scared, C!” Lance’s voice rose hearing the new piece of information. “You think I wasn’t scared out of my mind with how we would be received? I knew there would be jokes, snickers and snide remarks. We were an all boy band; it came with the territory. But people are gonna say what they are gonna say. We learned that lesson fast. Coming out was just another aspect. I was scared what my family would say. I’m from Mississippi, from a religious family, religious town. I knew what the bible said. I knew it was a sin. But I also knew that I was happy. I was in love. Nothing would take that away from me. I could take what people tossed at me because I was finally going to live my life the way I wanted. I had you. I loved you, you loved me. I could take it.

But then you pulled the rug out from under me. I was willing to stick my neck out. Tell my family that I was gay. Tell the world that I loved you. We loved each other. I knew there would be rough spots, idiot people telling us we were sinning and going to hell. But it didn’t matter. What mattered to me was you. I could face anything anyone tossed at me because I had you. And then you told me you weren’t going to do it. I’m ready to face the fight for you, for me for us and I didn’t even have your support. Talk about being cut off at the knees.”

“I’m sorry,” JC whispered. He didn’t know what else to say. “I love you.”

Lance stilled hearing the proclamation. It was on the tip of his tongue to return the declaration. He stared into JC’s clear eyes, seeing the emotion swarming deep in the blue pools. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t put his heart out there anymore. He watched, his heart breaking, when he saw realization filter into JC’s eyes. He saw the pain take hold and JC’s Adam’s apple bob. His heart screamed at him to express his love while his head yelled, telling his heart it was only trying to protect it.

JC nodded dropping his head. The pain in his heart was sharp. He breathed through his mouth as he fought the tears that desperately wanted to fall. He knew the conversation would end like this. He tried to prepare himself for the rejection so it wouldn’t hurt as much but he was only lying to himself. Nothing could have prepared him for this. He felt like he had all those years ago staring at Lance as he walked away.

“JC…”

“No,” JC opened his eyes and sent Lance a smile. It never reached his eyes. “I knew it was coming but I had to try. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” It was time for him to go. Rachel and Nick were safe and sound. He was finally able to tell Lance why he hadn’t wanted to come out. He was able to tell Lance that he still loved him.

He looked at Lance a moment longer before ducking his head and walking to the door.

“I love you too” Lance whispered at the closed door as tears rolled down his face.

*~*

JC walked down the hall, his eyes blurry with tears. A door opened somewhere ahead of him but he didn’t look. He wanted to make it to the elevator. He wanted to make it to the privacy of his car before he completely broke down.

“Ah fuck,” Chris stated seeing JC walking toward him. He slipped his keycard back in the door cracking it open. When the younger man got near him, Chris slipped his arm around JC’s waist effectively changing his direction and ushering him inside the room.

“Chris,” JC tried to come off irritated but his voice broke. He lost control of the short hold he had on his emotions. Without making eye contact with Chris, JC made a beeline to the bathroom where he shut and locked the door.

“What was that all about?” Joey asked looking up from the bed he was laying on. The remote to the television sat on his stomach. Seeing the look on Chris’s face, he hit the power button and slid his legs to the floor and sat up.

“I think our lovers finally had it out,” Chris said staring at the closed bathroom door. The only sounds coming from the room was the sound of the sink running. But Chris had no doubt JC was in there crying. “I’m guessing it didn’t go so well.”

“What?” Joey questioned. “JC and Lance had a fight? Damnit; this is why I didn’t want them getting close together again. I knew JC would hurt him.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s why he’s in our bathroom crying.”

“What happened?”

“I guess they finally talked and judging by the looks they’ve been given each other since we’ve been here; JC took the leap and Lance didn’t catch.”

Joey swore softly.

“My thoughts as well. Those damn two are meant for each other. Was stupid of them to break up in the first place and then almost completely ignore each other for ten years later.”

“You’re just upset you lost hundred bucks.”

“It’s not about the fucking bet, you fuckface,” Chris yelled at him. “JC’s in our bathroom crying his eyes out. This is probably killing him. Damnit. Lance is probably in his room…probably crying. This is bullshit. I don’t understand it at all. They love each other. They are supposed to be happy. All JC has to say is, ‘I love you’ and all Lance has to say is…” he saw Joey’s eyes look behind him and Chris’s voice trailed off. He spun around and saw JC standing behind him. His eyes red and puffy.

“Sometimes,” JC spoke softly. “It’s not that easy.”

“JC…” Chris started but stopped when JC held up his hand. He could read the pain in JC’s eyes and flashed back to ten years ago.

“It’s alright;” JC tried to smile but found he couldn’t. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. “I had to take the chance. It didn’t work out. I probably wouldn’t trust me either. I don’t blame Lance. I don’t hold it against him. I’m a big boy. I’ll be fine.”

“But will you be happy?”

JC drew a breath. He met Chris’s gaze, then Joey’s. “When he’s happy.” 

“What are you doing?” Joey asked when Chris picked up his cell phone after JC left. His feet itched to go see Lance, but he didn’t know what room he was staying in.

Chris held up his finger when the person on the other end answered. “Hey baby. I need you to do me a really big favor.”

“Sure,” Melissa answered pushing the lap top away from her on the table. “How’s Rachel doing? Nick?”

“They are doing good and I promise to tell you everything. I’ll call you back in a few.”

“Okay, what did you need?”

“Are you at the house? Good. Can you grab the keys in the center drawer of my desk? The ones that go to the lock box in the closet.”

“The one that I’m not allowed touching?” Melissa teased as she made her way to Chris’s desk. She found the keys easily enough and went to their bedroom and pulled the box down from the top shelf.

“That’s the one; I need you to open it but Baby, what’s inside I need you to keep quiet. You can’t say anything about this to anyone,” Chris said seriously. “Again, I will explain it all to you when I call back.”

Joey listened to Chris’s conversation confused wondering what the heck was going on.

“Okay,” Melissa said slowly as she put the key into the lock and opened the box. The box had been a mystery to her since she’s known Chris. All Chris had ever told her was it was a friend’s. He was holding it at his house and she wasn’t to go through it. She was definitely interested but she respected Chris’s wishes and ignored the box. “It’s opened. It’s… pictures. Hey, it’s NSYNC pictures! Wow, you’re so young in them. And a notebook…”

“Don’t!” Chris shouted. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Please don’t read the notebook okay?”

“What’s going on? What is this? You wouldn’t let me see what’s in this box? It’s just pictures of the guys…well mostly JC and Lance.”

Chris waited for her to make the connection. It didn’t take long.

“Are they… were there…”

“Yes,” Chris said. “Melissa you have to promise me you won’t say anything.”

“I won’t Baby, you know that. I’m just surprised. You could never tell,” Melissa flipped through the pictures. “They make a cute couple.”

“I need you to find a picture for me. It’s the one where…

“Awww they look so adorable sleeping together!” Melissa squealed.

“That’s the one.” Chris shook his head, the smile on his lips. He loved her. “Can you take a picture of it and send it to me?”

“Any particular reason or do I have to wait for that later too?” Melissa asked as she sat the picture of Lance and JC sleeping to the side.

“I’m not sure I have a reason right now,” Chris stated truthfully. “I just need that picture.”

“Okay,” Melissa said. “I hope Rachel and Nick get better quickly. Maybe I’ll get to meet them sometime. Who knows; maybe Rachel and I will become best of friends.”

“I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

“Hi Melissa,” Joey yelled.

“Joey says hi.” Chris rolled his eyes.

Melissa laughed. “Hi Joey.”

“She said go away.”

“I did not!”

“I’ll introduce you to JC, Lance and Rachel. But not Joey. He’d probably steal you away.”

“I’m happily married and have two kids. Kelly would kick my ass.”

“I’ll call you later and fill you in. Please don’t read the notebook. I love you.”

“What are you doing?” Joey asked. “What is the box? What’s in the notebook? All your conquests?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Chris answered smiling when the picture came through on his phone. He enlarged it and showed Joey. “Looks almost identical to what we saw this morning, huh?”

“What are you going to do with it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“The notebook?”

“JC’s. Everything in the box is JC’s. I told you about what happened after the break up how he was drinking and everything?” Chris watched at Joey nodded. “Well when I got there, he was burning stuff. He must have passed out because he still had quite a bit left to burn. Pictures, magazines. Everything baring Lance’s face. I shoved him in the shower and while he was in there, I boxed up all the stuff he was trying to burn and stored them at my house.”

“What’s in the notebook?”

“Songs JC wrote.”


	18. Chapter 18

“We come baring gifts!”

Rachel sat up in the hospital bed as the door to the hospital room opened. She watched as her mom, dad, Stacy, Lance and Ford came in. She smiled wildly at them, glad to have visitors. It had been a long night followed by a much longer morning; lonelier too.

“What did you bring me?”

“First things first,” Diane sat sitting the bag down on the chair and hugging her daughter. “How are you feeling today?”

“Ready to go home,” Rachel answered truthfully.

“I don’t think you’re quite ready to go home just yet,” James hugged his daughter after his wife moved aside.

“Maybe I’m not ready to run a marathon but I can sit on my couch just as good as I can sit in here.”

“You weren’t ready to run a marathon before you decided to film an episode of Survivor,” Ford teased hugging his sister in law, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Just wait, I’ll be running circles around you before long,” Rachel grinned at Ford before she gave Stacy a hug. “What did you ever see in him?”

“Not all of us can date a famous singer from a boy band,” Stacy teased. “Some of us take what we can get.”

Rachel giggled when Ford protested. She turned her smiling expression on Lance, expectantly waiting for his hug. Her eyes met his and the smile faltered seeing the look on Lance’s face. Sure he had it covered up where no one else could see but she could. Beneath the smile, Rachel could see the pain, the sadness.

“What’s wrong?” Rachel whispered so only Lance could hear. She hugged him tight feeling the shuddered breath go through him.

Lance closed his eyes trying to push back the emotions. Sleep had been nonexistent. His mind wouldn’t turn off. He kept thinking about the words JC had said. He heard JC telling him he loved him over and over. The worst was being unable to get the look on JC’s out of his head. He could literally see JC’s heart breaking in front of him. It was a look Lance was sure he would never forget.

“You can’t lie to me,” she whispered again.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lance passed off the lie knowing she wouldn’t buy it but he couldn’t get into it here. Not with his family standing near.

“Liar,” she hugged him tight before letting him go. “Did I hear someone say they had gifts?”

“You can thank me,” Stacy said as she reached for the bag she sat on the table when she hugged her sister.

“Hey, I recall being roped into this trip,” Ford spoke up.

Stacy rolled her eyes, “You can thank Ford and I.”

“I thank you all,” Rachel said impatiently. “Now, get to the gifts.’

“You’re lucky I love you,” Stacy said as she unzipped the bag. “I know how I would feel after being stuck in the woods for days. I figured you would feel the same way. So last night after we left the hospital, Ford and I drove to your house and brought you some of your own things.”

Rachel felt the tears well in her eyes as she watched Stacy pulled out her favorite pair of pajama pants, followed by a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. More items that had littered her bathroom counter were produced, such as deodorant and perfume. Even items from the shower; her shampoo and conditioner, body wash, shaving cream and razor. The bottle of lotion from the top of her dresser was in the bag too.

“Of course there are unmentionables in there that the men don’t need to see,” Stacy said putting the items back. “More clothes. Slippers.”

“Stacy, I love you.” She wiped a stray tear away. She stared at the shower stuff with such longing. She felt dirty; completely nasty.

“You’re so easy to please,” Diane had to wipe away her own tears as she watched her daughter’s open expression. She was so thankful to be able to do this for her. She couldn’t imagine flying out to California to claim the body of her youngest child for burial. Trying to change the direction of her thoughts, she picked up the bag she had carried. “We also replaced the stuff you lost.”

“Oh a hair brush,” she gasped seeing the pink brush in her mom’s hand. She watched as her mom also pulled a package of new hair ties, toothpaste, toothbrush and mouth wash. “You guys are awesome. I love you.”

“That’s not all,” Lance grinned.

“What did you bring?” Rachel asked him, nearly bouncing with excitement.

He reached into the small bag producing chargers.

“Oh Lance, you always did know me best. Just what I wanted. A power cord.” She teased.

“Brat,” Lance said pulling out the iPad.

“Don’t give him credit for that,” Stacy said. “I grabbed that from the house.”

“Alright, thank Stacy, but I,” he grinned, pausing with his hand in the bag watching his twin. “Ready?”

“I will hurt you,” she threatened. She gasped when he pulled an iPhone from the bag.

“I fought all morning with the phone company before they finally let me get a replacement for your phone,” he handed the brand new phone to his sister, who grabbed it eagerly. “They dragged their feet because I wasn’t on the plan. It’s the exact same phone you had. I copied some numbers from my phone, downloaded Facebook and Twitter. The new password is in your notes for you to change if you want.”

“I can’t believe they let you do it,” she said taking the phone. She turned it on and felt laughter bubble up seeing the self picture Lance took of himself on the background. “I thought I was gonna have to wait until I get out of here or Nick does.”

“You should have seen him,” Ford stated. “It was embarrassing. He was near tears pleading with them to replace the phone. Sob story after sob story dropping names left and right.”

“Thank you,” Rachel said looking down at her phone. “Thank you guys. I think I’m gonna cry.”

“Hey none of that,” Diane chided sitting down on the edge of the bed. She pulled Rachel into her arms, hugging her.

“We really didn’t do this for you,” Stacy said, quickly wiping a tear away hoping no one saw.

“Yeah, we did this for us. You stink, Sis.” Lance grinned.

Rachel laughed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I love you guys too. But I don’t think I can use this. I don’t know if I am even able to take a shower or bath. Either would feel heavenly right about now.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Diane said, rising from the bed. “Maybe we can at least get your hair washed.” She patted Rachel’s leg before slipping from the room.

“I hear someone wants to get washed up,” a smiling nurse came in with Diane trailing.

“Mom’s good.” Lance mused.

“I would love to get washed up,” Rachel said. She looked down at her leg. “I’m just now sure how.”

“You leave that to us,” the nurse said with a smile. “We’ll leave these fine gentlemen to their own devices for a bit and us ladies will get you feeling like a new woman. Just sit tight, I’ll be right back.”

“I say we go visit Nick,” Lance said. He watched Rachel’s eyes light up. “Sorry Sis; you can’t go.”

“You suck.” Rachel pouted. She wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him. She wanted to kiss him and hold him; be held by him.

“Don’t worry,” Lance hugged her again. “I’ll tell your fiancé that you love him.” He grinned when he saw the blush cover Rachel’s face, but she was smiling wide.

“Alright, you ready to rock and roll?” The nurse came back in with a wheelchair and extra help. One happened to be male.

“Oh, I can not wait to pass this information onto Nick,” Ford grinned. “Yeah we just came from Rachel’s room where she’s being bathed by a male nurse."

Rachel glared at him. “I will hurt you.”

“Hey, don’t get me in the middle of this,” the male raised his hands in defense. “I’m just in here for the lifting help.”

“Lifting help?” Lance pokes Rachel’s stomach. “I think that means you’re getting some extra cushion.”

“Go away,” Rachel glared at him. “Brat,” she said when the door closed behind Lance, Ford and her father. “We should have given him up for adoption.”

*~*

“A girl could get used to this,” Rachel sighed as she lay back in the salon style chair as her mother washed her hair. She had been able to bathe in a special tub with her leg up on a ledge so it wouldn’t get wet. She wasn’t able to soak as long as she wanted, but she was able to wash and shave. Just by doing that she felt ten times better. Then she sat in the chair for her hair to be washed. Now she felt like a million bucks. “Shampoo it again?”

Diane smiled, “of course.” She said as she finished rinsing the first shampoo from Rachel’s hair.

“Little Sister, you look so much better,” Stacy commented, glad to see the paleness in Rachel’s cheek disappear to a much healthier color.

“I feel better.” Her eyes slide close as her mother ran her fingers through her hair, massaging the shampoo into her scalp. “I’ll feel much better once I’m home and able to sleep.”

“You’re not sleeping?” Diane said with her fingers still in her daughter’s hair. “Did you tell the nurse?”

“I don’t need anything Mom. Well,” she felt a small blush grow and she couldn’t stop the smiling from forming. “I just… I don’t…”

“You want Nick?” Diane rinsed the shampoo from Rachel’s hair. She squirted a dollop of conditioner in her hands before working that through the long tresses. The shower room smelled nicely with the scents all mixing together.

“Yes.”

“Mom cried all over him yesterday when we stopped to see him,” Stacy moved to her sister’s side taking her hand. She held it comfortably.

“I did not,” Diane said. She glanced up seeing Stacy raise her eyebrow. She looked down catching Rachel’s green gaze. “Okay, maybe I cried. A little. But he took care of my little girl. And I was just as worried about him as I was about you.”

“I just want to be able to see him,” Rachel sighed. “Everyone else has seen him. They all tell me he’s fine. I know he is. I just… I just need to see it for myself.”

“Understandable, Sis.” Stacy squeezed her hand. “We can tell you he’s fine until we’re blue in the face but you won’t be happy until you see him with your own eyes.”

Rachel nodded her head as Diane turned the water off and started squeezing the water from her hair. “We just spent five days together. It was just us. And now I can’t see him. Can’t talk to him.” She raised her head slightly allowing her mother to wrap her hair in a towel.

“You’ll be able to see him soon,” Diane helped Rachel sit up. “Trust us Sweetie,” she pressed her hand against Rachel’s cheek. “He’s just as worried about you as you are him. The first question out of his mouth when any of us walk in is how you are doing.”

“If there was a way, he’d be breaking out of his room to come see you.”

“That boy loves you so much,” Diane told her watching her daughter’s eyes fill with tears. “Don’t cry. You’re gonna make me start crying.”

“Then I’ll start crying,” Stacy laughed wiping her eyes. “You snagged a good one, Sis. Nick is so in love with you.”

Rachel smiled through her tears. “I know. I am so in love with him.”

Stacy moved away as the nurse’s came back in to move Rachel to the wheelchair and take her back to her room. She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent off a quick text to Lance.

*~*

“Is there a visiting limit?” Lance asked as he entered Nick’s room with Ford.

“I figure we’re good until they say something,” Nick grinned. He shook Ford’s hand before hugging Lance. “Thanks for going back to the house,” he told Ford. It had been a welcome surprise when Brian had brought him the bag this morning with stuff from home.

“I see you took the hint with the razor.” Lance said noticing Nick’s clean shaven face.

“I was able to do most of it before I needed help.”

“Damn near slit his throat,” AJ spoke up, laughing.

“Did you have some hot nurse come in here and finish the job?” Ford joked.

“Brian had to finish him.”

“Same difference,” Lance eyed Brian laughing as the rest of the guys joined in.

“How’s Rachel?” Nick asked as the laughter stopped.

“Predictable,” Lance rolled his eyes. “She’s a pain in the ass. Keeps asking about you. They should just shove you two in the same room.”

“I got no problem with that. In fact, I’m all for it.”

“Better he’s not there” Ford said with a mischievous grin. “He would have had to see the nurse that just took Rachel to the shower room. I thought Lance was gonna injure himself.”

“Rachel is going to kill you,” Lance laughed seeing the look on Nick’s face. “Don’t worry Nick; Fabio was just the lifting power. She has Stacy, my mom and two nurses, two _female_ nurses helping her.”

“If she’s showering she’s doing better right?” Nick asked. He wanted to see her so bad. He was going crazy. Last night had been long. His arms felt empty without having her in them, tucked against his side.

Lance nodded smiling as he thought of the news they had received. “They are scheduling surgery if not in the afternoon, tomorrow morning.”

“Surgery? What? Why?” Nick fired out questions. “Are they amputating her foot?” He needed to see her. He didn’t want her going to surgery without seeing him.

“Relax Nick,” Lance said. “They don’t have to amputate her foot.” He smiled when Nick looked at him. “There was only small tissue damage. She’s going into surgery to remove it. The bad part is her bone has already started to fuse back together. But it didn’t start fusing correctly. They need to reset it.”

“Reset… they’re going to break it again?” He cringed when Lance nodded. “How’s she taking the news?”

“Ecstatic she’s not losing her foot.”

Nick breathed a sigh of relief. This was news he had been hoping to hear. He had been so worried that despite what he did, Rachel would lose her foot anyway. “Have they said when she can go home?”

Lance shook his head. “Not yet. You?”

“Tomorrow is the rumor. Not sure why I can’t be discharged today. I’m fine.”

“The nurses sweet talked the doctor into keeping you around,” Howie teased. “That’s what you get for being so cute.”

“Am I going to be allowed to see her or is it still ‘immediately’ family only?” Nick was pretty sure he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Still immediately family, but I’m sure they’ll let you in,” Lance told him.

“Like to see them tell him no,” AJ said.

“Oh I almost forgot,” Lance reached into his pocket producing Nick’s phone. “I forgot to put it in the bag with the stuff for Brian to give to you.”

“Awesome,” Nick took his phone looking it over before sliding his finger across the screen to unlock. “It’s not broken or damaged?”

Lance shook his head. “Nope. It works.”

“Didn’t know you were that popular,” Kevin stated seeing the red balloon attached to Nick’s e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and text message icons.

“Nah, that’s Rachel’s phone,” AJ said. “Lance got ‘em mixed up. No way that many people care about Nicky.”

“You’re jealous that no one would care if you got lost in the woods.”

“I’m not dumb enough to get lost in the woods.”

Nick threw his middle finger in the air.

“You gonna tell him about how you probably got his contract highlighted?” Ford broke in. “There’s a big red sticker on file. His bill is probably gonna be double next month.”

“Nah, they don’t want to lose a celebrities business,” Lance grinned.

“What did you do?” Nick asked.

“Got a replacement phone for Rachel. It took me awhile, but they finally did it.”

“They just wanted to get you out of their store. You’re probably gonna be on TMZ tonight.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Lance felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out, reading the text message. He rolled his eyes.

_‘We need to find a way for Rachel to see Nick. She’s putting up a good front but she needs to see him.’_

_‘Is she back in her room yet?’_

_‘Yes. She’s all settled. Mom’s combing her hair.’_

_‘I’ll think of something.’_

*~*

“You’re the best mother in the world,” Rachel sighed, letting her eyes drift shut. Her mother sat behind her on the bed running the brush through her damp blonde hair. She was situated back on her bed with fresh linens. She wore the flannel pajama bottoms Stacy brought her, the material with her injured foot rolled up to just below her knee. When Stacy produced a t-shirt that she hadn’t showed earlier Rachel nearly cried. Did in fact have a tear roll down her cheek when she clutched the soft black cotton t-shirt to her; inhaling Nick’s cologne.

There had been a slight problem in getting the shirt on being hooked up to the IV, but it was easily fixed by a call to the nurse’s station. The nurse had appeared and stopped the drip. Leaving the needle in her arm, she unhooked the drip to allow the t-shirt to be put on before she hooked everything back up.

Nick’s scent had engulfed her, cocooning her. She felt comforted. She wished she had this the previous night maybe she would have been able to sleep better.

“Been a long time since I got to do this,” Diane said with a smile as she continued brushing Rachel’s hair. “Do you feel better?”

“Much. Baths can do wonder.”

“Don’t I know it,” Stacy replied. She had rummaged through her sister’s bathroom in search of a nail file and clippers. After the bath, while her mother brushed her hair, she sat down and fixed Rachel’s nails. She had a nice shade of green she was putting on them. Her daughter Leighton would love it. “So did you get to have any romance at all?” She wiggled her eyebrows at Rachel as she opened the nail polish.

Rachel blushed. She could feel the heat rushing across her face.

“You did!” Stacy giggled, pausing after she finished the thumb on Rachel’s right hand. “So?”

“So?” She looked at her sister. “Stacy! I’m not gonna share details in front of Mom!”

“Rachel, I know what happens between a man and a woman,” Diane broke in smiling. “Your father and I are very much in love.”

“No!” Rachel plugged her ears and clenched her eyes shut. “I am not hearing this!”

Diane laughed when her daughter started humming loudly. Another sound broke through and she glanced around searching. She spotted the cell phone vibrated across Rachel’s table. “I believe you have your first call on your new phone.”

“Let me see!” Rachel said eagerly as she accepted the phone from her mother. She looked down at the screen and grinned. “It’s Nick!” Her lips parted in surprised when she saw the white lettering on the screen. Facetime. “Oh…” she quickly hit accept and watched as Nick appeared on the screen. “Nick…” she whispered feeling her eyes water with tears.

Diane and Stacy smiled at each other as they moved away from the bed and slipped from the room, giving Rachel privacy while she talked to Nick.

“Hey,” Nick smiled staring at Rachel on the small screen of his phone. He watched as she covered her face with one hand. He could see a tear roll down her cheek. His arms itched to hold her. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close. He wanted to dry her tears. A lump rose in his throat and he felt himself getting a little choked up. “Do you have green nail polish on?”

Rachel looked at her hand, laughing through the tears as she stared at the bright neon green fingernails. “I do,” she used that hand to wipe away her tears. “Courtesy of Stacy.”

“Hey Rachel!”

She laughed when she saw Brian’s head join Nick’s on the phone. “Hi Brian!” It was amusing to watch Nick push Brian away only to have AJ sneak into the frame on the other side. “Hi AJ.”

“Come on Nicky,” AJ said fighting to stay on the screen. “We want to see her too.”

“Yeah, move over…” Howie’s face appeared on the camera. “Hi Rachel!”

“We like her better than you.” Instead of fighting to get his face on the screen, Kevin snatched the phone from Nick’s grasp and stood out of reach. “Hey.”

“Hello Kevin,” Rachel smiled. She laughed when she saw three other faces appear. Howie and AJ next to Kevin, while Brian slowly rose up from the bottom of the phone. “Hi guys!”

“Hi, we’re the Backstreet Boys.” They said together.

“Come on, guys!” Nick yelled. He crossed his arms glaring at his friends. The look was ruined by the smile playing at his lips.

“I love you guys,” Rachel said and she screen capped their smiling faces. “How is Nick? Are you taking care of him?”

“He’s a pain in the ass,” AJ said. He looked at Nick and grinned seeing the glare.

“Oh yeah. Bitch bitch bitch bitch,” Howie winked.

“We’d much rather be seeing you.” Brian said. “When can we see you?”

“I don’t know, guys,” she smiled sadly. “Maybe tomorrow. I can’t wait to see you guys.”

“Hey, what about me?” Nick called out hearing Rachel’s words.

“Shut up, Nicky. She doesn’t want to see you. She wants to see us.” AJ called.

“Bastards,” Nick muttered.

Rachel talked with Kevin, AJ, Howie and Brian for a couple minutes longer before they said their goodbyes and handed the phone back to Nick. She listened as they told Nick they would be back later. She heard the door shut and watched as the picture from Nick’s end jostled as he moved the phone. She smiled when the movement stopped and Nick was front and center.

“All alone?”

“Finally,” Nick rolled his eyes. “Hey,” he smiled softly.

“Hey,” she smiled. “I’m so happy I can see you. I wish you were here so I can touch, but I guess this will have to do.”

“As soon as they release me, I’m coming straight to your room. Let them try and stop me.” Nick stated. There was no way they were going to stop him from seeing Rachel. “How are you doing and tell me the truth.”

She sent him a small smile. “I’m okay. I know my family has been telling you what they know. They haven’t sugar coated anything. I really am okay.” She quickly told him everything she had been told while in the hospital, not caring that he had probably heard it all. She knew he wouldn’t care.

“So surgery?”

“Yeah, but it’s simple. Nothing to worry about.”

“I’ll worry,” Nick said. He was happy to be able to finally talk with Rachel and see her but at the same time he wanted to be able to touch; to take her hand in his, to caress her cheek; to kiss her softly.

“I love you.” She kissed her fingers and blew on them gently, blowing him a kiss.

“I love you too,” Nick returned the gesture. “Hey… it’s that my shirt?”

Rachel looked down at her shirt smiling. “It is. Stacy brought it back for me. It even smells like you. She brought me a whole array of things.” She told him the things Stacy and Ford brought back, how she was able to bathe and wash her hair. “It felt so wonderful. Better than sex even.”

“Hey!” Nick protested narrowing his eyes as Rachel giggled. “I am so happy I made this call.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Nick,” she curbed her giggled. “I’m just joking. You know there is nothing better than sex with you.”

Nick grinned widely, “I hope you’re alone.”

“I am, don’t worry. Mom and Stacy left when you called. What about you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I don’t even have an IV anymore,” Nick held up his hand showing her the Band-Aid where the IV drip had been. “They are only keeping me here today because my shoulder was infected and I had a fever.”

“A fever,” she repeated worried.

“Relax, it wasn’t that high. I barely had one. It’s just a _‘precautionary measure’_.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“It was hard to sleep last night. You weren’t here. I kept waking up reaching for you.”

Nick frowned hearing Rachel’s words. He hadn’t slept well either last night for the same reason. Hearing that Rachel had the same problem didn’t sit well with him. “Do you need me? Just…”

“Of course I need you, Nick,” she spoke, cutting him off. “I’ll always need you. I love you.”

“I love you.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Mom, I’m fine,” Rachel took her mother’s hand to stop her from fussing.

“You just had surgery; I’m allowed to fuss.” Diane said but she sat down.

“It was minor. I was awake the whole time.”

Surgery had taken place early that morning. She had been in the operating room by seven. The dead tissue had been removed; her bone had been re-broken and set properly. After spending time in the recovery room she was moved back into her room where her family had been waiting to fuss over her.

“Still surgery,” James told her daughter. He had breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor had told him the surgery went well; a success. Dr. Thomas had no qualms that Rachel wouldn’t heal correctly and have no lingering effects.

“You tired?” Diane asked seeing her daughter yawn.

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been on Twitter until all hours of the night,” Lance teased.

“You were on there too,” she smiled. 

After her family had left for the night, she hadn’t been able to sleep. To pass the time she had brought up Twitter on her phone hoping that would put her to sleep. A lot of mentions had built up since the news had broken of her being lost. There had been no way to read them all or reply to them. She felt bad for not being able to reply to each and every one of them. In a tweet she had apologized for not being able to and she thanked everyone for their thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

The first tweet she sent drew an influx of mentions. She sat back and watched it go crazy. It really went crazy after the following tweet.

_‘Especially @LanceBass, @RealJoeyFatone, @IamCKirkpatrick, @JCChasez, @BrianLittrell, @skulleeroz, @howied, @KevinRichardson. I love you all!’_

That drew tweets from loyal NSYNC fans that were ecstatic at the thought of four of the five members together. Being unable to see them since the woods, she had been happy when each member had responded. 

Even JC.

The same JC who wasn’t into social media, the same JC who had last tweeted on his birthday way back in August. His response had definitely caused people to go crazy.

She had also uploaded the screen cap photo she had taken of Kevin, Brian, AJ and Howie. Plus one of Nick. Around that time Lance had commented and that sent them going back and forth on twitter before they moved to texting. She had drained her phone before finally calling it a night and going to sleep.

“It wasn’t Twitter,” Rachel spoke. “I just can’t sleep at night.”

Lance grinned and stood up. “Well we got something to help with that.”

“What’s that?” She watched questioningly as Lance went to the door. She looked at the rest of her family for answers but they just smiled at her. She turned her head back to Lance in time to see him open the door. She gasped. Tears filled her eyes when Nick walked through.

“Miss me?”

“Nick!” Laughter escaped even as tears rolled down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms tightly around him. Burying her head in his neck, she breathed deeply. Underneath the hospital antiseptic smell was Nick. She tightened her arms.

Nick grimaced a little when he wrapped Rachel in his arms. With the joy of finally being able to see her he had forgotten about his healing shoulder. But he pushed the pain aside unwilling to let go.

Lance motioned his family toward the door. After spending the past two days separated, they didn’t need an audience on their ruin. He didn’t want to stand in on the private affair. As they filed from the room, he was sure no one else in his family did either.

“Oh Nick,” Rachel lifted her head and palmed his freshly shaved cheeks. She could still smell his shaving cream and that comforted her. “I love you,” she whispered and brushed her lips against his.

“I love you too,” Nick said against her lips. He settled his lips upon hers once more, moving them slowly on hers. “God it feels so good to hold you again.”

Rachel nodded as she laid her head on Nick’s chest again. It felt good to be held by him again and she told him that.

“I don’t care what anyone says, but I am sleeping right here in this bed with you tonight,” Nick vowed. He was tired. He hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since the night before they left on the ill-fated camping trip.

“Good because I’m not letting you go.” Rachel murmured as she relaxed against him.

“I have something in my pocket for you.”

“I had surgery this morning Nick. I’m not really interested in what’s in your pocket.” Nick’s chuckles vibrated in her ear.

“I know it’s hard to believe,” laughter still evident in his voice. “But that was not a pickup line.” He sat back so he could see Rachel’s face. “I had Brian go to the house yesterday to pick up an item for me.” The smile grew on his face as he watched the green eyes of his lover widen. He climbed from the bed and reached into his pocket, producing the black velvet box.

“Oh,” Rachel breathed. More tears filled her eyes.

“I said I wasn’t going to ask again for fear you’d change your mind,” he sat back on the bed. He knew he probably should have gotten down on one knee, but with her in a hospital bed he was at a severe disadvantage. “But I’m going to ask again because I want to hear the woman I love say she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.”

Rachel’s tear-filled gaze dropped from Nick’s beautiful blue eyes to the box in his fingers. She gasped when he opened it revealing the beautiful diamond ring. The ring blurred in front of her as her tears overflowed. She swiped at them hastily as she lifted her gaze to meet Nick’s again.

“Will you marry me, Rachel?” It was just like the first time he asked her. Nick was nervous. There was a pinging fear in the back of his mind that she would tell him no. Fear that Rachel had only told him yes because she though they weren’t going to make it out of the woods. Unlike the first time he asked her it wasn’t dark. He could see her beautiful green eyes, full of tears.

“Yes Nick; yes,” Rachel’s laugh echoed off the walls. She watched as Nick removed the ring from the box and took her left hand in his and slid the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly. With the ring firmly in place she reached out pulling her to him.

“I love you, Rachel,” he told her before his lips met hers.

“I love you,” she hugged him hard before pulling back to admire her ring. “It’s beautiful, Nick”

“I saw that ring and I knew it was the one.” It was an indescribable feeling to see his ring on her finger. His heart swelled from not only seeing the ring on her finger but seeing Rachel’s face as she stared at it. “I should have done this months ago.”

“No,” Rachel shook her head looking at him. She reached up cradling his cheek with one hand. “No, this is perfect.”

Nick covered her hand with his. “You ready for your family to come back in? You’re gonna have to tell them since you already told Lance.” He smiled when the blush swept across her face.

“Daddy will see it straight off. He always checks my finger when I see him.”

Nick gave her a lingering kiss before he stood up and walked to the door. He poked his head into the hall and saw the Bass family gathered together. He smiled. This would soon be his family. “Hey guys.” The words caused them to look in his direction. “You can come back in now.”

“What is this I see?” James announced as he looked at his daughter. His gaze first caught sight of the small velvet box on the bed. The box caused his eyes to immediately go to Rachel’s finger.

Rachel laughed, shooting Nick an ‘I told you so’ look. She reached out and took his hand pulling her to his side. She smiled up at him before looking at her parents. “Mom, Dad; Nick asked me to marry him.” She felt Nick squeeze her hand.

“Oh!” Diane gasped and covered her mouth with her hands as tears welled in her eyes. She bolted forward hugging her daughter tightly. “You did say yes, didn’t you?” She asking, pulling back.

“Yes Mom; I said yes,” Rachel laughed hugging her mother again.

“It’s about time,” James told the man who was about to become his son-in-law. He already considered Nick his son but this made it permanent. It made him happy that his daughter had found and fell in love with a great man.

“Just wanted to wait for the perfect moment,” Nick answered, shaking Rachel’s father’s hand. He was surprised to be pulled into a hug. But he went with it.

“It’s official now,” Lance grinned at his twin. He sat down on the bed and pulled her into a hug.

“It’s official,” she confirmed.

“Good because I was tired of keeping it a secret.” He winked. His statement brought a lot of questions from his parents and Ford and Stacy. Rachel had to launch into telling them the story of how Nick had already proposed.

*~*

JC gave a frustrated groan. He tossed the pencil he had been writing with down on his desk. Everything he’d done today to try to get his mind focused had failed. Even sleeping half the day away hadn’t worked. He just dreamt of Lance. He dreamt of holding Lance, touching Lance. In a cruel twist of fate, he had dreamt Lance had returned his declaration of love.

His subconscious recreated the scene in the hotel room. After professing his love, Lance had smiled at him. The smile reached those green eyes he loved so much causing them to brighten in a way he hadn’t seen in years. The smile lightened the weight on his heart and he watched as Lance stalked forward. He wrapped his arms around JC and right before his lips touch his, Lance had whispered ‘I love you’.

JC had awoken with the feeling of Lance’s lips on his. He had buried his head in his pillow muffling the groan. After the dream, he hadn’t tried to go back to sleep. A shower had washed away the ruminants of sleep but it also brought to his mind another scene from the hotel when Lance had burst in on him as he was drying off and getting dressed. He could see Lance stripping in front of him.

That set the course of his day. Everything he did or tried to do, reminded him of Lance. It was like it was ten years ago, only this time he didn’t reach for the bottle. This time he didn’t have pictures to burn.

He grunted thinking of the pictures and songs he had burnt. It was funny; he didn’t have physical evidence anymore but it hadn’t taken him long to figure out he couldn’t burn the memories away. They were forever in his head. Every touch, every kiss, every I love you. Every moment he had with Lance was instilled in his head. He hadn’t rid those from his heart, from his mind like he thought. He just tucked them in a far away corner and forgotten about them.

Until Halloween.

Those memories all came flooding back the moment he laid eyes on Lance at the Halloween party. Since that night he had been unable to shove them back into that dark corner of his mind. He tried, Lord knows he tried. But they refused to go. He remembered the first time he saw Lance; the immediate connection he felt with the shy boy. He remembered the shock that went through his system when during a photo shoot, the photographer had positioned him and Lance next to each other and he had to drape his arm on Lance’s shoulders. Judging by the look Lance had sent him, he felt the shock too.

There was no limit on the memories that surfaced. He remembered the awkward, adorable talk they shared in a hotel in Europe where they discussed their feelings for each other. He remembered the fumbling first kiss they shared. The first time they had ever kissed a man.

In the course of three days, he realized he hadn’t been as happy the past ten years as he thought he was. The relationships he had with women hadn’t been as fulfilling. It wasn’t hard to figure out why none of them lasted. He was searching for the one and the one had already passed him by.

He blew it.

JC lay back on his couch, putting his feet up. The notebook he had been writing in trying to work out wording in his head lay on the coffee table in front of him. The pencil was tossed haphazardly on the open pages. The page was littered with words erased and crossed out. He couldn’t put the words in his brain to paper.

_“What did you do to him?” JC asked walking into the room, leaving Lance behind in the bathroom. He tossed his shirt down on the bed, pulling on a pair of sweats. He wasn’t getting dressed just do go eat with the guys._

_“What are you doing here JC? Really.” Joey asked. He needed answers. He could already see Lance getting pulled back in. He couldn’t allow his friend to get hurt again._

_“I’m here to help search for Rachel and Nick,” JC pulled the t-shirt over his head. “Why do you think I’m here?”_

_“For Lance.”_

_“What?” JC laughed at the absurdity of Joey’s statement. His laughter died when he saw the seriousness in Chris’s and Joey’s face. “Are you guys serious? This is why you think I came here? To get Lance back? To pick up where we left off? His sister is missing! I know how close he is with Rachel. I know how connected they are. I know how he’s feeling right now.”_

_“Are you trying to use it to your advantage?” Chris asked. “I’ve seen the way you looked at him today C. You’re not fooling us.”_

_“Seen the way…” He looked back and forth between his friends. “Fine. I realized I am still in love with Lance. I didn’t know what I had ten years ago and fucked it up. I know that now and I want to see if we can find what we once had.” He leveled them both with a look. “But I am not going to take advantage of the situation. My first priority up here is finding Rachel and Nick. When they are found and are safe and sound then I will talk to Lance.”_

_“What happens if he doesn’t feel the same way?”_

_JC drew quiet for a moment as he thought about Joey’s question. “I love Lance. I have loved Lance for a good part of my life. If things had gone differently – if I had handled things differently – today would be much different. But I didn’t. And I ruined the best thing I had. I will always love him. And if he gives me a second chance I’ll make sure never to break his heart again.”_

_“And if he doesn’t?”_

_“If he doesn’t? I’ll let him go.”_

JC rubbed his chest as pain settled there as he recalled the conversation he had with Joey and Chris. It was the truth when he told them. If Lance didn’t return his affections, he wasn’t going to pursue him. He wasn’t going to become one of those lovesick teenagers. Now it was time for him to show Joey and Chris he meant what he said. He talked with Lance, put it all on the line and Lance turned him down.

He thought about the first night when Lance had fallen asleep in his arms. He had realized in that moment that Lance had forever held his heart. Even now, when Lance refused him, the blonde still held it. JC knew he would forever have his heart. He might not have Lance’s but Lance had his. There was no one out there – man or woman – who would ever have it.

His phone beeped from the table signaling an incoming text. He didn’t want to answer it. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with his life right now. Dealing with his real life hadn’t been working out so well today. He needed to figure out the past first and get that part of his life situated first. His phone beeped again reminding him of the text and with one hand he reached for it, grabbing it off the table.

He unlocked his iPhone and tapped the text icon and saw Rachel’s name in bold. He was unable to stop the smile from crossing his face. He wished he could see her but there had been no way he could hang around the hotel after what had happened between him and Lance. Of course that hadn’t stopped him from finally logging back onto Twitter last night and engaging in a conversation with her.

_‘Was able to see Joey’s and Chris’s ugly mugs today. But I missed yours.’_

_‘Sorry I had to run. Real life ya know. How are you feeling/doing?’_

_‘Liar. Something happened between you and Lance. I know it but I just want you to know that I still love you and still consider you one of my best friends.’_

JC faltered reading the last line on the text message. He couldn’t describe the feeling he had seeing that Rachel still considered him a friend. He was certain after his break up with Lance, the friendship he had with Rachel would go down the tubes. It had changed, as it had to. They couldn’t be close friends anymore, not after what happened between him and Lance. He saw Rachel more than he saw Lance but they didn’t hang out as much. As he was thinking another text from Rachel came through.

_‘As for how I am. I’m great. Surgery went good. They said I might be able to go home day after tomorrow. Oh and Nick proposed!’_

The smile on JC’s face was big and wide reading Rachel’s text. He was truly happy for her.

_‘Congratulations!!! Happy to see he finally wizened up and snatched you up. I was thinking about moving in.’_

_‘LOL!! JC, I love you. But you know there is only one fish you want and I’m not it. But if it doesn't work out with Nick, I'm hitting you up.'_

JC laughed out loud. _'I don't think that will ever happen but if it does... You know my number. I'm always available to you.'_

_'I like how we are each other's second choices. I love you JC.'_

_‘Love you too. XOXO’_

He lay his phone down on his chest and sighed. He needed to do something to snap out of this mood. He needed to get back on track. He needed to get back into Girl Radical. They had rehearsals and studio time. He wanted to launch the group in early of next year. He didn’t have time to wallow around in his house. Twelve girls were counting on him. His phone vibrated on his chest again and he sighed picking it up.

Rachel. Again.

_‘I don’t know what happened this time between you and Lance. But I know what I saw in the woods. I know he still loves you and I saw that you still love him. Make him believe, C. Give him something that he can see, give him proof that you love him. Take that first step. XOXO’_

He didn’t bother with a reply; he knew Rachel wasn’t expecting one. He wanted to tell her he had already taken the first step and it hadn’t worked out. This time when his phone vibrated, he groaned out loud. He was ready to fire a reply to Rachel when he saw the text wasn’t from her, but from Chris.

He saw the images but the thumbnail was too small for him to make out what the pictures entailed. With Chris they could be anything. He tapped on the first picture Chris set and sucked in his breath. As he stared at the photo frozen. 

JC saw his twenty-one year old self laying on an ugly couch in a hotel room in Europe. He couldn’t remember the country they were in. During that time, the group hardly knew where they were. They were puppets on strings being rushed here and there playing show after show after show. Sometimes they had three shows a day. They were all exhausted. During a break he had laid down on the couch intending to nap the break away. He remembered being jostle as Lance lay down beside him. JC had just turned on his side, pressing himself as far against the back of the couch as possible to give Lance enough room. He worked an arm beneath Lance’s head for the younger boy to use as a pillow while he wrapped his free arm around Lance’s waist hugging him securely. They had slept that way until Joey had wakened them when it was time to go.

The last time he had seen that photo was the night Lance had broken up with him. It had been one of his favorite photos of the two of them. They looked so young, so content, so relaxed with each other. It had been one of the victims of his drunken stupor. Or so he thought. _‘How’d Chris get this?’_

He swiped his finger on the screen, moving to the next picture Chris had sent. This time much older versions of himself and Lance lay on the couch. Lance wasn’t sleeping with his back toward JC. This time Lance was cuddled into JC’s side; his head was lying on JC’s chest, using it as a pillow. Lance’s arm rested on JC’s chest as well. 

JC noticed that in the picture, he had his arms wrapped around Lance holding him securely as if he was afraid to let go. He remembered how he felt that night when Lance awoken and crawled on the couch with him. He remembered how it felt to hold Lance in his arms once again. He didn’t know it would be the final time. As he was looking at the pictures a text from Chris popped up and he tapped the reply button to read.

_‘You guys belong together. Back then and now. He’s not fooling anyone. He still holds a candle for your skinny ass. Today can still be different. Handle things different, C.’_

_‘Handle things different?’_ JC thought as he reread Chris’s text. How was he supposed to handle things differently? He told Lance he loved him but that hadn’t made a difference and yet he had two people telling him that Lance loved him. 

_‘Then why didn’t he say something?’_ JC wondered.

 _‘Give him something he can see, give him proof.’_ The words from Rachel’s last text came back to him. It slammed his thoughts home. He needed to handle things differently this time. 

He knew exactly what to do.


	20. Chaper 20

“Home sweet home,” Nick said as he unlocked the front door to his house. He pushed the door wide open and moved aside, giving Rachel room to crutch her way through. He followed close behind her, a steadying hand on the small of her back.

“It feels so great to finally be back,” Rachel, with Nick’s help, sat gingerly on the couch. She placed her broken foot on the coffee table and relaxed into the cushions. “Definitely feels great.”

“Why don’t you lay in bed? I know you’re tired.” Nick sat the duffle bag he had carried in with him on the table text to Rachel’s foot. The cast was a glaring reminder of what he had almost lost. Would have lost if they hadn’t been rescued in time. Despite sleeping in the same room the previous two nights, they had been unable to get a good night's sleep. No one every really got sleep in a hospital. Nurses checked on you throughout the night. They tried to be quiet, but you woke up anyway.

“Maybe later,” Rachel opened her eyes. She raised her hand toward Nick, pulling him down to her side. She snuggled close to him, getting comfortable. “I am so glad Lance talked Mom and Dad into staying at his house.”

“Me too; I could have kissed him.” Nick held Rachel close him in, sighing contently. It did feel great to finally be back home.

Rachel giggled. “I bet he would have liked that.” She yawned tiredly. “I love my parents and my sister and Ford and I’m happy they were at the hospital and all but… I feel bad for saying this, even thinking it. But I’m glad…”

“It’s nice to just be alone.”

“Exactly. I love them all to death. But I’m happy to be here, in our home; just you and me. There’s no one to play host to. No one asking how I am every ten minutes. No one to mind if I kiss my fiancée on the couch until my lips get tired.”

“Really?” Nick asked nuzzling the side of Rachel’s head. “Is that what you want to do?”

Rachel hummed. “No, but if I wanted to there would be no one here that would care.”

Nick poked Rachel’s side causing her to giggle and squirm. “Since you brought it up, I think that’s what I want to do. And look,” he whispered in her ear, tracing the shell with the tip of his tongue. “You’re my fiancée and here we are on the couch.”

“It’s like it was destined,” she whispered, tilting her head so her neck was exposed to Nick.

Nick brushed the blonde strands back and pressed his lips to Rachel’s neck in soft whisper-like kisses. He threaded his fingers through her hair, cupping the back of her head. He turned her toward him so he could kiss her lips. He kept the kiss soft and lazy, not pushing for anything more.

“I love you Nick,” she whispered twisting at the waist so she was facing him. She kissed him again before letting her eyes slide close. “Unfortunately I think I’ll fall asleep before my lips get tired.”

Nick smiled as he brushed his lips against Rachel’s once more. “Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Let’s get you to bed.”

“You always know just what to say.” With Nick’s help, she got to her feet and slipped her crutches underneath her armpit. “That’s a lot of stairs,” she said standing at the bottoms and staring up.

“I’ll carry you,” he offered grabbing one of her crutches so she could use the banister.

“Carry me to bed?” Rachel asked as she started the slow process of climbing the stairs. “I bet you say that to all the ladies.”

“Just the ones who promised to marry me.” He kept a hand on her back as she conquered one step after the other.

“That’s not that special, thousands of girls have promised to marry you.”

“Then how about just the one who is wearing my ring?” He whispered her ear.

“Only one of them,” she stopped on the stairs and leaned back into Nick one step below her.

Nick held her firmly, bracing the both of them on the steps. He pressed a kiss to her head. “There will always be only one of them…”

“Not into polygamy?”

“Funny.” Nick murmured into her ear before they finished walking up the stairs. He waited while she situated her crutches and followed close behind as she made her way to their bedroom.

“That is a lovely lovely sight,” she stood in the doorway staring at their bed with the handful of pillows laying at the head, the warmest down comforter. “I’m in love.” She sank down on the edge and let Nick take her crutches. She watched as he leaned them up against the bedside table within easy reach.

“Stand up a minute,” Nick wrapped his arm around her waist baring the most of her weight. He quickly tugged at the blankets and pulled them down to reveal a maroon sheet. He helped her settle in bed and pulled the blankets back over her. He sat down next to her. A strand of blonde hair fell in her face and before she could brush it away, he did it for her.

“Join me?” She rubbed his leg through the denim of his jeans. She blinked sleepily, feeling sleep ready to take her.

“I want to unpack the car first,” he brought the hand on his leg to his lips kissing her palm.

“S’kay,” she mumbled.

“Sleep,” Nick smiled softly tucking her hand beneath the blankets. He stared down at her as he stood next the bed. She had already slipped into sleep; her breath even. “I love you.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he quietly left the room.

*~*

There had never been a time in his life when JC felt as nervous as he did now. Even auditioning for the Mickey Mouse Club hadn’t garnered this much. He could act on a television show, sing in front of thousands of screaming fans, participate in a live interview but there was something about facing his family that scared him.

The worst was his family knew something was up. He hardly showed up out of the blue. They knew he was busy in California with his new group. Since he was slated for a Thanksgiving visit it was odd for him to come early. He could see the questions in his mother’s eyes and he wanted to satisfy them. But it was a lot harder to do than he expected. He had been at his parents' for two days now and had to yet to broach the topic. In his mind, he had himself flying to Maryland, talking with his parents, his brother and sister then flying back to California and going to Lance.

It was all easy in his mind. But it was the furthest from easy. All he could imagine was his parents looking at him in disgust, Tyler and Heather turning away from him. How could he go through the rest of his life unable to contact his family? No matter the reaction his news would get, he would still love them. He didn’t want to lose them.

_‘Then why are you doing this? Why are you putting your relationship with your family at risk?’_

For Lance. He was doing this for Lance. For himself. For them. In order to have the one thing he wanted he had to do this. He had to tell his family he was gay that he had been gay for years. All the relationships he had with women were covers; him trying to prove to himself that he didn’t need Lance, there was life after Lance. Of course there was life after Lance; it just wasn’t as fulfilling, wasn’t as good. He had the taste of life with Lance once and he’d been a fool to let it go.

JC sighed and paced around the living room of his parents' house. He stopped at the mantel staring at the picture of the family taken last month at Tyler’s wedding. They looked like the happiest family in America. There was no reason they shouldn’t have been that day. Tyler was marrying a beautiful, wonderful woman. Heather had found a good man and was happily married and in love. His parents, Roy and Karen, were still blissfully wedded for nearly forty years.

And there was JC. The adopted son. The son who didn’t settle into life in Maryland but catapulted himself into stardom first with the Mickey Mouse Club then with NSYNC. The son, who at thirty six, had yet to settle down and marry and produce the grandchildren Roy and Karen wanted. He stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his jeans as he sighed. The news he was about to tell his father and mother pretty much guaranteed those dreams weren’t going to come true. He couldn’t marry Lance. They couldn’t have kids of their own.

“JC?”

JC spun on his heel hearing his mother’s hesitant voice. He caught sight of her standing in the door wringing her hands in worry. He berated himself for putting the scared, worried look in his mother’s eye. He watched as his father stepped into the room behind Karen.

It was time.

He took a deep breath and looked down at the floor. He closed his eyes and immediately thought of the green eyed man back in California. He had to do this. Raising his head he met first Karen’s gaze, then Roy’s. “I have to talk to you.”

Karen released a small gasped and reached for Roy’s hand. She gripped it tightly. Ever since JC showed up at their house she had noticed there was something plaguing her oldest boy. She had been worried, unable to sleep wondering what news JC was going to drop on them.

“I wanted to tell everyone together, but maybe it’s better this way.” JC took a seat on the couch leaving a space between him and his mother and then he turned to face her and Roy.

“What’s wrong JC?” Karen reached out taking her son’s hand much like she had Roy’s earlier, she squeezed it. “Whatever it is, you can tell us.”

JC exhaled, puffing out a breath. He looked at his parents. “I’m gay.” He watched in surprised as his mother nearly collapsed in relief. Relief?

“Oh, I thought you were going to tell us you were sick.”

JC shook his head. “No, I’m not sick. Perfectly healthy.”

“I know this must have been hard,” Karen spoke slowly, careful to keep a hold of JC’s gaze. “I don’t love you any less than I did five minutes ago.”

“Really?” JC stared at his mother and felt the tears build in his eyes.

“Oh JC of course not,” Karen dropped her son’s hand and drew him into a hug. “You’re my son JC and I love you. Nothing is going to stop me from loving you.”

JC pulled back from his mother and looked behind her to the person had yet to speak. His father. He swallowed roughly. “Dad?”

Roy coughed, clearing his throat. “I’m surprised.” He saw JC deflate in front of him and he reached of placing his hand on top of his wife’s and JC’s. “Like your mother said. Nothing is going to stop me from loving you.”

JC swallowed past the lump in his throat. The weight that had been on his shoulders from the minute he had walked into his parents' house had been lifted. Now that the news was out there he couldn’t believe he worried so much over telling them. He squeezed his mother’s hand and brought his other hand to lie on top of his father’s.

“I do have some questions,” Karen said after a minute of silence. “Is this a recent development? Because you were just dating Kathryn.”

JC shook his head. He wondered how much he should tell before deciding to tell it all. “This isn’t new. I’ve known since I was eighteen.”

“Eighteen?” Karen questions surprised. “Why on earth didn’t you say something then? What about the women you’ve dated? JC, why are you telling us this now?”

His mother always asked the hard questions. “I was too scared what you and Dad would say. And then NSYNC happened…” he trailed off. “The women were just me trying to hide who I really am. Trying to prove to myself that I was happy.”

Roy stared at his son as he explained. As he listened, he was struck with a question. “You found someone.”

JC didn’t even bother questioning how his father knew. Sometimes parents just knew. There was no reasoning behind it. He nodded.

“Who is he?”

“It’s complicated,” JC said slowly. “He’s sort of the reason I’m here.”

“What happened? You don’t have to tell us who he is yet, but I would like to know the man who has captured my son’s heart.” She smiled seeing JC’s bewildered look. “You have to love him or else you wouldn’t have told us.”

His mother was right. He wouldn’t have told them if he didn't loved Lance. “We… dated for a long time. Five years.”

“You had a five year relationship with this man and we didn’t know?” Karen stared at her son. She didn’t know how it happened but it clicked in her mind. “It’s one of the guys isn’t it?” She saw the hurt flash in JC’s eyes. “Oh sweetie, what happened?”

“I messed up Mom. I really messed up and I don’t know what I can do to fix it.”

“Nothing’s unforgiveable, Son,” Roy broke in. He hated seeing his son hurting and wished there was something he could do. Nothing should ever take away his son’s infectious grin.

“Your father’s right JC. Now spill.”

“I’m in love with Lance.” It was the first time he had spoken some variation of those words to someone who wasn’t a part of NSYNC. He saw some surprise in his parents' eyes. “We were together the whole time the group was together. We just… connected from the first time we met. It was like all those movies Heather used to watch. Where the man and woman gave each other a look and they just knew. It was like that with us. We just knew. I loved him and he loved me. Then I threw it all away. I hurt him so bad, Mom.”

“What happened?”

“After the group ended, he was tired of hiding. We didn’t have to worry about how our coming out would affect Joey, Justin and Chris anymore. We didn’t hold their careers in our hands. But I…I couldn’t. I gave my music as an excuse and kept pushing him off. Until he couldn’t take it anymore. But it wasn’t my music. I was just scared. Scared of what you would think. What dad would think. Tyler. Heather. I was afraid to hear and read what people would say about us. The jokes that would come, the snide remarks. How could there not be anything said? We just proved all those jokes true.”

“Don’t do that,” Karen said sharply. “Don’t belittle your relationship with Lance like that. What you and Lance had was nothing like those awful jokes. If that were true, you wouldn’t be here right now. If that were true, you still wouldn’t love Lance.”

“I know, but I was scared, weak. I couldn’t do what he wanted. I couldn’t come out. We had a big fight. He stormed out and I not only lost my boyfriend, but my best friend as well. I haven’t been as happy as I’ve claimed to be since that day. I boxed up all those feelings and stored them away.”

“Have you told…” she broke off seeing JC nod. “What did he say?”

“We haven’t spent any time together since our break up. Granted, none of us have spent a lot of time together. But when I saw Rachel was missing… I couldn’t sit at home. I know how close he is with her. I remembered how he collapsed because he knew she was hurt. I couldn’t take sitting at home continuing on with my life, while he was going through that alone. Being near him again…I tried not to think about our problems, finding Rachel and Nick was the number one priority. Not that my heart listened.”

“The heart rarely listens to reasoning,” Karen smiled.

“I found that out. But spending time with him, being able to talk to him again, being able to comfort him, just be with him, I realized that I had been fooling myself for so long. I may have dated women but I wasn’t really in love with them. I couldn’t have been. I was in love with Lance. But I also realized just how much I truly hurt him. I hurt him so bad that an ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t cut it. Neither did an ‘I love you’.”

“Oh JC,” Karen felt her own eyes fill with tears as she listened to the heartbreak in JC’s voice. “He doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I told him I loved him. But he wouldn’t…couldn’t say it back."

“You must have seen something,” Roy spoke up. “It doesn’t look like you’re giving up.”

JC shook his head smiling softly. “I told Joey and Chris that if Lance didn’t want me, I’d let him go. I just want him to be happy. If it’s not with me,” he shrugged his heart heavy with hurt. “I just want him to be happy.” He grabbed his cell phone off the table and opened his text messages and scrolled to Rachel’s final text and let his parents read.

“That’s a pretty big ace on your side,” Roy commented after reading Rachel’s text.

“I waited for you and her to start dating. You talked about her often. You were always hanging out together,” Karen smiled. “Now I know why.”

JC smiled as he moved to Chris’s text on his phone. “She’s pretty happy with Nick. Very happy judging by the ring on her finger. But you didn’t hear that yet.”

“Oh that’s great news!” Karen exclaimed. “Before you leave here, leave her number. I’d like to call and give my congratulations. It’s been awhile since I’ve talked to her.” She accepted the phone from JC and looked at the picture on the screen. “My word, you look so young.” She smiled up at JC. She looked at the more recent picture and she felt the pain in her heart. Just looking at the two photos she could see how in love the two men were.

“This is you doing something?” Roy asked.

JC nodded. “I was confused at first. Rachel telling to take the first step. I already had. I told Lance I loved him thinking that will be enough. But after what had already happened between us, it wasn’t enough for Lance to start again. And now I realize that we couldn’t start again. Lance is out. He’s happy. He’s not hiding. If we started dating, we’d have to keep it a secret. No one could know because no one knew about me. It’s like closeting Lance all over again.”

“You’re coming out.” Karen stated.

JC nodded again. “Yes. I am telling you first. Tyler and Heather. Then the rest of the world. I’m hoping what I didn’t do ten years ago will allow Lance to trust me again. I need to be out in order to be with him. I need to be with him to be happy.”

“Oh JC, what happens if this doesn’t work? If you did all this for nothing.”

“Not for nothing, Mom. It’s who I am. It’s way past time for everyone to know. If this doesn’t work,” JC shrugged. The pain in his heart returned at the thought of being rejected by Lance once again. “I’ll just keep on keeping on, I guess. It’ll hurt,” ‘A lot.’ “But at least I tried. I’ll always love him. That will never change. But I have to take this chance.”

“Your father and I support you; will always support you,” Karen told JC firmly. “We love you. Will _always_ love you. We hope that Lance sees how much you love him and forgives you. We will welcome him into the family with open arms.”

“Thanks Mom,” JC smiled. A tear slid down his cheek and he hugged his mother. He hoped Lance saw how much he loved him and would forgive him.


	21. Chapter 21

“Okay, you are telling me what is wrong and I’m not taking no for an answer.” Rachel called as she entered Lance’s house. She pushed the front door shut with her crutch.

“How did you get here?” Lance met his sister in the front room. “Did you drive yourself here?”

“Relax,” she rolled her eyes. She held both of her crutches with one hand as she hugged her brother. “Nick dropped me off. You’re babysitting today.”

“What if I had plans?” Lance said as he led Rachel into the living room. He stood close by as she lowered herself onto the couch.

“I’m not gonna break Lance,” she said giving him a look before dropping her crutches to the floor in front of the couch. “If you had plans well… I would have tagged along. I’m so bored,” she moaned, leaning back on the couch. “I’ve been locked up in the house for a week now. I had to practically beg Nick to drive me here and he only did so after I threatened to drive myself after he left.”

“He could have just taken the car keys and left.”

“I would have hurt him.”

“Trouble in paradise already Sis?”

“No,” Rachel sighed. “Just hate the fact that I’m hobbling around. I can’t do anything. And that I’ve been stuck in the house bored out of my mind.”

“I’ve been over to see you everyday. Am I not good enough?”

“You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world.” She smiled cheekily at him. “So entertain me.”

“You know I have to leave soon for the radio show, don’t you?” 

“No…” Rachel looked at her watch and groaned. “That jerk.”

“What’s going on?” Lance asked confused.

“While we were… lost I guess, I told Nick that if I ever made it out that I wanted to be on your show.” She made a face. “He must think he’s cute.”

Lance laughed. “Well, you’re here. I’m babysitting. I have a show to do. Looks like you’re going to the station with me. And even better is there is an empty spot for you today.”

“I was set up,” Rachel glared at him. “You and Nick are not allowed talking anymore.”

“We’re sort of going to be related sometime in the near future. We are bound to talk,” he said with a grin.

“You are on my side, Lance. You are not allowed to conspire behind my back, especially about me.”

“So noted.”

“Good. Now,” Rachel looked at him. “Tell me what happened between you and JC.” She watched as Lance dropped his gaze and started fidgeting. “I know something’s been bothering you. It can’t be me. I’m alive; all my limbs are intact. I’m being married off; someone else’s problem.”

Lance wondered how long he could get away with not telling Rachel what had transpired between him and JC in the hotel room. He was surprised his twin had held out a week. With his parent’s and sister in town and Nick never gone from her side, they never had any alone time to talk.

“Tell me,” Rachel reached for his hand giving it a squeeze. “What happened?”

Lance opened his mouth and everything tumbled out. He told his sister everything that had happened between him and JC from the moment JC had showed up in Porterville. The feelings he felt having JC near after all the time that passed. What it was like to be able to unleash all his fears and anger on JC, knowing that JC would listen and let him get everything out. He told her about the kiss. Word for word he told her about the altercation in the hotel room after she had been rescued. He told her how JC still loved him. He told her how he said nothing and watched him walk away.

“He was so… hopeful,” Lance said remembering the look in JC’s eyes after he told Lance he loved him. “I wanted to open my mouth and tell him that I loved him too. The words where right there.”

“Why didn’t you?” Rachel asked softly.

“What would have changed?” He met her understanding look. “Us loving each other was never the problem. I mean…” he gave a short laugh. “Listen to me; all these years I’ve told myself that he never loved me. Then after hearing one short conversation, I believe he loved me but was just scared.”

“You know he loved you Lance,” Rachel said firmly. “You just told yourself he didn’t so it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

He laughed at Rachel’s words even though they weren’t funny. “It still hurt.”

“I know it did,” Rachel wrapped her arm around Lance’s back and laid her cheek on his shoulder. “I know it hurt. But I’m not understanding. JC told you he loved you. Still. Ten years later, he still loves you. Why didn’t you say anything Lance? Why didn’t you tell him you still loved him?”

“It wouldn’t have worked. Our relationship,” he clarified. “We couldn’t have one. I love JC, Rachel. That is something I will never dispute. I love him still to this day. But as long as he’s not out, we couldn’t have a relationship.”

Rachel nodded in realization. As long as JC was still in the closet, he and Lance could never go out publically. They couldn’t hold hands, kiss. With Lance already out and a big contributor to the gay community, just by constantly being seen with JC would start a lot of rumors and speculations.

“It’s not fair, Rachel. It’s not fair to me. We hid our relationship from the world for five years and I was okay with that for the sake of the group. But I don’t want to hide anymore. I shouldn’t have to. I would be happy...ecstatic letting everyone know my heart belongs to JC. But…”

“I know,” Rachel said and hugged her brother. Her own heart was heavy and sad. “So about this little radio show…”

Lance pulled away from Rachel with a grin. He felt so much better just getting everything off his chest. He wasn’t completely healed; it’s a slow process. But he knew he would get better. “Yeah?”

“You know me and interviews; I get nervous and sound like an idiot,” Rachel made a face at Lance seeing him grin. “A lot of people have been after me to speak about what happened and I’ve left that all to Nick. But I’d be willing to make an exception…”

Lance grinned. “Heck yeah!”

“Just promise no embarrassing questions.”

“I’ll save all those for your second appearance.”

*~*

 _‘Why did I agree to do this!’_ Rachel quickly tapped out on her phone. She was sitting in a computer chair next to Lisa, Lance’s Personal Assistant. The show was set to go on-air soon.

_‘Relax, Babe. It will be just like talking to Lance and Lisa. You do that all the time. You’ll be great.’_

“You look like you’re about to puke,” Drew, one of the peanuts, commented.

“Are you nervous?” Lisa asked.

“Extremely.”

“Don’t be. Half the time we don’t even realize we’re on the radio.” Lisa tried to put her at ease. “Ignore the microphone and just talk.”

Rachel looked down when her phone vibrated in her hand. It was a picture of Nick smiling along with the text, _‘I love you’._

_‘I love you. XOXO’_

“Well hello my little peanuts. Happy Hump Day. It is Hump Day isn’t it?” Lance said with a smile as he looked at his crew for the show.

“It is, Lance.” Drew said. “I’m going to have to put that in writing each day for you to see.”

“I’m still trying to get my days back in order after my mini-vacation,” he winked at Rachel.

“Some vacation,” Lisa spoke.

“Let me introduce my peanuts for today’s show. Today is pretty special. With me as always is DrewBoo.”

“What up everyone?”

“Giggles Delcampo.”

“Hi,” Lisa spoke softly.

“And with us for the very first time,” Lance was excited. He was pretty sure every one of his listeners could tell. “My sister, camping extraordinaire, Rachel Bass!”

“Hello,” Rachel smiled even as her stomach flip-flopped.

“She’s going to be telling us all about her camping trip that enlisted a hundred plus people search. Search dogs, a lifeflight rescue.”

“Yes; I will tell everyone what not to do while camping. But I must apologize first though.” She meet everyone’s confused looks and gave a small smile. “That you landed me to come on your show instead of Nick.”

Lance laughed. “I love it.”

“This camping trip also spawned a mini NSYNC reunion and a marriage proposal.”

“You know it’s funny,” Lance said, taking lead. “My sister and Nick are missing in this huge forest and every major news network decided to give the NSYNC and Backstreet Boys back story. And then at the end it was ‘Oh and Nick Carter and Rachel Bass are missing.’”

“I saw that,” Lisa spoke. “I saw music videos from both your groups. Old interviews. NSYNC break up. They were talking about everything but the actual story. It was irritating.

“I have fielded so many questions about NSYNC getting back together. I mean I’m always asked those questions but there have been a lot of them now.” Lance said. “The very last thing on our minds was the group and music. I am happy JC, Joey and Chris were there. They kept me sane; kept me from completely losing my mind.”

“Not completely,” Lisa said.

“Yeah that wasn’t one of my brighter moments. And of course the cameras were still rolling to catch that.”

“For those of you who missed it or haven’t heard about it,” Drew said. “During the press conference the night before Rachel and Nick were found, a reporter asked Lance when he would start to thinking in terms of recovery instead of rescue.”

“How can you even ask that question to a family member?” Lance found himself getting irritated all over again. “I’m not sure what they expected me to say. I should have known better than to lash out. Do know better. But that’s all done with because we rescued them. They’re a little worse for wear right now. Are you going to talk at all?”

“You guys seem to be doing well enough on your own,” Rachel stated with a smile. “I really can’t say anything about the news reports I wasn’t able to watch them for obvious reasons.”

“Well let’s talk about something you can talk about. Some sad news to report in case anyone missed it. The last remaining bachelor from the Backstreet Boys has been snatched up,” Lance smiled as he spoke. He was so happy for his sister. “That’s right America; Nick Carter is off the market. He proposed to my sister last week and she accepted. Woo hoo!”

“That sound you heard was every girl who had Nick’s poster on their wall heart breaking.” Drew spoke with a smile. “You just shattered a lot of dreams.”

“I feel really bad about that; I really do. Bu I know how they feel. My heart was broken when Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block married.”

“What? Joey McIntyre?”

“Huge crush.”

“Oh yeah,” Lance chuckled. “The first time she met him was when I was doing Dancing with the Stars. He had done an earlier season and was there for some reason. Rachel here became a blubbering mess.”

“No way,” Drew said.

“Oh yeah; cried all over him.” Rachel said. “Poor Nick had no idea the whole time they were on tour together.”

“None?” Lisa asked.

“None. I guess it just never came up. By then I was cool with him. I won’t be surprised if Nick doesn’t ask him about it. In fact I know he will.”

“We need to take a break right here,” Lance said as he got the cue in his ear to send his show to commercial. “But don’t worry, Rachel is with us for the full two hours and when we come back we’ll get into the details of what happened including Nick wrestling with a bear and performing surgery. Stay right there; we’ll be back.”

*~*

JC closed out the Sirius tab on his on his lap top as Lance’s show went off the air. It was the first time he had caught the show. If not for Rachel’s tweet about being on the show right before it started, he wouldn’t have tuned in. He was glad he did though. He got to hear some of what happened in the woods, how they got lost, how Nick encountered the bear and even how Nick had to cut her leg. He shivered thinking about the last part. He couldn’t imagine having to cut into someone’s flesh knowing that they felt everything. He was afraid of needles. He didn’t know how he’d react letting someone do that to him.

He smiled thinking of the questions Nick and Rachel asked each other. He felt proud when Rachel stated that he was her favorite NSYNC member. Of course she hadn’t been allowed to say Lance, which he knew would have been her answer. But it made him feel good anyway. His name had been mentioned a lot on the show. Equally by Rachel and Lance. It did something to him to hear his name roll off Lance’s tongue. It gave him hope even though it shouldn’t have. The reason he was mentioned was because he was there. He helped with the search. Rachel’s bragging had helped a little bit too.

_‘Did you see what else I also did aside from the mini-NSYNC reunion?’_

JC could almost see the smile on her face. He could feel her excitement even over the radio waves.

_‘I got JC tweeting again!’_

He shook his head laughing softly. He couldn’t deny her claim. There was nothing he could do but pull up Twitter and respond to her statement where he blamed her for his procrastination. The show picked up toward the end when Nick had stopped by. He found himself wishing to be there; sitting around the microphones talking about anything they wanted.

The doorbell sounded and JC pushed away from his desk and walked barefooted downstairs. He opened the door seeing a FedEx delivery man. He hadn’t been expecting anything and was hesitant until he saw the return address; was still hesitant even after seeing the address. But he signed for it nonetheless and bid the man a farewell. He walked into his living room and sat on the couch staring at the small package wondering what Chris would be sending him.

“Only one way to find out.” He murmured and tore into the envelope. He stared into the envelope before turning it upside down and dumping the contents on the coffee table. A notebook fell out joined by dozens of photographs along with a loose piece of notebook paper. He picked that up first.

_‘C –  
I keep waiting for you to make your move but nothing has happened yet. You really aren’t getting any younger, Dude. I remember the pain you were in after the first break up. I was really scared for you. It freaked me out walking into your house seeing you lying on the floor. I’m not sure why I did it at the time and I’m not really sure why I’m sending this all to you now. Maybe it’s because I’ve found the woman I was meant to be with and I want everyone to be as happy as me. You know what you have to do C. I won’t even begin to tell I understand what you’re going through because I don’t. But I will support you. I will have your back.'_

Below Chris’s words were two roughly drawn figures. The one on the left had brown hair, while the one on the right had yellow. Each was dressed, in what JC could tell, the costumes they wore in the opening of their No String Attached tour. He shook his head. It was obvious the figures portrayed him and Lance. The brown haired figure had both its arms stretched toward Lance and it was holding a red colored shape that JC couldn’t figure out. In the word bubble above his head read: _‘See I would give you love, the kind of love that you’ve only dreamed of. So if you want to take a chance with me. I’ll be everything you need because it’s our destiny… if you want it here’s my heart. No strings attached.’_

JC laughed and laughed as he stared at Chris’s drawing. Reading the words in the bubble he figured out the red shape in his hands was a heart. But it wasn’t the heart shape that everyone drew; it looked like the actual shape of a human heart. He laughed until tears streamed down his face. He was still laughing when he looked at the photos. The laughter died quickly. The paper in his hand fluttered silently to the floor.

Slowly he reached for a photo seeing a shot of just him and Lance sitting on a couch. He recognized it from one of the many rehearsals they had PopOdyssey tour. He reached for another, seeing a group shot from their younger days. One by one he picked up the photos and looked at them. Most of the photos were of him and Lance. It wasn’t until he came across the photo of him and Lance sleeping (the same one he had saved and hidden on his phone) he figured out what happened.

Chris had saved the pictures from being turned into ashes. He turned his eyes toward the notebook sitting on the table. He was almost afraid to open it and look inside. He knew the words written inside. It made him embarrassed thinking of Chris reading his love songs about Lance. He sat the pictures back on the coffee table and picked up the worn notebook.

His name was scrawled across the front in black ink. He remembered writing it in big letters. When he would get stuck, he’d retrace the letters making the lines darker and fatter. Some nights he’d go over and over the letters in his name. His fingers traced the letters even now as he thought about the action. Opening the cover he took a deep breath and looked at the words he had written from so long ago.

He closed the notebook much later and wiped away the tears from his eyes. With each lyric he read; with each line brought back the feelings. He could remember what sparked each entry. Sometimes it hadn’t been much. Few times a look across the stage they were performing on was all that was needed for the words to enter JC’s brain. Other times it would happen in the moments after they made love and they were lying sated and sleepy in each other’s arms. There had been many of times when he’d gotten out of the warm cocoon of Lance’s arms to scribble furiously in his notebook.

_‘You know what you have to do, C’_

Chris’s words from the note came back to him. JC gathered up the notebook and the pictures and went back to his desk. He knew what he had to do. Pulling up a blank document, JC began to type.


	22. Chapter 22

It was hard to know when Lance woke up that it would be the day that would change his life forever. The day was ordinary as any other day. He woke up, started his coffee pot and while that perked he would start his computer and go through his e-mails. When the coffee was finished, he’d have the steaming cup next to him as he continued going through his emails. CNN, as always, aired on the television hanging on the wall. The volume low as he concentrated on handling one response after another.

It was all routine, same as any other morning. But that all changed upon receiving a text from Lisa.

_‘You need to read the email I just sent you. This is big news today.’_

Lisa had definitely caught his attention and he pulled up his email his email from the tray where he had it minimized. At the top in bold was Lisa’s new email and he clicked on the item. His stared at his computer unbelieving. The words made no sense. They did but his brain had a hard time understanding.

**JC Chasez Announces He’s Gay.**

_JC Chasez, formerly of the boy band NSYNC has finally come out of the closet at the age of 36. Chasez announced his homosexuality in an open letter to the public which he posted to his Twitter account early this morning. In the letter he states…_

Lance quickly moved from his email, pulling up his twitter account. His timeline was overrun with people retweeting news articles about JC and retweets of JC’s post. He clicked on JC’s name bringing up his account. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t trust anyone else. He needed to see it on JC’s page.

There it was, like a glaring beacon in the night. The last tweet from JC posted an hour ago. He clicked on the link and watched as the page loaded. When it was complete he settled into read, when he was done he was crying. 

_‘A lot of people want your comments about JC.’_

He read Lisa’s text. He knew people would want his thoughts about JC coming out. But how could he say something when he didn’t know what his thoughts were. His phone vibrated again and he knew he was going to have to turn it off until he knew what he wanted to say. He looked down and saw Rachel’s name on the screen but it was quickly replaced by Chris’s as he sent a text.

He opened his sister’s first. _‘Your move Lance.’_

His sister’s words were true. It was his move now. JC had just erased the barrier he was hiding behind. He opened Chris’s tweet next and stared at the photo of he and JC curled up on the couch together in Porterville. As he stared at the photo he could feel JC’s arms around him. He could hear JC’s heart beating in his ear as he lay on his chest. He could smell the shampoo JC used. 

Lance was halfway to JC’s when he realized two things. One he hadn’t dressed. He was still wearing the plain white t-shirt and drawstring pajama pants he had rolled out of bed in. Two he had no idea what he was going to say when he saw JC. He used the rest of the time, helped by morning traffic to figure out what he was doing, what he was going to say. All too soon he was pulling into JC’s drive nowhere closer to words.

He sighed and pulled his keys from the ignition. He climbed from the car and made his way to the front door. He ran the doorbell and fidgeted on his feet while he waited. It didn’t take long before the door opened and he was staring face to face with JC for the first time since Lance let him walk away thinking he didn’t love him.

“Lance.” JC stated as he stared at the man who held his heart. The man who he desperately wanted to be with. He couldn’t sleep last night knowing he was posting his letter today. Once he posted out into the world, unable to take it back, he felt sick. He already knew what his friends thought, what his family thought. All he could think about was what Lance thought. If he read it. He knew the news would be quick to get to him. The first thing everyone would do would be to go to Lance, Joey, Justin and Chris for their reactions. It had been the same way when Lance had come out.

Lance stared at JC dressed in a faded cotton t-shirt that looked soft to the touch and equally worn jeans. He fisted his hand in an attempt not to reach out and touch. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” JC blushed and shook his head. He stepped back holding the door open allowing Lance to step across the threshold. He followed the door close and took a breath. This was the moment it all boiled down to. He tried not to get his hopes up. After all if this meant nothing to Lance, he wouldn’t be here. Maybe he came here to tell him he was proud for him for finally coming out but it was too late for them.

Lance could feel the emotions rolling off JC. He stared at JC who had yet to turn and face him. He could imagine what JC was going through right now. Fear and worry if he did the right thing. This time he didn’t stop himself from reaching out. When his hand touched JC’s back (the t-shirt soft as he knew it would be) he felt a shudder course through JC’s body.

He stepped forward, pressing himself against JC’s back, worming his arms around JC. With his palms on JC’s chest he laid his head on JC’s back. JC’s scent wrapped around him erasing the hurt from the previous ten years. He placed a kiss on the back of his neck.

“Lance,” JC whispered sinking into the body behind him. He raised his arms crossing them over Lance’s, holding them to his chest.

“I’m sorry I let you walk away thinking I didn’t love you,” he whispered as he placed kisses along JC’s neck and shoulder blades. “It’s not true. I do love you.”

JC’s eyes closed at Lance’s words. He felt a tear slip through and slide down his cheek. This whole time he had been worried what Lance would think, what Lance would say. He worked himself up wondering if this had been the right move; if he had been right to come out.

“Hey,” Lance said softly turning JC in his arms. He saw the tear track on JC’s cheek and reached up brushing it away. “JC…” He grasped JC’s hand, threading their fingers together. Lance led him away from the door to the couch. He sat down on the cushions pulling JC down right next to him, keeping a hold of his hand. “Talk to me, C. You’re not looking so hot.”

“I just can’t believe it’s out there.”

“Are you regretting it?” Lance asked softly his heart coming to a stop. He paled. Did he force JC into coming out when he wasn’t ready? Did he cause the look of distress on JC’s face? “JC,” he swallowed roughly. “Did I force you to come out?”

“Yes,” JC looked at Lance and watched the emotions filter through those green orbs. He fixed on the pain and squeezed Lance’s hand. “But not in the way you think.”

Lance looked at JC confused. The simple affirmation hurt. He didn’t want to force someone to come out of the closet. He didn’t want to have a hand in anyone’s decision. No one else could make that decision for someone. “You’re gonna have to explain.”

JC shifted on the couch, pulling the leg that had been touching Lance’s up on the couch. His knee touched the back of the couch now while his lower leg rested against Lance’s thigh. It angled his body toward the younger man. He kept a firm grasp on Lance’s hand unwilling (or unable) to let go. “You did force me to come out,” when he repeated the words he saw the hurt enter in Lance’s eyes again. “I knew the only way for us to be together - to have a chance - was for me to come out. That’s the only role you played in this. If I wanted to be with you, I needed to come out. I don’t regret this decision for one minute.” He answered the earlier question.

The weight that had been pressing down on his shoulders lifted. Lance looked down at their joined hands, seeing JC’s long fingers so naturally entwined with his. He loved watching those fingers move so skillfully over piano keys; how they delicately caressed his skin.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come out with you—”

Lance places his finger on JC’s lips stopping his words. “Don’t.”

“But…” The preposition was muffled.

“We both did so many things wrong then,” Lance stared into the clear blue gaze unable to look away. “I’m sorry I made you think that I didn’t love you. It hurt so much watching you walk away.” He closed his eyes letting out a shaky breath as he remembered the hurt he felt in the hotel room as JC left. He opened his eyes meeting that blue gaze he loved so much. With those beautiful eyes leading him, Lance leaned forward and brushed his lips against JC’s.

JC’s lips parted in surprise at the move, but Lance made no move to take the kiss deeper. His lips moved gently over JC’s, opening and closely softly. He brought up his free hand, palming the scruffiness of JC’s cheek before moving his hand back through the short brunette strands until his cupped the back of JC’s head.

“I know I hurt you…” Lance whispered as they parted. 

“You did,” JC answered truthfully. “And I tried to shove you and all the memories back into the box knowing that we wouldn’t be together and continue on but it proved difficult.” He said with a slight laugh.

“I know,” Lance let his hand drop from JC’s hair to rest of his jean clad thigh. “I tried to do the same. It didn’t work.”

“Especially when you have two people putting their noses in where they don’t belong.” He grinned at Lance’s confused look. “Wait here.” He gave Lance’s hand a squeeze and jumped from the couch. He quickly made his way to his bedroom where he grabbed the envelope from the drawer next to his bed. The grin on his face was huge as he thought of the man sitting on his couch at the moment; of the kiss they just shared.

“What’s that?” Lance asked nodding toward the envelope JC carried in his hand when he came back into the room. While he had been gone, the statement JC made ran through his head. It didn’t take him long to deduce that one of the noses belonged to his sister. The only one, he wasn’t so sure on.

“Open it.”

Lance accepted the envelope and opened the top. He hesitantly peered in not knowing what to expect. Much like JC had done when he first received the mail; Lance dumped it on the coffee table. He noticed the pictures first. “What…” he questioned riffling through them. He looked at JC before looking back down at the pictures. They were old NSYNC days. The memories made him smile as he looked at each group shot, of each shot of him and JC together. When he got to the photograph of he and JC sleeping on the couch he held it up. “I’m beginning to think I know how the other nose is.”

Lance grabbed the stray piece of notebook paper and quickly read through. When he got the end he went back and reread realizing what Chris had been telling him. Reading the bubble above the drawings, he laughed. “Are you going to sing to me, JC?” He told the joke to cover up his emotions.

JC wasn’t fooled. He sat next to Lance, their thighs touching. “The first night in Porterville before the nightmare... We lay on the couch together. You had fallen asleep but I was still awake. Thinking about our breakup; the mistakes I had made and my life now. I realized something very important. After ten years apart, you still held my heart. We may have broken up, went separate ways and rarely saw each other but you still had possession.” He met Lance’s eyes, showing him everything he could with just the one look. “I wondered that night, as I held you in my arms, if I had yours?”

Lance’s eyes filled with tears hearing JC’s words. It meant more to him than anything in the world. He sat Chris’s note back on the coffee table with the pictures and cupped JC’s face. “My heart,” he whispered softly staring into JC’s eyes. “Has been yours since I was seventeen.” Before the brunette could smile, Lance covered his lips with his own.

*~*

"Did you realize you're still wearing pajama's?" They were now laying on the couch in each other's arms after a heavy make out session. Neither made the move to go pass kissing. They gradually went from sitting to laying; their kisses slow and languid. Fingers caressed cheeks and backs lazily. JC lay on his back with Lance's head on his chest. His hand moved up and down Lance's spine.

Lance blushed even as the smile formed on his face. "Yeah...I uh...saw the post this morning and..."

"Rushed over here?" JC grinned so full of love knowing that Lance was in such a hurry to see him, he forgot to get dressed.

"No, I...yeah." Lance smiled when he heard the giggles. He tightened his hold on the man. "You know you're coming on my show now, right?"

JC laughed. "Is that required for all your boyfriends?"

"I don't know. I've never had a radio show and a boyfriend at the same time."

"I haven't had a boyfriend in ten years." The thought was sobering. Since the break up JC had only dated women. He never looked at another man in a romantic sort of way. Truth be told, the only man he ever wanted was the one he held at the moment.

Lance's eyes widened. In his mind he knew this but to hear JC say it aloud... "So in ten years you've never...."

"Had sex with another man?" JC felt Lance's nod against him. He shook his head. "No. I've only ever made love with one man before."

"Wow." Lance didn't know what else to say. Hearing JC tell him he had been the only one did something strange to his heart. He lifted his head to stare down into JC's clear blue gaze. "That... that makes me ridiculously happy for some reason."

"It doesn't put you off that I'm not experienced," he asked coyly.

Lance grinned seeing the teasing glint of JC's gaze. "If memory serves me right, you are incredibly experienced and talented."

"I had a great partner at the time," JC cupped the back of Lance's head and pulled the younger man down to meet his lips. "Does it bother you that I haven't been with someone else - a man - in such a long time?"

"JC are you crazy? Right now I'm not sure if I should go with the feeling of turning into a complete sap and proclaim my love for you or if I should turn into the dominate male and declare you mine."

JC rolled his eyes toward the ceiling pretending to think. After a minute he brought his eyes back to Lance. "I think you should go with both."

"I can do that," Lance shifted so he was leaning over JC. "I have loved you since I was seventeen. You have been the only person in my life that mattered, no one else came close. It was you; it's always been you. It was always be you. I love you JC."

"Oh," JC blinked feeling tears build in his eyes at Lance's words. "Lance..."

"With that out of the way," Lance lowered his head taking JC's lips with his own. This kiss was different than the ones they shared earlier. Whereas those were lazy and drawn out, this one was hard and dominating. He licked at JC's lips, until JC opened and welcomed his advances. After he explored, Lance softened the kiss. "You're mine," he whispered, brushing his lips lightly against JC's. "Mine."

JC blinked his eyes, bringing Lance's green gaze back into focus. He noticed he had a tight grip on Lance's shirt and worked hard to release the grip. After that kiss, his brain was still trying to recover. He brushed his hands over the wrinkles he caused. "Yours," he answered softly. He cupped Lance's face, bringing his lips back down to meet his.

"What happened to the necklace," Lance asked moments later after he had retaken his place at JC's side using his shoulder as a pillow. He ran his fingers high on JC's chest where a necklace had sat for years. The Leo necklace had been a staple on JC's body during the group's rise and success.

Lance had bought the necklace (it had been the very first gift he had given JC) in Europe. He didn't know what pushed him to purchase the lion medallion hooked to black rope. But he had been intrigued, listening to the lady talk about astrology and the Leo sign. The more she talked, the more he could see everything she described in JC; from creative and enthusiastic to generous and warmhearted. But what really sold him, was when the lady talked about professional life. She spoke of professionals and businessmen. When she talked about the artist Leo, she was talking about JC.

He smiled remembering what he had told JC when he presented him with the necklace. 'For my star of the stage.' JC's whole face had lit up and he hugged him tightly before putting on the necklace. From that moment it had never been removed from his body. Lance didn't remember when he first noticed the necklace missing from pictures he saw of JC. It was just one day the necklace was there and then it was gone.

"Oh...ah..." JC brought his hand up, settling it over Lance's hand on his chest. He mentally kicked himself. "It didn't survive my drunken stupor." The item had been one of the first things he had tossed into the fireplace after their break up. Out of all the things he lost that day he was most upset about the necklace. He treasured the necklace. He wore it everywhere; refused to take it off when photographers told him to. The rope had gotten worn and he'd have to cut some off and retie it causing the medallion to sit closer to his throat. A couple months before the break up, JC had to replace the black cord completely.

"Really?" Lance asked surprised. "I could have sworn I saw it in photographs afterward."

"It was a replica," JC explained. "I had worn it for so long a lot of people identified with it." He shrugged. "When I showed up without it, I guess that caused a stir so they found me another one. I didn't wear it long. It just...wasn't the same."

That made sense to Lance though he was a little sad that the necklace was gone forever. "Why haven't you put out any new music?"

"Come on Lance, no one wants to hear my shit." JC brushed him off.

"What are you talking about?" Lance leaned up on his elbow so you he could look at JC. "Everyone wants to hear your music. You have an amazing voice. Don't sell yourself short. I saw that video from Matt's tour. Don't tell me you don't miss performing on stage."

"He only did that to be nice since we were writing some songs together." JC tried to shrug him off.

Lance frowned. This was not the JC he remembered. The JC from before loved to sing and perform. 

"Besides, I heard through the grapevine that Justin's putting out another album early next year. I do anything now I'm just copying."

"Bullshit." Lance said vehemently. "Who cares if he's putting out new music or not. You're just as good, if not better. People want to hear you. Do you know how many times a day I get asked when you're going to put out something new? You have an unbelievable voice, JC."

"I'm not that good..."

"Just take the compliment, C," Lance rolled his eyes a smile on his face.

"Thank you." JC ran his hand up Lance's spine until he was cupping the back of Lance's head and pressed Lance's head back to his shoulder. "When I told my family, I told them about us." He said when Lance was settled.

Lance felt himself stiffen but quickly relaxed. "How did they take the news?"

"Good. Good. They were surprised. Especially when I told them I knew since I was eighteen. They kind of figured it out that I was finally telling them for a reason. Mom told me she thought I'd end up with Rachel."

That piece of information caused Lance to laugh. "Close. So your Mom and Dad are okay with me and you?"

"Oh yeah."

"I haven't told my family yet."

"Well it's kind of a recent development."

"Rachel, Nick and I are flying out Saturday. We're spending the week in Mississippi," he mentioned the trip slated for the day after tomorrow. "I'll tell my parents about us then."

"Why does that scare me more than talking with my own parents?"

Lance chuckled. "You have nothing to worry about. My mother always liked you. Why don't you come with us?"

"What? Oh no, I couldn't..."

"Why not? Are you busy? Going home to Maryland?"

"Yeah. I fly out Wednesday for a week," the thought made JC frown. After spending years apart, they come together only to be separated again. Lance must have been thinking the same because after a few minutes of silence he spoke up.

"Come home with me." Lance blurted.

"I would love to but I'm pretty certain I would wind up on my mother's bad side if I blew her off to spend Thanksgiving in Mississippi."

Lance leaned back up on his elbow again to look at JC. "Fly out on Saturday with us. On Wednesday you can fly to Maryland. Then the following Saturday instead of me flying back home, I'll come to Maryland then fly back here with you."

"That's crazy," JC said with a slight smile. "But I like it." His heart sang seeing the smile on Lance's face. "It's a helluva flight schedule. Lisa's gonna hate you."

"Nah, it'll be okay."

"What about your show?"

Lance frowned as he remembered the radio show. All next week there were going to be best of shows in his timeslot. But the following Monday he was back on the air. "I can do it from DC. I'll need to talk New York and Sam, but I can do the show from DC on Monday and Tuesday. I'll need to find people to be on with me." He grinned down at JC.

JC rolled his eyes all the while grinning. "Subtle hint there, Lance. I'll be on the show with you."

"Awesome."

"Come back here," JC pulled Lance back down against him. He wrapped his arms around Lance, hooking his hands together at Lance's hips. He sighed contently. "I can lay here like this all day."

Lance smiled and scooted his body closer to JC. "I'm yours until three."

"I like the sound of that."

*~*

"Maybe we should have cancelled this trip," Nick said as Rachel eased herself down in the first class seat. He took her crutches and handed them to the flight attendant to store for the trip.

"Are you crazy? My mother, not to mention Mimi would kill us!" Rachel said. "If we didn't show, might as well never show our faces at another family function again. And I for one would really really miss Mimi's stuffing."

"Oh that stuff is so goood. I can almost taste it now." Lance cut in as he took the window seat in the row behind Rachel. "I can already see myself gaining ten pounds on this trip."

"Don't gain too much or your hot lover might leave you for another man," Rachel wished she could peer over the seats to the couple behind them. She had been giddy with excitement from the moment Lance told her he was back together with JC.

"Stop," Nick chided Rachel but there was a teasing glint to his eye. He turned in the seat next to Rachel and looked over the seats to Lance and JC. "Kind of soon to be meeting the 'rents isn't it? After only two days?"

"Must be serious," Rachel grinned.

"Hey Rachel," Lance winked at JC and leaned forward. "Does Nick know how--"

"I've seen JC naked?" Rachel cut in causing JC to cough in embarrassment. "Yes he does. And be careful of any dark secrets you want to share because I've got my own arsenal. But I will say this;" she turned in her seat so she was able to see both JC and Lance. JC's face was red. "I know why you picked him." Her grin widened when she saw the red on JC's face darken.

"I knew I should have sold you when I was little." Lance reached over and took JC's hand in his. He gave it a squeeze and smiled when JC met his gaze. He knew the older man was embarrassed. He found it cute that he was still embarrassed about the incident even after all these years.

"Lance Lance Lance," Rachel shook her head. "We've been over this plenty of times. Losing me would be like losing a part of yourself. You wouldn't survive"

"So..." Nick broke in. "How do he and Joey compare?"

Lance choked on the sip of water he had just taken causing Nick and Rachel to laugh. Even JC had a smile on his flamed face.

"Can we change the subject to something that doesn't have to do with what's in my pants?" JC asked.

"What's in your pants?"

"Something very nice," Rachel murmured loud enough for only the four of them to hear.

"Alright stop," Lance said. "I'd appreciate not to be dumped on the runway."

"Could be worse," Nick said. "Could be in mid air. Now that would suck."

"Dump me in mid-air and I'll shove your ass out the emergency exit." Rachel told him sweetly. "JC, I think you should grow your hair out again."

JC blinked at the sudden change in subjects. "Any particular reason why?" The passengers in coach started boarding and he had to fight the urge to remove his hand from Lance's. He still wasn't used to the fact they could touch like this in public. Back in their younger years they had perfected the little looks, the foot nudges under the table, the slight brushes of their hands. Things so slight that no one noticed. It had gotten to a point that after a while, they didn't even know they were doing it.

"Because I liked it."

"Oh well, sure since you liked it," JC teased.

"What she's trying to say is that you were hot," Nick unsuccessfully tried to dodge the slap but there weren't many places you could go while sitting in a seat on a plane.

"Just what length are we talking about?"

"Around the time from the 'Pop' video. Nothing like the hair you had post-NSYNC."

"Cause he'll grow his hair out to please you," Lance shook his head. Though he did agree with his sister. JC had looked incredibly sexy when he grew his hair out. When they had last been together, he had gotten used to running his fingers through the brunette curls. It was one of the things different about JC now that he had to get used to. 

"Hey, what pleases me pleases you," Rachel cringed hearing the words. She heard Nick start chuckling next to her before laughing out loud. She felt the blush sweep across her face. "That so did not come out right." She settled back in her seat and pulled out her phone. "I'm gonna stop talking before I say something that will really get me into trouble."

"Good idea," Lance said shaking his head. He laughed softly as he sat back in his seat. People boarding had slowed down so he figured they were just about read to take off. He leaned over toward JC and whispered, "You did look hot during that video. I was extremely jealous of all the girls who got to touch you in that hallway.

"If I remember correctly," JC turned his head. His heart still jolted when he met Lance's green eyes. "We snuck back in before they dismantled the set and had our own fun in that hallway."

"Mmm we did," Lance murmured as he moved closer to JC. Their lips were now just millimeters apart. "That was a lot of fun."

"Aren't they adorable?" Rachel whispered softly turning back around in her seat. She had turned around to ask a question but the words had died on her lips when she saw the intimate scene. She had quickly raised her iPhone and snapped a picture and turned around right before her brother's lips met JC's. She showed the picture to Nick, who smiled.

"What are you going to do with that?" He asked watching as Rachel scrolled through her Twitter feed. "You're not going to post it are you?" It wouldn't be long before everyone realized JC and Lance was an item, but he didn't want Rachel spilling the beans.

"No, I'm not going to post it..."

"Post what?" Lance interrupted.

"This cute picture I just snapped of you and JC," Rachel pulled up her messages and tapped a couple buttons creating a text message to both JC and Lance. She attached the picture and sent it to their phones. A few seconds later, she heard them both chime. 

Lance pulled out his phone the same time as JC. He was a little leery of seeing what Rachel had taken, but when the photo popped up his heart filled with love. He smiled staring down at the picture taken moments ago right before they kissed. Looking at the picture he could see how much they loved each other.

JC stared at the photo on his phone. His own heart filled with love for the man next to him. It was strange to see a picture of himself looking so completely in love. He squeezed Lance's hand tightly. Seeing the picture made him angry at himself for ever wanting to hide their love in the first place. All couples should be as lucky to find the one they are meant to be with. Knowing that he didn't have much time before they had to turn off all electronic devices he pulled up his Twitter account. The account had been getting a lot of use since Rachel's and Nick's rescue. He found the site enjoyable and fun...sometimes.

 _'Love of my life.'_ He tapped into the box before attaching the picture. He never hesitated over the post button. His timeline updated and at the top was his tweet. The only question in his mind as he stared at the tweet, out there for everyone to see, was that he should have put Lance's name in there.

"Hey..." Lance said softly seeing JC's tweet when he refreshed his timeline. He knew what the picture would be before he clicked on the link. "You beat me too it." He hit the quote button. _'Love you! <3' _he typed before posting the reply.

JC refreshed his timeline grinning when he saw Lance's reply. He leaned over and kissed him.

"Freakin' adorable," Rachel said as she looked at her own timeline. "They so owe us for getting lost and almost dying in the woods. If it wasn't for us, this wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah," Nick drawled. "We did that on purpose. I knew where the trail was the whole time." He pulled up his own phone and tapped reply to JC's tweet. _'My Bass is better than your Bass.'_

"Terrible," Rachel said giggling. She responded to JC's tweet with one of her own. _'2/3rds of my favorite guys. I love you both!'_ "Lean over here," she told Nick as she pulled up the camera on her phone.

"What if I don't want my picture taken?"

"Then I'll push you out the emergency exit right now," she leaned toward Nick and held her phone up to snap the self-portrait. "We look pretty damn good together," she commented on the picture as she posted it to her Twitter account.

"One of the reasons I hit on you. I knew we'd be good together," Nick grinned.

Rachel rolled her eyes at Nick's innuendo. She would never tell him, but she loved all the lines he used on her. There were times she'd catch a twinkle in his eye after a line that made her think he knew but she wasn't certain. The announcement came to turn off all electronic devices and she powered her phone down shoving it in her pocket.

As the plane taxied down the runway, she thought about the caption she applied to the picture. She turned her head toward him and stared at his profile as the plane started to lift off.

"What?" Nick could feel Rachel's gaze on him.

Rachel just smiled and squeezed his hand.

_'My best friend. My other half. My love. <3'_


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter! Thank you so much for the wonderful responses and all the kudos! I love you! Each and every one of you! I hope you enjoyed Nick's and Rachel's saga from start to finish and even the JC and Lance saga! There is a short 4-5 chapter sequel to this that deals with JC's & Lance's relationship. I hope you all check that out.

Epilogue

"You look gorgeous," Diane told her daughter. She reached out adjusting a couple of the curls in Rachel's hair so they laid down Rachel's chest.

"Thank Mama," Rachel clasped her mother's hand.

"Nick is gonna be speechless when he sees you," Stacy took her sister's free hand and held it tight. She turned Rachel toward the full length mirror set up under the makeshift bridal suite right there on the beach in California.

"As long as he can say 'I do'." Rachel chuckled and looked at herself in the mirror. Her dress was just like she told Nick it would be. It was a satin dress with a seductive V-neckline paired with halter strap. There was a crossover at the waistline beneath her breasts that came together and draped beautifully on her back. The dress fell to the sand where it covered her bright red painted toenails courtesy of Leighton. It was completely unlined and was void of a train.

Her long blonde hair was had been transformed to a mass of loose curls. It had taken most of the morning, two curling irons and an enormous amount of hairspray to make her hair cooperate. Her make-up was light and simple; mascara and eye liner. The only jewelry she wore was her engagement ring.

"You're not upset I didn't do a more traditional church wedding?" Rachel's eyes met Diane's in the mirror.

"Oh Sweetie, no no," Diane said immediately. "This will be a beautiful wedding. It's gorgeous outside. You look amazing. This is your day. It's supposed to be your 'dream come true' today."

Rachel smiled. Her gaze dropped to the hand clutching her mother's to the solitaire ring nestled on her finger. It wouldn't be lonely long. Soon another ring would be nestled there and that ring would have a mate worn on the finger of her husband. 

Her husband.

"Ah, see," Diane smiled. "That expression is the most importantly thing. Tells me the only thing that matters to you is the man waiting on you. I can see how much you love him."

"I do love him. I just want to be with him. I was fully prepared to never marry and that was okay because I was with him. But he changed his mind."

"A fact that Daddy is very happy about," Stacy grinned.

"Oh yeah," Rachel laughed thinking of her father. "It's going to be strange not to hear 'Did he ask you yet?' on every phone call."

"Don't worry," Stacy laughed. "That will be replaced with, 'when are you going to give me more grandbabies?'"

"One step at a time Sis," she smiled softly. "Let us be married first. This is a big step for Nick..."

"Oh I don't think so. That boy is so in love with you," Diane spoke of her soon to be son-in-law. "I admit I was worried the closer the wedding date got, especially knowing how the proposal came out." She held up her hand warding off Rachel's comments. "I know you told me and told me that being lost in the woods made Nick realize he shouldn't have waited. But in my mind I kept thinking, 'He's going to change his mind'. Being out here this past week and spending time with him... He's completely happy and overjoyed to be marrying you."

Rachel wrapped her arms loosely around her mother's waist. "It's all just so surreal. And it's frightening to think about everything that had to be just right for this moment to happen. One different decision made and I wouldn't be standing here. I really have you and Daddy to thank. If you hadn't let Lance try out for NSYNC. If you hadn't okay'd me to go to Germany..."

"I had to let you go to Germany," Diane broke in. She could feel the flood gates rising as she listened to her daughter talk. "You and Lance were so close. Are so close," she amended. "It was a foolish decision to separate you two. In the beginning I thought Lance was just homesick, but talking with your father and hearing how depressed and lonely you were; it was the only decision we could make."

"We had never been apart before. And we could hardly talk. I felt lost. I tease him all the time when he wonders why he never sold me when we were little that losing me would be like losing a part of him. I don't know if that's true for him but it is for me. I know when we're in the same room, what he's thinking, feeling. We're just..." she met her mother and sister's gazes and gave them both a sly smile. "So in sync."

Stacy groaned. "Bad Sis. Bad."

"But what I was getting at originally was all those decisions. You letting Lance try out for NSYNC. Them _picking_ him! If none of that had happened, I wouldn't have been in that club the night I met Nick. Our paths would have never crossed. With Lance it's like we're two halves that make the whole but with Nick I feel that too. He is my other half; the one that I was meant to be with. Oh don't cry," Rachel said seeing her mother's eyes fill with tears.

"Oh Honey, I'm just so happy," Diane hugged her daughter tight. "It makes a mother feel wonderful knowing she's giving her daughter off to a great man, who will treat her how she deserves to be treated, who will love her and take care of her, do everything he can to see that she's happy and all her dreams come true."

"I am happy, Mom. And that, that out there is my dream come true. It's not the time or the place. It's Nick."

"I told Ford I wasn't going to cry," Stacy's chuckle cracked as she pressed her pointer fingers on either side of her nose to wipe away the tears before they damaged her make up. "But when you say things like that."

"I'm sorry," Rachel pulled Stacy into a hug. "You're not upset or anything that I chose Lance to stand up for me are you?"

Stacy shook her head smiling. "Of course not. Rachel, I always knew. There is no better person to stand up there with you today than Lance."

"I knew there was a reason my ears were ringing." Lance said as he pushed aside the tent flapped and walked inside. The teasing smile softened as he caught sight of his sister in her wedding dress for the first time. "Wow. You look gorgeous. Nick's not gonna know what hit him."

"That's the look we were going for," Stacy grinned. "Looking pretty good there Lance."

"This is why Rachel's my favorite," Lance winked at his mother, who gave a small shake of her. A smile teased at her lips. "When you got married, I had to wear the most uncomfortable tux in the world. The whole night I felt like the tie was choking me. But Rachel here, my favorite, decided not to go that way and here I am dressed like I'm ready to go lounge by the pool while a waiter serves me drinks."

"You'd have to unbutton the shirt first," Rachel chuckled. She did though, agree with Stacy. Lance looked great in his black trouser pants and white button up shirt, with the cuffs undone. He was also barefoot.

"I like the way you think," Lance grinned and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Save it until after the wedding. People are supposed to look at me," Rachel reached out and buttoned the button Lance had undone. "How will they do that if you're standing up there showing off your body?" She ran her hands over Lance's chest, smoothing away imaginary wrinkles.

"Trust me, when they see how beautiful you look, no one will even notice me."

"I know one person who will be noticing him," Stacy teased.

Lance's smile broadened thinking about JC. The first month of their new relationship had been a little rough with the fact that JC had just come out and they started dating. There were a lot of speculations and rumors which they both knew would come. At the beginning of the New Year things had quickly settled and they were able to settle into their life together. JC sold his house and moved in with him. His radio show was strong and he moved it out of the studio to the basement of their house where JC would frequent as one of his peanuts.

"There's that smile again," Diane smiled as she watched emotions in his son's eyes. She had never seen him as happy as he had been all these months. From the moment he walked into her house in Mississippi for Thanksgiving she had seen the difference. He was happier. He laughed more. She knew that if she took the words Rachel had just spoken about her and Nick, she could apply them to Lance and JC as well.

"What smile?" Lance asked confused.

"All my kids are happy," Diane said and felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "That's all parents want for their children."

"Awww," Lance hugged his mother, feeling both Rachel and Stacy join. "Now I know I haven't been living up to maid of honor duties..."

Rachel giggled as she carefully swiped at a tear. "Well you couldn't exactly help me dress or do my hair."

"I can wield a pretty mean finger nail brush," Lance grinned. "Being how I am not the traditional bridesmaid, I was able to infiltrate the groom's party and I am happy to report back to you that he's so disgustingly happy that it..."

"Makes you ill?"

"Please," Stacy groaned. "One more NSYNC reference and I'm tossing you in the Pacific. So what you're saying is that he's ready to marry her and take her off our hands? Bad puns and all?"

"They are made for each other," Lance reached into his pocket fingering the box before pulling it out. "He did ask me to give you this."

Rachel took the box from her brother, slowly opening it. She gasped seeing the twinkling diamond drop earrings sparkling back at her. They blurred in front of her as her eyes filled with tears. She threw her arms around Lance's neck and hugged him tight.

Lance laughed and hugged his sister. "I'll be sure to pass on the message. Not quite like this though."

"They're beautiful," Rachel whispered as she showed Stacy and her mother before putting them in her ears. She moved to the mirror and stared at her reflection. She smiled when she saw her family move in behind her. It was time to get married.

*~*

"You look absolutely beautiful," James told his daughter as he placed his hand on top of the hand she had on his elbow.

"You're looking pretty handsome yourself," Rachel smiled up at her father as they spent the last few moments together before he would give her away.

James felt his face flush with embarrassment. "Just wait until you get a load of all those pretty boys out there. You sure know how to pick wedding attire. I bet if you make a calendar of all those boys you'd make a pretty penny."

Rachel laughed at her father's words. She could imagine the sight that awaited her beyond the tent where she stayed hidden from view until the last possible moment. She knew how gorgeous her brother looked. She could just imagine what JC, Joey, Chris, Brian, Howie, Kevin, AJ and Aaron looked like in a variation of the same attire. Not to mention Nick. She could already picture him in her head and she danced on her feet.

"Easy Baby, I'm not all that ready to give you up yet," James patted her hand.

"Not ready?" Rachel looked at him. "Daddy, you've only been asking when I was getting married for three years now. I figured you'd be happy this day has finally come."

"I am happy, but that doesn't mean I can't be sad that I'm losing my baby girl."

"Oh daddy," Rachel slipped her arm from his and hugged her father. "You're not losing me. I'll still be your little girl. You'll always be my first love."

"You've made me very proud," James whispered to his daughter. "I love you very much."

"I love you too Daddy." She hugged him tighter.

"Let's get your married off," James said roughly trying to wipe at his tears inconspicuously. "Faster I can have more grandchildren."

The strands of piano coming from the CD player faded away. Rachel took a breath as the next track played, a variation of the wedding march.

"You say JC made this?"

"Yes Daddy. JC and Kevin." Rachel smiled remembering when she received the CD, a compilation of melodies that Kevin and JC wrote. Before the first song was even halfway over, she knew she wanted the beautiful music to be played before the wedding. When she heard their cover of The Wedding March, she was bawling all over them.

"I always liked that boy," James murmured as he held the tent flap aside.

"Good," Rachel smiled. "Because he's going to be around for a long long time."

Rachel always thought she'd feel nervous on her wedding day. Her stomach would roll and flip as the butterflies would dance around. But it was the furthest from the truth. She stepped out of the tent and felt calm. Rows of wooden white folding chairs lined a sand aisle. She paid no attention to the people standing in front of them though. Her eyes were on the end of the aisle where Nick stood.

"Boy was ready to get married two hours ago," James whispered as he walked his daughter slowly up the aisle. He had made sure to look at Nick when they stepped from the tent to get his first reaction at seeing his bride-to-be. The young fellow didn't disappoint. Even from the end of the aisle, James had been able to see Nick's jaw slacken and his eyes slightly widen before he settled into a smile. James knew that smile because he would see it in the mirror every morning. It was the smile of a man in love.

Nick swallowed thickly. His heart turned over in his chest when he laid eyes on Rachel for the first time all day. At first he didn't want to uphold the tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding, but seeing her walk down the aisle toward him he was glad he did. He smiled watching her walk closer to him. This day would forever be etched on his heart and in his memory.

Reaching the end of the aisle, James grasped his daughter's hand in his. He turned to look at her and gave her a smile. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. He placed Rachel's hand in Nick's. "I couldn't have picked a better man for my daughter." 

The words were unexpected and Nick struggled to control his emotions. He never thought he'd hear those words from James, especially after how their relationship started off. But to hear those words...he smiled, giving his head a slight shake. He definitely felt like he was part of the Bass family now. He looked at his wife-to-be and brushed a tear from her cheek. "Those are strong words to live up to."

"You won't have a problem," Rachel whispered, grasping his hand tightly in hers as she stepped beside Nick in front of the preacher.

Nick watched the ring slide on his finger and come to rest after his knuckle. Regrets didn't come. Neither did the feeling of being trapped. Instead he felt elation, happiness, a sense of being. It was no longer just him in his life. There was someone else. He held Rachel's hand tightly in his as the preacher continued with the ceremony. There was someone else to share his life with. He belonged to someone now. He turned and looked at Rachel, smiling when she met his eyes. He felt her squeeze his fingers and felt the pinch of his wedding ring.

"You may now kiss your bride."

At the words Nick turned toward Rachel. He laid his hand against the small of her back, pressing her to him. "Mrs. Carter," he murmured as he dipped his head capturing her lips with his.

Rachel wrapped her arms around him accepting his kiss. She heard applause break out and she smiled against Nick's lips. "No regrets?"

"Not a one," Nick whispered. He reached up brushing a blonde curl out of her face.

"Good because it's too late," she murmured kissing him again. When the kiss broke, they turned toward their guests.

"May I present to you," the preacher spoke with a smile on his face. "Mr. and Mrs. Nickolas Carter."

"About time!"

Rachel laughed at Chris's words. She sought him out a couple rows back on her side of the aisle. She blew a kiss in his direction, laughing when she saw him grab it from mid-air and touch his cheek. She saw Melissa roll her eyes at her fiancée's antics. She smiled at the woman. She liked Melissa; knew she was perfect person for Chris. She knew they'd be good friends.

"That Fatone ten year plan," JC said causing the NSYNC members to laugh.

"You don't have any room to talk, Chasez," Joey said from his place next to his wife. He squeezed her hand, giving her a wink. "Just what plan were you and Lance on?"

Rachel moved from Chris to JC. She couldn't stop grinning when she caught sight of him. The curls that had graced the brunette's head toward the end of the group once again adorned his head. The slight wind off the ocean teased the strands across his forehead. The top two buttons on JC's shirt were left undone allowing Rachel to catch sight of a black cord around his neck. When she realized what it was, her smile softened. "Still the star of your stage?" She murmured to Lance.

"Always," Lance said smiling. His gaze never wavered from JC's. He saw JC's hand come up and grasp the medallion in his hand. On their six month mark a couple weeks ago he presented JC with a small package. He watched with trepidation as JC opened the box. His heart had stopped seeing JC's face freeze. He was certain JC hated it but when JC looked up at him, his blue eyes watery with tears and smile at him his heart started beating again. JC had pulled the Leo medallion from the box and let it swing from his hand on the black cord. _'You're still the star of my stage C.'_ Lance had told him and for as long as he lived, he would never forget the way JC looked at him, with such love and affection.

Rachel wrapped her arm around Nick's waist, leaning into his side as the guests started making their way toward them to offer congratulations.

"We should probably get started on the pictures," Nick said after the last of the guests came forward. Once they offered their congratulations most had left to go to the hotel where the reception was being held just outside Los Angeles.

"In a rush? Got someplace to be?" AJ asked his hands shoved into the pockets of his black trousers. His wife, Rochelle, stood next to him, holding six month old baby Ava. The rest of the Backstreet Boys and their families were gathered around, mingling as they waited for pictures.

"Honeymoon, Man." Nick grinned pulling Rachel to his side.

“Where’s the honeymoon?”

“We’re going camping!” In the midst of groans and jeers, Nick kissed his wife.


End file.
